I can't speak for my wife but I have 3 children and I won't mind if they don't reproduce.
Sometimes I think parents and grandparents speak about their children like they do beloved pets. I talk about my children with pride at times but I try to avoid the idle talk people do about all the trivial things surround their progeny. Mormonism is famous for making parenthood and grandparenthood into vices of idle talk and prideful puffery.
My children all want to be teachers and I tell them it is one of the most important jobs in the world. Sometimes knowing the world my kids and I inhabit is painful because it is so superficial.
I remember that when I was of child-bearing age (and wanted marriage and children) it was at times painful. I think that parents with young children can often best relate to other parents, and not so much singles. So there was a period of my life when I felt left out a lot. Mother's Day could be very difficult until I learned to simply say "Thank you" when a service worker or stranger would wish me a happy Mother's Day. Better that that a long, painful explanation. IMO it's appropriate for singles to sit out Mother's Day at church, or other activities, unless they are out with their own mother.
Once I passed child-bearing age, it was no longer an issue. I made my peace with it. I adore my little grand-niece, she is the light of our family. I expect people to talk about their children and grandchildren, and most of the time I am interested in hearing about them. Weirdly, I am probably more interested in babies now than at any previous time in my life. But at age 62 I am acutely aware that my capacity to run after a toddler all day is limited. Even at my age, people sometimes ask, oh why don't you adopt or foster a child. And I'm simply not interested. I'm at an age when being single starts to pay off, and I want to enjoy that. When I come home after a long day of supervising young children, I enjoy the peace and quiet.
from a very young age. I have a picture of me holding my little sister when I was 4. She was a new baby. I took care of the 3 younger ones all the time. My youngest brother considers me his mother, too. I loved babies!! I didn't get married and all my friends were having babies. One of my friends had 5 before I got married at age 27. Yes, mother's day was particularly painful. Married people in the lds church can be particularly mean. I still hate mother's day. If my kids don't love me everyday, then I don't need mother's day for them to feel like they have to pretend they do. Now I get my brothers and sister some gift for mother's day, as well as my own children.
When we played married wards in softball and we were the singles ward, the married wards would shout really rude things at us. BUT as a friend of mine pointed out, we all had nice clothes, brand name shoes, new cars, etc.
Then I had twins at age 28. Quit my job I loved to stay home. I about lost my mind. I never was able to have more children and it is a good thing. AND I'm 62 and no grandkids and I don't care one bit. I don't really think about it until someone points it out to me. My sister is 17 months older than I am and she has 8 and the oldest is 22. Ha ha ha ha ha ha Two just graduated from high school. Another one is 20.
My daughter seems hesitant to have kids. I worry about bringing anymore children into this world. She said she might have one. She is after all 33 and just got married. I don't feel like I'm missing out on ANYTHING. If she does have a child, I will take care of it if she has to work. My grandchildren will not be in daycare. I made sure mine weren't.
My friend who had 5 kids by the time we were 27 actually told my younger sister that all the women with kids looked at women like me and were envious of our apartments, new cars, travel, clothes, etc.
Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2019 12:06PM by cl2.
"My daughter seems hesitant to have kids. I worry about bringing anymore children into this world. She said she might have one. She is after all 33 and just got married. I don't feel like I'm missing out on ANYTHING. "
I totally get it. I feel the same. And my kids don't want many either.
When I was at YBU, married housing, some 30 years ago, we had a beautiful little 2 year old girl. Then the wife became pregnant again with our son. There were childless women in our ward who literally had emotional breakdowns due to the pressure placed upon them, and seeing others like us - bare children where they were unable to.
I never felt left out. I always felt sorry for the women my age or younger who talked about their babies all the time. They didn’t even have a chance to have fun, before they married young and started producing, under pressure. It always seemed like a contest on who had the most kids( brats) to me. I’m sure that some of them were secretly jealous of their unmarried sisters in the ward
the mothers didn't tell you what it was like as they wanted you to be as miserable as they were.
I was really depressed that first year, going from working a full-time job for 8-1/2 years and then being in a basement apartment with 2 babies. My "husband" used to tell me "I've made all your dreams come true." I told him I had been dreaming the wrong dreams. I love my kids to death. They are most of the time a joy to me, BUT it has been the hardest job I've ever had, to raise them and STILL. Not like it gets better once they are raised.
Like I said, I HATE mother's day to this day. It is a ridiculous holiday.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2019 07:27PM by cl2.
I remember going to church on Mother’s Day when I was still studying with the missionaries . They ( priesthood holders) were standing at the door to the chapel, one on each side, passing out carnations or roses( can’t remember) to all the “ mothers”. I was only 21 then. I was insulted that I looked old enough to be a mother. I was always told that I only looked in my late teens and then I go there and boys only about 10 years younger thought I looked old. I thought they’d at least ask if I was a mother. The missionaries told me later that they gave them to all the women/ young ladies who were of child bearing age. That’s when I found out that I was indeed getting kind of old NOT to have a child.
I had a lawn sale once when an older woman came to my house and said if she had it to do over again she would never have had children.
She lamented the day she had any of hers.
I was thinking how sad for her and her children she felt that way.
Some woman where I work keeps calling seeking help for her cause. Her brother took her parents to court to have them declared legally incompetent when they became elderly just so he could take over their multi-million dollar enterprise (he succeeded in doing this.) Then the dad died because of the incompetent live-in care the son hired to care for the parents. The sister claims is unlicensed.
The mother is still living. The daughter doesn't have a leg to stand on because her brother railroaded their parents and has taken over the company. She has no share in the assets. He takes all. She and her parents are left with zilch. She also has no say in her mother's healthcare since her brother took over everything through the court to get control of the business.
What greed will do to rip a family apart. If those parents had known in advance the avarice of their son, as in what the future would hold for them?
Money, money, money. In a rich man's world. The Health Department is looking into her claims for her. But the poor woman cannot afford to hire an attorney to defend hers or her mother's interests or her late father's.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2019 11:40PM by Amyjo.
We have three. Candidly, I wish we had more. To each their own on deciding what is best for themselves. But if you are willfully childless, all I can say is you don't know what you're missing. Not a knock, not a judgement, not saying you didn't make the right call for you; you probably did and that is great. But you don't know until you've experienced it — period.
Red Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > But you don't > know until you've experienced it — period.
Parenthood for me is emotionally satisfying and psychologically leveling for me personally.
What I suspect is like sex it is something people can experience with the caring of a variety of people and animals (don't have sex with them they can't consent.) But there is no perfect partner and ones own DNA transfer need not be a part of the experience.
Likewise, I believe choosing to be childless is a great option in life. Caring for others is a choice that needs to be made with more forethought than creatures lacking our forebrain. If you will do more harm than good then choosing not to entrust yourself with their care is paramount. I was raised by a numbers couple and I'm number 6.
I shouldn't have had children but I was in the deep end of Mormonism when I made that choice.
My children know my thoughts. They have tried to deny them in upholding the Mormon myth of family but now as adults realize me limitations. Just because I made poor choices in my past doesn't mean I don't love and care for my children. It was a painful (and still is) process learning that just because I can reproduce, that could doesn't equal should.
I feel for my children. They probably feel like I'm a jerk for being so honest with them. They know I love them. They know I'm trying to be a better parent but it is a daily battle.
I,m against families and reproduction. I made the choice when I was 3 years old never to get pregnant, because I did not want to get fat. At44 years old I,m 5'7 and 109' because kids really annoy me and I do want to pay for people to fuck around out of my tax dollars, you see why I fucking hate the Mormon church?
I know a lady who had had 2 kids die not too long after birth. She hated mothers day. Every lesson about motherhood felt tragic for her. I feel bad for those who have had multiple miscarriages and have people pestering them about why they don't have kids. You never know the reason, I think not only the mormon church, but society in general makes it difficult for a lot of women. You can do a million things in your life, but people will say motherhood is their highest achievement. It's annoying.