So the situation is that I am divorced with two small boys and I share custody with my TBM ex. The kids are Mormon half the time and no religion the other half. They have a great relationship with both me and their dad. So far the only thing they say about church is that they like going with their dad and they like NOT going with me.What do you think the chances are of them becoming TBM like their dad vs more live-and-let-live like me?

Any personal experiences from those with similar situations? Which way did the kids go?

If these kids are living with no religion half of the time they will pursue common sense 90% of time.

With a halo of smoke surrounding his head, Ziller peered into his crystal whiskey decanter and said,

“Ziller sees two young men growing up thoroughly inoculated against the virus of Mo-Mo-ism.”

Ziller set his glass of hard iced tea on the table using a tarot card as a coaster.

“Even total immersion in the cult with both parents as TBM doesn’t always produce a TBM kid, right?”

Ziller pointed to a gallery of portraits of famous apostates displayed on the wall as if to say, “See Exhibit A”.

“Your young men will have the advantage of having a raw unvarnished view of the inside of the cult which they will compare to the real world outside.”

“With the free flow of ideas and information provided by the Wide Web World and an apostate mother, the chances of a thinking young man becoming TBM will vary – from slim to none.”

Ziller

If it's any comfort, my very TBM uncle and his wife divorced following her apostacy from Mormonism in the early 1990s. The kids spent time shuttling back and forth between Indiana and North Carolina where their respective parents lived. They did attend church with my uncle when they stayed with him, but when they stayed with their mom, they didn't attend church at all.

All of them have grown up now. Not one is an active church member.

Some people who were NEVER exposed to mormonism will seek it out, convert, and become fanatically TBM.

Others who were BIC and received daily doses of mormonism will leave it.

Influences in childhood are important, but those ealy experiences don't determine how anyone will later intrepret their upbringing or choose to live in adulthood.

You need to be very vigilant about combating the brainwashing.

There are lots of opportunities to demonstrate critical thinking skills and skepticism.

Even with small kids, you can discuss commercials on TV, and how people don't always tell the whole truth and can't be trusted if they want something from you.

Find them non religious friends and discuss religion with them and their friends so they know they don't have to bend to peer pressure at Dad's.

You can't be passive and hope Dad's influence goes away, you have to be actively involved in forming their world view.

My sister and I lived with TBM mom had infrequent (due to long distance) visitations with noMo dad. My sis and I were very into the church until we were young adults. I began to leave,
she dove into it even further. My dad was very wise and did not criticize the church. He just loved us and and lived a happy life. Although my sister did not leave the church, she learned to be in relationships with nonmembers. To this day she and I are able to have a somewhat close relationship.

Here's info. about how cultic Mormonism 'programs' people and affects their self-esteem: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

Children need to develop confidence in their mind, judgments, and ability to reason, and to think independently of authority figures (e.g., parents, church leaders, teachers) and the collective/'tribe'.

The chronically dishonest and manipulative Mormon Church isn't interested in your children thinking for themselves and scrutinizing its 'true' teachings (past and present). The LDS 'tribe' doesn't want to hear from your children if they become aware of a fact or personal reality that isn't congruent with 'true' Mormonism.

If your children mention 'faith-disrupting' facts to Mormons, they're going to be told such nonsense as "Well, we don't understand all things and must exercise faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and be obedient to God's commandments!" Of course, 'the will of the Lord' is defined by LD$ Inc., and includes teaching your kids that their 'eternal salvation' and receiving 'blessings' from God partly depends on them handing over - 'donating' - 10% of their allowance and money gifts to the church.

In case you're not aware of the fact, the Mormon Church has been spending more than $4 billion on its shopping-mall-and-condos project in SLC and this year and next, tens of millions of dollars on its new hotel in Hawaii. According to news reports, in the past 12 months alone, the LDS Church has spent more than $60 million on commercial real estate acquisitions. Systematically indoctrinating children to grow up to be tithe-payers through their teen and adult years has been VERY lucrative for LD$ Inc.

How TBM is your ex-spouse? Is he going to start applying pressure on your kids to do a mission for the Morg or go to BYU in the future? Is he going to stand aside while local leaders interrogate them about their 'worthiness' when they become teenagers and whether they've been masturbating or otherwise behaving in a manner that is 'sinful' and 'spiritually filthy'?

Fear, guilt and shame are the three main 'tools' systematically used by the Morg to coerce obedience. If your kids show too much independence, you can expect Mormons to use the threat of approval-withdrawal and 'true' LDS 'spiritual' ideas that inculcate fear, guilt, and shame in an attempt to break your children psychologically.

There are some things in life worth fighting for. Your kids' mental, psychological, and emotional well-being is one of them, IMO. Cultic Mormonism affects people differently, so your children may not be adversely affected, at least not in ways that they're able to articulate and make you aware of. People slowly sink into the 'quicksand' of cultic Mormonism over years, and don't even realize what's happening.

If you ever find yourself in court seeking an injunction to keep your children away from the patriarchal, misleading LDS Church for their protection, and need the expert testimony of a mental health professional who knows how dysfunctional and wounding Mo-ism is, contact Dr. Mark Malan (ref. http://www.relationshiphealth.org).

If your ex-husband ever shows signs that his Mormon 'faith' is starting to crack and he's getting fed up/tired of the Morg, help him along the path to freedom by using official LDS info. sources that contain 'faith-disrupting' facts as well as excellent non-LDS ones (e-mail me for details, if you wish). You can share the info. (there a lot!) with your kids when they're old enough to connect the dots (with your help!).

Good luck!