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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: November 15, 2020 04:01PM

My last year in Primary I was cast as Santa Claus in the Primary Christmas Special, on NBC. (Nevada Boring Church) Me, short, skinny, very Brown, and big framed black glasses. I think it was a joke being played on the Ward.

Unmarried sex is a sin next to murder. But logically speaking, if you murder a non-mormon, you're okay. I say this because I had sex before the mission, with a non-mormon, and the bishop said, "Phew! You dodged a bullet!" and off I went six months later.

When I got my Selective Service medical exam notice, I asked someone at church if my old-style medial meniscectomy might be a way out of being branded 1-A. That resulted in an appointment with an orthopod who decided that labeling me as suffering from spina bifida occulta would do the job better. It didn't.

During the sealing ceremony at the St. George temple, a lady I very much despised waltzed into the sealing room and watched us tie the knot. Then after the ceremony, she congratulated me, saying that she knew things would work out for the best. The best being not marrying HER daughter. I sincerely regret being polite to her.

I had two dates with an LM I met on my mission, after the mission. One was pre-Lesbian and the other post-Lesbian. I got a lot more action during the second date. Plus she regaled me with stories of how Lesbians were running Utah. I have no idea how true or false that might have been. But I'm reminded of this event every time I see Sheri Dew's name.

Mormons are people and people sure can be screwed up! So it's probably not just about being Mormon.

And speaking of being screwed-up, I mean, come on: Gladys Lott!

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Posted by: ufotofuabbaufotofu ( )
Date: November 15, 2020 04:40PM

"You Dodged A Bullet" (SHOT, nonetheless, by the very misleaders trying to misfire and mislead you).

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: November 15, 2020 04:48PM

Wow. You went in for a simple lobotomy and they gave you a meniscectomy?

I hope you sued because that's malpractice!

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: November 15, 2020 06:43PM

By most accounts, being Mormon is slightly better than having an autopsy.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 10:42AM

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 12:33PM

Very entertaining (although sorry for all the mo hassles you've endured).

But more please, Sir!

And yikes, having to tell the bishop about your escapades. That is cruel and unusual. As a convert, the bishop asked me too and both of us were red-faced about it. Him also being a convert likely played into us getting along quite well in our various encounters. But we never got so far as to say 'what the freaking hell have we fallen into?' to each other. After he sent me to a church psychologist due to my "problems" with Mormonism (i.e. not settling down well, plus laughing when they said I had to get married - I seriously thought they were kidding - who mandates a person's marital status?) we weren't such good pals after that and he ultimately gave up on me. I have wondered if he stayed in. But I guess by the time you are a convert Mormon bishop you've pretty much swallowed the bad-coloured pill. He said Mormonism saved his family due to his father being an alcoholic. I guess you can't argue with a testimony like that.

Meanwhile, I didn't have one. So it was an easy exit in the end. Now I'm just left with the lingering embarrassment of having been so easily led. I knew better. Still took the leap. Oh well, I won't do *that* again! Not even for untold riches and the moon and the stars.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 12:42PM

I love these Andy Rooney moments.

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Posted by: JoeSmith666 ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 12:45PM

Why didn't you enlist in the military and serve your country instead of looking for ways to chicken out?

A lot of what you are whining about shows you don't have the strength of character needed to do something positive.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 12:54PM

Bzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzz

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 12:56PM

Their noise is so frequent I'm starting to...

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Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: November 19, 2020 01:26PM

What did you do JS?

And read it again. EOD said he would choose a different classification if he could. And that it didn't happen anyway.

Looks like your judgementalism is getting ahead of your reading comprehension.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/19/2020 01:30PM by Nightingale.

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