Date: November 17, 2019 09:00PM
Greetings... I will try to be brief and include the relevant details. Thank you in advance for your feedback.
My husband was raised in a Mormon family. He went on a mission, which was a positive experience for him. After his mission, we went to college, which is where we met. When I met my husband, he was active in the Mormon church, and he was very serous about it. About two years into college he had a huge break with his family. There were some incidents that suggested they do not actually believe in the religion. Several of his family members are in leadership positions in their wards. He was very distressed by the idea that they were not who he thought they were. He doesn't really express anger, but I interpreted his reaction as connected to the general idea of anger or betrayal.
The break was over a moral issue. But they were also taking all his money. He was constantly in debt to them for reasons that didn't make any sense to me. When he stopped talking with them, he was able to pay for things like tuition. So... in terms of financial survival, he really doesn't do well when he is with them.
After the break with his family, he left the Mormon church. He was lost for many years. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe some of you will know what I am talking about. Maybe heartbroken? His family didn't talk to him, and he didn't talk to his family, even though we lived in the same town. His family would pop up every year or so, and he would confront them about the incidents, then they would go away for a while.
My husband has the habit of repeating information to me as if he is giving a report. He used to give me a long report about every little detail of what happened during his day. I don't mean that he shared about his day. He would tell me in great detail every single thing he and people around him did and said as if he were reporting it to me. Over the years, the amount of reporting has decreased. I'm willing to listen to whatever he wants to talk about, but there is something about the reporting that I don't think is healthy. It's like he was trained in self-surveilance.
Over the years, my husband has tried to go to therapy. Therapy would actually make him worse, so he will stop going. I know that when people go to therapy that it is common for things to get more intense before they get better. But... I'm not sure if he wasn't being accurate with the therapists or if the therapists just didn't understand the family dynamics.
We lived in another city for a while, and he was able to go to therapy for a few months. The therapist had done an internship at BYU, so they seemed to really understand what he was talking about. My husband was doing really great with that therapist, but we had to move for work.
He keeps trying to find a therapist, but he will go to one and the person will not understand the dynamics.
Here is my question? Do you know how to find a therapist that understands all these dynamics?
I get a really good vibe from this board. I made a post last week, and people gave me some helpful feedback. Are there resources on this site that you recommend for him? Or online support groups? He is good with using technology.
Thank you so much for being here... I appreciate it.