It hurts so much, you guys. Like, yeah, I was deceived and manipulated. But holy crap, there's some stuff that they were honest about and I should have red flagged it. They might have tricked me but they had a lot of freaking help. ...from ME.
Like, it just occurred to me, about the polygamy doctrine. Aside from what the truthers say Joseph Smith did and all of that...why did it never occur to me that there is something inherently "off" about introducing doctrine only to a short time later be like, "Nevermind. Yes, it's true doctrine but we can't practice it right now." Like....why introduce it at all? Did God not plan ahead? Did he not see the persecution the saints would suffer for engaging in that? This is stuff I was taught, right up front, and God backtracking and going for Plan B because "Oops, you guys aren't ready" never even blipped on my radar as fishy or weird.
Like when Joseph Smith wrote himself into the scriptures. It's so easy to see from the outside.
2 Nephi 3:14-15
14 And thus prophesied Joseph, saying: Behold, that seer will the Lord bless; and they that seek to destroy him shall be confounded; for this promise, which I have obtained of the Lord, of the fruit of my loins, shall be fulfilled. Behold, I am sure of the fulfilling of this promise;
15 And his name shall be called after me; and it shall be after the name of his father. And he shall be like unto me; for the thing, which the Lord shall bring forth by his hand, by the power of the Lord shall bring my people unto salvation.
Genesis 50:33 JST
And that seer will I bless, and they that seek to destroy him shall be confounded; for this promise I give unto you; for I will remember you from generation to generation; and his name shall be called Joseph, and it shall be after the name of his father; and he shall be like unto you; for the thing which the Lord shall bring forth by his hand shall bring my people unto salvation.
Another one I thought of, the video. In the temple. We watch a video in the temple. The most sacred place where we learn the secrets of the religion and we sit in different rooms watching a video with basic Primary level info in it. No, seriously, it's just the creation and adam and eve.
Another logical failing I had just today was the way that anything critical of the church is characterized as "anti-Mormon" and born by the adversary. It truly never occurred to me what a convenient box that is. So, anything that tries to prove our words wrong or untruthful MUST be from Satan. But as soon as it is anything that agrees or proves us right, it is definitely from God. It's just such a naive way to deal with criticism and I'm shocked it never occurred to me before.
HELL YES! Me, the wife of a gay man, who the leaders told me I had to save. Both of us can't believe we listened to them.
My dad kept asking me for years if I knew he was gay when I married him. I finally told him yes about a year before he died. He said, "You are too intelligent to have married someone gay. They are born that way."
They told me not to talk to my parents about the situation. They had no answers for me, in fact the wrong answers, but my not so active mormon dad knew the answer. Of course, I shouldn't talk to HIM.
When I went to the temple the first time, all my spider-senses screamed CULT.
I worked hard to convince myself it was just Satan making cults seem like the temple. Besides, it was my wedding day so I didn't want to disrupt all the wedding plans.
Yeah, I keep searching for a conversation of some kind. Like, it's all fine and good to read debunking articles and watch the videos from either ex or anti- Mormons. But I desperately want to hear the LDS address some of these topics. Like, the history of polygamy in the church and Joseph Smith's 34 wives. Or how about the incorrect translation of the papyrus(Book of Abraham) or the Kinderhook plates?
Bouncing around on a couple of Mormon forums where I was hoping some of these conversations might take place, the thing most often said is "Consult with the Spirit and see what God tells you." And I remember while being in church, they counseled us against "Bible-bashing" or debate with non-members, because it brought contentious spirits into the people involved. Add that as another point that I should have red flagged: the fact that the holy Spirit of God is so fragile that merely encountering someone challenging the history and claims of the church threatened your faith.
Now I can see why; because they can't refute or explain. The Spirit isn't good enough for me to explain Joseph Smith running around "translating" everything and looking like an incompetent moron/deluded liar.
I was on the fast track to being a smoothie in a lower level of the CK and content with that end. I was slated to clear tables, pour water and dish out extra butter patties to the ghawds.
But then I went to the temple and that was it. No way could a genuine, honest to goodness divine being have had ANYTHING to do with that silly, bogus bullshit!
But I was looking forward to two years of personal growth, so I went on to the mission field. So it's easy to see why I was able to enjoy my mission.
At first I thought a lot of the weird teachings were just coming from oddball members or bishops one brick short of a load.
It wasn't until I moved to Utah that I realized the church itself was the author of most of the crazy doctrine. Had I never lived in Utah I might possibly have done my own thing but stayed a Mormon.
Used to kick myself regularly but not so much any more.