Hey guys, as you know I'm a 14 year old boy who lives in a very mormon family, and I don't believe that this religion is true. I've never really thought it was very true or felt a connection to it, but after doing some research I have came to the conclusion that this religion is NOT TRUE. Anyway, I am contemplating when I should let my family know that I feel this way because my parents are VERY RELIGIOUS and STRICT. I'm not allowed to have instagram, snapchat, and my phone is constantly screen timed. I live my life at school like a non mormon, I swear, watch porn, watch R movies, pretty much everything that contradicts the (for strength of youth). I play football and this summer my family's making me go on trek instead a very important football camp week. My family constantly makes me go on youth stuff and tons of BS like that. I want to live my life like a normal teen and do things that a non mormon teen does. How to I go about telling my family I want to live this way?
Thanks so much guys!

(assuming this is true)

Nothing anyone here can do to help you; If you've been abused physically or emotionally, Call the police.

anyone here who interferes would be in Serious legal jeopardy.

GNPE Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> anyone here who interferes would be in Serious
> legal jeopardy.


What exactly does this mean?

parents (unless abusive or failure to support) have an Absolute right to make everyday decisions for their children / minors.

Anyone interfering would be subject to civil and/or criminal consequences, Very Serious stuff.

Yep agreed..unless abuse is involved

If abuse is involved then it is up to the kid to find the guts to find help outside of the cult. Which is very hard to do trust me.

I was just asking for ways to break the news and hopefully get out of going to church

But you better have a solid case. My teenager tried calling the cops and only got a good talking to by the responding officer. No, she wasn’t being abused. Just had a very controlling mom.

From what I understand, parents sadly have extreme amounts of leeway when dealing with their children. Even CPS will turn a blind eye to most claims of abuse by the child.

Exactly, the child is usually screwed at least in the child's mind. Trust me i've been there. The child runs the risk of getting abused more from the parents if the police or cps does not believe them.

This defiantly isn’t happening, don’t worry. I just want to know how I should tell my parents I want out of the church

What I would do is prepare to leave the nest after high school. Do well in school and look at options you can do to be on your own out of high school. I would avoid arguing with your parent but expose them to things to get them thinking. Maybe the LDS Essays are a good place to start. The church admitted they had intentionally covered up Joseph Smith’s polygamy. You might point out how Gordon B Hinckley used church money to buy forgeries with the intent to hide them because he thought they were real documents that would hurt the church. You can use facts to show the church leadership has intentionally hid things from the membership because they know Joseph Smith had beliefs and behaviors the church members wouldn’t like.

How you should tell them? What about if you should tell them? Think about whether you want to be their project. If you tell them you’re broken they will try to fix you.

You might want to cover your 14-year-old ears for this, but people get divorced over this shit. It’s way serious. You “falling away” is like a death in the family because their minds have been carefully warped to think that way. That problem doesn’t go away with any amount of compelling evidence. Don’t try, the cult is too good at what it does.

OTOH, a good shit storm might make the grass greener on your side of the fence.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2020 01:23AM by babyloncansuckit.

What if the police are in the parents cult? Its a problem.

Why do you NEED to get out of the church?

I need to get out because I feel as if I would have a much better life without Mormonism.

But your parents will never let you right?

I don’t know if they will. I’m asking if you guys think it would be better to just act my way through it (I’m a very good liar) or just flat out tell them, or drop breadcrumbs slowly.

In Mormonism, white lies are a slow Morphine drip. There’s no easy withdrawal. You’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place. You can compromise your church-taught principles by playing along with the church’s game of Simon Says or you can “choose the right”. Maybe you can frame the discussion so as to keep the moral high road. That you can’t in good conscience keep believing in things you know are made up BS.

However, you’re not really at a level of life experience and brain development to objectively make such judgments so they might not hold much water. Mormonism is one aspect of culture. There are many more, most made of the same stuff Mormonism is. I would characterize Mormonism as more illusion than lies. Technically, most of what we believe is inaccurate unless something magical has happened to human nature in the last 100 years. Suppose you were still 8 and your parents thought you believed in Santa but you didn’t. But you played along anyway to make them happy. Same thing.

Maybe your problem is you. You’ve made this thing about you when actually nothing is about you. Making your parents happy should be your goal because it’s the best life practice. It also happens to be the best survival strategy, but that’s not why you should do it.

I wish i did not play along just to survive. If you play along you pay the price still when you are older. You have unhealthy habits of playing along just to survive. Eventually you will have to break these survival habits from childhood in your adulthood and it can be difficult. Very difficult. Looking back i really do not know what i could have done different. Who would ever believe a punk kid over my established parents and 'God's true religion' in the community. Its a real rock in a hard place trust me. Not a lot of options. Maybe cps will believe you and you get transfered to foster parents or you get put in an orphanage but if cps does not believe you then you are superscrewed at home trust me.

You will but it could take time. There is no safety with endless meetings and endless rituals. None. They only want your money. This is the bottom line. Control the mind and then control your money. Its a bunch of old guys trying to manipulate and control children and reduce adults into into adolecsents. But you already knew this at a young age like i already knew this at a young age.

You write well for a 14-yr-old. Seriously, I’m a high school teacher and your story was flawless. Not one grammatical error. Even your punctuation was perfect.

That said, nothing you can do until you’re 18. Then you can quit if you like.

Good luck.

Thanks

At your age I was feeling the same. All I can say is that the road ahead of you will come with some hard decisions. You should be prepared for rejection, as it is sure to follow. You have my condolences, as I wouldn't wish my journey on anyone.

Agreed. The road ahead could be a hard one as your entire family will most likely reject you as if you had died. The friends you may have outside of the group may be your only supports throughout the rest of your life. Hard decisions will be ahead as a cult has started you in a real hole. Once you are out you are climbing psychologically trying to undo all the damage and the programming for many years.

Whatever you do, ease into it. Drop breadcrumbs. It’s probably not even worth it at this age. Just try to be a good kid. Try to remember that love is the most important thing. It’s more important than the church being bogus. When you become a parent, you’ll understand how much they really love you. Sometimes it’s best to play along. Your prefrontal cortex won’t be fully developed for another 12 years, so you’re still relying on their judgement. Being informed protects you against further brainwashing, so your problems are much smaller than they could be. Be grateful you dodged a howitzer shell.

In a situation with high suck factor, embrace the suck. Like in football. It’s good training for life.

What if his parents are screwed up in the head and as a kid its hard to discern it. Playing along is not always the best move with like narcissistic or sociopathic parents. In a cult the chances could be high that the parents are one of these two things. Playing along could very well make things worse. I was confused as hell with my parents behavior and the religions behavior at his age. I wish i had gotten counseling with a nonbiased counselor at his age. The younger you counter the brainwashing the better. This is just what i wish i had done. You can play along but you will most likely pay for it because you are influenced by your surrounding environment for all those years. Even though you are pretending and playing along you are still being effected.

I'm just going to offer the observation that many parents do the opposite of what was done to/for them when they were kids themselves, subject to parental units.

They probably did all the things they don't want you to do, and they think that you'll be a better person because of it. It could be a form of self-loathing. The likelihood of you getting them to change is close to zero.

They just want to save you, and don't know they are ruining their relationship with you in the effort. But pretty much all parents reach a point where they have to rein in their kid(s).

Based on what you've told us, you're getting away with a lot, and they probably know some of what you're doing, which of course causes them to redouble their efforts. It's a strange sort of generational dance. If you could prove to them that you wouldn't do what they don't want you to do, they'd leave you alone to do them! You'd have all kinds of freedom then. Weird, huh? you'd only be given freedom if you promised not to use it.

You'll either spend the next three-plus years being miserable or you'll find some way to enjoy modifying your life so that they feel they can take some of the pressure off. The quest to find a happy medium would likely be fruitless. Either you or they (probably both) are going to be unhappy, as you all continue to butt heads.

It would be nice if you could recognize that at 14, you don't have the power to win fairly; and winning by hook or crook is not going to make you or them feel like coming to attention and saluting the flag.

You've got three-plus years ahead of you; nothing can change that. But you can change your goals, from immediate to future. You're an athlete, design a program for yourself that takes into account the need to balance freedom with the reality of your restrictions, then execute the program, recognizing that 99.99% of the world's population lives with restrictions; nobody gets to do everything they want.

I raised four of my five kids out of the church and I had a lot of restrictions on them, but none having to do with how they thought. They did NOT get to do everything they wanted to do. I have seen kids coming from homes where they effectively raised themselves and it was seldom pretty.

After this thread plays out, you should copy it and email it to yourself and then save it, so that your kids can read it and laugh their asses off!

What's normal? I'm a nevermo and when I was in high school I didn't swear, or watch porn, or play football for that matter. ;)

When you are 18 and have graduated from high school, you may do as you please. Until then, do the expected things and keep your own counsel. You might want to get a job and save money so that you have a nest egg for when you are older.

Minors don't have a lot of rights in this country. In many ways, your parents "own" you until you turn 18. The best advice I can give is to fake it until then, and if possible tone down what your parents think is rebellion, especially the porn and swearing. As you fool your parents into thinking your "rebellious phase" is cooling down, you may get some perks back and you won't be as strictly controlled. Your home life will get easier and the time will go by faster.

Learning to fake it can come in handy later in life. Ask any adult stuck in a boring job that they can't stand, working with a boss they hate.

As you approach 18, expect your parents and other adults in your life to pressure you to do the mission BS. They may try every trick they can (guilt, shame, threats) to get you to comply. You'll need a plan to counter that.

Meanwhile:

- Concentrate on school (real school, not seminary). Again, time will pass more quickly as you focus on homework and projects. Keep your mind occupied. Never lose sight of your long-term goal of escape.

- Church will always suck, but at least it's only 2 hours now. Think of it as the price you have to pay for room and board.

- Never confess to the bishop. Ever. They have no power of discernment. They can't see into your soul. All they can do is guess and try to intimidate you. Again, it's all BS.

One thing you might think about trying to do with your parents is to ask them what kind of relationship they want to have with you later in life. You won't always be dependent on them and someday you'll have the power to decide for yourself. Do they really think that forcing church on you is going to work once you become independent? It's just going to make it even less likely that you'll be active when you don't have to be. You might also tell them (calmly and reasonably, not angrily) that they are poisoning your relationship, and making it less likely that you'll want them in your life, as you'll remember how they acted when you had no choice.

There are countless parents who tried to strong-arm their kids years ago and now wonder why those kids refuse to associate with them. Do they want to join those ranks?

My suggestion is that you find something [something which is acceptable to your parents, even if they are surprised at your new interest(s)] you enjoy doing or learning--and preferably something which might have the potential to carry over into your adult life, either as a job/career/profession, or as a deep and continuing adult interest.

What do you enjoy?

What, right now, is of great interest to you when you encounter it in school, or in a film, or on television or in a book you are reading?

Geology....birds and other wildlife....math....automobile mechanics....planes or ships (either piloting them, or designing/maintaining them)....whatever is available in your area or through your school.

What other world cultures do you find interesting? Learning those languages and histories can be of immense value to your later (and can probably go a long way towards the missionary post of your dreams, assuming that you will, in the future, be corralled into doing a missionary stint).

When you think about "who" you will be (or want to become) when you reach legal adulthood, what do you "see" in your imagination?

"Who" is the real YOU (so far as you are able to tell right now)?

If you could pick your ideal adult profession right now, what would THAT life look like?

What can you do NOW to make "that" adult life (or another, if you find that your first choice is not exactly "you") a reality?

I am a writer. I sold my first article when I was ten years old (to Archie Comic Books; they paid me $25.00 for the piece), which was my first step to becoming an adult writer. A year later, I was contributing regular articles to my hometown community newspaper: the Woodland Hills REPORTER. No money from them, but LOTS of valid writing credits. By the time I graduated from high school, I was transitioning over to national publications.

If you want to be a doctor (etc.) volunteer at your local animal shelter (etc.).

If you want to make your community a better place, volunteer wherever there is a need.

All of these kinds of endeavors look VERY good on college applications and scholarship applications, and (if you do a good job with your volunteer work) they can lead to highly-desirable letters of recommendation from the adults you will be working with.

If you find that something you initially thought you would really like is actually, now that you have some experience with it, NOT what you want to do (either now, or in the future), you have learned something valuable about yourself, and that self-knowledge will pay off for the rest of your life. As you go through your personal "list," you will be constantly learning more and more about the person you are, and the person you eventually, as an adult, want to be.

Meanwhile, back on the LDS front, your non-LDS life will have become much busier with non-LDS obligations, and automatically, you just won't have enough time anymore to do all the LDS-related things your parents might wish you would do. This plan may not eliminate your LDS-type obligations expected by your parents, but it will modify your life in ways more acceptable to you.

And all the while, as you are exploring your interests, you will be creating your future adult self in ways which, when you reach legal adulthood, will allow you to choose the best paths which, during your adult lifetime, will be optimum for you.

I wish you all the best.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2020 10:52PM by Tevai.

Your choices will probably change about a Zillion times before 18, but pls keep the military as a possibility to Escape;

especially if you can deal with / 'tolerate' the authoritarian structure that the military requires.

after 20 yrs honorable service, you might have a very marketable skill in technology, law enforcement, administration or other + a pension & health care!!

If you take a job before you sign up, U have certain rights to re-employment after you leave the military; in seniority based employment as certain Ry jobs are, you can step back into your career/occupation.

ChurchCo TBMs want (you) to believe that Mormonism is the be-all, end-all of Everything, It Isn't.

Plus, when you have a drill sergeant yelling in your face it will be just like being home with mama.

In classes, ask pointed questions. You seem familiar enough with what is here so you probably know the reality.

Most any class in MoronicPriesthood Central has a lot of stuff to be questioned - or even corrected.

First Vision? Great... "I read there are six or eight of them, how do we know what is right"? "Early church members apparently never heard of it until about 8 years after the church was formed, why?"

Gold Plates - "How heavy were they? Lets try it with a small car battery and see how far we can carry weight like that".

A ton of stuff - like "White Salamander" and Dallin Oaks saying it was normal - but never changing HIS story after the letter was shown to be a fake.

Read and be familiar with THE ESSAYS - and use them for questions - as well as answers to questions - as well as "The Church has published this but the lesson says different"...

You can easily ask questions as "I'm confused"... "searching for the Truth"..., etc.

Very True

Post deleted by me. Sorry.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2020 01:54AM by ptbarnum.

from other like-minded people in similar situations who happen to be from 18 to 13 years of age.

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmoteens/

"Safe space for kids aged 13-19 being raised Mormon" with
613 subscribers and seems to be growing by about five newbies a week.

I'm way too old for this wonderful forum but lurk sometimes and am so impressed with the depth of posts and comments. Check out the current ones for example.

If you're so inclined, please return here and tell us how it's going for you over there.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2020 04:45AM by cricket.

Thanks for that site!

Keep your head down, study like hell, get a job - ANY job as soon as you can. Think hard about what you want to do as a profession and talk to a guidance councilor and see how you can work toward it. Save your money and make good purchases. Knock off the dumb crap. It will not help you get where you are going and just makes you look immature. Act the way you want to be treated. By making good decisions it reinforces your ability TO make good decisions. Put yourself in a position to succeed.

It depends on if he lives in a strong mormon based community.

Although this could be a poser trying to bait a trap, I thought to myself, geez, what if I knew this when I was 14? What would I do different? LMAO!

Working a lot and saving, no doubt. Planning for future goals and aspirations, definitely!

Outside of this, boy I would have amused myself in primary and priesthood bringing up subtle but clever questions that cause the folks to scratch their heads.

Something simple like for example:
Elders quorum Prez - "we are going to read from the book of Abraham, fore-ordination."

Me at 14 - "I was reading about the recovery of the Papyri in 1966 where Hugh Nibley confirmed the Prophet J. Smith's hand writing etc. Do you know where the church puts this on display today?"

Or

Elders Quorum lesson - "The BoM is a record of those who arrived in the western hemisphere around 400 year before Christ"

Me at 14 - "I watched on Netflix this weekend where on the Yucatan Peninsula almost a full skeletal frame was recovered of a native girl around 16 years old dating back 13K years ago. Are we certain the dates of the BoM people are accurate?"

He He :)

what exactly do normal teens do? watching porn, R-rated movies, and swearing aren't exactly honorable things to be proud of.

My advice is to be a good 14 year old boy and listen to your teachers.

Spend the next four years RELENTLESSLY boasting your testimony and belief that the church IS A CULT and express your belief about this church.

While you're unable to free yourself from this constant religious indoctrination THEY CANNOT KICK YOU OUT if you keep expressing your opinions about this church. Even go to SM or whatever church-connected activities telling everyone what you believe. If the bishop or SP or other priesthood leaders get upset....well THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD! Again no one, not even your parents, can inflict points of view or opinions about anything no matter what they want. While you may be stuck there, THEY ARE STUCK TOO and cannot retaliate against you for your non-belief. They are obligated to take care of you. If this results in arguments or strife, that's too bad, just you do NOT GIVE IN no matter what they want.

BTW are these summer plans involving a trip to Nauvoo.

Not that I know of

The trouble with this advice is that parents have a lot of tools with which to make a teen miserable -- grounding, no sports or clubs, no TV or video games, no dating, no use of the family car, etc. We've heard of this happening. That's why I personally think it's better for teenagers to "go along to get along" while they are still at home.

Agnes, my hero !

I feel your pain kid, i feel your pain. I would advise telling your parents that you need counseling even if you do not need it. Your brain may actually be fighting brainwashed ideas as mine did growing up. My real self said that none of this makes any sense but i did not know how to get away from it or away from my parents cleanly without causing friction and narcissistic rage from my father. Maybe with enough counseling you will gain the courage by age 18 to be able to break off from religion and be a strong individual that can think on his own and make his own choices. I struggled my entire life with cognitive dissonance and i am still in counseling which actually does help. I was born in the cult operation so the brainwashing goes deep and i still struggle to be an independant and somewhat normal adult. The real world is actually way less hotile overall than a cult with strict parents.

Thank you so much

No matter what they do they can never destroy your authentic real self.

I thought the church was completely false at 16. I was on a mission believing it was true at 20. Good luck.

Interesting, how did that happen?

Short story.

I was sexually abused pre-teen but I had already lost sight of Mormonism earlier. Because I asked so many questions I was treated like a Mormon pariah. I'm inquisitive and gregarious. Those two traits together showed me how bad one gets treated for really scrutinizing Mormonism. I realized I was in a bad place but hadn't considered Mormonism a cult yet.

After the second time dropping out of high school and getting kicked out of my house I began to use drugs and alcohol in earnest.

But then my inquisitive nature kicked in an I wanted an education. I wanted to get sober. I hated Mormonism for its anti-intellectual and patriarchal abusive ways but I needed help so I turned to my parents.

I had to go to church. I was going to school and working and sober. I paid tit for tat and went on a mission though I had sinned up till leaving. I was really in route to becoming a cultural Mormon. I hated the politics of my mission but secretly reveled in the Hell I was giving the robots of Mormon's religion. But then I met my wife.

I wanted so much to believe it 100 percent for her. I tried for 7 years but when I discovered I was the product of Brigham Young taking Henry Jacob's wife I was done. I became suicidal because I was grown this time around.

As a child I had to convert to Mormonism. At age 3-5 I didn't understand or really care for Mormonism. I thought the sun was God and all good things came from it. I lived in a fantasy world many neglected kids inhabit. But as I approached my baptism I strove to believe Mormonism. After I was baptized and committed my first post=baptismal sin (stealing food from the kitchen) I cursed God and told him to smite me.

My older sister had been molesting me and I couldn't understand how I would ever truly be a good person. So I trough myself in converting myself. It lasted for a couple of years until puberty rocked my world. I was very sexual obviously because I was being molested.

Suffice it to say that there have only been a couple of true believing times in my life and their crashing down to disbelief have been extremely difficult.

I tried twice and failed. I'm not going for a 3rd time if I can help it.

The thing is--if you rebel against your parents, you are still under their control. You are doing the very same things that your parents do NOT want you to do, so, in a backwards way, they are still determining your life choices. Know what I mean?

Also, Mormons believe that those who leave the church are sinners, and you don't want to fall into that stereotype. It makes kids mad when theri parents say, "I told you so!" You can appear to be a good Mormon, for as long as it takes, and broach the subject when they start demanding that you go on a mission.

You can avoid these bad situations by acting, doing things, saying things that you honestly think are right for you. How do you know something is correct for you? You feel it in your own heart and mind. Listen to your gut!

My mother, brothers, and extended family were all fanatic Mormons. My excellent fathe was a liberal Mormon. He followed all the rules (but refused to wear Mormon underwear and refused to do the temple rituals). My mother and brothers didn't allow me to date anyone who wasn't a Mormon. I couldn't be friends with anyone who drank or who's parents drank. Smoking was not allowed. My youngest brother rebelled and started smoking big, fat cigars that stinked up my mother's house. He died of cancer last year, at a young age.

Don't let your "rebellion" and your parents and their cult become more important than your own life! Don't do anything to self-destruct. You might want to change your mind, and if you're addicted, it will be very difficult for you to change.

There's good advice here.

I sympathize with your problem. Growing up in a cult is a unique experience. With any problem, if you break it up into smaller parts, you can solve each small part more easily. For example, start with the football! This is a good, healthy, confidence-building thing in your life! Instead of threatening your parents, perhaps you can convince them that football and sports lead to "clean living." Find articles for them to read, that tell about the benefits of team sports on teen-agers.

It does no good to argue with Mormons about their cult. Don't waste your breath.

Don't allow your Mormon parents to close the Mormon world in around you. There is so much more to life than just religion! This is why football is so important to you right now, and friends, and learning, and travel, and the outdoors, and other sports, staying healthy and fit, and all the good, win-win chioices that will be yours to make as you move ahead in life. It's an exciting time!

Maybe you could try to negotiate with your parents, so you can go to that football camp. I, personally think "trek" is very sick, and I would pretend to have the stomach flu and live on liquids for a week, rather than go on trek. You could perhaps agree to go to Nauvoo (bettter than trek) or SLC Temple Square or Palmyra or Carthage, or one of those other inspirational Mormon destinations with them. You could make a deal to go to whatever youth stuff they do, from now until summer. In exchange, your parents just might let you go to that football camp, and you might avoid the trek. It's worth a try, but you have to smooth things out, first, as you do in any negotiations. Yeah, this is good practice for you. Ugh.

I wonder what your parents would say, if you told your parents that you would go on trek if they volunteer to go along with you! It might awaken some empathy within them.

You are a good writer, and it would be so interesting to see you as an adult, and see what career path you choose, etc.

The best of luck to you!

Thanks! That was helpful!

I don't think that there is anything that can be done until your 18th birthday at which time you become an adult and can make whatever decisions that you want

try jesus OPie ~


https://youtu.be/HMzZYkEGywI

ziller Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> try jesus OPie ~
>
> https://youtu.be/HMzZYkEGywI

Great music!!

Or a pole dancer? Haha just messin ziller. Love your pole dancer videos.

I wish I knew what you know at 14, I was in my 30's before I realized the church was not as advertised. As weird as this seems consider yourself lucky. Have you read https://cesletter.org? Use your knowledge to drop facts about church history that can be sourced from official church resources like the essays which will get your parents and leaders thinking. Asking things like "How did the church decide which version of the first vision to use?" or similar questions. Have fun with it then when you are 18 get your name removed and enjoy your freedom. Hopefully the seeds you plant with your parents will one day sprout and they will join you but if not relish the fact that you were able to get yourself out which is a major accomplishment that you can be proud of.

Beautifully stated. I hope he finds comfort in your words. ☺

I see lots of advice about having to do what your parents tell you.

How many here always did what their parents told them? ..... That's what I thought. Be a normal teenager. Try to avoid doing things that are egregiously stupid, or illegal. That's about all the legal obligation you have. Your parents are the ones with the legal obligation to feed, cloth, educate and generally care for you.

I suspected Mormonism was a crock when I was 14. I was sure of it at 22, but didn't get up the nerve to leave until 25. That was still earlier than quite a few people here. For one parent in particular, I was a "project" for the rest of my like. I finally decided that the only way I was going to win the argument with said parent was to outlive them. Which I finally did. In the meantime I went about having what I think turned out to be a pretty decent life.