Date: November 29, 2018 04:11PM
My brother's wife had a stillborn son. The feedback I got was they were upset I wouldn't make the 4 hour trip to his funeral. In hindsight I kind of regret not doing it. We were never close and I was waking up from Mormonism. I didn't feel like attending a funeral to support a somewhat estranged brother. I would have been the only family there.
They did have another funeral where the child was buried and many of my siblings and also my parents attended it. This funeral close to me was just for the people where my brother was going to med school.
Our mother had had a stillborn back in the late 1970s. I knew that this child's temple work couldn't be done. It was one of the few things to disappoint my mother about her church. Her daughter has a headstone we religiously visited every Memorial Day when I was growing up.
For me I never understood the policy. After "losing my testimony" it compounded the stupidity of this policy. For Mormonism, "the breath of life" must indicate a soul or something for them and their bizarre dead processing.
"There are specific guidelines concerning stillborn children. [7.4.2]
No temple ordinances are performed for stillborn children (those who are considered dead at the time of birth). They may be listed, however, in family records (the child may be listed simply as “Stillborn”)."https://www.lds.org/manual/introduction-to-family-history-student-manual/chapter-7?lang=eng
Because the stillborn child is a thing.https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/oct/09/stillbirths-very-private-grief-parents-breaking-taboo
Actually it is a really big thing and I have been unaware of how big it is for a long time even though in my childhood I witnesses the magnitude of it.
"Although these issues were all addressed during the crisis intervention period, it is suggested that owing to the severe emotional ramifications of stillbirth, long-term emotions persist and not one of the participants were symptom/grief-free six months later. Primary reasons for not wanting to fall pregnant again, as indicated by participants, include that they did not feel themselves strong enough to go through another loss and to relive all the emotions of fear, anger, denial, guilt and worthlessness."https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4299465/
I visited my parents for Thanksgiving and my father spoke of my stillborn sister still as if she were a fully fledged member of my family.
Shame on The Mormon Church for not considering a child who once lived in a womb as a person. Shame on me for not understanding merely because I never had it happen to me.