I'm sorry for the lengthy post, I just need to get this off my chest.

I was hoping to take the easy route and elope, but my lady wanted to have a nice wedding, understandably. She saved up $20,000 and spent countless hours researching, planning, and even creating beautiful hand-made place settings, signs, etc.

So, the wedding day came. We had about 50 guests and everybody was enjoying themselves at the reception. Then, my spoiled brother, who happens to be gay, decided to throw a tantrum in the name of gay rights. My wife and I have always supported him, and gay rights in general, so it was really untimely.

Here's what happened: as is tradition, my wife threw her bouquet of flowers, but my brother caught it. The DJ, who didn't know anything about my brother's sexuality, asked for a redo. My wife threw it again and a female guest caught it this time. Well, my brother got super upset and cursed out the DJ. My sister started throwing a fit. My dad held my brother against the wall and started choking him. My parents then left the venue, leaving my wife and I to deal with the mess.

My wife was in tears. No bride should ever have to cry sad tears on her wedding day. No one has ever apologized to us. My true blue Mormon parents blamed the behavior on the wine we were serving (my brother can never do any wrong, no matter what he does). Oddly enough, everyone else who was drinking was completely capable of behaving themselves. We tried to turn the other cheek, but we've really just been treated like shit ever since. Because of this and several other reasons (like constant disappoint in literally every single decision I make), I had to say goodbye to my parents and my siblings for the remainder of my life.

Thank you for listening.

You are welcome for listening. I am torn between feeling deeply upset for your trauma and wondering if that wouldn't be the best scene for a movie ever and want to turn it into a manuscript. Wow. That was out of left field.

Everyone should have laughed. The DJ was only going by tradition and innocently did what he did. Forgiveable if it is even an offense. It takes time to remember its a new day and gay people can get married too.

The brother had no business making a scene at a wedding. None. You air your grievance at a proper time and place. As a gay guy I've had plenty of slights in my life, even some pretty ugly ones, and I dealt with them later after I had calmed down. Your brother could have made a big joke out of all of it. Must not be one of the clever ones--Neither Quentin Crisp nor Oscar Wilde would be impressed.

I am very sad for your wife. She did not deserve this. There is nothing to make up for this except---she still got you!!!! How great is that. And, as a bonus, she doesn't have to see them again. Not that I'm saying the price of the wedding and the slap in the face was a small price to pay, but . . .

You never know what the future will bring but they left you no choice but to cut them off for now.

Now, let's talk about the rights to the story . . .

Done & Done Wrote:
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> Now, let's talk about the rights to the story . .
> .

I wonder if Hallmark would be interested?

My heart goes out to you, OP.I have distanced myself from toxic people, also. It is so difficult if any of them are family. But there is so much peace in your 1ife once you get away from those who try to control you and disrespect you.

Thank you for your kind words.

I'm terribly sorry. Yes, it's best to walk away from high-drama people.

summer Wrote:
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> I'm terribly sorry. Yes, it's best to walk away
> from high-drama people.


Indeed, it is.

summer Wrote:
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> Yes, it's best to walk away
> from high-drama people.

They usually have low tolerance levels. They need some tolerance enhancing pills.

Couldn't be that a binary gender themed tradition is now outdated and can offend some with a different sensibility?

20K on a party for 50. That's where my problems start right there. That's a recipe for the host getting tweaked about something. This is a family (politics) party. Not a carefully curated guest list.

People are unpredictable and you've banked what is a not insignificant (to me) sum on people keeping it together who have little to no investment in the event socially or financially. Your brother had nothing to lose. Recipe for someone to end up offended.

I must say I keep coming back to this fiasco in my mind. A lot of people would have come here to ask for advice on how to smooth things out, or how to make the family know they needed to at least apologize or look for sympathy. I'm even offended that your parents just up and left. That is when a parent kicks it in to high gear and saves the day, supports, comforts, and makes a joke, not turn tail and run. And blaming the wine--so Mormon! As my family would too.

But you are just all about your wife and putting her and your marriage first no matter what it takes. That is integrity with class.

All I wish is that some day you can both have laugh over it all. Great story for a cocktail party or grandchildren.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, the best revenge is success. My brother ended up getting a felony DUI later and my sister ended up getting divorced. They are unhappy people.

1. The DJ should have realized, (i) nobody "accidentally" catches a bouquet of flowers at a wedding, and (ii) in order to catch a bouquet you'd have to purposefully position yourself in order to do so. No do-over required.

2. The bride should've told the DJ it was fine and not thrown the bouquet again. It's weird that she did that. Why would she do that? Why did she care more about what some random DJ wanted than what her brother-in-law wanted? Come to think of it, why didn't the bridge keep the $20k and do what her husband wanted and elope?

Both of these actions (re-throwing the bouquet and ignoring the groom's wish to elope) point to a larger problem here: your wife cares way too much about what strangers think. She's willing to spend $20k and humiliate her brother-in-law just to satisfy the desires of society-at-large.

You should run now.

3. The brother-in-law should have acted like an adult. Traditionally it's weird for men to stand with the single women and try to catch the bouquet. Once the sister-in-law had decided to throw it again, that should have been it. It's not his wedding, and the guests only have one job to do at a wedding: celebrate the bridge & groom's happy day; not ruin it. Very childish.

4. I don't blame the parents for leaving.

5. I don't blame the OP for cutting ties. But you should run.

<Replace>

Find what:
bridge

Replace with:
bride

</Replace all>

I preferred "bridge."

Yeah, but some women want a really special and beautiful day. I don't get it myself, but, my thought was, "Hey, if she wants to pay for it, I'll go along with it."

Binary-themed? No theme at all. Maybe all the guests should've crossed-dressed instead? Should we have hung gay rights posters? Should we have found a gay clergyman to perform the ceremony? Come on. It was a standard wedding, not even in a church. A DJ called for a rethrow. My wife had no idea, as her back was turned away from the crowd.

Her back was turned away from the audience when she threw it...it could've hit the ground for all she knew. The DJ called for a rethrow, someone handed it to her again, and she threw it.

I don't ask my wife to do what I want. If she wants to spend the $ to throw a special and beautiful day, then I'm happy to compromise. Marriages are all about compromises.

Honestly, I don't think you need a good reason to gently distance yourself from your original family. It wouldn't be the first time that someone important to you became less important overtime. And I don't think that just because you have an extreme familiarity with them that you should keep them in your circle of influence.

But you have good reason. By all means do what you need to do to be happy without thought for someone who might not directly contribute to your happiness.

I went to my boyfriend's son's wedding in September. There was plenty of drinking with an open bar at every event. No drama.

I'm having trouble reconciling these two statements in my head:

"My dad held my brother against the wall and started choking him"

"my brother can never do any wrong, no matter what he does"

Well, good for your LGBT-friendly parents who spoil their wine-drinking gay son, anyway (when they're not choking him; I have this image of Homer & Bart Simpson).

Eh, they were angry at him in the moment, but, after consideration, blamed it on us for providing the wine. Get it?

We come here to bash the craziness of the cult of Mormonism which takes our money to support a fantasy.

Then for some reason, we support throwing ridiculous amounts of money at the fantasy of weddings and marriage.

They are both cults. You can call it her special day, but you could say the same about church meetings.

In his early 20's, my son-in-law spent $35,000 on the wedding to his first wife. Caught her banging some dude a year later. Now he is struggling financially while married to my daughter with a young child while going to school. They'll do alright eventually.

BTW, they found a wedding chapel that charged $100 for the whole thing, and they're marriage has already lasted 3 years, and they actually seem to like each other. How is that possible having spent so little?

Anyway, the whole idea of weddings is a joke and a waste.

I'm also reminded of my son's wedding to his first wife, a spoiled brat. My brother was late sending RSVP, as he was trying to make arrangements with his business to come cross-country to the wedding. Fiance's family denied him coming as they said plans were made and there would be no place for him to sit at the party. Which led to my wife arguing, which led to them threatening us, that if we tried anything, they would have security there, which led to me saying F.U. we're not coming. If we're seen as a threat, why would you want us?

Which led to 3 years of my son not talking to us, until he eventually learned first hand the type of family he married into.

Trillions of dollars wasted on the complete and utter nonsense of weddings - meanwhile, 50 million Americans suffer from chronic and debilitating pain, for which research is limited due to lack of funding.

Again, a complete and utter embarrassing joke. I have little sympathy for weddings gone bad. In fact, the more the better, and maybe people will wise up.

The insanity of weddings actually make the church look pretty reasonable.

There have been studies on the relationship between expensive weddings and higher divorce rates. Interesting....

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/wedding-cost-marriage-divorce-ring-how-much-price-study-a8435646.html

Unfortunately, where we live, weddings are expensive. Not a fantasy wedding at all. Venue reservations on the weekends cost more, photographers cost more, a nice meal for the guests, flowers, DJ, dress, etc...it all adds up.

My wife was raised poor. She is the youngest of 5 siblings. Her father died when she was 6 years-old. She's earned everything she has through hard work. Not spoiled whatsoever. Actually, quite the opposite.

On your other point, we volunteer and donate to non-profits on a weekly basis. It IS possible to have a nice wedding AND contribute to worthy causes.

How sad that previous commenters make your inlaws' bad behavior all about the money spent on the wedding and the alcohol served, instead of the inlaws' sick family dynamics and need for drama and attention. Twenty thou is cheap for a wedding in many parts of the country. Glad you've cut the ties with that toxic bunch.

So sorry for your sad experience.

I'm almost completely out of touch with two of my family members but it's more because of them using social media to trash me over nonexistent happenings and just plain lies. I've learned that defending myself just makes me look guilty so I've cut off contact. You are better off. If they never see or talk to you it's hard for them to create falsehoods out of the air.

Thank you for your insight and for sharing your experience.