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Posted by: T-Bone ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 08:20AM

I was at a funeral for a guy who was baptized as a child, but did not go to church for over 50 years. His wife is becoming active again, and she had been in contact with the bishop of the ward she lives in.

She asked the bishop to officiate her husband's funeral. The guy obviously had zero knowledge of the deceased, but pandered to the Mormons who were in attendance.

After the family talked about what a bad-a$$ their grandpa and dad was, the bishop got up and said something about the man being up in heaven, with his heavenly father, after a life of "learning the Gospel."

I had to fight back a spontaneous giggle. I looked around at his children. They were all looking at each other in dismay, as if to say, "WTF?"

Why do Mormons lie at funerals?


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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 08:40AM

In my mind that was actually a kindness he bestowed on the deceased and those in attendance. I'd rather a bishop say that about someone grandpa or father than to say he wasn't saved at his own funeral.

To many Christians even Mormons are not "saved" when they die.

If the man lived well and loved well chances are good if there is a heaven that when he died that is where he went. Maybe the bishop was telling a simple truth.

So he'd been out of TSCC for 50 years. He knew enough about it to stay away lol. It wasn't a fit for him.

Bishop may have felt uncomfortable because either he didn't know the man as well as those close to him in attendance, and he was asked to preside anyway. Add as bishop he's asked to say a few words and these guys are not trained pastors to begin with.

They shoot from the hip. It's a mixed bag half the time as to what comes out of their mouth.

I would have found it much more offensive if he'd said something like the man wasn't saved because he didn't know Christ or some such BS. Like most Christians don't believe Mormons are saved. That I find nauseating.

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 08:54AM

“To many Christians even Mormons are not "saved" when they die.”

But they are saved, from their own lame religion.

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Posted by: Concerned Citizen 2.0 ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 07:29PM

...they tire of standing?

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 10:03AM

I thought lying, or very selective truth telling, was fairly standard at everyone's funerals. Don't speak ill of the dead, and so on.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 10:19AM

I gave many a man a trip to the Celestial kingdom when I knew damn well they'd never even make it halfway.

J Golden Kimball on eulogies

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 01:37PM

Well he was a self-righteous, smug prick if I say so myself.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 02:32PM


No he was a down to earth cowboy that was elevated to a church calling of president of the 70 back when there were only 7 70s that were generally authorities.

Known as the swearing seventy he was direct and pulled no punches.

He and Heber J Grant were often at odds, publicly.

The church didn't dare advance him to apostle nor throw him out.

Grandpa said he was the last general authority the people could identify with.

Tons of his stories are on this site. Fun to read if you need a good laugh.

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Posted by: Time ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 10:25AM

It’s so funky Mormons think that eternity is all decided in one extremely short life.

If I live forever, what’s the god damned hurry?

Even if you go straight to the best kingdom (Pirates of the Caribbean ride) and you start to ride it, because you made it and you’re special and elite.

How many trillion years before you’re bored?

Maybe wish you HAD started at the bottom with us losers on It’s a small world...

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Posted by: sbg ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 06:28PM

Eternity on it’s a small world is by definition Hell. I would leap off the little boat and wade out and head for Peter Pan

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 10:49AM

Great story for your collection.s

I think this is in the same vein as 'No honey, that dress doesn't make you look fat."

Mormon bishops are "flying by the seat of their pants" and the guy got lucky and hit a double. The wife got what she wanted to hear and you and the kids got a chuckle and a WTF out of it. Twofer!

Send him a thank you note?

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Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 11:22AM

T-Bone: when you mentioned your giggle, it reminded me of when I had to stifle a laugh.

I was at the funeral of my friend and former co-worker Nancy. She had died from a prescription opioid overdose. She had been born into a Catholic family, but had not had any religious involvement of any kind during her adult life. The mortuary provided a protestant minister (who had never met Nancy) for the service. He spoke about how God does things according to his plan and his timetable. He said, "God decided when it was time to call Nancy home!"

I had to bite my lip as I thought "what a coincidence--God decided that it was time to call Nancy home the same evening that she overdosed."

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Posted by: bezoar ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 11:30AM

My cousin's husband died a few years ago and I went to the funeral at a Mormon chapel. And I hated it! The funeral had nothing to say about the guy at all. I didn't know any more about him after it than I did before. There was the long and boring Plan of Salvation(PoS)talk. The home teacher spoke about everything but him, then the bishop spent 15 minutes saying pretty much nothing.

My Mom later helped me understand what was going on. As she explained it, "If you can't say anything nice about someone don't say anything at all." I guess the guy was a real asshole.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 11:58AM

Well, when you have a funeral at a church, you are going to get a religious funeral that is in line with the faith's beliefs. And if the officiator never knew the deceased, his/her comments are bound to be very generic. I agree with Amyjo that at least the comments were kind.

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 12:06PM

I'm going to a mormon funeral in 20 minutes.
It's a Southern California mormon funeral for a beloved community man so I hope it's mellow.

The whole thing about being in heaven vs. being totally dead until resurrected on an earth as clear as crystal vs. getting your planet is way beyond what I think any bishop or GA can explain...

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Posted by: Razortooth ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 12:14PM

Because lies is all they have.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 03:14PM

Precisely.... lying is all they know how to do because they have been aptly trained in the art since starting in the cult as a Sunbeam at Sunday School.

It is a breath of fresh air to attend a send-off where attendees are invited to each stand and say something if they wish. The ones I have attended were entertaining and seemed to have honest, authentic comments. At one, a few of the speakers appeared "one sheet to the wind", dressed in "come as you are", with more than a few swear words sprinkled here and there to send their friend off.

Much prefer this over a Mormon Ward sermon-funeral.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 03:05PM

Lying, or just doing the best he could under the circumstances?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 03:32PM

First Four words of your post...

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Posted by: tumwater ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 05:59PM

Maybe I'm a bit of a cynic, but to me all funerals eulogies are generally a pack of lies.

Prime examples are the funerals of John McCain and George HW Bush. Not sure they were talking about the same people that were in the news over the last few decades.

Mormons haven't corned the market on funeral lies.

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 06:36PM

I played organ or piano for a lot of non-Mormon funerals, or LDS funerals held at venues other than at LDS chapels, to earn a few bucks when I was in med school. Often I would leave the funerals feeling genuinely sad that I had never known the deceased, because from the words of those who spoke, they had been wonderful people with truly interesting lives.

Once, as I was leaving, I shared those feelings with the nephew of the guy who had just been eulogized as we walked out to our respective cars in the parking lot. The nephew laughed. "He was the meanest old son of a bitch I ever knew," the nephew told me.

Yes, people do lie at funerals.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 07:06PM

Forgot to say that my first reading of this post was....

Why do Mormons DIE at funerals?


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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 07:19PM

The strange thing is, they don't have funerals at the chapels in the ward nor stakes where I live (US South). They are done at funeral homes only--I asked. No weddings, no funerals. Only Sunday services and whatever youth activities are still going on during the week.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 07:25PM

What can I say?.....that is the South for you.

Now in the West we do things......well, we do things, that's for sure.

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 03:49PM

presleynfactsrock Wrote:
> Now in the West we do things......well, we do things, that's for sure.

Hahahahah!!! I used to live in the West and I agree about doing...some sort of things, anyways!!!

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: February 09, 2019 10:30PM

Technically, dead Mormons are lying in a prone position at their funerals.

They don't roll over until after they're buried.

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Posted by: Lowpriest ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 11:16AM

Ok, now I am quoting George from the Seinfeld series on TV.

But there is some basis for this assessment. It is the same attitude that allows missionaries to baptize members without telling them all the facts, including the really weird stuff. Since the missionaries believe that the "church is true" then they are not lying. It follows that anything that they say to lead people to their version of the truth is also not a lie. Mormon culture allows its proponents to hide, twist, and outright lie about facts. Apparently this is acceptable because they believe it.

I recently listened to the Gordon B. Wrinkly interview with Larry King. I used to actually like GBH a lot, but now I see him as the liar that he was. The interview was full of claims that he did not "know much" about a lot of topics. Liar. How could that even be possible? The statements were made purely to draw people into the church by any means necessary. The lies were not lies (2+2=5) because they believe them.

With respect to the funeral, the LDS church regards every event as a missionary opportunity. They have zero regard for the poor soul being laid to rest. They just want the performance to draw more people into their faith. It has nothing to do with celebrating a life well lived. It has nothing to do with remembering a loved one. It has nothing to do with showing support or giving comfort to grieving friends or family. Oh, we may say that a funeral is for all these things, but listen to the talks that are given at a funeral. LDS funerals are public relations events.

I was a bishopric counselor for three years in a ward that drew half of its membership from a 55+ retirement community (God's waiting room.) I attended at least a dozen funerals in that time. In each case, a talk was given that discussed the plan of salivation, as promoted by the mormons. Even then I had to shake my head. The lies never stop, even when paying respect to one who will soon discover that everything taught by the church was a lie. Or, perhaps that person's journey is completely over (as I believe) and they will never find out.

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 03:55PM

Lowpriest Wrote:

> ... allows missionaries to baptize members without telling them all the facts, including the really weird stuff.

Boy that was for sure. I was told NOTHING about Temple or required white clothes and veils or anything. Tithing was covered twice though!

>Gordon B. Wrinkly

Love it!!!

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 07:07PM

T-Bone Wrote:
> ... about the man being up in heaven, with his heavenly father, after a life of "learning the Gospel."

> Why do Mormons lie at funerals?
> T-Bone

It's not just funerals (that's just one last opportunity). Only dead (or smart/ exmormons) people can 'learn the (LDS) [fabricated] gospel. Only living Mormons lie. Not many choices.

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Posted by: Free Man ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 10:06PM

Somewhere I heard that humans average 25 lies a day. At least withholding information. Unless some here rush to tell their boss every time they screw up, or put the whole truth on their resumes, or whatever.

Marketing is mostly lying.

Anyway, my mom died a few years ago at age 94, and a few months prior was discussing her funeral preferences. At some point I told her to not worry - no matter who you were, they always find good things to say about you.

To which she had a good laugh.

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Posted by: moremany ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 10:40PM

They don't know they are at funerals.

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Posted by: Hervey Willets ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 10:46PM

Sorry, only read the heading.

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Posted by: Amyjo ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 11:01PM

But ... did you read it lying down, or standing up ????


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Posted by: bishop Rick ( )
Date: February 10, 2019 11:23PM

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:02AM

:) :) :)

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 01:59AM

Boyd K. Packer somehow managed to make it a policy for church leaders (Bishops and such) to make the church/gospel the focal point of all funerals officiated by them.

This episode would seem to be in line with that.

Who cares about the personal details of the life of the deceased. His death just created an occasion for talking about he "gospel" and "learning about the gospel".

According to Packer, talking too much about the deceased person made Jesus sad. You see, Jesus want to be the center of attention in everything and whenever someone else or something else becomes the center of attention, Jesus feels sad. It's the same reasoning behind Nelson's campaign against the word "Mormon".

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Posted by: wowza ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 04:40AM

He was likely just offering a cookie-cutter speech that he says at most funerals.

He just thought it would sound nice.

Pretty basic Mormony behavior.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: February 11, 2019 04:51AM

Here is a question as an answer to your question.

When do MORmONS really refrain from lying ???

MORmONS lie. MORmONS lie a lot, because LIES are what MORmONISM is based on, and it takes lots of LIES and LYING to make MORmONISM work and self deception to keep going in MORmONISM.

You thought that MORmONS would take a break from LYING over a funeral ? what got into you ????

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