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My nephew is in the bishopric in his ward. He's been in for four years and really seems ready to be out of it. Actually he doesn't seem all that enthused about the church.
He said he wished they would just do away with Fast and Testimony meeting. He said it's really open mic Sunday and they have the same regulars give bizarre testimonies each fast Sunday. He says the bishop is ready to install a trap door that he can actuate. It's a freak show that serves no purpose.
I said you are getting warm kid. It's not just fast and testimony meeting. The whole church is a freak show.
He said he wished they would just do away with Fast and Testimony meeting. He said it's really open mic Sunday and they have the same regulars give bizarre testimonies each fast Sunday. He says the bishop is ready to install a trap door that he can actuate. It's a freak show that serves no purpose.
I said you are getting warm kid. It's not just fast and testimony meeting. The whole church is a freak show.
It is a freak show. I have heard so many people give confessions..I am talking like past things...airing out garbadge.and then the long winded people that just like to talk about nothing...yes..do away with this dog and pony show
I always got a laugh out of the member of the bishopric conducting who encouraged "short, heartfelt testimonies". And then it was health reports, the miracle of the found car keys, travelogues, little kids being coached and a few crying people going on about who knows what. Then of course the same three or four people every month talking about the same things every month. All you could do was hope for a real crazy to get up & break the routine.
We have newly returned to the ward my wife was in when we married six years ago, and this was our first F&T in the ward.
It started out with the usual of pre-school kids telling us they know the church is true and the Joseph Smith was a prophet. There were a couple of teary testimonies, including my wife's, about how wonderful the ward is. My wife's HT...um, minister?...stated how grateful he was for all of the RS women (including my wife) who brought dinners and did chores while his wife is recovering from a shoulder surgery.
And then there was the final testimony given by a woman who complained about how nobody in the ward ever helps her and she never felt more alone than she does in this ward. She acknowledged that she wasn't much of a people-person, but she thought the purpose of the church was to meet the needs of members like her, especially when she finds it difficult to ask for help. She went on like this for 15 minutes, and the whole time I could hear my BIL and SIL (who is the RS president) whispering about how this woman and her family have done nothing but demand that the church be at their beck and call for everything from babysitting to buying groceries because the woman was just to tired to get dressed for the day.
(Oh, the woman's husband gave one of the earlier testimonies about how wonderful the ward was.)
It started out with the usual of pre-school kids telling us they know the church is true and the Joseph Smith was a prophet. There were a couple of teary testimonies, including my wife's, about how wonderful the ward is. My wife's HT...um, minister?...stated how grateful he was for all of the RS women (including my wife) who brought dinners and did chores while his wife is recovering from a shoulder surgery.
And then there was the final testimony given by a woman who complained about how nobody in the ward ever helps her and she never felt more alone than she does in this ward. She acknowledged that she wasn't much of a people-person, but she thought the purpose of the church was to meet the needs of members like her, especially when she finds it difficult to ask for help. She went on like this for 15 minutes, and the whole time I could hear my BIL and SIL (who is the RS president) whispering about how this woman and her family have done nothing but demand that the church be at their beck and call for everything from babysitting to buying groceries because the woman was just to tired to get dressed for the day.
(Oh, the woman's husband gave one of the earlier testimonies about how wonderful the ward was.)
Your nephew is smart.
I can count on 1 hand the number of F&T meetings that I thought were truly powerful, and I would have 4 fingers left over. Sometimes they serve a purpose, but for the most part it's a waste of everyone's time. It's always the same thing:
- Little kids who have their testimonies spoon fed to them, just so their parents can do what other Mormon parents do and the ward can marvel at how cute the kid is.
- The middle school kids who give an extremely canned testimony to appease their parents and not have video games or privileges revoked.
- The lonely old ladies who have no one to talk to, so they get up and freestyle for a bit. There is usually some moments of inexplicable crying about things that don't seem to have anything to do with church.
- Weird 50 somethings who get up and ramble on and on and tell weird stories. These stories are almost never about church and typically just kind of end, leaving the whole congregation confused and annoyed.
- The lost-and-found-imony. Speaks for itself. Member was experiencing some kind of emotional stress, such as lost keys, and resolved the issue through the power of prayer. Therefore, church must = true.
- Cry-imony - usually a middle aged male blubbering about how much he loves the church.
Missionaries used to try to pack the house with people they were teaching on fast Sunday. Even at my most TBM, I never really figured out why they would want to do that. F&T Meeting is weird even as a Mormon - as an outsider, it tells you one thing: run.
I can count on 1 hand the number of F&T meetings that I thought were truly powerful, and I would have 4 fingers left over. Sometimes they serve a purpose, but for the most part it's a waste of everyone's time. It's always the same thing:
- Little kids who have their testimonies spoon fed to them, just so their parents can do what other Mormon parents do and the ward can marvel at how cute the kid is.
- The middle school kids who give an extremely canned testimony to appease their parents and not have video games or privileges revoked.
- The lonely old ladies who have no one to talk to, so they get up and freestyle for a bit. There is usually some moments of inexplicable crying about things that don't seem to have anything to do with church.
- Weird 50 somethings who get up and ramble on and on and tell weird stories. These stories are almost never about church and typically just kind of end, leaving the whole congregation confused and annoyed.
- The lost-and-found-imony. Speaks for itself. Member was experiencing some kind of emotional stress, such as lost keys, and resolved the issue through the power of prayer. Therefore, church must = true.
- Cry-imony - usually a middle aged male blubbering about how much he loves the church.
Missionaries used to try to pack the house with people they were teaching on fast Sunday. Even at my most TBM, I never really figured out why they would want to do that. F&T Meeting is weird even as a Mormon - as an outsider, it tells you one thing: run.
meeting in particular.
There was a new convert guy. (I had actually met him a few times previously, when I did splits with the missionaries assigned to our ward.) It was his first F&T meetings after his baptism and he was eager to get up and tell his conversion story. (My guess is that the missionaries encouraged him to do it.)
Turns out that he had developed a habit of overusing the expression "I shit you not." I remembered hearing him use it once or twice when I had met him previously, but hadn't thought much about it.
But when he started bearing his testimony, it was just one "I shit you not" after another. "So when the missionaries came to my door, I shit you not, it was like an answer to my prayers. Then, and I shit you not, they started telling me about families being sealed forever and, I shit you not, I started crying and...." (Stuff like that for about 10 minutes that must have seemed like 10 months to the cringing bishopric and several other sensitive members in attendance.)
It was actually quite entertaining to watch the Bishopric guys wincing while also trying to pretend that nothing weird was happening.
There was a new convert guy. (I had actually met him a few times previously, when I did splits with the missionaries assigned to our ward.) It was his first F&T meetings after his baptism and he was eager to get up and tell his conversion story. (My guess is that the missionaries encouraged him to do it.)
Turns out that he had developed a habit of overusing the expression "I shit you not." I remembered hearing him use it once or twice when I had met him previously, but hadn't thought much about it.
But when he started bearing his testimony, it was just one "I shit you not" after another. "So when the missionaries came to my door, I shit you not, it was like an answer to my prayers. Then, and I shit you not, they started telling me about families being sealed forever and, I shit you not, I started crying and...." (Stuff like that for about 10 minutes that must have seemed like 10 months to the cringing bishopric and several other sensitive members in attendance.)
It was actually quite entertaining to watch the Bishopric guys wincing while also trying to pretend that nothing weird was happening.
" . . . so they get up and freestyle a bit . ."
Ha ha. Very funny take on the whole thing but that line made me laugh a lot for some reason.
Proof that Mormons will sit through anything if they are told to.
Ha ha. Very funny take on the whole thing but that line made me laugh a lot for some reason.
Proof that Mormons will sit through anything if they are told to.
I think my nephew is pretty much burnt on the church. I really think he's staying in because of his wife. She's not a dyed in the wool TBM but she enjoys the other ladies in the ward and the social aspect of it. If the social pleasantries changed I wouldn't be surprised to see them leave the church. If he got transferred to an area where there are few Mormons and the ones in the local branch are a bunch of weirdos I could see his wife saying, "Were out of here! He probably would gladly agree".
Even in my most TBM of TBMness, I would always squirm when a parent would walk up to the pulpit with their kid and whisper in the child's ear what they "know."
I would have preferred non-stop fingernails on a chalkboard.
I would have preferred non-stop fingernails on a chalkboard.
When I was a kid for a while the routine was that the members would stand and a deacon would bring them the mic.
That was awkward for lots of reasons.
That was awkward for lots of reasons.
Yes it is open mike sunday. The same 10 people telling the same 10 stories. Of course there are only 50 people at the meeting.
The travelogs were the best part of church! The travelers--mostly retired people--would line up for their turn at the open mic. Just before we resigned, the new bishop opened the testimony meeting, asking for no travelogs, please. That was a kill-joy.
One doctor's wife, who thought she was very important, because she had graduated from BYU and gone on a mission, and was active in bring new investigators to church, took up at least 10 minutes of EVERY testimony meeting. She would even begin her testimony with, "Now for the monthly update on our family:" She would tell about each of her (boring) children, one by one--as if her children were more important than all the other ward members, waiting their turn. Over the years, her children became more and more weird.
Another woman in her thirties would take up time, by bearing her tearful testimony about the stress of raising a family alone (she was living with her parents in the ward, and did not have to work), and how she wanted to find a worthy man to take her to the temple and be sealed to her and her three children. It was like an online dating profile, once a month. She would then have EACH of her three children sing a solo! (Very bad singing, with the mother whispering the lyrics.) The last time I attended, one of her kids sang all three verses of the song, and we could hear audible groaning from the congregation, as the third verse began.
That left about 20 minutes for the rest of the meeting. Usually, people would bear their testimonies after having a baby blessed, or a confirmation, or ordination, etc.
I don't see how such a meeting would be a good missionary tool, except to avoid classes and discussions about the ridiculous and fake Mormon doctrine.
One doctor's wife, who thought she was very important, because she had graduated from BYU and gone on a mission, and was active in bring new investigators to church, took up at least 10 minutes of EVERY testimony meeting. She would even begin her testimony with, "Now for the monthly update on our family:" She would tell about each of her (boring) children, one by one--as if her children were more important than all the other ward members, waiting their turn. Over the years, her children became more and more weird.
Another woman in her thirties would take up time, by bearing her tearful testimony about the stress of raising a family alone (she was living with her parents in the ward, and did not have to work), and how she wanted to find a worthy man to take her to the temple and be sealed to her and her three children. It was like an online dating profile, once a month. She would then have EACH of her three children sing a solo! (Very bad singing, with the mother whispering the lyrics.) The last time I attended, one of her kids sang all three verses of the song, and we could hear audible groaning from the congregation, as the third verse began.
That left about 20 minutes for the rest of the meeting. Usually, people would bear their testimonies after having a baby blessed, or a confirmation, or ordination, etc.
I don't see how such a meeting would be a good missionary tool, except to avoid classes and discussions about the ridiculous and fake Mormon doctrine.
I've tried hard to remember a "fast Sunday" that I walked away from feeling enlightened, uplifted, or thrilled from.
I can't.
They mostly blur into a mish-mash of little kids with parents whispering in their ears, crazy folks going off on tangents while everyone rolls their eyes, and lots of unjustified crying.
Open mic nights at comedy clubs are far more interesting, though the proportion of crazies is about the same...!
I can't.
They mostly blur into a mish-mash of little kids with parents whispering in their ears, crazy folks going off on tangents while everyone rolls their eyes, and lots of unjustified crying.
Open mic nights at comedy clubs are far more interesting, though the proportion of crazies is about the same...!
I liked the travel logs. It was a small diversion from the dulling effects of correlation. It was 100% better than hearing how a person KNEW the church was true. I also couldn't stomach hearing about the temple. For a long time, I wrongfully blamed myself for feeling uncomfortable with all the secret rituals.
Open mic Sunday is way better then the usual regurgitations of conference talks.
I applaud your nephew, because it took me years to catch on.
Reflecting back on my twelve years in TSCC, I've noticed that there were many strange testimonies that were born. As well as many generic, predicted types.
There was one woman in my old ward that had a not so good marriage, divorced, and then was "sealed" later in life to her current husband. Many of her testimonies were pretty much tirades regarding how bad her first marriage was. At one point, it got to the point where someone in the bishopric had to gently pull her away from the stand.
And then there was always one that would get up on the stand, call out certain member(s) and tell them how much they love them.
I wanted to save this list for the next Fast Sunday, but I'll share it now. Based on my experiences in TSCC (and maybe some others here), this is pretty much the types of testimonies you would hear...
And this is all in good fun...in some ways...
Generic Testimony: Where a good percentage of people says the same thing: "I know that this church is true. I know that I'm a daughter/son of god. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore this gospel. I know that President (insert current "prophet's name here) leads the church today. I know that the Book of Mormon is the truest book." Something along the lines of that.
The Humblebrag Testimony: i.e. "The blessings have been filling our household. Our son is engaged. Our other son is going on a mission. Our lives are just so awesome...blah, blah, blah..." with no thought of the member(s) that may be struggling, and probably asking themselves what's wrong with them that they cannot obtain such blessings.
There's also the newly engaged/married couple that bears their testimony on being engaged or just being married. "What did I do to deserve such a righteous son/daughter of god?!"
The Crier: The person that grabs a tissue that just cries through their testimony, and sometimes makes you so uncomfortable that you can barely make out what they're saying.
The Child-Fed Testimony: Where the parent comes up with their child, bears their testimony, and then has their child bear their testimony (when it's pretty much the parent whispering in their child's ear on what to say.)
The Story Teller: The one that gets up on the pulpit and talks for a long, long, long, long time. Sometimes on random stuff. Back in my TBM days, I would try to listen, but I would always space out.
The Broken Record/Repeat Offenders (I guess this could be equivalent to the generic testimony): The ones that get up on the pulpit every month and says that same thing, every month. Every. Single. Month.
The Oscar Winning testimony: Those that get up on the pulpit and thanks "those that had helped them with (insert act of service here)."
The Family Celebratory Testimony: I'm not sure how many here have seen these, but in the first ward I attended, I saw three. The first was when a baby was blessed, and the ENTIRE family gets up on the stand and bears their testimony. Two couples that used to attend the ward return for their wedding reception the day before, and then on the following Sunday (which is ironically always the Fast Sunday) the entire family gets up to bear their testimony on the marriage, how blessed they are, etc.
I don't remember hearing much about Jesus. Maybe 9% of the testimonies that I've heard during my twelve years in TSCC were about Jesus.
Reflecting back on my twelve years in TSCC, I've noticed that there were many strange testimonies that were born. As well as many generic, predicted types.
There was one woman in my old ward that had a not so good marriage, divorced, and then was "sealed" later in life to her current husband. Many of her testimonies were pretty much tirades regarding how bad her first marriage was. At one point, it got to the point where someone in the bishopric had to gently pull her away from the stand.
And then there was always one that would get up on the stand, call out certain member(s) and tell them how much they love them.
I wanted to save this list for the next Fast Sunday, but I'll share it now. Based on my experiences in TSCC (and maybe some others here), this is pretty much the types of testimonies you would hear...
And this is all in good fun...in some ways...
Generic Testimony: Where a good percentage of people says the same thing: "I know that this church is true. I know that I'm a daughter/son of god. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore this gospel. I know that President (insert current "prophet's name here) leads the church today. I know that the Book of Mormon is the truest book." Something along the lines of that.
The Humblebrag Testimony: i.e. "The blessings have been filling our household. Our son is engaged. Our other son is going on a mission. Our lives are just so awesome...blah, blah, blah..." with no thought of the member(s) that may be struggling, and probably asking themselves what's wrong with them that they cannot obtain such blessings.
There's also the newly engaged/married couple that bears their testimony on being engaged or just being married. "What did I do to deserve such a righteous son/daughter of god?!"
The Crier: The person that grabs a tissue that just cries through their testimony, and sometimes makes you so uncomfortable that you can barely make out what they're saying.
The Child-Fed Testimony: Where the parent comes up with their child, bears their testimony, and then has their child bear their testimony (when it's pretty much the parent whispering in their child's ear on what to say.)
The Story Teller: The one that gets up on the pulpit and talks for a long, long, long, long time. Sometimes on random stuff. Back in my TBM days, I would try to listen, but I would always space out.
The Broken Record/Repeat Offenders (I guess this could be equivalent to the generic testimony): The ones that get up on the pulpit every month and says that same thing, every month. Every. Single. Month.
The Oscar Winning testimony: Those that get up on the pulpit and thanks "those that had helped them with (insert act of service here)."
The Family Celebratory Testimony: I'm not sure how many here have seen these, but in the first ward I attended, I saw three. The first was when a baby was blessed, and the ENTIRE family gets up on the stand and bears their testimony. Two couples that used to attend the ward return for their wedding reception the day before, and then on the following Sunday (which is ironically always the Fast Sunday) the entire family gets up to bear their testimony on the marriage, how blessed they are, etc.
I don't remember hearing much about Jesus. Maybe 9% of the testimonies that I've heard during my twelve years in TSCC were about Jesus.
In my ward growing up, every FandT meeting, someone always talked about their cats. It was so bizarre. My brothers and sisters would bet a dollar whether it would be the second, third, fourth etc. testimony. The betting when for about a year until my dad found out about it and put a stop to it. Of course that didn't stop us. We just hid it better.
And of course children, "I would like to bury my testimony......"
And of course children, "I would like to bury my testimony......"
F&T meeting was always my favorite SM of the month!
The other ones had a strong tendency to put me to sleep well before the end. But during Fast and Testimony one never knew WHAT might come next and as far as I was concerned, the crazier and more off-the-wall, the better!
The other ones had a strong tendency to put me to sleep well before the end. But during Fast and Testimony one never knew WHAT might come next and as far as I was concerned, the crazier and more off-the-wall, the better!