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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 07, 2021 08:26PM

I posted this story on a couple of facebook exmormon sites, and you should see the comments! Exmos are calling me crazy and wondering why I'm promoting weird things. I've been accused of just throwing words together and not making sense. Here's the story:

Limited Liability

This is the tiger’s eye agate. See the layers? It’s a lighter tone seer than the one Joseph had. That was a chocolate. I sometimes think that it was the more powerful, but the tiger’s eye is the prettier. Faith is faith. Before I tell you of my vision, which related with this stone, I want to share that I have a testimony that Joseph Smith laid out the Lord’s plan in the clearest words ever written. There were others in the church at the time of Joseph, and I do believe that the parlance is contemporaneous, who possessed similar stones. I don’t mean to brag, but I have two hundred books on church history. I want to add that I have books written about church history by non-members. It’s important for me to read the lies to understand the truth.

Through some of my closer acquaintances in my ward--we have our own Book of Mormon study group-- I heard about a guy outside of Nephi, off I-15. You know where that billboard is with the advertisement for the crime novel with no sex or swearing in it? My wife is reading it now, by the way. It keeps her from thinking too much. The funniest thing is she says I think too much. The turnoff at that billboard is how you get to this guy’s shop. Every stone he shapes and polishes is of the same egg-like shape, and we don’t know why, but that shape is the best for a seer. I mean, this guy is really something. He runs the whole thing as an MLM, you believe that?

That’s the reason I invited you to my house today. That and the pie we’re having. You like it? My sweetie pie makes the sweetest pie. My mother always said she wasn’t partial to desert, so when I was courting, and she was along, no pie for me. Mother was a saint. I used to feel guilty for being the difficult child that I was. I deserved every beating, and she said I gave as good as I got. After Dad had the heart attack in the garage, and you know, I can’t remember now if he was trying to lift the transmission or the engine block without the crane, Mom lived here. You know, until the end. They’re together now in the Celestial Kingdom, and I don’t doubt that she’s after him about his TV watching. She hated that, but Dad had a Zenith console with space command remote control. It had zoom, which I think was the reason for the name space command. He said it was a 26” which was the largest TV tube in mass production at the time. This was before the 27”. Remember those? I wanted one so bad, and I asked dad to get one, but he said that making the screen one inch bigger was a gimmick for suckers. Still had the Zenith when his heart blew up.

Okay, brother, here’s how it works. This seer stone is free to you. You can walk out of here today with this authentic seer stone replica, no charge. All you have to do for it is to sell four stones to others and you will own it. You give me sixty dollars startup cost, and I reimburse you fifteen dollars for every stone you sell for me. After selling four stones you will have earned back the entire startup cost, and the stone is yours to keep and cherish as a complimentary gift. Every stone that you sell after that will pay you fifteen American dollars. What you do with all that money is between you and your tax accountant. None of these transactions are burdened with unnecessary regulations, which I find refreshing in these times. I’m of that faith that what a man earns is earned and done. No one will convince me that the deep state deserves a chunk of my money--what’s to stop them from taking it all?

This is the best MLM that I have affiliated with in my own personal life, and I have been with some good ones. I was with the bio-rhythm supplement monitor, the one that worked by quantum scientists. This one I can at least understand. And I believe it. You might be prompted to recall my little testimony a few minutes ago? And men of our faith don’t take testimony lightly. Quite the opposite. It is applied only to the deepest spiritual feelings we have. I prayed one night and then slept with this very stone under my MyPillow, and I dreamed a dream that the ‘Sear Stones’ brand would go public with an IPO, and now I want to up my previous offer to twenty dollars a stone, if you agree to invest in a cash pre-stock fund that will immediately pick up the stock the minute it’s issued. I hardly ever offer anyone the team deal, unless they come highly recommended from a carefully vetted source. I don’t listen to anyone under bishopric position. So yes, you had a bishopric...or higher...endorsement. I have an excellent memory for these things. This disclaimer you’ll sign will keep you open for the stock option, but you don’t have to decide that now. If I were to attempt anything more than persuading you to sign, I would throw myself out, and this is my house! Sign now.

In Memory of Ken Westenskow

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Posted by: ziller ( )
Date: April 07, 2021 10:31PM

.



chocolate is best ~



what's this thred about OPie ? ~



exmos making bank ? ~

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 05:01PM

Yes, bank. Sometimes the fraud is lateral--member to member.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 06:40AM

It's very good, Don. I assume my nevermoness means I don't react as others may. Perhaps you just push too many buttons, as it's a masterly takedown of so many mormon failings.

Question which must be asked: who was Ken Westenskow?

Thanks for publishing it here anyway. My best wishes to you. Have you been vaccinated yet? I got the first Moderna shot yesterday (at the French National Stadium, no less ;-). Now my arm aches a bit.

Tom in Paris

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 04:59PM

Ken Westenskow was my uncle by marriage, and the story is narrated in his voice. Posthumously speaking.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 10:32AM

donbagley Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I posted this story on a couple of facebook
> exmormon sites, and you should see the comments!
> Exmos are calling me crazy and wondering why I'm
> promoting weird things. I've been accused of just
> throwing words together and not making sense.

They lack a sense of the absurd and irony in evaluating their former religion.

Hopefully they don't lack a sense of humor. At least not all four of them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2021 10:32AM by Elder Berry.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 05:00PM

Ha ha!

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Posted by: Tyson Dunn ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 11:18AM


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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 05:00PM

Good memory. It's also posted at Salamander Society.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: April 08, 2021 06:17PM

Seeing the fake spirituality of Mormonism mocked with such precision is what infuriates them. They can dismiss outsiders, saying they don’t really get Mormonism. When Don gets Mormonism better than they themselves do, they freak out.

Only in Mormonism is lack of believability considered a feature, not a bug.

Or so it seems to me.

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