I have posted here occasionally about my long time TBM convert husband. After conferences he usually feels obligated once again to teach me the principles of the gospel of Joseph Smith. I’m not interested and have repeated told him so. Why do these people lay so much guilt on him that he hasn’t done his duty to get me to believe? I hate hurting his feelings but I Get so mad that he won’t take no for an answer. What else can I say to let him know I’ll never ever believe that crap?

We’re human beings. We learn. We grow. We change. We evolve. Individual changes can either enhance or damage the relationship between spouses. A big change in your husband’s life was his conversion to Mormonism. You (luckily for you) didn’t follow that path. As illogical as it seems to most of us, he has undoubtedly done the mental gymnastics so that it makes sense to him. Since you two undoubtedly have much in common, he probably thinks that if he presents it in just the right way, you’ll “see the light.”

He’s stubborn. You have the difficult task of being more stubborn without being petty or overly confrontational. That’s not an easy situation for you to be in. I hope he’ll respect your right to have a different perspective in this matter. Good luck.

I wish he would respect my decision. It works for a while but doesn’t last. Obviously he just isn’t trying hard enough. Anyone would want this wouldn’t they? It’s always if it was the truth wouldn’t you want to know. I never admired the marriages I saw in his church. In fact more of them have divorced or had affairs than in my church. One was the bishop for crying out loud

When I stopped attending, my wife threw some comments at me. I just did not respond. I would act as if I never heard a thing, and would walk away calmly.

After about a month, she understood it was a taboo subject. Sometimes silence is a powerful tool.

Maybe you're on to something about them being the source of guilt. Tell him that he's done his duty to share. He doesn't need to keep trying. He should be absolved of trying. Agreeing to disagree is also ok.

You’ve done your duty is a good idea. Will try that one.

+1

There's a little devil sitting on my shoulder right now, whispering to me. ;)

The next time your husband goes into proselytizing mode, I would tell him in honor of Joseph Smith's (minimum of) 33 extra "wives," you will be compiling a list of 33 men that you think would be fun to have sex with as a married woman. Every time he starts in, point out the merits of various men that you are "putting on your list."

"I'm going to put Brad Pitt on my list -- has he still got it, or what? That smile slays me every time. I wonder, in which movie is he the most handsome? That would be a tough pick."
"Then there's Keanu Reeves -- there is something to be said for part-Asian men. Do you remember him in the Matrix? Where Trinity kind of swoons at him, saying he's 'The One'?"
"George Clooney is always a solid pick -- classic Hollywood good looks and charm. I tell you, I could hit any red carpet with that man."
"Christian de la Fuente -- not only handsome, but he can dance! Hmm, would I prefer to do a sexy tango or rumba with him?"

If he objects, just tell him that you are following Joseph Smith's example.

In other words, refuse to take him seriously.

Life is short.

Leave.

START LAUGHING!

Do not engage by bringing up and defending your (far more rational) views. Instead, when he starts up with “Joseph Smith blah blah blah” start LAUGHING at the absurdity of Mormon beliefs! With a chuckle and a dismissive wave of the hand, say something like this:

“If you want to believe that tripe, go right ahead; but don’t expect me to join you in it!”

Shake your head at the silliness; shrug at it; roll your eyes. Refuse to take it seriously!

If he persists for a while, say “Yeah, sure, whatever!” and similar dismissive statements. If your husband discovers that he no longer is able to push your buttons, he is unlikely to continue to try to do so!

Good luck, Dee. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks. It is ridiculous isn’t it. I am in no danger of believing so just venting over having to say no one more time !!!!

Mix in some LOTR mythology. What priesthood did Gandalf have? Did it change when he became Gandalf the White?

I refuse to part of a religion started by Joseph Smith and established by Brigham Young because that would be obscene.

bradley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Mix in some LOTR mythology. What priesthood did
> Gandalf have? Did it change when he became Gandalf
> the White?
>
> I refuse to part of a religion started by Joseph
> Smith and established by Brigham Young because
> that would be obscene.


Continuing with the LOTR theme and if I was adding names to the list of 33 men I'd pick the actor who plays Thorin in The Hobbit.
Brad Pitt does nothing for me but I do like Mr Armitage.

Lindy, it's totally your choice! -- whichever 33 men make you happy.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Lindy, it's totally your choice! -- whichever 33
> men make you happy.


I don't think I could get to 33..I'm a bit choosy :)

Tell him,"Knock it off or let's get a divorce". If he stops great, if not get a divorce.

After four years, I discovered that my ex was a sociopath. I mentioned to him that he might fit the profile, and the next day, he was searching for sociopathic signs and ended up taking the sociopath test. In the browser history, I found this link https://drdeenz.com/sociopath-test-antisocial-personality-disorder/ and when I checked the gallery I found a snapshot of the results which he shared with one of his friends and asked for help.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2023 12:22PM by jamesbilk.

You dug up a 4 year old thread to post something that is not even on the same topic?

You can just start a new thread. I know, it can be tough when moved by the Spirit™

Well I am a bit disappointed. That drdeenz test gave me: You have a

0%

likelihood of having antisocial personality disorder

I am as boring as Wonder Bread.

Speaking of which, weren't you going to go out and buy some of that Nephite ambrosia?

Sigh. Yes, yes I did. What a disappointment. Still white. Still soft. But the texture... I don't know what they did but it is not as fine as it used to be. My guess is that they added fiber to it. I made toast with some and I think I will make grilled cheese this week but the rest will go in meatloaf. It didn't even ball up the same :(

At least Captain Crunch with Crunchberries and Sweet Tarts are the same.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2023 02:58AM by Susan I/S.

From his site:

"We are still validating the accuracy of our quiz system and we are working hard to make it accurate as possible. Every test provided here is developed by Deen Mohd but the reliability or accuracy of these tests has not been validated by any mental health organizations."

So your score may not be 0% after all.

YAY? I guess I really am rather boring. Give me a dog, a mug of tea or a glass of wine and a book and I am content. The highlight of my day is when I do my Ukrainian lessons.

Starting with the nuclear option. What a great idea.

I’d feel it necessary to ask why he feels the need to be so disrespectful. Constant preaching says to me he does not respect your choices.

I never once tried to teach my Catholic wife anything about the cult. Would have ended out marriage if I'd tried.

I'd like to think that a case could be made that your husband loves you, and wants to be with you FOREVER!!

And that could be the case...


How many mormons 'know' they are going to the CK? Ever so many of them 'know' that 'The Father & The Son'™ appeared to JoJu in the sanctimonious grove, but do they have that same fervent assurance that they are destined for top-drawer heaven?

Now here is a serious question: At your TBMest, did you 'know' you were going to make it to the CK? Or did you hope that you would somehow skate by the rules-as-written, with some kind of a pass?

And what about that horse crap about 'no one gets in without Joju's okay'? I don't think that's being taught at all. It certainly wasn't in the six lessons! But it certainly exists as a prophet-revealed doctrine.


As for the OP's problem, here's a fun response to hubby:

"Which mormon church should I believe in? What if I like a version of the church that no longer exists? The version you've got going now sure does seem to be a pale, paltry version of the gung-ho mormonism from when you first joined..."

Saying he loves me and acting like he does are two different things. He says he wants us to be together forever but he’s gone 20+hrs a week for church stuff. I think he just wants to be sure he gets to CK. Can you imagine how boring it would be to live in an afterlife in the so-called CK? I was never a tbm. I joined for five minutes because he wanted to. Ok it was three years but I was really out in much less than that. I told him I wanted out and had my name removed or maybe I was exed . Don’t know. Bishop came to our house and wanted me to pray and I said no. He said he’d wait and I got up and went to bed. Lol

Good points about the church changes but that opens up a discussion which will escalate I’m sure.

Print these out. Cut them apart. When he starts up hand him one.

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1180178

Excellent list. Very useful and I will print it out

Belief is blind, hard to understand when a person believes. Could u ever convince a snake handler that its dumb to do, hell no, u just caint reach a person that believes.

LOL. I feel your pain. I would say that I used to dread GC, though dread is too strong a word. General Conference was preemptively annoying because I knew there was a strong possibility some yahoo GA was going to say something about bringing wayward souls back into the fold, and sometime over the next two weeks I would get The Lecture.

It didn't happen every GC, and usually only once per 6 month period. For me, it fell into the "here we go again" basket of life's petty annoyances. I wasn't living under the same roof as my mother, who was the carrier of this particular disfunction. I'm sure that helped.

Good luck. I never found a solution.

General Conference is a pernicious habit.

It starts with morning and afternoon idol worship (The GAs wish they could be rockstars) but then progresses to self-flagellation with the congregation asking for family and friends to join in.

It puts the believer on edge if they are understanding the abusive admonitions correctly. Both their salvation is in jeopardy and those they haven't annoyed so completely that will still talk to them. It is a hard situation to be in as this is being told to you by "they could be-prophets" in charge of your "few more things to give the church" eternal life.

This is why mormonism is a form of mental illness, because if they don't have it already, just by following it they soon will.

my wife became a mormon about ten years ago, and I totally hear you regarding the constant barrage of religious stuff. I read about this talk regarding mormons and respecting other beliefs, and it "turned back the tide" with my wife and other members of her church.
https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/06/19/religious-freedom-one/

When they give me the party line about their being the "true church" I ask what the mormon attitude is toward people believing something outside their little box. 100% of the time the reply is that people need to actually feel the mormon church is true. So I bring up how one of their leaders actually says religious freedom is like a stream, and many different beliefs have tributaries leading into that stream.
And then the cherry topping : " what gives you the right to block my tributary"?
Shuts them up every time.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/19/2020 09:06PM by stan.

This looks really helpful. Thank you for posting it. I’m going to print it out for him

The gospel in 1-2-3:

Love God as much as you love yourself.
Jesus died for your sins.
Treat others like you would treat yourself.

Mormonism adds so many effing layers of control it's a hamster wheel.
Spouse is on the hamster wheel....

Mormonism has just one Prime Directive: Thou shalt not make the organization look bad.

Having an immediate family member who is outside the fold makes the organization look bad. It undermines the belief that anyone who actually knows a Mormon well would want to be a Mormon.

This issue is a super hard one to work with.

I've approached this issue with my TBM family members by asking them "How do you feel about Scientology?". I'm sure he will have a negative view of it.

Then point out that how he feels about scientology is probably how you feel about mormonism. From your perspective it appears to be a cult and you are not interested in it. If you were a scientologist would you have any chance of converting your husband into it? Probably not. Hopefully he will at least see where you are coming from.

Get another husband. Unless this one makes good money.

And some people wonder why you have so much trouble getting women to like you.

Or get a sister wife for him.

Lol...there's a lot of truth there. Let's say he is a multi-millionaire, that has to factor in a bit.

the 'gospel' that Mormons "teach" is almost 180 Different from the gospel that Mormons live, Believe me on that...

My wife and I have a similar situation, although she now refrains from trying to convince me following a conference. Instead she becomes very sullen and withdrawn for about two weeks afterward.

I can feel how disappointed she is. It breaks my heart to see her hurting. I cannot help her except to try to be understanding and to keep caring for her. I will never give in to the mormons again, and I will always love and care for my wife.

In most every other way we get along great. I just consider this to be one of life's challenges. Contrary to what the mormons would teach, nothing is perfect.

Best of luck to you!

I was lds for the first 33 years of my life. This book was an eye opener https://deseretbook.com/p/joseph-smith-rough-stone-rolling-richard-l-bushman-5351?variant_id=104298-paperback

It really depends on your personality if you can do you can read scriptures together with him and ask questions. When I was an active member there was a woman in Relief Society who would ask just the right questions. Those questions weren't offensive but the answer to those questions always made me wonder how this could be gods true church.
This man here has fun even during his excommunication.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI_dV6t4ggs
For me leaving the church was very hard and I resigned on my own. How I wish I could have been like him.

Why not a compromise, for every thought he wants to teach you get to teach him one thing from your view.

Present it as give and take.

When he starts trying to teach gospel, ask a few questions.
1. How much is in our combined 401ks?
2. What is our total net worth?
3. I've always wanted to live <insert place>?

Don't threaten and just answer, I was just wondering....

*** Old thread alert ***

Tell him you already saved, so please go save someone else.

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

Print out this article of Faith and when he starts in - hand it to him, don't say anything and walk away.