So life has been getting pretty rad guys. I love my school, love my classmates here in CO, I've been enjoying the freedom of thought and action that my newfound spirituality allows me, and with the help of an awesome therapist I am (somewhat surprisingly) moving far forward from the hurt and sadness over my ex leaving.

It's awesome. Mind is clear, med school parties are amazing and I'm playing rugby still for a local team out of Glendale.

The girls in my class are GORGEOUS, WITTY, and FUN and I'm stoked that they flirt with me and that I can flirt back-- a good reminder that I'm still a desirable dude, even divorced and estranged from an arranged marriage to the mormon cult.

I've been to some great concerts, spend a TON of time in the mountains and with my doggo, and it even feels like my folks are starting to like me and accept me again.

Anyways, just feels good to be moving forward, and I'm super grateful for all the help and encouragement here.

Cheers,
MB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2018 08:25PM by mightybuffalo.

Buff, I am so happy for you! Eight of the happiest years of my life were spent living in and enjoying Colorado (I was a bit north of you in Boulder for most of that time.) Have you been to Red Rocks for a concert yet? If not, put that at the top of your list. I'm glad that you have settled into medical school and are enjoying your cohort. :)

Of course I have! I grew up a short drive from red rocks! Beautiful place.

You are in no way damaged goods. People have relationships and marriages and divorces and move on. Everyone knows that. So you are an athletic, outdoor-ish and friendly medical student. That is a very attractive package.

Also, it's no surprise you are around impressive women. Most of them probably have their stuff together and are ambitious, intelligent, and outspoken. Lot would approve.

I feel sorry for your ex-wife. I feel sorry for you in the sense that you have been through a very difficult process, but you may well find someone who is a better fit. I wish you both the best.

And I smile when thinking about how much fun your new life will be.

Hey cheers for that, you're right, I'm not damaged goods. Somehow still feel that way sometimes, but I've learned to start recognizing that as unnecessary thoughts from the old brainwashing. If anything, I think my experiences will hopefully make me that much more interesting.

Thanks for the encouragement!

Yes, I think your experiences will make you more attractive and wiser and help you both with making relationships work and with your ultimate choice in a long-term partner.

The therapy, I'd venture, is very important. We all have a lot of baggage to work through, and a failed marriage is tough no matter how right it was to end it. Take your time on the healing process: it deserves everything you can give it.

But yes, I'd bet dollars to donuts that you are more attractive now than before. You are a success story and an example for many of us to emulate!

Buff, do you need a gentleman’s gentleman? An older, wiser, mentor to draw your bath water, select the right wine for dinner, and keep your calendar? If so, please consider yours truly! It sounds like you’re in for a wonderful life and career! The Bone.

Boner, not entirely sure what you mean, but yeah I'm game! haha

He wants to be Hobson to your Arthur...

Remember that movie, "Arthur", with Dudley Moore, Lisa Minelli, and John Gielgud, as the redoubtable Hobson?

You could worse!!

https://youtu.be/SYf5YPNnfRY

Jeeves Disapproves



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2018 08:55PM by siobhan.

An Alfred to Bruce Wayne?

This is the ultimate testimony!!!!!

Let it ring through the land! There IS a much better life outside of Mormon beliefs and marriage!

No one could have known it would be this great but we knew it HAD to be better than what you were in, Buff!

Are you not so blown away?!!!

Remember when you were trying to work it out with your soon to be ex? Do you even recognize that guy as he fades away and you recreate yourself?

THANK YOU FOR THIS UPDATE!!!

You deserve a medal because you took life by the horns and went for it! You likely did not always feel like it but instead of blaming, you kept pushing forward.

And this life rewards ACTION!

MightyBuffalo 2020! :-)

carameldreams Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This is the ultimate testimony!!!!!
>
> Let it ring through the land! There IS a much
> better life outside of Mormon beliefs and
> marriage!
>
> No one could have known it would be this great but
> we knew it HAD to be better than what you were in,
> Buff!
>
> Remember when you were trying to work it out with
> your soon to be ex? Do you even recognize that
> guy as he fades away and you recreate yourself
>
> You deserve a medal because you took life by the
> horns and went for it! You likely did not always
> feel like it but instead of blaming, you kept
> pushing forward.

"Living well is the best revenge" (George Herbert, 1640)

I am happy that your life is going well and that you are happy, mightybuffalo. This is wonderful!

One request: Presumably the females you are speaking of are all adults, amirite?

If so, and if you are NOT referring to high school students, could you please refer to them as women, or female students, or even "young women" (if you feel you must!)--but please, NOT as "girls"?

Referring to them as "girls" diminishes their already-earned accomplishments and their levels of maturity (not to mention their individual intelligence and learned wisdom), compared to males.

If he referred to his male cohort as “boys” would you say the same thing?

gettinreal Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If he referred to his male cohort as “boys”
> would you say the same thing?

I thought of including this in my post, but figured that it doesn't work so far as IRL culture goes.

There are times when adult males are referred to as "boys" in our culture, but if you look at what is actually going on in those times, they are also diminishments of one kind or another.

When a wife says that her husband is "out with the boys," the message given is: This is their set-aside time when (despite the fact that they are adults) they are allowed a separate "place" to be, in effect, carefree adolescents: drinking, belching, etc., etc.

I am also reminded of "The Boys in the Band" play (1968), and film (1970), one of the early, tending towards mainstream, creative works about gay relationships of various kinds. Again: the use of the word "boys" was a thought-through diminishment of "adult males"--in the sense that, even when national attention was being, very hesitantly, directed towards gay rights, the underlying message of the title was: [Our American society says that] REAL men (meaning: straight men) are NOT gay, so gay "men" are actually "less than" or, in other words, "boys."

Plus: In American society, and right now to this moment some areas of this country, black men (regardless of their chronological age, their maturity level, or their professional or other accomplishments) are still, and too often, referred to as "boys." This usage is not as nearly as bad now as it used to be, but it does still exist, and it absolutely affects black adults in negative and disrespectful ways.

Can you think of a circumstance where the words "boys" would be used for adult men, and where, behind the use of that word, there was NOT an intended diminishment of their adulthood? The word may be used playfully or meant to be humorous, but I cannot think of any example where the subtext of the speaker was not a (perhaps unintentional) diminishment of some kind.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2018 08:35PM by Tevai.

For what it's worth it was not my intention to undermine any of my classmates' maturity nor to diminish their professionalism.

I simply never thought that could be misconstrued in that way, so I apologize!

mightybuffalo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> For what it's worth it was not my intention to
> undermine any of my classmates' maturity nor to
> diminish their professionalism.
>
> I simply never thought that could be misconstrued
> in that way, so I apologize!

I know you did not intend to denigrate anyone.

I was trying to give you a "head's up" that women in medical school are likely to be hyper about this (whether they say anything or not; and they likely will NOT say anything)--because most, or all, of them know that they are going to be facing things coming up that you (as a male) likely don't even know exist.

I am with you all the way.

I think that what you are in the process of accomplishing is amazing, and I am in personal awe.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/19/2018 08:46PM by Tevai.

Buff, you're starting out on a dream - and I am SO thrilled for you! Can you see the Rockies from where you live? I lived in a suburb of Denver for just under two years, and every time I saw the Rockies, no matter the season, they just grabbed my heart.

You realize, of course, that you will be working your backside off, studying harder than you ever thought possible, but in doing so, you are likely to forge friendships that will last for the rest of your life. Because you are all in this together.

Some won't make it all the way. But as those of you who stagger across the finish line together, you will experience a kind of bonding that will glow in your heart for the rest of your life.

Can you sense that we are ALL very proud of you?? Please (if you have a spare moment or two,) share some of the highlights of this incredible journey that lies ahead of you!

Congratulations from me, too!

Oh yeah, Carameldreams is right: "There IS a better life outside of Mormon belief and marriage!" You can't simply take our word for it--you have to go through all the angst and discovery, for yourself.

I KNEW you would rise above all the Mormon garbage. You have so much going for you, that nothing could hold you back.

The thing about these attractive women students--is that they appreciate you! Men like you are rare. Your ex wife treated you as though you were nothing. She was brainwashed with that mindset, and she was incapable of ever loving a genuine human being. You were never as important to her as the Mormon church, and never as important as her own selfish motives and goals. She will succeed in law school, there is no doubt, but she will probably have regrets, and want you back. Stay focused on what you want. You deserve your hard-won freedom. Happiness is the result! I'm sure your proud-of-you parents will come around.

"...an arranged marriage to the Mormon cult."

I have been fascinated by your story. You really did try very hard to save your marriage! Real love in your life is ahead of you. Enjoy!

I am so very happy that things are going so well :) And you can count me as one that is very proud of you. There is a whole big world out there just waiting for you to find it. And when the time is right, you will find the right gal to settle down with. Until then, just ENJOY! There sure is no rush!

Happy for you MB! Sad for your ex. She was obviously not mature enough to think through what was happening with a mature mindset. It's not exactly a character flaw but rather the result of the Mormon way of raising kids. I always felt like an old soul when I was in the Mormon culture region. I was a convert when I arrived at BYU but I felt like most of the college kids really were so sheltered. They seemed to all be on autopilot. Women are taught so early to focus very heavily on temple marriage and making that Mormon marriage the center of their universe. I was considered a failure, although I didn't think so myself, when I graduated BYU unmarried. I've seen co-eds crying because they were sophomores and not yet married or engaged.

Be happy in your new life. I hope you can forgive her "for she knows not what she does". She's on "Mormon Female Autopilot". But had you waited for her to come around you might have waited forever. She actually did you a favor by making it her decision and making it so quickly. Happy trails MB

yes I'm with you Pooped - I feel a bit sorry for the young woman as well as pleased for MB.

Main thing is, they got this done before having kids, so both can learn and move on, and get it right next time...

Is it true that girls outnumber guys in med school 2 to 1? I was never good at high school biology, but had the facts been available I might have studied harder in it.

I hope you use your second chance wisely, and achieve true happiness.

I love Colorado, I grew up in Castle Rock. Actually I'm considering going to CU myself once my military contract is up!

Thanks for stopping by with an update - we all care about you!

Sounds like you are making excellent progress, great choices. And enjoying the beauty of Colorado, too.

Remember that med school will be tough, very difficult and rewarding, often all at the same time. Sleep when you can, study all you need, eat healthfully...YOU CAN DO THIS.

Best wishes in all the wonderful future that lies ahead for you!

what a stupid woman. That's all I can say.

Yeah, what's with all the pity for your ex? If a dude had pulled what she did, would we feel the same about him?

Just goes to show we don't actually care about equality. Different standards.

And why do we consider women so stupid and weak? They are supposedly victims of brainwashing in the church, but somehow men are not?

Tevai made a good point. Be careful about offending the girls in your class, should you call them girls. Now girls can say they "want to go out with the girls", but if you said that, it would be demeaning to them.

The safest thing is to stay away from them. You've been burned once, can happen again. Sure you're attractive, but why? You offer money, status and perhaps physical appearance. What happens if those disappear, kind of like when your church participation ended?

I guess it will work as long as you understand their love is fake.

Check out MGTOW. That is the way to go.

MGTOW is for married men that look back at their lives and see where they gave away their freedom to marriage and society. It's not for young attractive guys who have game... I think the buffalo can avoid the commitment trap now that he can have casual sex with a clear conscience.
The opposite gender is not the enemy, commitment is the enemy. Commitment changes people into what society has brainwashed them to accept as "normal". Here is were the TSCC entraps people, by getting them married.

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yeah, what's with all the pity for your ex? If
> a dude had pulled what she did, would we feel the
> same about him?

I surely would. Stupidity knows no gender, nor does compassion.



---------------
> Just goes to show we don't actually care about
> equality. Different standards.

You insist that different standards are in play, then criticize the difference. But your argument is inapposite because few if any of us are as you claim.



-------------------
> And why do we consider women so stupid and weak?
> They are supposedly victims of brainwashing in
> the church, but somehow men are not?

"We" don't believe anything of the sort. You appear to be projecting your feelings onto others.



------------------
> Tevai made a good point. Be careful about
> offending the girls in your class, should you call
> them girls. Now girls can say they "want to go
> out with the girls", but if you said that, it
> would be demeaning to them.

That is a pretty transparent twisting of what Tevai said. She said women prefer not to be called "girls." The rest is your tendentious gloss.



--------------------
> The safest thing is to stay away from them.
> You've been burned once, can happen again.

That is a very jaded and sad way to look at life and love.



--------------------
> Sure
> you're attractive, but why? You offer money,
> status and perhaps physical appearance.

Are you suggesting that men do not marry for money, status, and physical appearance?



--------------------

> What
> happens if those disappear, kind of like when your
> church participation ended?

You are suggesting men never leave women when their beauty fades? That seems a bit egocentric, no?



-----------------
> Check out MGTOW. That is the way to go.

Not really. A healthy person would simply live and love again, having grown in the meantime and hence making better decisions.

Your bitterness, your anger at women, is neither general nor generally justified. It is a mistake to assume that your experience is universal.

Here's what I've gathered-- A healthy dose of skepticism towards a lot of things, my future relationships, future involvement in community, etc, is important. I get that-- I'd hate to rebound towards something unhealthy just because I feel broken or abused by a woman or by my upbringing.

That being said, and I'm not taking blame for the way others have treated me through this process, had I been MORE TRUE TO MYSELF from the get go, these problems not only may have never occurred (which I doubt- everyone has problems), but I definitely would've been able to handle them better and with more maturity myself.

I'm not going to be ashamed about what I think, feel, and believe anymore. Nor will I let myself be hurt when others choose not to associate themselves with my thoughts, feelings and beliefs. ANd these will illustrate themselves in future relationships by complete honesty about feelings, my undesire (currently) for real commitment, and what does and doesn't matter to me in a future partner.

Long story short-- I appreciate all the well wishes and input. It all helps!