When I was in mission preparation mode many years ago, my bishop was trying to find a way to keep me as busy as possible so I wouldn't start to look for warm, nice-smelling, curvy distractions prior to leaving for the MTC. He called me to his office one day and levied a calling to me. Said I could be the buzzer ringer to let people know that the time was up for the meetings after sacrament meeting. I thought "Hell, A calling... But it could be worse. This will take just a few seconds each Sunday and I don't have to spend Saturday night prepping for anything." So I accepted.

Three weeks later, I was unceremoniously relieved of my calling. Turns out that the point of the buzzer was simply to let teachers know that they are approaching or over the time limit, not to enforce it. Joke's on me — I thought they wanted people to not go over and, from my own experience, I was not a fan of an already-long three-hour block of meetings going an extra twenty minutes because people couldn't stop chatting. I had assumed that the others would be as well.

I had been giving a couple of rapid-fire rings for the 5 minute warning and then, when class should be out, leaning against the buzzer until class actually let out. This may or may not have gone on up to 30-45 seconds each Sunday. Believe it or not, by the end of the third week, classes were back on schedule. Was this not the point?

The Lord's desire to stick to a timeline was subverted by desires to attack the messenger and so ended the my time in that role.

What was your best calling ever?

I didn't have many callings as I was inactive most of my life except for the years I was on a mission and a couple more after that.

Best calling for me was AP on my mission in the West Indies (Caribbean Islands). Every couple weeks we got to jet off to another island and stay with the missionaries there for a few days to a week. Spent half my time on Barbados where I was assigned, and half my time flying around visiting other islands. The mission Pres. was laid back and not a numbers driver or rule enforcer, so we had a nice time with no pressure to produce numbers.

I liked being the Yeti in the cave aka membership clerk. I just spent Sundays processing ordinance certificates. No meetings, but I came out of the cave for sacrament. Nobody bothered me.

Later on, I was ward clerk. That was not very fun. I had morning and afternoon meetings with church leaders. Oh and I got phoned all week long to open the gate/chapel. Then there was filling in for the Financial clerk. That was a long process that involved driving to a safety box drop at the bank.

Goop,

What is an ordinance certificate? Just another thing I never received, apparently.

Thank you.

Zelph,

Thanks for the laugh! Oh how I wish you and your buzzer had been in my ward.

They seemed to ALWAYS run over and the more boring they were, the more they had to say!

They should have appreciated you instead of bumping you!!!

Thanks, Mel. I too thought it would have been useful.

When I was called back into the office to discuss the status of the calling, the bishop asked how he thought I was doing. I said that there had been no one better at it than me, which was evidenced by the need to give me the calling in the first place, and that I had helped put the ward back on schedule. I was proud of myself.

He then reviewed a "growing" amount of concern that the teachers had about the buzzer timing and mentioned that it was making the anxious. He said that he had received feedback that it was distracting to their lessons and conclusions at the end. He asked how I felt about that.

I told him that it was simple: they need to plan their lessons more efficiently and honor the time of those listening to them, that the impetus was on the teachers, not the students, to stick to a timeframe. I added that this is what would be expected of me on my impending mission and I was adamant about it. I mentioned that the concern was coming from the very people I was ultimately helping, so I didn't take any complaints personally. I reminded him that the problem existed prior to me and that I was not the cause of timing issues. I wasn't a jerk about it, just honestly in shock a little at being called out negatively for something that was actually working.

He thanked me for my efforts and said something along the lines of finding something more useful for my talents. I told him not to bother, that I would be doing a calling 24/7 for the next two years anyhow, and wished him luck in being able to find a way for his congregation to stick to a schedule. He was a turd anyhow.

mel,

After you were baptized and confirmed a member of the church, the ward should have issued you a certificate. My ward actually had some nice ones because the bishop used a bit of his budget to buy different looking ones. Yes, I actually used the big church typewriter and not the dot matrix printer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/12/2018 05:18PM by messygoop.

Ha.
Great story with the buzzer.

My best calling was as an Apostate. I enjoyed it so much and been so good at it that I've never been released.

I wasn't the kind they saw a leadership material. Never even made DL on the mission--which was just fine. To introverted for them I think. The only calling I ever had was Priesthood organist/pianist. I wasn't that good but as long as everyone sang loudly it was okay. My father, the bishop, was proud.

My favorite was in the nursery. Not only did it give me an excuse to miss the BS that was being taught everywhere else, it was also a place where the most important parts of religion--kindness, sharing, fun--were appropriate to teach.

Needless to say, I did't use the (negligible) teaching materials the church provided.

nothing