My sister-in-law is dying of ovarian cancer. She will be gone in a few days after suffering since the moment of her diagnosis last year.

She is truly one of the sweetest women in the world, although the cult has made her do some terribly dishonest things in her life.

During the past year she did all the things she had learned to do as a Mormon in these circumstances.

She continued to go to church, the temple, pay tithing, get *many* blessings and trust in the lord that he would guide the doctors to help her.

So she had a lot of faith, and so did her very Mormon family. Cheerful words, despite the evidence they would uncover on the internet about her chances of survival.

They were going to trust in the lord because they know that the lord answers prayers. They have hundreds of examples (most of them twisted from real-life experiences into faith promoting proofs) but this time nothing worked.

God and science both couldn't help her. We cannot point this out to her or her family at this time. It would be inhumane.

The truth isn't humane, it's just the truth.

She is the sweetest person in the world, and perhaps later I will share some of the things that her evil cult made her do. They are too evil to really mention in the context of this post about such a kind, wonderful woman.

But, once again, god does not heal amputees or women who get late stage ovarian cancer.

Or maybe she just believed in the wrong god...

I find believing in imaginary things to be harmful to my mental health. I like this poster, because it describes how I feel pretty well, just substitute faith or trust in gawd for dreams:

http://www.despair.com/delusions.html

The poster is supposed to be funny, but of course when you add religion to it, it is not. It is tragic, so I hope you do not think I am making light of a tragedy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2011 06:45PM by atheist&happy:-).

So sorry, BTC. I hope she is at least deriving comfort from the promises that she will be with loved ones in heaven.

Too often, people who have sacrificed and served the Mormon GA Gods all their lives die believing they will NOT be with loved ones because they were conditioned to believe that God checks cards and handshakes at the door.

Love and light to you as you support her

Anagrammy

Oh, BTC I am so sorry. One of my best friends died almost 15 years ago, when she was only in her 20s, of ovarian cancer. It was rare in someone her age and her pregnancy kept her from being properly diagnosed until the baby was born. By then, the hormones had spread it throughout her body and she only lasted a few months more. Like your SIL, my friend was a sweetheart and very committed to the church. I literally cried as I read your post because I can feel some of your hurt.

I don't have the first clue of how God works but it sounds like your SIL's belief kept her optimistic and comforted at the worst time in her life. It didn't save her and, like the other poster, I don't think believing in imaginary things is helpful in general. But in this situation, hopefully some good came of it.

Now, I hope you can find something to comfort you at this time. Something real you can hang on to. Peace.

you have some class!! always have liked your posts!! try and be supportive of any nieces or nephews...and to your bro/sis!!

:(...that is sad.

I would like to know what things the CULT got her to do.

Is she still here?

I mean does she believe in God and healing?

Thank-you for all your kind comments and suggestions. Clearly, I don't want this to be about me; I have watched my wife sob uncontrollably every day for several weeks ever since the doctors said there was nothing more they can do.

I hurt for her, her sweet dying sister, and her sister's loved ones who are can only keep believing the "story" that they have been told about magic and miracles.

The last year of her life has been very valuable to her and all of us, but the weak religious logic that tries to make sense seems particularly mocking.

Well everyone knows I am the resident Jesus lover.

Idk...I do not believe it is over. Healing is the bread of the Children.

Sounds to me she still believes in God right?

So I know she knows about Isa. 53:5 by his stripes we are healed.

here is a link to someone who totally changed my views and how I ended up here knowing the Church is not true.

https://www.josephprince.org/onlinestore/us/p-1184-health-and-wholeness-through-the-holy-communion-softback.aspx [I am happy to get it for you, please let me know I don't want to be annoying, plus there is an audio that goes with it.]

I know of a lot of folks who have done and it works, and well I am now on it for my own personal issues.

Much love and peace for your family.

Either way it is really sad to watch someone suffer.

I know it is kindly meant, AIC and I appreciate your post.

It will never again be logical for me to believe that a kind and loving god thinks this is an appropriate way to treat his children.

The answers have to be better than "it's just god's will" and "he has a plan."

But as I said, I know your comment is kindly meant, it just doesn't have any credibility with me because the explanations are without foundation.

Hi,

Gotcha...I read it thro' I don't think I am the one who said its God's will. I don't believe its God's will that people die of cancer or any other horrible death.

that is all to the Mormons...Thank goodness I got out of that.

Gods plan is not that people suffer again more MORMON rubbish!

So I don't blame you...I believed that crap too!

"I wanted all things to seem to make some sense,
So we could all be happy, yes, instead of tense.
And I made up lies, so they all fit nice,
and I made this sad world a paradise."
- Kurt Vonnegut, A Man Without a Country

Comfort from you is double the comfort from those who don't know us.

Thanks.

I've been touched by all of the sweet things your wife has said in her FB page about her sister.

BTC: sorry for the burden your family is carrying ...

...she went to the temple to do sealings.

I'm sure it gives her comfort, so I don't really feel like it is a bad thing at this point.

But I find it almost too hard to imagine spending my life in such utter useless activities.

I *do* hope it brings her comfort in the last few days of her life.

Cancer is horrible and it's heartbreaking that your family is going through this. I can completely understand your feelings of anger, frustration and loss when going through this without a belief in an afterlife system. It sounds like you've got a good relationship with your wife, though and some good friends, so hang in there, lean on others as needed and treasure each moment you get with your sister in law.

Best wishes and deepest sympathy.

I'm so sorry, BtC. It is so hard to watch a loved one suffer. I know that you and your wife will continue to be a great comfort to her sister in her last days.

knowing that she is surrounded by people who love her.

I hope that you and your wife know that you are surrounded by the RfM community and that we care, too.

If SIL is one of the 'sisters' in the pictures of TOL on the ex-mo picture board, then she is far too young and pretty to die. Give your wife a hug from me - I'm sure she's agonizing over the impending loss.

And, yeah, the church and it's useless rituals suck. Be prepared for an even greater emotional reaction when you finally have to face your SIL's Mormon funeral. It could be gut-wrenching for you guys.

Luckily, it does seem that you are sensitive to how much those LDS rituals mean to extended family (even if you believe it's all a crock). Hopefully you'll be able to attend the funeral service as a support and strength to your wife, and you'll both be able to tune out the bullsh!t.

Shannon
(Formerly JackMormon'sWife)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2011 01:37AM by shannon.

This has been a tough year for her on a couple of fronts. Her father and her stepmother were forced out of their life-long home into a senior facility even though they were really doing quite fine at home.

Her sisters became so bossy and overbearing that within a month of this move, their stepmother was dead. And she was really not in that bad of shape.

And there was always ganging up by her sisters and one of her sisters-in-law regarding their care. Lying, orchestrating strategies behind her back, accusing her of lying. It was just ridiculous and a sign that they believe their "inspiration" on the matter far outweighed any scientific studies about elder care.

Anyway, she's struggled a lot because of their meanness and she thinks she may just permanently call it quits.

All because they *always* know what's right because of the Holy Ghost. They even went so far as to try to get her father on a medication that was *clearly* less effective and more costly than the one the doctor ordered because "it couldn't just be coincidence that their stepbrother worked for a pharma company that made a similar medicine...let me say this again...at a higher price that was less effective!

Clearly a group of mentally damaged people who have no real "familial love" when it comes to an exmormon who has violated her temple covenants.

(sigh)

It's so hard to have family drama on top of your loved ones' health issues.

Again, my sympathy.

You know, Joe "godfearing right-winger" who lives overseas. As you know, I made some comments on TOL's FB page to him that were inflammatory/disrespectful. I apologize if that caused any grief to TOL. To be frank though, I could care less about his feelings.

He comes across as a know-it-all, disrespectful asshole towards your wife when it comes to religion, politics, and who knows what else...despite her, and your, kindness towards him. I was hoping her sisters would be different, but it doesn't sound like they are. That sucks, but it is what it is.

I just wanted us to be able to have discussions with him so that his kids would see. As it turns out, one of his DILs quit the church last year, so I think all of that was ok.

He is a rabid, illogical Mormon penishood holder.

But his kids show an independent spirit. One of his TBM daughters actually blogged that she opposed Prop. 8.

I'll bet *that* kicked his ass!

How old was she and how many children did she give birth too? As a nurse practitioner, I'm appalled at how many LDS women NEVER go in for annual paps/bimanual exams after they have had their 10 children. Late stage ovarian cancer has S&S if she would have seen a doctor early. I know several women who were diagnosed, had surgery, chemo and did not die. But, you have to get examined and not just rely on 2 old farts laying their hands on your head to "HEAL THYSELF"!!!

The only reason they did the tests specific to ovarian cancer was because she was feeling ill for a few weeks without improvement.

Doctors have told us that they don't routinely do the tests because they are expensive and there are only 22,000 cases per year in the U.S. 14,000 die because they are not diagnosed in stage 1.

It's one of those things that are driven by insurance companies because of cost. It requires a good diagnostician to see the signs early enough to warrant doing the correct tests.

Thanks for your comments.

I'm under the impression that paps don't detect ovarian cancer. Lots of people who aren't religious fly under the radar and don't get diagnosed, even when they go to the doctor regularly and get checked for everything regularly.

This doesn't have to be a religious issue.

This was before they told me I was developing uterine cancer. But before that, I had constant severe pain for 6 years. I kept going to the doctor and they kept doing ultrasounds, but couldn't see anything.

Finally, they did an internal ultrasound and saw a mass inside of me that was the size of a grapefruit. They thought it was an ovary which had blown up to that size.

Gratefully, in that case, it turned out to be a benign tumour, which they removed.

I get the feeling that this is a part of the body where it's very difficult to detect things when they go wrong. I think we gals have to persist in letting people know that something's wrong.

Okay, so the ultrasound didn't show anything. Do an internal one. Do an X-Ray. Just find out what it is.

My friend's mother died of ovarian cancer, after surviving uterine cancer decades before. With ovarian cancer, there aren't always symptoms until it's extremely advanced and they just can't do anything about it.

I'm so sorry you're losing someone who means a lot to you. Cancer really sucks.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7vtwf_grateful-dead-ripple_music

So sorry, btc. My very best to TOL.

A point of note: The exam for ovarian cancer is pretty pathetic. When the doc inserts a finger and uses the other hand to press down on the lower abdomen... that's the "exam." If the doc can feel anything on the ovaries (if the doc can find and feel the ovaries at all that way), then chances are, the tumor has already progressed far beyond stage 1. There are simply no quick or simple ways to screen like there are for cervical (pap smear) or breast cancer (mammogram, ultrasound).

Gilda Radner died of ovarian cancer.

I had this discussion with my OB/Gyn while I was in the stirrups once. I'd thought the Pap actually screened a lot of different things; it only checks for cervical.

btc, my mother is dying of ovarian cancer right now as well. There is a small chance she'll survive...but probably not.

She believes in Christianity in general, but was never a believer of Mormonism. I don't think this has anything to do with God.

Though, I do understand what you are going through.

I am so sorry....I absolutely HATE it when a TBM spouts 'gods will' and other bull when these sad situations arise. I just chalk it up to their blind ignorance in science.

Tell your wife she is not alone. I'm dealing with 4 sisters pretty much ostracizing me because I'm so un-worthy and I don't 'feel the spirit' anymore. Give her a hug and tell her I'm sorry.....

Hang in there!

snb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I don't think this
> has anything to do with God.

If God can't do anything about it, then He isn't omnipotent. If He can do something about it, but doesn't, then He is malevolent. In either case, why call Him God?

What if He already did something, but people don't know cause no one told them or lied to them?

What I know is if I was going through this I would want ALL options.

I hate to see people suffer. I just want to do something.

"What if He already did something, but people don't know cause no one told them or lied to them?"

Then he is a trickster and worthless to any ethical or thinking person.

I don't call him God. That solves a lot of problems in life.

My mother died of that as well, back in 1994 when we were still TBM. The circumstances were the same, lots of prayer and blessings, which made us blind to reality. In fact, we had so much faith, that my dad was on a business trip, and my sister and I were in different countries at university when she died. Only her aging mother was by her side, and I rushed in for the last 10 minutes of her life.

We let her die alone because we believed god would make it right. Although I don't believe in god or an afterlife now, and I consequently don't believe it matters to her anymore, the thought of what we did sometimes keeps me up crying at night, even if it doesn't matter. We let her die alone.

I wish you all the best man, my thoughts are with you.

My heart goes out to you and your wife.
Know that you guys are not alone.
So, so sorry this is happening to you.
Lots of folks are thinking about you and wishing you peace and comfort at this hard time.

My mother died of ovarian cancer 19 years ago. I don't think they have made much progress diagnosing or treating it since then. One very good study (in Stockholm) found that consumption of 4 cups of black tea a day lowered the incidence of ovarian cancer by 40%. We stopped drinking tea when we joined the church 40 years ago, I am sure my life would have been better if we had not joined the church, but I also wonder if my mom would still be alive if we had just stayed methodists. What ifs don't help, but I hope all of you can find some peace and comfort as you let go of someone that has been very special in your lives.