Just kidding. There is no such thing.


But, technology has nudged even them. My great and abominable MP/AS/TP brother has just given my mother a blessing over the phone as she was driven to the emergency room. (Non-life threatening minor injury.)

She has had more blessings than I have had pieces of German Chocolate Cake by the way. She is definitely not too rich or too thin, but she may be too blessed.

And home delivery on the sacrament! It's a new Mormon world.

Would you like fries with that?

Hey. At least fries have some, not much, nutritional value. Blessings? Not so much.

Careful; Washington state's big Agricultural 'secret' is that our farmers also grow lots of spuds!!

I wonder to what degree will it cause TBMs to rethink their relationship with the church. In a lot of cases they have had to use their own, best judgment about things like giving and receiving the sacrament, attending church, etc. The church has lost a degree of absolute control, and may never fully regain it.

So true, only the extremely devout TBM's will remain, as the fence sitters and others saw how nice Second Saturday was.

I think your bro could make some real cash on “Dial A Blessing!”
For on your “way to the hospital —-on your first date —you name it !!” In a Billy Mays voice ... “BUT WAIT !!! For only $9.99 you get a 2nd Anointing at no additional charge!”

Ha!

I might order one of those blessings but only if it also includes a Veg-O-Matic®. It dices!, it slices!.....

Shinehah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I might order one of those blessings but only if
> it also includes a Veg-O-Matic®. It dices!, it
> slices!.....


Yeah, agreed but it doesn't change fluids (steering, brakes, oil) on my vehicles like I wish it would!!!

Can your mother give a blessing to you?

~~~~iceman9090

Nope. In Mormonism only men give blessings cuz only men have the holy priesthood and women can't have it. It's not misogynistic, it's just that Heavenly Father wants the little ladies to stay home and bake. :)

If Mom could she wouldn't have used a phone, but would have poured ten gallons of consecrated olive oil over me, laid her hands on my head with a righteous thud, and commanded me to be straight by the power of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood, inanamajesuscristAMEN!

We all know that it takes balls to be a man!

+elderolddog:
It takes balls of steel to make a nice and obedient woman.

I heard that in Short Circuit.

~~~~iceman9090

Do Mormons still have Gold and Green Balls?

Haha. How do you mean that exactly?

Oh . . . The dances.

Pretty sure they don't have them anymore. You take me way back to when I was a kid and a memory of Dad on the floor helping Mom glue rhinestones on her tulle dress. They always went to the ball. Such a different church back then---at least in our little mountain pioneer county.

There was a period in the Nauvoo days when women were permitted to give priesthood blessings. JS was moving towards granting the priesthood to all women, and that was one step.

As with racism--JS was racist but not anywhere near as much as BY--the church moved in a more reactionary direction when JS was killed.

I am the very model of a Modern Mormon reverent,
I've information spiritual, natural, and revenant,
I know the prophet Rusty, and I quote the Book of Helaman,
From Amulon to Ramah, I expound upon their effluent;
I'm very well acquainted too with matters most Masonical,
I understand Hugh Nibley, and I take him as canonical,
About historic inquiry I'm teeming with a lot of bull--
With many made-up "facts" about the state of New World catapults.

My Internet-ic knowledge, though I'm haughty and superior,
Has only been brought down to decades Microsoft-anterior,
But still in matters spiritual, natural, and revenant,
I am the very model of a Modern Mormon reverent!

Ha! Very clever, this! You have done Gilbert and Sullivan proud and made me grin. "Internet-ic knowledge" hahaha ha. Hat's off to you for that one.



. . . still chuckling.

Nice one!

Ha ha ha, that's very funny Anziano.