So today I had lunch with a forever friend. She's tbm, bic, like i am or was. To make things easier for both of us I said we can talk about what's happening with me more. It's ok.

She wanted to know what happened and why? I told her who knows. I just couldn't do it any more. Just couldn't pretend that everything was perfect and I loved everything about the church. It stopped working for me. O was never good enough, never did enough. Told her my shrink called it a mormon meltdown. It's too much.

She didn't have a hard time understanding that but said I made it look so easy. Ha it wasn't. She's in the same sinking ship I was.

She asked if I still believed in the doctrine. I answered honestly, I don't know what to believe now. What I've read says the church is not true. That the history had been whitewashed. I told her honestly I'm trying to figure it all out. That it'll take awhile and meantime Iwon't nd going to church and no callings. Nothing at all.

She wasn't upset put even surprised. She said I know what you mean. I was surprised. And asked her about what? Her answer all of it. We decided to talk about next week. Then we enjoyed our lunch.

She didn't and said she won't ditch me and will try to understand what's going on. Another surprise. She's like I was great mom, good wife, strong church member. She's not happy, but then what is happy? We're all missing something.

So, another day is almost over. I made it through another day and I smiled at people and no surprise most didn't smile back. That's alright. Most people here don't smile back anyway, their loss.

She thinks you made it look easy? I wouldn't call having a breakdown and a stay in the psych ward easy.
I hope she stays friends with you. At least she's someone local with whom you can talk honestly. And it may be that you'll be inspiration to her down the line.
You're doing the right thing by giving yourself time to figure it all out. Keep posting--your story is amazing.
Susan

anyway, this sounds very great for you.

I am glad you have this sounding board.

And a number of beentheredonethat people who are rooting for you.

A while back I was unkind and said that you could come to NYC and see the BoM musical, and stay in my house.

that offer still stands. But we'll put you in an honest to goodness bed -- you won't have to sleep on the bathroom floor.

we are all rooting for you. It's not your fault you grew up in a mindsucking cult.

great that you have support system backing you.

Do you still go to church? If so, look around you on Sunday. I would bet at least a quarter of the people there totally don't buy it and a third have serious doubts.

In this day and age, don't you think that MOST Mormons, at least the younger ones, haven't Googled "Mormon" and read RfM or PostMormon.org or newordermormon.org or one of the other recovery sites? The truth is coming out and nothing can put the genie back in the bottle.

Remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! When I started doubting, I thought nobody who was a good person ever left the LDS church. I soon found out differently. Some of the greatest people I know are Exmos.

Hang in there...the best is yet to come.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you two can maintain your friendship in spite of your sudden attack of self honesty.

I think you answered her questions PERFECTLY. You were honest and kept it all about you -- no real attacks on the LDS faith at all. You're pretty amazing. :)

I can be honest with her. If it backfires then it doesn't. Hope as was said cautiously optimistic. I'm not the only around here caught in the trap. There are many of us. To attack the church would get anyone's defenses up. What did we know? Only what we knew from the beginning. The unfortunate part is that's a sucking life style. Like swimming in molasses.

You have children and you teach them the same thing. It's sick. It's not just a religion, it's totally a mind numbing life style.

I would think young Mormons would be googling all the info they can find. But then maybe not. Maybe they would think this is all anti material. And maybe they are thinking what else is there for me? Maybe they have too much invested in being a Mormon to want to leave. Maybe they live amongst many Mormons. I do. They aren't happy now.

The RS President just came on by at dinner time. They must have radar to know just when you start dinner and are caught like a deer in headlights. She hustle right by my dh who is by now means a small deterent. She marched in and told me she has some things she would like me to do for Sunday. I just looked at her. I didn't hear one. How are you? Are you feeling better? Nope, just I have more work for you. We all just looked at her. My comment was we're eating dinner now, this is not a good time for a visit. I got a well when is a good time? No time is a good time. I won't be in Church on Sunday and I'm not sure I ever will be again. I won't be doing anything for the lesson on Sunday. Then I asked her if she would like to join us for dinner, since she must be hungry. Oh boy, wrong thing to say.

I got the losing my eternal salvation talk. At the start of it, my dh, ushered her out the door. My children said. She has no manners. Can I have more corn on the cob?

She left me a little shaky. I never talked like that to anyone in the church before. It was always certainly, what do you want me to do? This felt good. She didn't care how I was, she just wanted me to something for her. Something she should do herself. Actually I bet she just made it up to get her foot in the door. I cringe when I think of all the times I said yes when I wanted to say NO.

I hate not doing things. Guess I'm a workaholic. Learning to relax is foreighn to my personality. Always looking for the next thing to tackle and finish. This is driving me nuttier.

Learning to say no and set boundaries is a process. It's not something that you learn or necessarily feel comfortable with overnight. I think that you're doing quite well.

In the course of my work, I often deal with people who simply don't want to hear the word, "no." I've learned to maintain eye contact with those people, and to speak firmly with a slightly deeper and more assertive voice. Sometimes with the very hardest nuts I'll trace the word "no" in the air with my fingers (backwards for me, forwards for them.) I'll spell it out loud for them: n, o, no. Or I'll say something such as, "I realize that most of the people with whom you interact cave in quite easily to your demands. I'm not one of those people. I said no, and I mean no. You can like it or not like it, but that's how it is. NO!"

Did having that level of assertiveness come easily for me? No way! I had to learn and practice it over time.

As for your friend with whom you went to lunch, she sounds like a keeper. Hopefully your luck with sustaining that relationship will prevail.

One thing I noticed about Mormons is that they're always super happy to the point it's downright creepy. They're so busy projecting being happy and blessed and so busy being superior and self-righteous, they don't notice they're killing themselves...who needs drugs and alcohol when you can pay 10% to have "god's church" suck the life out of you instead?

The statement that you're "still" a good mom is disturbing.

I'd like to know when Mormons took over the ability to teach morals and the rest of us hit the shitter. Do we have a year? a date? A time? Exactly when did non-Mormons lose the ability to be good people and raise good children?

I think the most painful thing I read in the Jake and Stormy saga was when you asked what more you need to do in order to get God's blessing...what more?

You're doing really good. You have a good support system. You're flopping around everywhere right now while you try to regain your footing. That's pretty typical. You'll be fine in the end. You're good people.

Did I read this right? This woman marched into your house, breezed past your hubby in the middle of dinner, to give you some work to do?

Your home is your castle. Doors are for knocking on and no one enters uninvited if they have an ounce of manners. That is trespass.

No matter what was said, or not, the sheer gall of this person staggers me.

That says it all doesn't it. You need to draw your boundaries and keep out intruders.

Sheesh!

Briggy

Gosh, I feel for you, sister. You are OK. It's the friggy cult members who are whacked.

I'm not BIC, but DH is--and of pioneer stock to boot. Makes for a really warped world, but you hang in there, okay? If your forever friend really is, she'll be there no matter what.

Wish I had wise words to offer. Instead, all I can do is pull for you. ((hugs))

Good for you for saying no! She was indeed rude and inappropriate, and you had every right to stand up to her. Good for you. And I hope you and your friend can support each other through what sounds like a difficult time. Wishing you all the best!

I hear you.

going through the same thing.

Explaining...but I don't know why I am explaining being black and all they should just understand I think!

I like to say, "what about NO is difficult to understand? NO is a complete sentence, no explanation required."

not something you put off.