If you do go, I suggest you don't stay from beginning to end. Arrive late and leave early. Have a list of non-mormon topics in your pocket to keep the conversation moving around other topis.

We’ve been invited by TBM family and other friends. DH does well with get togethernessing. It’s overwhelming for me.

I just wanna go volunteer somewhere. If you do that, who can fault you?

Thanks Kathleen...

We had thought of doing exactly that & volunteering at a shelter or elsewhere as needed.

And you're exactly right...how can they fault us for doing that...and it might even make them feel somewhat sheepish and guilty as well.

Have a pleasant day whatever you decide!

My wife, kids and I always go to my non-mormon wife's parents to eat. They are a mixed group with some siblings being LDS, but the majority are not. Then, we go to my RABID TBM family for a quick slice of pie and a holiday hug. We jet as soon as we can.
Always easy peasy.
HH =)

I just got to the point where I couldn't take the half hour blessing on the Thanksgiving food that some Apostle would be envious to plagiarize as a conference talk. Thanksgiving is the one time I miss the regular blessing. You know---"Thank you for this food, bless this food to nourish and strengthen our bodies and bless the hands that prepared it." Please pass the potatoes.

And there's never any Champagne!

I still, do not, to this day understand why people do this.

Why spend time, especially the most important holidays of the year, with people you don't like?

Throw a dinner at your house,invite friends you want to be with. Surely some of them are free.

Short of that, make sure you have your own transportation.

Plan some breaks/side trips.

Spend a lot of time with the children.

Yes, it's that time of year....

Great advice on this thread. I have done all those things, in combination, and they all work!

I always take my own car. If you do that, you can avoid the lengthy blessing. Arrive breathless, due to unavoidable delays, or whatever. As for me, I like to leave early. Most of the TBM criticism and debates happen when dinner is over, and I'm just not there.

I adore the candor of children. They are usually bored at family functions, and ready to play. Often, they end up entertaining me. My in-laws had a piano in another room, and the kids loved to show off their musical talents. If the weather is nice, I like to take them outside, to run off their energy. The adults are so appreciative of having a break from the children, that they are at least civil to me. LOL, just try to have a religious discussion with little kids tossing a ball at you, or dragging you off to play with them. It's actually fun! I was always in charge of the kids' activities at our TBM family's summer reunion.

Another way of avoiding the unpleasantness, is to volunteer for kitchen duty. I would rather face a batch of dirty dishes than an extra half hour of sanctimonious, boring church talk.

Thanks, Kathleen! I do volunteer work, anonymously, anyway, and I think I'll use that as an excuse to avoid the worst Christmas party of all. I'm a bad liar, but I can make real plans in advance, on the Saturday when I think the party is, and won't have to lie.

If I could lie or act, I would probably fake an illness.

If you do go, be sure to cheer yourself back up, afterwards.
I always plan a "recovery time" after Mormon family events. For example, I can't eat gluten, so I have a favorite g-free dessert ready, for when I get home. My friendly, non-judgmental pets are waiting for me at home, and a good book, or pre-planned favorite movie.

Some say that there are two kinds of people: 1) the person who is deflated and exhausted by social contacts, and 2) the person who is energized and uplifted by social contacts. I am both-- depending on the circumstances. Sundays at church left me so exhausted and depressed, that I would have to take a nap; yet, working full time was not as tiring. Even doing heavy yard work didn't take as much energy as church did.

Mormon so-called friends thought of me as an introvert, but I am definitely energized around my children and grandchildren, the people at work, skiing, hiking, gardening, other hobbies, making dinner for my loved ones, etc. All of this--vs having Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of dull, unhappy Mormons--brings joy.

Conclusion: it is not YOU, it is the situation. Have fun doing whatever you want to change things!

I can probably invite my one brother and family, but they won't come. They stay to themselves, even though I'm close to them. I'm not talking to either sister. She'll feed my disabled brothers. My second sister pushed me too far now, too. I just cut her off a week ago.

I assume my ex might fix dinner. I'm not going to. I'll make some yams and mashed potatoes (or buy some from Sam's as they have great mashed potatoes this time of year).

Boyfriend is going to see his mother. I DO NOT like his mother. She is a rude old bitch. I won't go into what she has said to me.

I'd rather be home without anyone bugging me this year. I need some space. Going to be starting a new job in the next week. I lost my main job 3 weeks ago doing medical transcription (my boss lost her last contract and she has been gradually stopping her business--I worked that job for 20 years). Going to be starting a new job of medical transcription. I picked very carefully. I have 8 months until I can take early SS and I PLAN ON IT.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2018 05:26PM by cl2.

That's what's known as hell on earth.
Keep it light, and on point, and lively!

Find someone interesting to talk to,
even if it is just the primary kids/ toddlers/
interesting folk, supposing there are some,
though it's doubtful in most LDS families.

In these closed societies, it's critical to constantly steer the conversation back to reality. It's also crucial to get outside!

There is hope... but not much, around mormons.

Good luck!

M@t