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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 12, 2018 12:15PM

Poster "Jay" was querying on the diversity of "us" as a community. This is a very generic question. I for one love interacting with ExMormons in the context of Mormonism no matter what they do or do not believe because we have a shared experience and can understand one another viscerally. Sometimes we can enjoy each other vice-erally with drinking.

I don't know about "our" diversity but I do know two things prominent in Mormonism which some of my little family tread water on in trying to uphold.

They are Absolutism - the belief in things black and whitely absolute such as the existence of God and Tolerance - the ability to let others do as they will in regards to lifestyle choices and beliefs with as little judgement as possible.

My Mormons have an easier time with Absolutism when it comes to their gods. Elohim and Jehovah/Jesus exist and their spiritual guide is guiding them and these beings have an eternal existence. Where they falter in Absolutism is in things like homosexuality. Ask them if gay people with be straight in Heaven and they don't know while I know their church absolutely preaches this.

Tolerance in a live and let live as long as it doesn't harm me personally is easier for my family. They follow this course while not personally judging others except in things like drugs, sex, and rock and roll. They think people who use pot are making poor choices while people on prescriptions aren't. They believe (most of my family) that gay marriage is a good thing.

So my little family is not in sync with their leaders. Absolutism and intolerance are hard to uphold. But they aren't attributes of ExMormons per say. Many ExMormons believe in absolutist beliefs and many don't tolerate (in their judgements of others) a live and let live way.

But in my experience I would say these things are constraints that even believing Mormons have a hard time with and when they lose their Mormonism, these constraints on their mental memespace weaken or completely fail them. I know they have for me. Losing Mormonism was a mental relief and I didn't have to uphold a black and white absolute truth nor the intolerant judgement of others it implies.

What about you?

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: June 12, 2018 12:29PM

I was raised in a "not so" black and white world as my dad was not very active mormon. He drank coffee, he drank alcohol, and I found out he chewed tobacco a few years before he died, although he probably had been doing it for YEARS. His father chewed tobacco. He picked up the habit in WWI and never quit. And this grandfather and grandmother always drank coffee and all my aunts and uncles drank alcohol at family parties until my uncle found religion. His wife told me many times (although she was always active mormon) that my uncle was a lot more fun before he found religion. He became a stake president. Never did learn how to speak in meetings.

BUT I was going to do it all correctly. I wanted to make sure I had my family forever. I used black and white thinking with myself and not others, although I wanted to save them. I was the one who went out to smoke with the smokers or bought their cigarettes for them if they didn't have their license (yes, they had to be of age).

But I held myself to much higher expectations. I definitely lost that somewhere along the way. ha ha ha I could give you examples,but I won't.

But, yes, the church does teach that gays will be changed in the next life. That was one of those things they told me before we got married--that if we could just hold out. I actually remember myself sitting in the car driving on our honeymoon that I wish we'd get in a car accident and die so he would be saved, that I didn't know if he could make it very long being "good." Welll, we all know how that turned out. I actually just thought of that the other day--and thinking, "I really do wish that he would be changed to straight in the next life" because we are very close. We can almost read each other's thoughts as we've been through so much together and we are so comfortable with each other (it is actually better now than when we were together, which says something). We share so much and I always wanted to give my kids an intact family. I think it was talking about my daughter probably having us baptized after we die and sealed as I'm sure she will.

For me, I was the most devout, and yet maybe it is because of that that I thought things through. I've posted today about my 3 siblings who left in their teens and still say things that shock me as they still spout some of the old party lines.

And personally, I think exmos are very diverse. There are huge difference between many people on this board, otherwise, it would get pretty boring.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 12, 2018 03:08PM

cl2notloggedin Wrote:
> And personally, I think exmos are very diverse.
> There are huge difference between many people on
> this board, otherwise, it would get pretty boring.

I agree. I think something many Ex-Mormons have and many Mormons don't is the ability regardless of one's absolutist/intolerance tendencies is to take another's perspective and consider it. I've tried to help my children adopt this personal attribute.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 11:02AM

Anyone keep absolutism(black and white morals) and adopt Live and Let Live Tolerance post Mormonism?

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Posted by: quidprostatusquo ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 02:05PM

We're probably not that diverse in the common usage of the word (immutable characteristics), but my experience in the 10+ years I've been around RfM is that we're definitely diverse in the meaningful sense of the word (thoughts, ideas, perspectives, etc.)

I love that when something interesting happens in the world I can come to RfM and see a wide variety of view points on it, which helps me inform my own view.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: June 13, 2018 02:16PM


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