Date: November 06, 2018 02:58PM
Part of my Exit Process from Mormonism re: Self Talk & Automatic Thinking Scripts
This is long and a repost.
This is part of my Exit Process from Mormonism:Self-Talk & Automatic Thinking Scripts & how to change them. These are what kept me in the church so when I changed my mind about my belief system, I got busy using the same processes to change my thinking about everything.
This was written several years ago and shows my thinking at the time. It was an important part of the nuts and bolts of my personal Exit Process from Mormonism: aka Recovery.
I read this from time to time to remind myself of how I took my personal power back, changed my thinking, set new healthy boundaries, and how I learned to make new choices and change my behavior, and change how I viewed myself, and Mormonism.
It boiled down to: Self Talk and Automatic Thinking Scripts and how to change them. The important ingredients were: taking my power back and owning it and making peace with my life. That including letting all of the past go, learning to live in the present and taking on a new attitude of gratitude.
Answering my own questions! This is part of how I got myself UnMormonized.-updated.
What did you change about how you think, act, behave, what you eat, wear, where you go, how you spend your time?
See the List below of Automatic Thinking Scripts - or Self Talk that I took apart one by one to take my power back. The process included my life growing up before I converted.
There are some I still want to change. They all have an emotional component that I needed to deal with and take responsibility for also. I did that by holding onto my self respect, self esteem, and self confidence and keeping a positive attitude. The process was enhanced by an attitude of gratitude. It was hard work! Nothing was going to destroy me! This was my life and I was going to learn from it and keep my head above water!
How did you do that?
Practicing being in charge of my own thinking - writing down the thinking scripts helped me deal with them one at a time.
How long has it taken to create a New World View?
How has it changed?
Changed almost totally. Still open to new ideas.
Began to create my new World View in the initial stages by working through the Self Talk and Thinking Scripts, and replacing them with what I was learning about the world and how I emotionally responded to them.
Do you think you have completed the process?
I do think I am mostly through the process of getting myself UnMormonized. Little things come up now and then, but they are minor and I do it with a good laugh, and keep on going!
Have you made peace with it?
I have made peace with all of my life, including Mormonism, the best I can, at this point. There is always something more to deal with, something that requires that I examine, understand and take responsibility for. It is never totally complete, but it's as close as I can get for now.
Resentments are few and far between. Anger is not an issue.
I have learned to change my mind about my World View and live with those who have a very different World View.
That is a big part of making peace with it, in my experience.
Self Talk, Automatic Thinking Scripts - removing, deleting, changing - the essence of taking my power back and owning it.
Little, by little, I began the laborious process of recognizing (some are so well ingrained they just kept repeating!) the thousands of Mormon scripts and found a way to hit a delete button and rewrite all of them. I had to change my "self talk" also from Mormonism to -- something else that was a confirmation of my self respect, self confidence and self esteem! And I was determined to do it!
It was fun! I was in charge. I owned my own power over my mind, my thinking, behavior, choices. I owned me --completely and I was going to take charge. I was in the drivers seat, no longer a passenger in that Mormon Mini Van hauling arse down the road on the way to the Celestial Kingdom!
I started ticking those scripts off and releasing myself from their imagined power. They had absolutely no power unless I gave it to them. What empowerment! How did I miss that?
I gave myself permission to take power over my thinking, behavior, and attitudes. No longer was any teaching in Mormonism, any requirement, any commandment, any counsel going to override and over rule my own good sense ,logic, reasoning and self respect.
Then, I determined I was going to do it with a sense of humor. That was the easy part. I love to laugh and have fun. There was no way I was going to take Mormonism so seriously that leaving it would take anything away from me! I was going to be the adult, not the child answering to and reporting to the father figure in the religion.
Here are just a few of the Mormon Scripts I changed my thinking about:
1. I could shop and buy anything and go anywhere on Sunday. No one cared and I did not care who saw me.
2. There was no requirement to say another prayer in the proper form again;no need to bless the food, or pray in secret either. I could pray or meditate if I wanted-- anywhere and anytime I wanted , but it was my choice, on my terms and in my own private way. My experiments with prayer were dismally disappointing, so I decided to rely on my own good sense and research instead!
3. I did not have to read, study, ponder, pray about the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, Bible or any of the Mormon scriptures ever again. There was no such thing as "anti-Mormon" literature that I must avoid. The whole Internet and libraries were open to me. I could read anything with no fear. No book had a "bad spirit" -- that was just plain ridiculous and silly!
4. Prayer does not establish fact. Praying about the Book of Mormon to determine it is true is just plain silly. This is circle thinking. We know it's true but we must pray to know it's true. Say what? True .....what? After some study of religions and their history, it was all true God Myth!
5. I did not need to take the Ensign (or any other church magazine) and read it. The prophet's message was useless to me.
6. I did not have to attend church at any time for anything. Sacrament meetings were not of any interest to me anymore or anything else. Besides, I found the whole idea of so many people (long time friends and relatives) repeating their mantra's (IKNOWTHECHURCHISTRUE) so funny, I would not be able to keep a straight face ! Why didn't that bother me before? Hmmm. Time to do more thinking!
7. There was no such thing as "feeling the spirit" that was anything but warm fuzzies because people want to fit in and be accepted. It's the normal emotional connection to our personal experiences. I could "feel the spirit" of anything, or anywhere. It was not an exclusive to Mormonsm.. It was just part of human nature. Everyone "feels the spirit" , for instance, when the national anthem is sung, or a flag goes by or I see my kids do some kind of performance in school, I see a sunset that is gorgeous, and on and on and on. It's the normal emotional response to something beautiful, something/someone we love.
8. I did not have to have "callings". No more visiting teaching, or any other assignments. Whew! Done with that merry-go-round of busy work! I was going to be in charge of my calendar! I scheduled what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. And did I get busy! (This was when I took adult education classes at the local college several times a week-a fantastic eye-opening experience.)
9. I did not have to report to anyone about anything. How nice! No more phone calls checking up on me! No more invasive interviews. I was so done with that!
10. I was not bound by some belief there were prophets or specially inspired leaders. These Mormon leaders put their pants on one leg at a time just like I did, and they certainly did not know me, neither did most of them even pay attention to what I said, let along respect my wishes, so I was not about to give in to their imagined discerning powers or any other powers or authority over me! And, NO. I did not have a problem with authority, but too many of them had a problem with their imagined authority throwing a fit or threatening me! I was not going to be a target for that absurd behavior ever again!
11. I could eat anything or drink anything I wanted. The Word of Wisdom was pointless nonsense that was not about health (scientific evidence shows other wise!) but only a rule for "obedience" as a programming technique to get people to pay tithing to go to the temple! Besides, it has never been lived by the Mormons as written in D&C 89 anyhow. Time to add more foods and drinks to my grocery list! That was FUN!
12. I could wear anything I wanted. No more regulation underwear. What was I thinking? I still laugh at myself prancing around in those goofy skivvies thinking they were necessary! No more obedience to the God of Regulation Skivvies!
What kind of a God controls by underwear anyhow! If I was going to wear undies, I would choose the kind I liked and nobody was ever going to tell me I had to wear them at night! Never could do that anyhow. That was a clue -- a big red flag, that I ignored. I actually took them off in my sleep! So I just stopped trying to wear the garmies to bed! I was so obedient, I actually told the leaders in temple recommend interviews for years, and they never batted an eye. Ya, I know, why did I do that? What was I thinking? Time to change my thinking.
13. Now to the specifics about that ridiculous control by underwear nonsense: I was not bound by the outrageous idea that underwear was sacred and could not touch the floor. In fact, I could stomp on it and throw it around and feel good about it. What a concept! I was a little bit nuts in those days,wasn't I! Time to have a good laugh at myself!
14. I did not have to wear underwear under my bra anymore. OK. I know this is nuts, but I thought it was important at the time! Time for another good laugh!
15. I did not have to wear my underwear 24/7 - including to bed- never could do that one anyhow. Ya, ya, I know. This is totally off-the-wall nutzo and non-LDS crack up when I tell them this! YOU WHAT???
16. I could throw out the temple underwear and feel good about it - that FEELS GREAT!!!And I did. Hauled the whole plastic bag of those things out to the garbage can, threw them in with the stinky trash knowing they would go in the land fill with the most disgusting mess you could imagine! Ahh, now that feels -- wonderful!! I laughed for days about that! That was symbolic. Garbage in, garbage out!
17 All of the temple ceremonies were bastardized Masonic rituals and not binding. Not binding. Yup. That's it. They have no power. What a relief! Done with that goofiness!
18. I was not required to go to the temple regularly and play dress-ups. That is exactly how I felt. Just like a little girl wearing my great grandma's old clothes!
19. The green apron and temple robes mean nothing. They are just silly costumes for the temple play that have no more importance to me! Done with that nonsense too!
20. Prayer circles in the temple with women's faces veiled are silly nonsense.
21. I was no longer subjected to that invasive, washing and anointing rituals in the temple. Fortunately, that has been changed, and I would hope that our exposure here on this board writing about that inappropriate, demeaning rituals (and I did my share many times!) was the impetus for them to change it and not subject another person to that invasion of the naked body ever again!
22. I did not need to do genealogy and have my dead relatives baptized and have temple rituals done for them. No more postmortem conversions! It does seem a little silly now!
23. I no longer had to compartmentalize a "testimony" from the rest of my life. This was an important door that opened. I was now in charge of all of my thinking -- Mormonism no longer shut the door on how I thought about anything! No guilt, no fear, no shame for .....THINKING!!
24. I did not need to use faith to believe in the Book of Mormon and the Joseph Smith story - Mark Twain said: "Faith is believing what you know ain't so."
I wanted something factual, substantial, something that held up to scrutiny to place my faith in and I would never gain believe something on faith alone!
25. I was no longer subjected to those intrusive, out of order, interviews by bishops and the stake presidency to get a temple recommend. Done with that nonsense too! Those men have no authority over me anyhow! How do they live with themselves asking such personal sexually related questions anyhow. That's just way over the line of decency!
26 I no longer needed to pay "an honest tithe." No more money down the Mormon drain! I was done with giving them money to support their silly claims!
27. There was no priesthood power that I was required to follow or submit to. This was great. I was no longer subjected to some priesthood holder with his halo askew (arrogant and condescending) telling me what was best for me! They could go pester someone else who cared!
28. I was no longer subjected to demeaning attitudes and treated like a child. Mormonism kept me thinking I was a "child of God" and subjected to a "Heavenly Father" etc. and I realized I was not behaving as an adult. That must be what accounted for why so many Mormon women talked like little girls in wispy, sweet, soft syrupy voices. Time to grow up ladies! As a convert I never developed that ...voice!
29. There was no need for guilt over anything. There was no need to buy any guilt tickets for any guilt trips I didn't want to take! Done with that too! I was not going to do guilt again, but I would do: responsibility. Big difference.
30. I could spend my money any way I wanted. I didn't have to budget tithing, building fund donations, fast offerings, missionary fund (or get a job to pay for two missions for two of my kids) ever again! Done with that too! Of course, there were some "blessings" as all that $$$$ to the Mormon church was considered a charitable contribution on our tax returns and we got hefty refunds which I called: Tithing Refunds!
31. I could think anything I wanted. Imagine that. I didn't have to think a certain way, fearful of some evil influences getting in my brain and tempting me. There was no Satan/Lucifer, or some other spirit on a mission to tempt me and get control of my mind and my soul. Done with that silly notion too!
32. A little research into the history of gods showed that the Bible was figurative myth and legends, parables, etc around some still standing places - Thank you Joseph Campbell and others. that made it much easier to change the thinking scripts from my early youth also: "Jesus Loves You, This I know, for the Bible Tells ME So". I can still sing that song over 60 years later!.
33. There was no judgment bar that I needed to be concerned about in an after life. The Celestial Kingdom etc.(along with all others) was imaginary a clever creation to put fear into people to control their behavior and usually get money out of them.
I could live this life to the fullest and not be concerned about what would happen next. I could live in the here and now. What a fantastic concept. No more fear of punishments. No more working for an award after I die. That placed the greatest importance on me to find a way to make this life the best I could.
34. There was no Heavenly Father watching over me or angels recording my attendance in church - no more feeling paranoid! No more leaders watching, reporting and questioning me, paranoid that I would share why I didn't believe.
35. Heavenly Father was not a resurrected man with a body. (Click-delete!)
36. I could discard the "testimony" as it was based on fraud, a clever myth, around some warm fuzzy feelings!
37. I did not need a savior for anything. (Click-delete!)
38. There is no need to believe in their after life kingdoms. I am free to live in the present.
39. Faith and works or grace were not necessary to believe either. I'll place my faith where I want.
40. I could discard the notion that "the church is perfect, but the people aren't."
(Silly notion anyhow as there would be no church without people.)
41. There is no such thing as a book having a "bad spirit" and I can read anything I choose.
42. I could read anything at any time I wanted
43.. The terms Apostate and Anti-Mormon are emotionally charged words to discourage dissent from Mormonism by members with their persecution complex set on high! More paranoia! Not playing that game anymore either!
44. I no longer needed a "testimony" by faith of things that made no sense in the first place.Done placing faith in magical thinking, and supernatural, metaphysical claims.
45. I was no longer a second class citizen to be dismissed by the priesthood. That was a big one. I was just as important as any male. I was not relegated to being a mother as the greatest "calling" and given rules and parameters for my life as a female. Done with that too!
46. I was no longer bound by the restrictive role placed on me as a Mormon female. That was the impetus to write an essay on The Role of Women in Mormonism.
47. I could say out loud that Joseph Smith lied, and Mormonism is a total fraud and they do not tell the truth, or anything else I wanted to say.
48. I am not bound by some temple covenant that says I am to "avoid all loud laughter" and can laugh all I want, as loud as I want at anything, and especially at Mormonism! And laugh I do!
49. Mormonism is not necessary for my happiness. Neither is any "ISM" or Christianity or any other God belief. I realized that I don't need some outside influence directing my life. I am perfectly qualified to do that myself and that is how I will proceed!
50.. I am free at last.
51 . I can resign my membership and know I am OK. and I did!
52. Life outside the Mormon World View Box is beautiful, full, and joyful.
53. There were no commandments -- and I can ignore any inference that I need to be doing this or that to please some imaginary deity in a robe in the sky!
54. I will laugh my way out of these beliefs. They are just too funny to take seriously.
Besides, it sure beats the alternative of being depressed! I won't even give that bunch of believers the power to make me depressed. I refuse!