Date: September 06, 2019 04:38PM
The insights into life that keep on growing inside me are cold. It is just cold facts for me. Seriously. I know what I need to know and I can not do anything about it. It is a bit shameful but I got other things to do in my life.
I feel it is a waste of time helping regulate the self-esteem of my siblings.
They have all they need, realistic life-experience and more than basic knowledge, all of them have spouses, one of them got kids, all of them got jobs and money and waste it on toys, they own real estate, they can also choose a a life style with leisure.
But at this moment in life I know that every positive feeling we have had together in life just recede and vanish. Every BBQ for about 30 years of summer nights , every joy, positive memory. Yes everything. It has not make a dent in their lives.
It does not matter how much joy we share at any moment, in about two weeks it ends up in a groundhog day-situation. People must assure them of their worth and they try everything to get feedback out of people. It creeps on slowly. Stonewalling, gaslightning, finger-pointing, projections out of the blue. They have an agenda because they feel that their feelings are somebody elses problem.
It never stops..
About 10 years ago I did not know anything about the thing called object constancy. So I was always there to help them out. But with age. It does not make any dents on their locked personality.
But now I know can not do anything to change anything in their lives. It is pathological. So they must do it themselves.
Should I feel ashamed?
"Object Constancy is a psychodynamic concept, and we could think of it as the emotional equivalence of Object Permanence. To develop this skill, we mature into the understanding that our caregiver is simultaneously a loving presence and a separate individual who could walk away. Rather than needing to be with them all the time, we have an ‘internalized image’ of our parents’ love and care. So even when they are temporarily out of sight, we still know we are loved and supported." -https://psychcentral.com/lib/object-constancy-understanding-the-fear-of-abandonment-and-borderline-personality-disorder/