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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 12:49PM

I am so happy I have found all of you here on this forum.

Tomorrow will be my first Sunday that I won't go (one-year LDS convert, now quitting).

I am kind of scared that I will go back even though I decided not to.

I was only in a year and it's hard to quit. I can't imagine what you life-long members went through to get out.

Reading your thoughts and experiences has strengthened my resolve though. If anyone can help with thoughts of your first day to quit attending, I would love to hear them.

THANK YOU ALL!!!

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Posted by: Fascinated in the Midwest ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 12:58PM

Others here always recommend that you plan something especially fun - and something fun for the following Sunday, and the next one after that, too. Then go have fun!!

Well done to have seen the cult-ness and have decided to get yourself out this soon...

you'll be much happier in the long run!

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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 12:58PM

Do something meaningful to you or very fun on Sunday! Spirituality comes in many forms.

Volunteer somewhere. Go outside and enjoy moving and soaking in everything around you. Go to the zoo and appreciate the animals. Find a beautiful spot to read or listen to a podcast.

Life is too good to listen to other people telling you what God wants you to be doing all the time.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 01:11PM

Go unlisted before they start knocking down your door, badgering you to come back.

You may need to formally resign for that to stop. I know I did.

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Posted by: Elyse ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 01:17PM

To wean yourself off you can always sit in a Catholic mass on Sundays, no one will bother you.

I did that for a while, so have others here.

Expect uninvited Mormon visitors at your door, intrusive phone calls,letters or being waylaid at a store.
Yes,sometimes Mormons follow/stalk you.

You need to be firm or they will try and guilt you back in.

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Posted by: logged out this weekend ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 02:51PM

Don't worry about it. It's not a race. If you feel like you might want to "go back," you can – but you'll quickly recall why you left. You'll see the empty glazed eyes, the goofy forced smiles; you'll hear the same garbage lessons that drove you out, only now it will be even worse because you can see through it and you know it will never get better. It will be unbearable.

And when the bishop says he wants to meet with you in his office… then you'll know it's time to make a quick exit. Just remember to stand up for yourself. You can do it. "No" is a great word.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 03:26PM

Good for you!

It's the Christmas season. Have some Christmas fun! Go stroll about in town and look at some store windows. Attend a concert. Go out for brunch or to a matinee movie. Or put on some nice music and decorate your home. It's your day! Enjoy it. Life was meant to be enjoyed.

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 06:49PM

THANK YOU ALL for your help. I am feeling stronger now!!!!

I think once I can stop I will never go back because I dread confrontation.

Thanks to everyone for their support!!!

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Posted by: Concerned Citizen 2.0 ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 08:38PM

...well, you can still go from time to time, knowing what you know now. There will be a certain amount of self-confidence and enjoyment, going forward, when you interact with the other members who you enjoy...screwing with them. Now, you are untethered from the doctrine. Besides, when they have a pot-luck after Church, you can still eat well, recouping some of the costs associated with Mormonism.

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Posted by: Elyse ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 10:04AM

But what if the people bringing food keep bats as pets and the husband eventually dies from rabies?

No thanks.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: December 01, 2018 07:51PM

If you are in Utah, that is the time to go. Sleep in. Go to breakfast with a friend.

For me, it was just so nice not to have to get the kids ready for church. When we went inactive, we didn't plan anything special. It was just a normal day. You have an extra day to do what you want, catch up on things you need to get done, go visit family or friends.

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Posted by: Aquarius123 ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 06:38AM

Enjoy your relaxing day, OP!

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 11:02AM

Good luck with rehab. Your mind will clear up as the LDS wears off.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 11:26AM

I hope you are having a wonderful Sunday mel. Here is my memory from decades ago of my first Sunday away from LDS.


The last time I went to church was just before I discovered that the Mormon church was a lie. Something in my subconsious was done just before my conscious self finally made the connections.

Being super TBM it was unusual that I arrived at the meeting uncharacteristically late and just stood at the back of the chapel.


The service had started and I hesitated to take a seat and found myself standing there like an animal that had been darted and lost all use of physical functions except for the eyes, I surveyed everything in view as if I were seeing it for the first time—the wooden pews, the Navajo white cinderblock walls with the oak-stained wooden beams, the all-purpose blue carpet, the white-shirted and dark-tied bishop and his counselors on the podium, and some anemic, potted yellow chrysanthemum next to the microphone. The bishop had just finished his remarks as the organist began, and the chorister was poised, right hand in the air like Queen elizabeth executing her regal wave, to lead the singing of the Joseph smith–worshipping hymn that was just being announced: “Praise to the Man.”

As the prelude to the song began, my eyes glazed over as if they were confusing their purpose with the duties already assigned to my ears. Like snow on a malfunctioning television, I had never felt so much nothing in my life. This disconnect I felt had nothing to do with negativity toward the people there, nor disgust, nor revulsion, nor deception. I just felt nothing. Nothing. In this temporary mental paralysis, I walked out the door and never went back. I did not know why. I was surprised at myself.

That day my mind cleared itself, hit the reset button. That I know now, although I did not know it at the time. Driving away, I do remember feeling a very low-key but uncommon relief—a very simple peace. I went for a very long drive all by myself. Nice thing to do on a Sunday.

Sunday now begins at dawn and not when you finally push the doors open after church and walk out into the Sunlight with half a day left.

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Posted by: Josephina ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 11:38AM

In my many years in Mormonism, I tried dropping away a couple of times, only to find myself wandering back in. I had some real fears of my life being destroyed if I didn't stick. It was baseless, as I found out when I finally dropped out permanently.

Please don't make the mistake I did of hanging on for decades, thinking it all will get better. It only got worse. You don't know how badly I want to reach back in time and retrieve my lost life! I made terrible decisions based on Mormon philosophy and counsel. They seemed reasonable at the time, but the results only made my life so much harder.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 12:42PM

Enjoy! No one to harp and guilt and sing-song-same-old-words-you-heard-last-week! No one to greet you with that waxy artificial smile, "so glad to see you". No one looking you up and down checking to see you are appropriately dressed.

So lovely. Put on your favorite music, dance and sing, wear your favorite comfortable clothes, remembering that your church is now to.....

...remember only to love yourself and treat others as you love to be treated.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 01:25PM

Dress in casual clothes. Go out for coffee. Do something fun like a hike, museum, or movie.

There you go. Now you can adjust this schedule to suit your own tastes and it will help you forget about going to that old church which is dreary and boring and smells like dust and sour milk.

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Posted by: helenm ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 07:44PM

mel, I had a friend who converted and hasn't even and is 4 months shy of her 2 year mark. Today, she phoned me and told me she was out. She is going through the same thing as you. It is hard to quit because she has never been happier at any other church she has been at. If you want, I can get you in touch with her. Would you like someone to talk to and relate to?

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Posted by: Guy3 ( )
Date: December 02, 2018 08:09PM

Instead of going to church get the church experience by watching Sausage Party. That was how I spent my first sunday away, and it was so perfect. Add some alcohol and cheetos to make it extra sacred.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 10:13AM

Ah, I remember my first Sunday not going.
It was a long time ago (about 37 years).
But it was *wonderful.*

I slept in a bit.
Rolled out of bed, made a cup of coffee (which was still a very new thing), sat out on my tiny apartment patio and enjoyed a quiet morning with a cup o' joe. No talk to prepare, no rush to get ready, no suit to steam or tie to tie, no white shirt to iron. No ward politics to worry about.

One of the best days of my life.

Congrats on yours.

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Posted by: Guy3 ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 04:56PM

were you single? Having coffee on your first sunday off seems fast. That took me about a month to get around to, and it was away from home.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 10:19AM

The Mormon 'church' is designed to scare, mentally torture, frustrate, confuse, and stultify (cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative, especially as a result of a tedious or restrictive routine), restrict, disqualify [for God/ eternity/ reality], disconnect [from the outside world] and disempower (cause (a person or a group of people) to be less likely than others to succeed : to prevent (a person or group) from having power, authority, or influence) the individual, the family, and the investigator [AFTER they are baptised].

Don't EVER listen to it, look at it, think of it, or even acknowledge it.
It is THERE FOR ITSELF, not for you or me!

You are FREE, eternally...
Let's have fun!

M@t

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Posted by: GregS ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 10:51AM

I'm not sure whether this advice is borne of my Catholic upbringing or merely my family's sense of humor, but you should keep your distance from others lest they be hit by a stray lightning bolt.

My siblings still take a step or two away from me and look skyward whenever conversations turn towards religion.

I've been an (ex-Catholic) lightning rod since 1985.

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 10:58AM

Whew! Thank you all! I made it!!!

Did not go to church!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Thank you all for sharing some absolutely lovely stories.

Done and Done, paralyzed, yep! I do feel like maybe I was there because I was 'darted'....and I am now setting the reset button also!

Elyse, Yep I'm scared of the food also. The food might be nice but the price of eating it (socializing) is too high...

Babylon,
Yes I do feel like I am in rehab from this. I can't believe how I was sucked in, one little step at a time. I am a smart woman! How could this have happened to me! But here on the board I realize I am not alone, it has happened to others.

Josephina,
I am glad you are seeing clearly now and thank you for your counsel, you are right the only thing worse than wasting a year would be wasting even more years!!!

Helen,
Does your friend post on this board? I would like to be in contact. Thank you.

Moremany,

Thank you so much for your insight. Those words describe exactly what happened to me!!! Confused, restricted, disconnected, yes, all of those. I am a professional educated woman yet they sucked me in and diminished me. A group of people who have zero interest in anything I have to say, only that I look appropriate and follow, and pay. I can't believe this happened to me.

Again, thank you all SO MUCH for your help and support!!!

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Posted by: helenm ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 04:54PM

Hello, mel. No, my friend does not post on this board as she has made it a point to leave it behind her given that she wasn't in the church for too long. She did give me permission to provide you her email so here it is: sweetblossom600@gmail.com

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 08:22PM

You are welcoMEL...

I was baptized LDS and so had no choice in the matter.
I felt, at a young age, mormon-lds stuff was so unwise.
I left as soon as practical [teen], and moved, to Utah.
I occasionally went around to churches, but no lds gals.
I then "tried" to get worth-e for a calling on a missing.
I didn't go off on a missing, so lds girls didn't feel me.
I was inactive, and without a mormon thought for many years.
I was learning about, and participating in, the world-life.
I go back around familiar mormons, family people, go church.
I see many things happening that didn't make any sense at all.
I notice mormon family patterns that were also strange, uncool.
I find RFM through friend-shows me all funny & ridiculous stuff.
I learn. I remember. I grow. I exit cult. I write-read. I cry. Why.
I have been a [ear]regular, and unleaded, poster, boy, for a while.
I return for the diversion now and again, enjoying some ole' die-a-logs.
I laugh at others, and they laugh at me, and I laugh at myself.
I come here to play and I come here to work, but I don't work here.
I like you all [we say y'all], most generally. We all have a ball.

We all learn [the REAL truth, or CONFIRM our hunches/ beliefs that mormonism is a hoax, lie, and/ or scheme (that the Crutch of Jesus Christ - Joseph Smith - of Little Dazed Sáints is built on a hoax, a corrupted plan to mislead followers, a power-money scheme, to con people out of their wives/ girls, and again, their money, land/ wealth, family, and future...) that Mormonism is NOT what it says it is, or tries [not very hard] to be.

Glad you are here.
You are a wise and beautiful, and gracious, person.
How do I know? I have a hunch. A bunch of hunches really.
But most of all, we are here to have fun. When will it start?
Just kidding everybody. We're too smart. Until we part. Art!

M@t

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Posted by: robinsaintcloud ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 11:12AM

I so enjoy not going to church. And, yes, movies are great, especially in utah. no one is there. We saw the new Grinch movie yesterday. Two daughters, one SIL, five grandkids, me and grandma. Very nice time.
Also did some face time with kids and grand kids back east. So nice!
I am a mental health therapist in utah. I am seeing many clients who are questioning TSSC. I have to keep good boundaries and often bite my tongue, but I can encourage them to follow their heart and mind and do what works for them.
Happy for you, mel!

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Posted by: Hockeyrat ( )
Date: December 03, 2018 09:05PM

No more family home evenings, Monday night football!

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: December 05, 2018 05:20AM

Wait, FHE cancels feetballs?
The NFL will be mad!

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Posted by: Former Member of TheTabernacl ( )
Date: December 05, 2018 08:36AM

choir at Temple Square, then known as The Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

You will be fine Mel. Just use your highly-developed resolve and self-discipline that you used to force yourself to attend and endure those Mormon meetings, in the first place. You know you are already very strong!

I was the opposite. After a lifetime of having that oppressive force working against my personal happiness and development, I could not bear even the thought of going back. I can't even go to funerals or baptisms.

A few months after I left, I had to go back to that same ward house to vote! It was awful. I remembered the smell, and the echoes in the gym. I was shaking, with PTSD flashbacks. I felt like running out of there. The registration lady was from my old ward. She handed me my ballot and said, "We miss seeing you at church!" I was dumbfounded. After voting, I went home and wrote a scathing letter, and mailed copies to several people that would be concerned about this. So far, our precinct has not used any more churches--just schools--and people are glad.

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Posted by: Elyse ( )
Date: December 05, 2018 02:54PM

Don't blame yourself for "getting sucked in".

The fact is ,you were targeted for conversion and love-bombed. Very deceptive and manipulative.
Once they got what they wanted it was off to the next target.

That's how Mormonism works,they are forever looking for free workers in their beehive,

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Posted by: Adamj717 ( )
Date: December 05, 2018 03:00PM

Hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I quit smoking which was way easier than getting clear of a cult. I was born in it though. Still fight a sort of Stockholm syndrome wanting to go back to the abuse that I had grown so used to since childhood.

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Posted by: Elyse ( )
Date: December 05, 2018 03:05PM

The Mormon church very much operates like a narcissistic parent.

Eventually, people realize that the only way they can get free of the demands & abuse is by having NO CONTACT.

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Posted by: sparty ( )
Date: December 06, 2018 09:28AM

This brings back a wave of memories from my first Sundays away.

The last day I had attended, the bishop's secretary pulled me aside between blocks. He told me that I would be meeting with the bishop later that week so the bishop could get my mission papers started. I was a convert and enrolled in college - I had made it pretty clear from the get go that I was not in a place in my life where I could leave my family for 2 years. My grandparents were dying, my mom and I were their caretakers, and we didn't have the money. I could take out loans for college, I'd have to beg for help for a mission. I saw the bishop's secretary scheduling this meeting behind my back as a slap in the face (so yeah, I guess I left because I was offended. Offended and tired of their shit,) I let him know that I wouldn't be attending. He got mad. REAL mad. I stood my ground and told him he could take me off the bishop's calendar, or the bishop would be sitting alone in his office for an hour in the middle of the week - the result would be the same. I went on with the rest of church, but I was fuming. I was getting ready to forgo my usual foyer socializing after church when I heard someone call my name on my way out to the car. It was the bishop. I should make one thing clear when I tell this story: I genuinely liked - and still like - the (now former) bishop. He was a very kind man and was very concerned with making everyone in the ward feel at home and valued. He ran up to meet me (he was quite fat, so I took this seriously), visibly upset. He told me that his secretary had told him about what happened and he felt horrible - he had no idea that I hadn't requested the meeting. He could have been gassed from running across the parking lot, or he could have been emotional, but he sounded like he was getting choked up "If you don't feel called to serve a mission, don't you dare let anyone make you feel like you have to!" We hugged and he told me to try not to let what had happened bother me - he would take care of it.

As the week went on, I kept brooding on the interaction I had had. Later that week, the missionaries - who I considered friends since we were the same age - came over to my house to hang out. While we were talking, one of them - without really even thinking about it - mentioned that the bishop's secretary and a few other members (who I had considered good friends) had been spreading rumors about me and the "real reason" I wasn't serving a mission. That was it. The following Sunday I stayed home. I had skipped Sundays before, so I knew no one would notice until the following Sunday - I had never missed two in a row.

At first, it was only supposed to be a break to get my head on straight. I still believed in the church, though I found myself spending a lot more time reading Roman Catholic literature and going to mass. That was 13 years ago.

To the OP, I will say be ready for the initial "love bombing." It will come at you hard and fast. They will use people who had been your friends - maybe even family members (if you have any still in the church) - against you. They will call, drop by, e-mail. It will be challenging, but you need to stand your ground. For me, the first few months were the worst. Gradually, they realized that I wouldn't be coming back and slowly started to move on. For the next 10 years, I'd have missionaries coming to visit to try to invite me back to church, sometimes members who I didn't know, but the people who knew me had moved on. Finally, after being left alone for 2 years after moving away, missionaries from a ward I had never attended dropped by looking for me. That was the nudge I needed to finally resign.

I still have dreams about the church (I actually had one last night). Every time, I find myself walking into sacrament meeting and thinking "YOU MORON! It took you 13 years to finally get off their radar and now you are blowing it!" Enjoy your new life outside the church. It'll suck for a bit, but it does get better and easier.

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