Date: August 17, 2018 05:41AM
Oh, you must contact her, if you can find her!
I had a similar situation. I'm a female, and the love of my life was 6 years older, and my brother's best friend. His mother died when he was 5, and he was in kindergarten with my brother, his house was only a block away, and he practically lived at our house. My mother was like a mother to him. We invited him along on many trips to the beach and to the mountains. I have a photo of him holding me, when I was only a few days old. I never knew life without him. We shared the same life, and the same interests. The problem was, that he was an atheist, like his father. He was very handsome and athletic, intelligent, funny, gentlemanly, kind, and everything I thought a man should be. I had a bad crush on him, like on a movie star, and kept it a secret, because he was unattainable. None of the other boys I knew or dated ever measured up. On the day I graduated from high school, he asked me on a date to the City, to see a live musical and dine at a world-famous restaurant. I had my first glass of wine, and was still every inexperienced. He wasI thought for a moment that he wanted to kiss me, but then shook it off--I must have been imagining things. We went out a few more times, and then my parents whisked me off to BYU to meet and date Mormon guys. The problem was, I didn't like Mormon guys, for the obvious reasons of polygamy, women's rights, lack of respect for others, racism, hate, etc. They were fun to date, though, and while I was dating, my Atheist love met and married someone else. I stayed at BYU, then transferred to the U of Utah, and never returned to California, except to visit.
This wonderful man had been a huge part of my life, growing up. He was one of a kind. I never loved anyone as much, ever. I got together in grad school with a boy I had dated in high school, but he left Mormonism, and decided he didn't want children, so I broke up with him to marry a BYU RM, to please my parents. He beat me, beginning right after the temple ceremony, and told me that I was his possession, now, and that he could do whatever he wanted to do to me. He quoted D & C 132, and threatened to "destroy" me, like Joseph threatened Emma. He beat me very often, and I struggled to make it work, for many months, until he almost killed me. I ran away from him, and got divorced, but I was never eligible to get married in the temple again. I married another BYU Mormon, and his parents were against me, because no temple marriage, and when my second husband left the cult, they blamed me. We had children, and the marriage lasted 14 years. Life was fine, and my children were amazing. My husband moved us from California to SLC, and abandoned us there, telling me with a phone call that he didn't want a family anymore, and that he would not pay any child support or alimony. It was after the divorce, that I discovered all the facts, that my second husband had been cheating on me since the first month of our marriage. He has not been in our life, at all.
I'm telling you this for a reason, Elderheasterretired, for a reason. I was homeless, money-less, with no job, in a new city, with children to support. The TBM in-laws called to tell me that we should not expect any support from them, and they disowned my little children, too, because they weren't "sealed" to them, like their other grandchildren. These other grandchildren turned out very bad, and were on drugs, and two of them committed suicide. My own parents were old and ill, and lived far away, but they loved us, and helped us as much as they could.
Can you imagine how low I felt? We had been dumped-off like we were nothing. My ex and his family did not care what happened to us. I would never get married again, never risk loving anyone again. I was depressed, and suffering from the PTSD of my battered-wife experience.
During a visit home, with my children, when I was 50, my Atheist friend wanted to come over and see me. We had written letters and Christmas cards, over the years, but I put off seeing him, and one time, I even ran out the back door and drove away. I was very low, and shabby, and ashamed of my disastrous life. I could not face his pity.
He came back, as I was packing to get on the plane. He wanted to tell me that he loved me, and still loved me! He was going to propose to me, the summer I graduated, and that he had been thinking about it for years. He told me all the details, and all his plans. He said he wasn't happy with his wife and that he regretted marrying her. He wanted to tell me how sorry he was, that he had made such a huge mistake, and had ruined both our lives. I told him that he was not to blame, that I held the blame, because of my stupid Mormon cult, and my Mormon parents. I told him that we could only be long-distance friends, because I would NEVER break up his family, like my husband broke up my family. I loved him too much to do that to him and his family.
This was heart-wrentching for us! Especially for me, as I left with my children, to return to SLC, and a precarious life of trying to make a living and supporting my children, alone, and rejected, and twice-divorced. I cried on the plane, all the way back.
But, this encounter changed my life! Something came back, inside my heart, and grew a new hope. I had been truly loved! I had known my soulmate, and had shared those many wonderful years together. The greatest man of them all loved me!
That day was a turning point for me, and I jumped into my new life, with new energy. The kids and I resigned from Mormonism, which got rid of my depression and the blame for being divorced. I stumbled onto a great career, with a great company, and got even more education, and promotions, and success. My children got jobs, when they were old enough, and helped put themselves through college, eventually. We had a lot of fun, along the way! They are happily married, with great little babies, and they own houses in the same neighborhood.
Love is like a magic potion! Love doesn't have to be married love, to be significant. The love you give out to others is far more important than the love you receive.
Sorry about all the detail, but you don't know how you might bring joy and new hope to your lost love! What is she going through? What has she been through? I believe that most love is reciprocated, and that's what makes it so strong. I'm sure she felt the same way you did! Everyone needs love. Everyone needs appreciation. She might be ill, or tired, and you could give her something to think about, in those long, dark, lonely nights.
Please contact her! Stop blaming yourself! I blamed myself for years, and it did no good. Tell her!