Date: September 12, 2020 12:46AM
Hmmm...well, it's one thing if you have proof that your step daughter is undermining or using you. Quite another if she is only looking out for, and trying to help you and *HER* father.
I was in that position with my mother and her second husband. He is deaf, and basically forced her to live a life of complete silence because any noise, like music, talking, laughter, etc. set off his hearing aids. He didn't like me or my sisters to visit our mother. He would yell at me if I tried to help with the cleaning, yard work, fix the plumbing, or bringing in weekly meals for them. He was always paranoid, kept accusing me of taking over, but refused to sit and discuss options to help them because he couldn't hear very well. He used his deafness to actually control my mother, isolate her, and as an excuse to belittle and bully her and us.
One day, my sister asked if I could go over and measure a corner of their den to see if a desk, that he had requested, would fit. When he saw me measuring he flipped out and started really yelling at me - I walked out.
He expected my mother to do all the cleaning, cooking, and yard work. One day I drove up to their house to find my 85 year old mother, at her cruel husband's insistence, laying flat out on the driveway plucking at weeds in the garden bed even though she was dying of cancer. In his pride, he kept refusing to get the assistance they needed so she could get the rest and care she needed. My mother was so depressed she wanted to die and tried to starve herself to death.
Eventually she succeeded, my mother weighed only 90 lbs when she passed away - I miss her terribly, but now she is at rest.
I guess what I'm saying is be sure you're not being paranoid and creating motives or drama that doesn't exist. For instance - what does your comment that your step daughter weighs more than you, or that her personality is, shall I say, brusk, have to do with anything? You are making these comments to belittle and demean her. Perhaps these so-called conferences she is having with *her* father are only innocent, reminiscent father-daughter visits. If your daughter is truly helping out as much as she can then be grateful and stop bitching.