If ever there was a white shoe showman who wanted to demonstrate how he communicated directly with God then this story you might find interesting.

Background: I was employed by the Australian Area church office for 14 years in Materials Management and my areas of responsibilities included Australia and also the Pacific Islands of New Zealand, Samoa, Tonga, Tahiti, Papua New Guinea, Kiribati, Fiji etc.

-Boy, have I got some stories about travelling in these areas to tell-

Anyway there I am in Tonga on church assignment and Uncle Tom just happens to be there at the same time. As you may appreciate when the GAs travelled throughout the Pacific they travel in style and were either accompanied by staff from Oz or met up with them on arrival. -Area office is now located in New Zealand-

And so it was that on the Sunday that Tommy was supposed to fly out of Tonga there was a problem with the aircraft and he had to stay over for another night. As a result the local leaders obviously semi excited arranged for a special fireside to be held that evening with Tommy Boy himself being the special speaker.

Your kidding I thought as all I wanted to do was go back to the air-conditioned hotel and chill and the thought of listening to Tom pontificate again was more than I could handle.

But there it was and everyone who is anyone is telling me how excited they are about the meeting with the Apostle of God and I smile and say 'I cant wait' -Boo Hoo-

So later the chapel is packed to the rafters with those of us hungry for the word sitting so close together that we are swapping under arm juice. I'm certain that several of the sisters were in danger of getting pregnant it was that intimate.

Anyway its so hot and humid that I'm sweating like a suicidal newt with the wicking abilities of my wet garments between my legs long passed critical mass -if I ever have children again after steam cooking the boys downstairs it WILL be a miracle- and I am bored to my back teeth as he speaks in heavenly tones.

After all I have heard it all before but I have to be there as I'm an employed plebe. Anyway I'm being well paid to pretend to listen at least!

Then after what seems like years of listening to my mother-in-law tell me what sort of a bad person I am the meeting ends and as the last hymn is being sung I turn to the person sitting next to me and tell them what is going to happen -before its going to happen whoooooh- next as I had seen it all before.

I said to him 'As soon as the brother gets up to offer the closing prayer Elder Perry will -unexpectedly and totally spontaneously- get up behind him before he prays and he will put his hand on his shoulder and he will tell the congregation that the Lord had whispered to him and that he needs to give an apostolic blessing on THIS PEOPLE.'

The guy next to me says 'how do you know this' and I say 'Cause I have just had a revelation' Ha, ha.

-You see its the drama that's needed, the smoke and mirrors to let the little people know that GOD himself is here today-

And of course it happens exactly as I said it would and you should have heard the Gasps and seen the tears of the members as they witnessed -in their eyes at least- a servant of God be moved by the -rehearsed- spirit to speak exclusively to them.

And the blessing was an absolute nothing. Now I want you to think how God talks with a deep voice and this is like something he said.

'BLESS THIS P E O P L E...... IF THEY ARE GOOD THEY WONT BE TEMPTED, BLESS THIS LAND TO BE SAFE. BLESS ALL THAT P R A Y. BLESS THE LEADERS, POUR YOUR SPIRIT ON THIS PEOPLE'

My bit: And that all the worms in the earth stay clean and inspire those who buy carpeting to choose loop pile instead of cut, unless of course they are doing stairs then in that case cut pile could be preferred.

Now when he finished people were literally shaking, absolutely filled with some sort of spirit.

As for me I realised that it was just another day in Loony Toon Town as I headed back to the hotel and ordered an icy cold shake. Went down a treat and was basically the only thing that was tangible and real that day.

I guess that there is only so many times you can watch the same act.

And then there was Tahiti.............. Ha. That's another story.

All the best guys. Alan.

That apostolic blessing sounds very similar to the temple prayer ritual from the temple. You know the one where the temple patrons repeat verbatim what the temple worker says.

LOL over your carpet bit!


The church is all foam and no beer.

Mormon kabuki theater.

<snort>

That's a great story, and even better when I repeat it in my head with an Aussie accent...

When you know how the trick is done, it doesn't seem quite so magic, does it? :)

" . . . like years of listening to my mother-in-law tell me what sort of a bad person."

HAHA. Best description ever of the apostolic droning on and on in the possessed voice. Still laughing.

"after steam cooking the boys downstairs" was my favorite part. I know the feeling.

“Ah yes, the hand-on-the-shoulder-blessing trick; that’s the third time I’ve falling for it this week!” Maxwell Smart’s Boner.

Love your Perry with the tongue, Tonga.

And the Oscar goes to......(take your pick).

Fun story. Revelation at its Island Finest.

What a great story-teller you are!

I would LOVE to read your Tahiti story, and other stories! Yes, I wish I could hear you tell it in Australian!

You have a gift for similes and metaphors!

At last. You have found out that the pure Adamic language is Australian. But you Americans changed it. Example Pour that Ale got changed to Pay Lay Ale. If it stayed the original I would have attended the temple daily.

Now if only I knew what similes and metaphors were

Sorry forgot to give you a big THANKS.

Regards Alan

I’ve got to hand it to you guys for splitting the beer atom.

Thanks for the story.

One of the things that hastened the departure of my testimony was being in the presence of the Lord's anointed clowns and jerks. So these are the guys, huh? These are the best the Lord can come up with?

No. People like you are the best that we can come up with.

Great story...tell some more to us. Very very funny. I was laughing so hard.

Similar experience with my mother. During sacrament meeting everyone was told to stay after for a special presentation by the stake president in the gym. I wanted to go home but Mom wanted to stay and find out about the "special" message. She was convinced it would be something great. I told her it was going to be a harsh admonition, in the form of a tongue lashing, to all to go to the temple more often. She doubted me so we stayed. Guess what the special message was. Yep, I am the new female prophet of North America!!

Thanks for the laughs Alan.