We've only been members for one year, and although it was me who insisted in being baptized because I felt that "feeling" that the church was true, I now know that it is a farse.
There have been a series of incidents with the bishop and other members in our ward, that I stopped going to church three weeks ago.
Today, my wife told me that since it was me who dragged us into the church, that if I don't believe, that she will continue attending with the children anyway... And that it would harm our family and marriage.
I don't believe most of the stuff the church teaches, but I don't know what to do. If I decide to leave the church and finally I'm able to convince her to leave as well, I'm afraid our children will grow up with no church at all. There's no way I'm going back to the Catholic Church either.
I just want to read my Bible, and teach my children by example. Although I would love, in the long run, to attend a non-denominational Christian Bible-based church.

Have you talked to her about religion being important, but that this is not the right one like you thought it was originally?

Your afraid your children will grow up with no church at all? Why is that a bad thing? Take them to volunteer at a food bank and teach them to serve the community. Take them around the neighbourhood to clean up garbage. There are many ways to teach children to be moral, upstanding citizens, who don't judge others because they don't go to their church, as Mormons too often do.

maybe she wants a stable support ground or grounded life, a routine in which to raise her children withyou. maybe she doesn't want to go to yet another church in three years, she's just been done meeting this entire new set of women & children's meetings and all.

maybe its not 'the church' maybe she doesnt' know where you want to go next or what that will b elike or how long you would like to stay.

i mean every time you change churches you isolate her from old family friends or routines, or women and men she might know, and from a routine and a life style. Here she is getting settled in again- its been just one year-

and you want to remove her from these friendships too, from these routines, from all this.

it ISN'T about the church or which is right or anything. its about picking and sticking or letting someone else have the peace of mind to live in their life even if you want change.

you don't like this church either, why does everyone else have to go with you yet again? wouldn't it be more reasonable for you to take the time to find yourself, and find out if your wife would like to plan her own life in a way she actually likes- later?

like find what is authentic to her, too?

go to a women's meeting or whichever church she preferred (like most catholics) I am not getting this dragging a spouse around through a series of church because YOU are discontent, or haven't found your own authenticity.

If I were her actually I would let you know I am not a kite to be dragged across the sky, I want my own breeze to fly or my own life and you don't seem to be considering it. How is she to know you are going to make another emotional choice, or get conned by another group of people somewhere now you dont' like these?

paintinginthewin you got it right! That's exactly what she told me today! She just wants stability. That's why I'm thinking to let her and the kids stay mormon and I'll just stop going to any church altogether, at least for a while. I understand what she means. Maybe I'm not a religious person, and I'm trying to be one "for the sake of the kids." I mean, I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic schools, but religion was never an important aspect in my life during my teenage and college years. It was until last year, when my second child was born, that we decided it was time to look for a family-oriented church... too bad the Mormons found us before we started looking for a Christian church...
I can see how my children growing with different beliefs from me is going to be a problem... or maybe not. Who knows? At this point, the way things are between my wife and I, divorce is another possibility.
Thank you so much for your comment!

You just joined a year ago? Did you not google???!!! LOL

I was too caught up "feeling the Spirit" in me... Man!

So tell us where did the Spirit go?

Cause that is what my TBM friends ask me.

I still have the spirit, now that I am not compelling myself to feel burning in the bosom I received a burning in my mind that said hold up...what?

So please share how you got to the point of not feeling the spirit

Oh boy did they ever :)

all of 13 really anyone would have succeeded don't you think?

Oy vey!

Agree 100% with painting.

This is you imposing your beliefs on her.

IT is perfectly ok to be "in transition" and let time be your ally. Apologize for making her join in the first place and then work on being a better spouse.

It is more important that the children have a mother AND a father than that they have a church.

You can read your Bible and be who you are without creating chaos for your family. IN time, they will decide better what they think about it if you are respectful and available to answer questions about your own beliefs.

I always advise people to be careful about language. Don't say, "The Bible says xyz but Joseph Smith didn't believe it, he said....and he's wrong because...."

Say instead, "I read the Bible here says xyz and that's what I choose to believe. Mormons don't believe that, they believe xyz. Jews believe xyz. So you see, it's up to the reader to decide what the Bible means."

This way of speaking is reasonable and doesn't paint either parent as black/white. It creates emotional room that allows your family to function while you, the parents, sort things out for yourselves as individuals.

Good luck!

Anagrammy

That hardly sounds like a rational argument from her.

Is there something else, here? Something you and she needs to work with?

You wife needs to learn that the LDS Church doesn't care about your family. It wants your money, free labor and service from you, it wants your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Basically what keeps this horrid church going is it worms it's way into your family and once it does that, it's very hard to get out of the church without disrupting family relations big time. Most people stay in the church because they don't want to offend family or the community. People will put up with a lot of crap instead of standing up against the flow and being themselves if it means being targeted by negative opinions of the community. The church perfectly knows this. You give this church an inch they will take a thousand miles.

I had an aunt who served the church her whole adult life while her husband stayed inactive. She passed away and her funeral had to be held at a community center because the stake preisthood leadership wanted use of the chapel for their meeting when the font room would have been big enough for it.

You can slave away for the church and it won't give you anything back. The only thing I can think of that I got from the church was reduced tuition at BYU.

And that is just seen as an investment by the church in the hopes of brainwashing you further into it so that in the end you pay for the BYU dollars with future tithing.

Here is something my husband did for our family that you might want to consider.

Once we started questioning the Mormon Church, my husand took up the responsibility to teach our children the Bible. He bought a flannel board (they are still young) with all the little bible characters (you can find one in any Christian book store, or just use a dry-erase board and draw, or let the kids draw as you talk).

He teaches a 10 min Bible lesson EVERY night to our family. He bought a Chronological Bible (one that goes in order of History), but any Bible would work. He started at Genesis 1:1 and just taught for 10 minutes. EVERY night.

The kids loved it. I loved it. He loved it.

And within very few weeks, NONE of us missed anything about the Mormon Church.

You can do it. And your wife would be amazed.

Mrs. Solar Flare that sounds like a great idea! I actually told my wife last night, while having dinner, that we should start our own "family church." I told her, "Here on this table, just the four of us, you and I, teaching our children." She seemed to like the idea... Our children are little, 6 and 1. And besides, our daughter HATES primary, and she always tells me she loves the way I teach her the lessons during Family Home Evening (which, by the way, only include lessons from what I really believe, given our Catholic roots.).
Mrs. Solar Flare, after leaving the Mormon church, does your family attend another church at all? Or just the home lessons are working great for you?
Thanks!

Well.............

It took us a full 17 years to finally leave the church. Way the heck too long. Our resignation letter went through this Spring, so we're out-out-out now.

But my husband started our Bible lessons about 2 yrs ago. Some of his ideas were crazy (like when he tied 3 of the kids up with rope and sent them running throught the house simulating the foxes Samson tied up and set on fire running through the Filistines' crops) but the kids love them.

We're approaching it more from a "historical sacred text" standpoint, but yes, we're still believing Christians.

We've moved around a lot so we've visited dozens of Christian churches. Visiting other churches is easy. Unlike the Mormons they don't feel the need to turn into human leeches five minutes into meeting with you.

Our kids' Bible education is just that; education. I want them to know when-where-why regarding the Bible so they can stand firm when they grow up and make their OWN decisions what to believe and what (if any) church to join.

We thought about later throwing other religious/historical texts as well (Koran, Josephus, etc) just to broaden their base. You know, a broad-based education; the polar opposite of what Mormonism teaches!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter often remarks to people, "We learn about the Bible at home, we go to church to socialize!".

So in church shopping, we looked for one that had a good kids' program (Awanas was well-liked by our kids) and a good Vacation Bible School. With multiple little kids we have, that was important to us.

We do go to church services about 2-3 times a month and I recently went on a medical mission trip in Eastern Europe with our church. So we're "active" in a Christian sense, but not "active" (half dead from exhaustion running on a hamster wheel and feeling like we're crap) in the Mormon sense.

But OFTEN we just spend quiet Sundays doing whatever, or doing NOTHING but playing with the kids. Ahhhhhh. Freedom is good.

I know right?

It certainly answered ALOT of my questions about the church and its strange practices!

Awwwt that is cute!

She has a point.

You roped her into it and now you've gone and changed your mind. I think you need to respect the fact that she is probably fed up of being messed about.

From my observation, the vast majority of LDS couples' marriages fail when one spouse leaves the church. Sad but true. It's very difficult to hold a marriage together when religion is so intertwined within the marriage. So her threat that the marriage would be in trouble if you leave is very valid.

Some have held their marriage together by keeping doubts private and then going through the motions of being "active" or supportive (as they put it) by attending church and basically following the routine.

Others (but few) have actually had success convincing the spouse to leave as well. In most cases, however, I think the "active" spouse actually becomes more entrenched in the church when the other spouse leaves, thus accelerating the breakdown of the marriage.

Sorry to hear of the struggles. It's one of the most disheartening aspects of the fallout from leaving TSCC.

People are people. They change their minds when new facts are clear to them.

Spouses have to adjust to changes if they want the marriage to stay strong.

Tell your wife that it's *her* reaction that might weaken the marriage. You're sorry you pressed for baptism, but as you see it now, it was a mistake.

She's free to go to church and you're free to read the Bible. That's life. You'll do your best not to madmouth her and she owes you the same consideration.

and make changes slowly, allowing others to adjust to your new way of thinking, and ideas.
Do what you can to make the relationship in the marriage and family your focus and more important than anything else.

I call it an Exit Process from Mormonism as it has many facets that take time to change and develop a new World View. Automatic thinking scripts need to be changed,deleted, replaced.
Give yourself permission to allow it all to evolve.

Not everyone can adapt to changes on the same time frame. It's not a contest, it's an evolutionary process.My view is to do it with love and kindness and patience.

I have been there,,done that. My ex divorced me and broke up the family because I would not re-join the mormons. However I have seen where some families remain together while the husband or wife and kids are active whle the other is inactive or just partly active. It is a test of how much tolerence and togetherness the 2 of you have. The mormons are known for,,"if you are not with us,,you are against us.

It's going to be a difficult process getting out of the Mormon church for me: My wife just told me yesterday that me visiting www.exmormon.org is like watching "spiritual porn." Man, and it's barely been one year since our baptism... I can imagine if I stay in that church for decades... The main problem is that she wants our children to be raised as Mormons.