I wanted to reply to summer here on this closed thread.

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2214683,2216622#msg-2216622

I wanted to mention that in this "battlefield" of porn this young wannabe wife is surrounded by support in her side of things, but...

Wasn't there a video produced by Rick's College, er, BYUI where porn was analogized as a battlefield to help er, wounded soldiers?

Funny how if it were a friend and not a potential lover the tables can be so turned on these young LDS soldiers out there. If the friend finds it on your phone he is supportive and attempts to help but if a fiancé finds it on your phone, bring out the guns for he is dead weight we don't want to carry and just shoot him with "friendly" fire.

I think as much as the porn, she was bothered by the fact that he wasn't honest about it. But of course, if he had been, we all know how that might have gone -- she would have insisted that he go to an "addiction support" group, confess to the bishop, submit to mandatory phone checks, etc. His porn usage would have been everyone's business.

summer Wrote:
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> I think as much as the porn, she was bothered by
> the fact that he wasn't honest about it.

You are probably right and I didn't see it. As a young man I was conditioned to deny my sexuality and by extension lie about it to everyone. I missed the lying as the source of the betrayal. Mormonism is a culture of lies so it was easy to miss. My bad.

She's a Mormon, summer, so I think porn alone would be enough to scupper her wedding. But the deceit would make the sense of betrayal that much worse.

In the real world, the biggest issue would be the dishonesty. Mormonism makes things so much worse.

I understand that "honesty" is important in a relationship. But what about privacy?

Does she expect a full, honest report of his daily bowel movements? Some things are just not anybody else's business. What was she doing with his phone, anyway?

What about trust? If I were that guy, and I knew that my fiancee thought of herself as a budding blogger and social media star with her private life thrust open for the whole world to see and comment on, I wouldn't trust her to know what I ate for breakfast.

What about loyalty? She claimed to love this man, but then she sacrificed him on the altar of her own image of perfection and did her best to slander his name.

If this was really a deal breaker to her, she hould have simply broken things off with him and each should have gone their separate ways. We should never have heard about it.

What she did is despicable. He is better off without her.

+1

In her own blog post she claims to have spent 4 years building a friendship and a year "cultivating a relationship of love that is patient and kind."

Her knee-jerk reaction seems neither patient nor kind.

She also said that the browser windows showed "ideas of what women supposedly look like." Not of what they're "supposed to do," or things "done to women," or "degrading." I recall the old adage about it being difficult to define pornography, but that you know it went you see it. This guy could simply have been looking at pictures of women, which in the large scheme of what pornography can be, seems fairly innocuous. If the pictures were worse, then her description would probably imply it. That said, her writing is atrocious, so who knows anyway?

Her blog really only has a very small target audience of people who will "get it" from her perspective. She is clearly a screwball, trying to live the victorian mores she's been "taught" by a backwards institution that's stuck in the 1950s.

As several have pointed out, the guy dodged a bullet.

Gordon B. Stinky Wrote:
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> She also said that the browser windows showed
> "ideas of what women supposedly look like." Not of
> what they're "supposed to do,"

When I gave my two teenage sons a couple of porno video tapes for Christmas, with my wife's permission, (this was before the internet), my wife took them aside and set down a few rules (no talking to friends about it, no sharing with friends, etc.) and some clarification: "Remember those people are just acting. Women don't really moan and groan and get all passionate like in those movies!"

So I had to take them aside later and tell them that their mother was not correct - some women DO moan and groan and get all passionate, just like in those movies. But don't tell Mom that I said so.

Yes, you would think that with 4-5 years invested, this would not be a deal-killer. Surely she could understand his shame in bringing up the topic with his fiancée. She might even consider that he was trying to get information or prepare in advance of his wedding night.

As a couple, they would have faced far tougher problems in a long marriage (especially considering her illness,) but she is too young and inexperienced to realize that. She seems very idealistic and romantic to me.

summer Wrote:
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> She seems very
> idealistic and romantic to me.

I read her blog post and concur. She is caught in an illusive dream spun by Father Lehi and strengthen by Disney.

Why was the other thread locked after 43 posts?

If you see a phone with porn on it, you’re supposed to throw yourself on top of it to save the others.

Paul H. Dunn did that. His garments saved him.

Actually, #2: Turn it off or turn away.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2015-08-001-what-should-i-do-when-i-see-pornography?lang=eng

Paul Dunn and hand grenades makes a better story.

The thing I really wanted to know was what in the world were the words that she found so offensive that she banished someone she thought was going to be here lifelong friend and companion. It reeked of extreme immaturity to me; she obviously is not ready for a relationship with an adult male.

Based on what she wrote, I suspect it was "Victoria's Secret Catalogue" ;) It's very telling that she never discloses what those three words were, just that it gives an unrealistic expectation of what women's bodies look like. So, child pornography is probably not what she found (that would be a deal breaker for me too, and if it was that, many more of us would agree with her decision to call off the marriage) Like Gordon B. Stinky said above, she never said the images were degrading or violent -- just "pornography."

As a woman, I have no problem with men who appreciate women's bodies. I expect them not to ACT on that appreciation without consent (rape, groping, cat calling, etc) but without sexual attraction, the human race would die out. The church wants more babies, but not for anyone to have any sexual attraction to each other.

Prolly, "Big Boobs Women" and since she is so thin it really messed with her.

The picture of her in the bridal gown is particularly ridiculous. Is it supposed to give her credibility ("See, I was almost married")?

Don't most brides do the formal photo on or near their wedding day?

Gordon B. Stinky Wrote:
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> Don't most brides do the formal photo on or near
> their wedding day?

Could have been one of many fittings.