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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 07:09PM

You think some people would start to randomly give me money to attend? Just a funny thought that came into my head.

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Posted by: Harry Hare ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 07:34PM

Candles? Flowers? Incest sticks? InEssential oils? The perfect all-purpose cleaning product?

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Posted by: ragnar ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 07:17AM

incest sticks?

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 08:25PM

If you can convince them that you’re a prophet. Work on your lying skills.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 10:02PM

Hahaha alright. If i perform a convincing magic trick would that help my cause? Like pulling a rabbit out of an empty top hat?

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 10:16PM

You can stick a hat on a table with a cloth around the table hiding what's under the table (i.e. your friend sitting there with a large supply of fish sticks). The hat looks like an ordinary hat, but actually can open up into a hole in the table through which your friend can pass the fish sticks.

Convene your special meeting after a day of "special fasting" so everyone is hungry and then after pretending to pray for about 20 minutes, look up and ask, "is anybody hungry?"

Call up an extremely hungry-looking person and then tell him to pray out loud for "sustenance from Jesus". Then stick your hand in the hat and pull out a still warm fish stick that has been dipped in tartar sauce and hand it to the guy.

Long story short, after the entire congregation has seen more fish sticks come out of the hat than the hat could possibly contain and have had their bellies filled with delicious fish sticks, you will literally have that congregation eating out of your hand for years to come.

Time to start looking for a bigger house for you and your family. And while you're at it, you may as well start collecting brochures on private jets and yachts. Maybe even an air-conditioned doghouse, if you have a dog or plan to get one.

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Posted by: Ted ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 07:40AM

Lol..still warm with tartar sause...priceless.

Also he should be on constant lookout for and ready to save 14-year girls, a handful of teenage girls, and other adult married women.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:14PM

I will be looking for the hotties and tell them an angel was going to kill me if i did not marry them. The fate of their celestial place depends on being with me. Worked in the 1800s haha. Jesus i sound evil right now haha. It'll totally work hahaha in this year of 2019 of course. Being a polygamist prophet is everyones dream right(yea right). Thats why he got killed before the age of 40 no doubt aboit it. To steal other mens wives usually ends in death in most cases.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:07PM

Hahahahaha oh man i am laughing my ass off right now. I can picture the whole thing. The movie 'there will be blood' with the fake prophet and preacher conning everybody and then gets exposed comes to my mind for some reason. Hahahaha funny to visualize the whole magic top hat producing food for my people and then after i feed my people i will pass around a real top hat for them to put money in. And then i will make that money disappear into my bank account somehow and tell them its going towards a good cause. I am totally using the money to help the poor and the hungry but there will be no accounting. I will be a true leader telling the people one thing while building myself a badass house and private jet and a boat. All to help the lord of course.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: November 03, 2019 10:07PM

I would bet you would get people coming to your door looking to see what your church operation is all about.

If you do a good job with props and buzzwords, you could probably get some decent donations.

The problem is that you'll probably also get a lot of people looking for handouts and some good old-fashioned "Christian charity" from you.

You should probably also set up a tent in your backyard as your "church" space. Otherwise, you'll have all kinds of random people going into your bedroom and bathroom, opening your drawers and barfing in your living room and stuff.

In conclusion, I wouldn't recommend doing it at your home.

You'd probably be better off setting up a little Jesus kiosk downtown. You can hand out Jesus fortune cookies in exchange for donations ($1 minimum).

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:18PM

I think i will create my own book with tons of plagiarisms of other scriptures in it and call it the complete gospel and have my own revelations in it about when the apocolypse will come. Scare the people into donating money to save them from burning in the end times of course. Fire insurance as they say right?

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Posted by: exminion ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 03:42AM

Tell the men that it is OK--in fact it is a new and everlasting religious covenant with God--for them to have as many wives as they want!

Tell the man that it's OK--even their righteous privilege as males--for them to boss around their women, as much as they want to!

You would attract lost of upstanding men with these incentives--yea--even the kind of men who would barf in your drawers.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:32PM

Well as long as i get their 14% of contributions they can barf all they want. But no beating women in my religion. I'll say one thing and then enforce another thing. That seems to be the trend. Show them a scare tactic movie with a friend pretending to be satan in the movie haha. Their minds can never leave my control or satan will get them of course so they have to keep giving their money to save them from this evil. Paying money saves them i guess in their minds. I need to study mind control tactics a little better i think. Talk with fierceness in a microphone to constantly keep the people in fear and under control and docile. Isn't their a book about how to mind control people that the chinese used on soldiers? Maybe i need to read that book. Been reading steve hassan books and that helps a little bit to understand the BITE model to completely control a mass of people. Behavior control, information control, thought control, and environment control. If i can get them to all wear the same underwear in the end i think thats a victory of endless money coming my way. I might need someone else to write my scare speeches to say from the podium. Constant repetition and constant fear is the key. Create chaos and drama neverending. Confusing the people while they hand me money. I got this.

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 08:05AM

About 4 miles from my home is an old wooden white washed building, which may of been a general store in back in the 30's to 50's. It is quite run down, though apparently still functional. It has a huge marquee proclaiming - "The True Church of Jesus Christ". You might want to up your game and add True to stand out a bit.

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 10:10AM

You would need to stand out from all those other True Churches, so follow Little Caesar's example: The ExtraMostBestest(TM) True Church of Jesus.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:40PM

'The truest, most best, church of jesus christ, the real one this time, i promise.' This will be the name of my church. People are drawn to all those words haha. If it has those words on the title it has to be true. If they go to endless meetings and pay endless tithing they will think they are saved from the rapture. Spared from the wrath of jesus who was supposed to come 19 years ago or even sooner than the year 2000 supposedly. Jesus never comes but he is coming to this church i promise in time. You will get to meet the guy eventually with holes in his hands and everything. Maybe i can get a friend to pretend to be jesus and put fake marks on his hands or something. I will have the physical jesus at my church. Can't top that haha.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 12:42PM


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Posted by: dumbmormons ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 10:59PM

That is the legal name of another Church.

Pick another name that can be yours rather than trying to steal this one like the SL Mormons do.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: November 05, 2019 01:00AM

"...Church of Jesus Christ in Washington, D.C., the Church of Jesus Christ in Kingsport, Tenn., the Church of Jesus Christ in Peridot, Ariz., the Church of Jesus Christ in Dyersburg, Tenn. — and the list goes on and on."

https://religionnews.com/2019/04/04/new-lds-domain-name-may-spark-brand-war-over-church-of-jesus-christ/

But somehow, the domain name "ChurchofJesusChrist.org" was still available for the taking by the COJCOLDS (the 'Mormons'). That still boggles my mind that nobody else was using that domain name first.

Interestingly, the Bickertonites (Rigdon's offshoot) use a nearly identical domain name.


"But Stone warns fellow Bickertonites to get ready. The Salt Lake City church’s domain name, churchofjesuschrist.org, is very close to their own, thechurchofjesuschrist.org. Only 'the' differentiates the two."

https://religionnews.com/2019/04/04/new-lds-domain-name-may-spark-brand-war-over-church-of-jesus-christ/

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:48PM

Dang it i'll have to think of a unique title that no one has but it definitely has to have the name of jesus christ in it. Thats big. People are just drawn to the name so everything taught has to be about jesus right while talking about myself as the first prophet and selecting my own friends and give them bible titles like prophets and apostle. But they will prophecy absolutely nothing and heal no one. We got an awesome mall to build. Jesus likes to shop. He told me in a prophecy. He likes the buckle store. So we need to build the best mall that miney can buy for the guy. The poor and hungry can wait we have buildings to build and profits to make. This is what the new jesus is all about. Real estate.

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Posted by: celeste ( )
Date: November 04, 2019 11:26PM

How about first church of tax exemption?

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Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: November 05, 2019 01:14AM

Russ says it’s a home based church now so go for it!

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:52PM

If they can fool millions of dumbies out of their constant flow of money, I know i could fool atleast a hundred. I saw jesus in a forest once. Nope correct that i saw jesus and his father in a forest. No i meant i saw angels in a forest. I need to get my beginning story straight. But jesus has to be involved in same way or the con will not work. The jesus connection is key, even if barely mentioned in sermons or classes.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 05, 2019 02:26AM

on my Fool time MORmON mission, I poked fun at other religions, joking that I should start selling pieces of wood for hefty prices by claiming that they were fragments of the cross that Jesus was crucified on. ......years later, I saw on the history channel where some person had done that very thing back closer to the time when Jesus had supposedly been around.

the MORmON church is a marvelous work and wonder in how much that they are able to screw over stupid people. The MORmON church does a "Bernie Madoff" every year, year after year, and they get away with it by doing it in the name of Jesus.

WIth thoughts like yours, a person won't last long as a regular MORmON member, but they might make it as a MORmON leader

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:56PM

I saw a couple people carrying full crosses on their backs a couple times and walking around town. That may be an effective visualization in my church. Everyone will literally have their own crosses to carry while attending my sermons. Carrying those heavy things will be a test. A test of faith and suffering to feel what jesus went through kind of.

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 12:15AM

The church where I work has a fragment of the "true cross." It's just a tiny little sliver of wood in a glass container. No idea how or where they acquired it.

It has been said that if one were to gather every fragment of the "true cross" housed in Catholic churches across the world, you would end up with several trucks full of wood.

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 06:59PM

I'll get the literal nails of the cross. Now that would be effective. If the people pay enough money they'll get to touch the holy nails of the cross. That may work. This cult thing is tough to start out especially in 2019. I have a feeling the polygamy idea will not go over well in this day and age.

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Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 02:23PM

OK UNLESS!!!! Jesus had recently copyrighted the name

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Posted by: Warrior71783 ( )
Date: November 06, 2019 07:46PM

I will fight jesus for the copyright. If he ever shows up of course. Which will be never.

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