My husband and I have finally decided to get out of the craziness. This forum has been so helpful as I try to adjust to my new life. I can't believe how much of my life I have WASTED how much of my identity was STOLEN from me through the guilt I have felt my entire life from being a mormon. Did it keep me out of trouble-maybe. But wasn't some of that just a right of passage part of growing up. I think of all the fun, intelligent, original, inspiring people that I pushed out of my life because they weren't the right "crowd". When they were doing things that weren't really bad they were just normal. I see those same people now and a lot of them are married and even have a few kids and get this they are HAPPY and they get to be themselves. Me? I have wasted 30 years on being surrounded by nutbars that for the most part bored me to death but when you can't even have a cup of fucking tea who wants to hang out with you?
So now I am free and I am so excited to be a part of the world. To be able to TALK to people and not have to fear them asking about my religion (I never did feel comfortable discussing it). I can wear tanktops in 100 degree weather instead of sweating in those freaking plastic bags (this incidentally is what started my spiral into the real truth-logically it makes NO sense to wear clothes under your clothes. Now they have "G hiding T-shirts" so people can't see your g's through a white shirt or whatever. SO what you wound up with is a layer of plastic bags with a bra slipping on top of it another plastic bag hiding layer and then your actual clothes. Huh? I won't even get started on the lower bags and how the crotch to waist ratio was WAYYYYY off the elastic nearly went to my armpits! It was like they are planning on you having so many kids that your stomach would protrude to obese levels.
My question is this I am ready to relax with a drink. Where do I start what is good? I feel too dumb at my age to learn what most people learned in high school or college. What are your favorite drinks?

My favourite drink is still, and has always been, chocolate milk. LOL

Greyfort Wrote:
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> My favourite drink is still, and has always been,
> chocolate milk. LOL
=====================================

MINE TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy, happy memories...

Welcome! Glad you made it out.

I love margaritas when I'm out.

If I want something easy at home I go for pineapple rum, just poured over ice. I just did a taste test and prefer Parrot Bay brand because it's a little sweeter than the Malibu. They're both good tho.

You'd probably like flavored malt beverages too like Bartles & Jaymes, Mike's Hard Lemonade, Bacardi Breezer, etc.

Don't feel bad. My luv and I were in Las Vegas together for the first time and she went to a margarita bar and asked for a slushy. I nearly died laughing. The bartender asked for her ID and noted outloud, "Utah, huh?" "Yes" "I see. What flavor do you want?" She loved the margarita, by the way, and I never fail to tease her when she orders one.

Try different wines, red, white, pink and ignore the meal you are having with it. There really aren't preferences anymore, like red wine with meat, white with chicken.. Experiment with what you like or don't like. You may not like any of them. I ask the waiter or sommelier to advise me on what they think is good. (Insider: the owners of the finest wineries in Sonoma often drink boxed wine. From the same grapes, excellent quality. Ohh. They sometimes drink it on ice)

Sugary liquors like Schnapps are good in little amounts; too much and you could get a headache later. Rule of Thumb, if it is sweet and brightly colored you may not taste the alchohol but these liquors can result in headaches. Good for appertifs or over ice cream, like Creme de Menthe. historically are for desserts and after dinner conversation time.

Margaritas in "Slushies" are watered down tequila with mixer (sweet). Really nice on a hot afternoon with nacho chips. Tequila on ice is much stronger. Taste really high-quality bourbon, whisky and tequila to start to develop a palate.

Mai Tais, Pina Coladas and the like, wonderful for feeling like being on vacation, sitting on the beach, and the rum drinks, too. It's great you are starting out without a college-kid mentality and wish to explore different tastes.

You certainly have a way with words, Sivabl!

I regret the wonderful non-Mormons I pushed away, too, including the love of my life, whom I abandoned, when he left the church and became an atheist. I went on to marry the perfect Mormon RM from a prominent GA family, that my parents approved of. When we got home from our honeymoon, he started beating me. He had a past history of violence, that no one bothered to tell me about. I finally escaped from him 14 months later, and moved away from my hometown, for my safety. My true love, and most of my non-Mormon high school friends went on to live happy, successful, interesting lives. I wish I could have been better friends with them, but my parents always disapproved, and wouldn't let me go to their parties.

Ha-ha! I agree that garments are like plastic bags. They don't breathe or "give." My bra always slipped, too. Bras are engineered to stick to the skin. I wore garments in Hawaii on vacation, but when we got pregnant (my sencond marriage) and moved permanently to the beach in Southern California, I took them off for good. Garments were torture!

Oh siva!

We can learn together. I feel exactly as you do.

And thank you, I felt the same about garments...

I tell you we really did waste a lot of time.

sivab1 Wrote:
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> I won't even get started on the lower bags and how
> the crotch to waist ratio was WAYYYYY off the
> elastic nearly went to my armpits! It was like
> they are planning on you having so many kids that
> your stomach would protrude to obese levels.

They must've been specifically designed for that very purpose.

This is how I do it.
I still live by the adage I grew up with: Moderation in all things.

I take the position that nothing is a waste, or stolen, from me. It was all MY unique experiences: (The Good, The Bad, The Ugly), that contributed to and helped shape who I am today, almost seven decades, nearly four of which were as a convert LDS mother, temple attending, garment wearing woman, tithe paying, totally believing, immersed adopted member of my tribe.

All of those experiences have contributed to how I gave myself permission to create a new world view. Everything I experienced up until I made a major shift in my world view had an impact in how my life evolved since beginning my Exit Process from Mormonism. And it continues to evolve.

I am interested in finding peace of mind, and freedom in all it's forms. It is a conscious choice to focus my intention and thoughts on those goals. That requires that I use my thoughts to create a new view of my life and world, and everything in it. My personal choice is to keep that positive, upbeat, happy, and filled with joy and laughter. All that follows my natural personality, of course.

I gave myself permission to experiment, little by little with what I wear, eat, drink, read, use my time, and on and on. I gently meshed all that into my life carefully with a generational believing husband and making it work. There were some rough spots initially, but not anymore.

The key, I concluded, is using the power of my thoughts (we are not our thoughts, by the way) to focus on how I wanted to live my life as a wife, mother, grandmother, and friend, a relative of LDS and non LDS folks, etc. My focus is on acting the way I want to be treated -- the Golden Rule. Treat people the way you want to be treated. It's not perfect. It works - - - most of the time. :-)

I could choose to be angry, hateful, filled with negativity,but I know from experience that those things do not bring any peace of mind. And, making peace with my life is extremely important for me.

That's how I transitioned out of Mormonism, making love the driving force, owning my personal power, and enjoying that big wide world out there!

You get to do it your way! There is no manual, what you feel and think and do is entirely up to you. It's a process, in my view, and one well worth the effort.

Thank you all for the recommendations. Of course I will be responsible but I am also excited to go out and have a little more fun going out with the hubby than sitting in Olive Garden. :) We always had fun anyway but I have always had a time every now and then when I would think it would be nice to just have a little something at the end of the day.
Forestpal thank you for sharing your story. It strengthened me because unfortunately your story is a reminder of so many that got stuck with the wrong partner because of the lds degree fallacy. I am excited for my kids to find people that they love and that treat them well and not think that anyone is suitable just because they are lds like the church wants us to believe.
Susie Q. Thank you for your kinds words. It is a process and If anything has come out of this is that I do have a great husband and kids.
The funny thing is aside from having A LOT more time available to me, I don't think I will change too much. The difference is that I just feel like it is my decision now and not the result of bullying and guilt.
My new question is how old were your kids when you got out. I am still trying to figure out how to tell them why we haven't been going to church anymore. How do I back pedal on all the indoctrination? They are 11, 9, and 7.

sivab1 Wrote:
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> Thank you all for the recommendations. Of course
> I will be responsible but I am also excited to go
> out and have a little more fun going out with the
> hubby than sitting in Olive Garden. :) We always
> had fun anyway but I have always had a time every
> now and then when I would think it would be nice
> to just have a little something at the end of the
> day.
> Forestpal thank you for sharing your story.
> It strengthened me because unfortunately your
> story is a reminder of so many that got stuck with
> the wrong partner because of the lds degree
> fallacy. I am excited for my kids to find people
> that they love and that treat them well and not
> think that anyone is suitable just because they
> are lds like the church wants us to believe.
> Susie Q. Thank you for your kinds words. It is a
> process and If anything has come out of this is
> that I do have a great husband and kids.
> The funny thing is aside from having A LOT more
> time available to me, I don't think I will change
> too much. The difference is that I just feel like
> it is my decision now and not the result of
> bullying and guilt.
> My new question is how old were your kids when you
> got out. I am still trying to figure out how to
> tell them why we haven't been going to church
> anymore. How do I back pedal on all the
> indoctrination? They are 11, 9, and 7.


In one case I know, the answer given to the children: we don't go to that church anymore. In this case, in my view, young kids don't need long explanations-- it's sufficient to tell them that you don't like that church and maybe we'll find one we like better.

Diet coke, I just do not like any of the hard stuff, or even wine, and I have tried it two or three times. My ( very few) drinkin' days are over. I don't even like coffee unless it tastes like chocolate, and even then all that caffeine gives me a headache, so done with that. So I still drink like a mo, and always will. And lots and lots of cold water, I keep cases in my garage.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/11/2011 11:03PM by think4u.

I left Mormonism 11 years ago when my children were 9, 6 and 3. When the oldest 2 asked why we stopped going, I was honest and told them I didn't believe it was true. I don't regret taking that approach.

It's been a good 8 years since I have peeked in on RFM. It was very helpful when I left.

I felt as you do when I left. I thought of some of my friends and how much they appreciated relaxing with a cold beer in the evening from time to time. So I asked some of them about it, like what's good, what they like and don't like, etc. I decided to just try several different ones, and found over time that there are a few locally brewed beers that I like. I don't indulge myself too much, just a glass once in awhile with dinner or even lunch. My work is very physical and I'm slight of build anyway, so not too much worry about a "beer belly"! And it's nice to be able to make the decision to drink or not drink, rather than have that pushed on my by well-meaning but either deluded or dishonest others.

I commend you for getting free of the cult, and wish you all the best.

Strawberry Daquiri and this one they serve at Macaroni Grill that has Kahlua, chocolate and coffee mixed together... (don't know what it's called)

start with something you make at home so you can start slowly. I started with Citrus rum and diet Coke and put just 1 oz of rum to like 12 of diet Coke - you almost couldn't taste it and it was waaaay off the proportions it's supposed to be. I think it's supposed to be 1 oz rum to 5-6 oz Coke. So if I'd gotten it at a restaurant or bar, it would have been too strong. What I made, sipped over an hour time, hardly made a dent. I felt exactly the same and could barely taste the alcohol. Over time, I've tweeked it til I have a proportion I like. Same with the Mojitos.

I'd also suggest starting with something familiar, like a Strawberry Daiquiri, which you might have had in a non-alcoholic version. Just add a touch of alcohol, then keep adding until it's how you like. Another benefit of trying something at home is you don't have to worry about drinking too much since you aren't driving anywhere. Not that I advocate drinking too much but honestly, I was very worried at first about how much alcohol is too much until I became comfortable with drinking.

Mike's Hard Lemonade is good too for starters, but it's not my favorite.

I "came out" with a couple of my mo friends and their reactions were quite different. One was actually very supportive and the other was quite combative. Moments before I told her we were having a great time and then I told her how i "had one step out the door already" and boy did she throw it all at me-but your covenants, the priesthood, your husband served a mission, YOU got married in the TEMPLE! I couldn't get over her ANGER. I was calm with her at the time but it was after that conversation that helped to get both feet out the door. Hearing her scramble for all the mo reasons not to leave and how crazy I was being just justified it all to me. She told me how she has felt frustrated at one time but LUCKILY her husband told her how stupid her feelings were and she just needed to try harder. I felt bad for her because if anything seeing all that she has sacrificed for the church and how miserable she is helped me to make my decision. Her husband was only made Bishop earlier this year she is only 34 and has 3 young children and now a dad that is never around because he is "in the service of the Lord". My husband served as a counselor and lucky for me I was his priority still. I chose to marry a good man so why should I have to loan him out to all these people that could do the same things for themselves. I can't tell you how many able bodied people we have had to waste our time doing things for. I am happy that now I can have the time to help those that I care about and that really need assistance. No more free moving service for people that couldn't be bothered to pack even one shirt because "the elder's quorum can just do it". So enabling to the dysfunctional and taxing to the responsible. I think part of her anger must stem from not being able to leave it all behind like I am planning on doing. It is very hard to let go of the brainwashing even when you do realize it is rubbish. My daughter just told me after a very unproductive but fun family morning-"I can't believe we would STILL be in church right now. Look at all we have done!" I am waiting for my husband to return from a work trip to let the kids know we are never going back. Thank you for all the good advice on how to tell the kids.

Bailey's is delicious, like candy on a bottle, definitely recommended for beginners. A beer that might go down easy is Corona with a slice of lime in the bottleneck. Another beginner's beer is budweiser, but if you ask me my favorite beer is heineken.