Date: November 05, 2019 06:12AM
Growing up the oldest of six, i was severely parentified. Apparently my family's experience is a textbook case and i would like to hear from anyone who ended up like me...mentally ill, poor and absolutely hated by my adult brothers and sisters i loved so much and cared for the best i could.
Effects of mental illness already apparent as a young girl, I was rendered unable to work to support myself. Aged 58, I have lived with my son over a decade. It breaks my heart that my son takes care of me because my parents didn't. He is intelligent, hardworking and kind but we are poor...poor to the extent it is commonplace for him to go hungry, etc. (without telling me.)
Having long understood my childhood was spent as a means to an end, i first read the description 'Parentification / Parentified' this past June 7th. I read on to find, no matter how well or terrible they were treated, "This situation is a setup for highly disturbed sibling relationships later on in their lives, after all of the siblings have grown into adulthood...the siblings are angry at the neglectful parents, but they protect their parents from those negative feelings by displacing them onto the older, mother-substitute sibling. Displacement is a defense mechanism...." My brothers having left the family, i've spent the past 5 years absolutely baffled as to why my sisters were so mean. Having read the above, i was forced to admit they'd treated me terribly for over 20 years. Their cruelty didn't match the siblings i thought so highly of so i chose to forget things they'd said and done.https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/matter-personality/201601/neglectful-parents-and-eldest-siblings
I told them never to contact me again. I'm relieved and haven't missed "them" at all. I grieve the siblings who loved me before they became adults and am angry my life boiled down to a seemingly convoluted equation i never would have guessed existed.
Thank you for allowing me to post. My apologies for the length...i felt the need to stress severity as it's discouraging when friends (who are healthy and able to work...who had to watch their little brother one summer) compare their experience to mine.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/05/2019 03:40PM by parentified.