I appreciate your comments and yes I do make mistakes Just please don't throw me in front of the firing squad over it!


I try not to be snide nor abusive nor offensive. Sometimes I say what I think and it offends some. For this I apologyze. However this is one of the few places on the planet where I actually feel free to say what I think. So please don't allow what I think to offend you for I mean no offense even when I do not agree with you.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2020 10:05PM by thedesertrat1.

As you’ve noted, a lot of people are freaked out right now. They let their amygdala do the talking, kind of like when you tell Mormons about church history. This fear hangs like a pall over most of modern society.

Dagny isn’t the only one working on this problem. There are others, including me. It will get fixed. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I tell them there’s no problems, only solutions. So they shake their heads and look at me as if I’d lost my mind.

Yeah, but this isn't a discussion about the mormon bogeymen.

It's off-topic in terms of mormonism but many of us the coronavirus is a dangerous adversary. Of course we comprise, by and large, the over 60 years of age crowd. We are much more motivated in this regard than other age groups.

Is there a way to "reopen" the economy that allows the old farts to Shelter In Wherever They Are?

Desertrat1, I remember chatting with you over the phone w/re to one of your recipes. It was my impression then, and still is, that you are a very nice man.

kathleen Wrote:
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> Desertrat1, I remember chatting with you over the
> phone w/re to one of your recipes. It was my
> impression then, and still is, that you are a very
> nice man.
I also think that I am very nisce man thank you

I have always had that impression too - from afar. In fact, Desert Rat, your posts are among those which I always read with interest and pleasure.

All the best to you

Tom in Paris

Everybody's free to express their views, within the board guidelines.

A difference of opinion is not usually a cause for offence here.

However, after people have exited a controlling religion, and for other reasons, many land on the side of Facts First. Those who frequent RfM are among ex-members most grievously negatively affected by a controlling religious system like Mormonism. They ask questions. Perhaps asking questions is what started their exit from the religion of their birth or the one they chose to join without knowing of its dark underbelly (such as moi).

For many with this background they don't want to hear about alternative belief systems or the top 10 most appealing qualities of anybody else's god. Likewise, they don't want to read hogwash about any passing theory that is ridiculous on the face of it.

The scientific approach, in its purest form - searching out facts - without outside influences such as grants and other monies or overbearing sponsors with their own agenda - is the side they come down on.

That is at least partially why many have little patience for anything remotely whiffy such as ideas popularly and correctly termed 'conspiracy theories'.

It is not required to express empathy for others here. In fact, from the depths of one's own pain it can be next to impossible to think of others first, or even at all. But hopefully most of us can remember, most of the time, that as my new favourite song says: Everybody Hurts. People are exposing their wounds, which can be hard to see. They don't need to be dismissed or ridiculed or expelled or shunned or harshly questioned or disbelieved. That works all ways. Some days a poster needs support. Other days they share a laugh. After a while, if you read enough, you can get to know a person's interests and opinions and their approach within this posting community. This applies to all posters.

If a person is giving a personal experience or expressing emotion or difficulties, hopefully they glean support from the group. I note that that occurs often and has kept up over many years.

But. It helps if a person doesn't post topics on the edge of being irrelevant or non-academic or bound to cause friction. Especially social media conspiracy theories that have no basis in fact. Facts First for this crowd, in my observation.

There's a big difference between asking a question, expressing a problem or asking for support and just throwing out a topic bomb.

Many posters can identify with this being the place for them to express themselves in a way they can't do anywhere else. But it helps the board and the vast body of posters as well as Admin if we try to stay somewhat on topic. Or at least try to make our subject somewhat relevant to the larger topic of Mormonism - the leaving of it - the reason for this board's existence.

I don't like to see anybody get slashed and burned here (even you DR!), especially when the board's emphasis is on support and healing. But there's a way to present a subject and a way to interact that will decrease the potential for that being a continual reaction to the majority of one's posts.

Just like with the COVID-19 discussions here where so many express the thought that a big part of dealing with the virus is to think of the well-being of others, hopefully we each can both give as well as take, by supporting other posters at least as often as we ask for the same and by limiting our off topic subject matter so as not to create too much noise in this place that is primarily meant for recovery. From Mormonism.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2020 06:07PM by Nightingale.

Good post!

Desertrat, how has the current situation affected or hurt you personally?

I'm doing okay. I'm still drawing a paycheck, working from home. If my school district has to do layoffs during the next school year, I would be one of the last to go due to seniority. Of course I endured many difficult years to get to that status. So in essence I'm getting the payoff for selecting a unionized job and putting in more than two decades. I realize that many are not so fortunate, but this is one of the rare times when my job choice comes out looking good.

My brother and his wife are retired. Their investment accounts have taken a hit, but there is nothing to be done. They've weathered downturns before. My nephew (a restaurant worker) is currently unemployed, but his wife (a Federal employee) is able to work remotely. In fact, that's how she always works. So her job choice is having a rare moment in the sun as well. Being NYC refugees, they are currently living (along with their baby daughter) with my brother and sister-in-law.

My niece is also unemployed, being a restaurant worker. But her partner is still working.

So things are not wonderful, but we are surviving. It could be worse. We are all healthy, and my sister-in-law loves that her grandbaby is at home. My brother and sister-in-law's huge vegetable and herb garden is getting special attention this year.

My school community has at least one Covid death and another Covid positive case that I know of. There are probably more. A colleague of mine who works at one of my former schools tells me that Covid is burning through that community like a forest fire. I worry about returning to school in the fall, but I will go back when I am called.

I volunteered for the Covid vaccine trials. My age group is set to go in early July. I was told that they will call me and let me know if I've been selected. Right now, they are vaccinating younger people.

How about you? How are you doing?

I hear ya! I guess I've offended Mormons, christians, Wicca/Pagans, Satanists, and taoists because I've gotten kicked out of all those groups for questioning everything. Not only did they disagree with me, they also hated me. I understood and respected others opinions, but they never did the same for me. I'm personally sticking with good angels because it seems all gods and Goddesses are more about wars than peace. So far I like everything written on this website, and I've tried to stick with my original user name midnightseahorse, but had to change it twice to Sungoddess and SunGoddess. I would also like to add just because we disagree doesn't mean we need to hate each other. This website is good for venting on how we've been treated by Mormons. Hopefully none of us get kicked off this website, so far it's the only one I've found that sincerely lets you speak freely.

Lol SunGoddess that is problem with cult mentality.
They can't take the slightest criticism.

It is why I have just started when meeting new people to start off with the line, "So a Mormon, a Satanist and a Progressive walk into a bar..." then I see who sticks around after that.

Those who do, those I can talk to.

I have stated the same comment the OP has multiple times on this forum. It is interesting that every time I was thrown under the bus by other forum members. And I'm sure this post will be deleted by the mods. Remember, Concrete Zipper has every power to ban me as he and other mods have done in the past.

TDR, you are respected here. The criticism can be intense, particularly if you make the same argument multiple times or without showing any reaction to what others offer, but don't worry too much about that.

I think a lot of us like and respect you.

I don't feel free to say what I want here, but try to anyway.

Things have loosened up a bit lately it seems. I’d let it rip.

Am I banned or not?

stillangry Wrote:
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> Am I banned or not?

We have had discussions before regarding what [behavior, speech, subjects, attitudes, intentions, etc.] might result in a given poster being banned (either for a period of time, or permanently).

Those discussions were meant for the entire board, so everyone who is a part of this group could acquire a sense of what is, or is not, permissible on RfM.

With some fairly rare exceptions, most of those discussions were general--about posters as a group, rather than about an identified specific person.

You are an "identified specific person," stillangry. If you want to discuss your status on this board, click on the "Report" button and discuss it--WITH Admin, and OFF the public board.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/27/2020 10:27PM by Tevai.

C'mon. This poster sunk this board for over a year. We lost a lot of insightful, good hearted posters that will never return. You know the ISP's and the ever changing monikers. Do something before you lose another portion of people here that really need this connection.

I am curious if you really did have a rough childhood. No joking around. And all cyberfighting aside.

Sorry i used your screen name on accident haha. My mind is a little out of it right now. Sorry still angry i do apologize i was not mocking you in any way.

C'mon. Maybe your counselor should discuss what effect you have on online forums. For RfM, it hasn't been positive.

stillangry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am curious if you really did have a rough
> childhood. No joking around. And all
> cyberfighting aside.

HORRENDOUS is the better definition

stillangry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Am I banned or not?
I sointenly hope not

I make mistakes on here all the time and my counselor reminds me of the effect that online forums have on me. I have not been able to see my counselor face to face since the lockdown and it has affected me. Only phone call counseling since lockdown.

I think that a person should be able to say almost anything here and should still be treated with respectful words. There is always room for respectful debate and to ask questions to get clarification. Some people make assumptions about another person's character and decide that if he or she believes this or that, then he or she must believe also that...... and is therefore this kind of a person (someone they categorize as unworthy of respect). Then it becomes their mission to enforce that paradigm against the person to the discrediting of any comment they make on any thread no matter how benign what they say is, based on who they have been categorized as being in the past. Even if these harsh judgements are accurate (which they usually aren't), trying to stop others from expressing themselves by using toxic shame, bullying, and enforced group-think (enforced by toxic shame and bullying) is not how it should be done. You can always tell someone that you don't agree with them without needing to assign an inflammatory label that may not be accurate or worse yet, to tell the person what your emotions about them are, or to snipe at their comments with innuendo that disparages the person as a means to try to suppress opinions that you disagree with, often pre-emptively. I have reported certain posts in the past, but never because the person's opinion opposes mine. Typically it is because the person is going so deep into toxic attacks against one or more individuals, that common decency is long absent from their words. Of course, anything can be called indecent to justify any position. But if highly personal attacks were to to be off limits here, this would be a more kind forum. If someone here feels attacked, they should be able to articulate about why, without being assigned yet another label as a diversion from the issue of the disrespect that they have been shown.

I don't think the moderators here have ever banned anyone. I might be wrong about that. But based on the dis-respect that transpires here every day, often by the same people, it would be difficult to envision it happening. A person could also have their account suspended for two weeks or a month for overt personal disrespect too. If properly managed, people of diametrically opposing positions could actually have productive dialogue as debate, that actually helps people who might otherwise be afraid to express their opinions because they don't want to be stomped on publicly. This might require some of us to read painful words that were probably not aimed at us to begin with anyway, and not lash-out in response, but instead to ask questions in a nice way. The would-be attacker may feel better about having taken the high-ground, not where others can see, but privately just within themselves. I have lost several arguements here by choice because I just didn't want to get that deep in to the mud with some individuals who to me don't seem to have many real ethics or core of who they really are anyway. But I don't say so in most of those instances. I just move on.

People have been banned.

I am currently self-banned, but I sneak on when I'm not looking.

Agree...

"Even if these harsh judgements are accurate (which they usually aren't), trying to stop others from expressing themselves by using toxic shame, bullying, and enforced group-think (enforced by toxic shame and bullying)."

You can take Hoss out of the Ponderosa but you can't take the ponderous out of Hoss.

I am not a bad person. My only wish in life is to be banned from RFM. Thank you.