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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 27, 2021 11:22PM

...or her, if you're Community of Christ...


Those of us who have an inner drive to laugh and to spark laughter, do we get that from ghawd, or is that just some Natural Man crap that we'll be cured of when we get our whatever-kingdom resurrected body?

Will I be funny in the Eternities? Will people laugh?

If you make it to the Celestial Kingdom and become a ghawd, will your perfect body have a funny bone? Or does knowing EVERYTHING make humor impossible?

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 27, 2021 11:25PM

Wut

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Posted by: Space Pineapple ( )
Date: April 27, 2021 11:34PM


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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: April 27, 2021 11:48PM

It is if you are the GA.

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Posted by: scmd1 ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 12:48PM

Great answer!

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: April 27, 2021 11:50PM

If we were actually stuck in the elevator I would ask him why Even Jesus Christ wasn't coming to his rescue. Or at least why the apostle wasn't using his awesome priesthood power to get the elevator moving again.

Then after he told me those answers would all become clear in the next life, I'd ask which relative of a general authority has the contract to make all those vinyl steeples you see on almost every wardhouse.

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 12:56PM

When you see a big consecrated oil spot in an elevator, you’ll know a Mormon gave it a blessing to get it going. They do it to thier cars all the time.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:20AM

My question would be "would you like to get punched in the nose ?"

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Posted by: onthedownlow ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 11:14AM

Exactly, which side of your ass should I kick first?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:36AM

Is there a limit?


What about the disconnect between church claims & the way ChurchCo functions day-to-day?

Why doesn't ChurchCo correct its mistakes?

what might you say to all the 'believers' who've been duped by ChurchCo?


Pls tell me about the Book of Abraham; tell me like I'm in high school advanced placement / running start class.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2021 01:45AM by GNPE.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:37AM

Is it true what they say about you and hamsters?

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Posted by: moehoward ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 06:14PM

LOL, best post of the day

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:45AM

So. Many. Questions.
But I'll start with these two --

"Ray Kroc, former CEO of McDonald's, once reportedly said that he was not in the hamburger business, he was in the real estate business. Is your church corporation also primarily in the real estate business?"

"How is it that a so-called global church is still so lily white?"

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:51AM

You'd get no answer. Those guys are far too busy thinking great masculine thoughts to deal with us womenfolk.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 12:16PM

"thinking great masculine thoughts"....that delivered a stupendous laugh in this arena.

First, one has to imagine in their wildest that an apostle is capable or knows what THINKING even is or entails.

Next, that word "great" to an apostle would equate with what they could do which would provide the biggest hand clap and the largest pile of BS.

and so it goes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2021 12:17PM by presleynfactsrock.

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Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 09:07AM

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The chicken, like other biological organisms, acts on a complex combination of genetic history encoded in its DNA, expression of specific genes due to its parentage and upbringing, and learned experience and operant conditioning. Any answer to a question about a singular action must take into account all these factors and will be quite complex.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: Your question requires more specificity. There are quite literally innumerable objects satisfying this vague chromatographic classification in the universe. Are there other attributes that would further distinguish the object you have in mind?

Q: Take my wife. Please, take my wife.
A: I am sorry, but you have been placed in the second level of the Celestial Kingdom. Your wife is currently enjoying her plural marriage to an unnamed General Authority of the Church in the level above you. We apologize for the inconvenience.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/28/2021 09:08AM by Anziano Young.

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:09PM

>> "Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?"

I look forward to the day in our society when the motives of the chicken will not be questioned.

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 09:43AM

I wouldn't care to speak to him at all. I was going to say I'd ignore him, but it isn't my way. I'd be polite and not because he is a GA. I'd probably tell him I used to be mormon and that I'm proud to be an apostate. I wouldn't ask him anything as I asked the big question of my life and they had the wrong answers.

I actually have a dark sense of humor, but only those close to me get to experience it.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 03:54PM

cl2notloggedin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wouldn't care to speak to him at all. I was
> going to say I'd ignore him, but it isn't my way.
> I'd be polite and not because he is a GA. I'd
> probably tell him I used to be mormon and that I'm
> proud to be an apostate. I wouldn't ask him
> anything as I asked the big question of my life
> and they had the wrong answers.
>
> I actually have a dark sense of humor, but only
> those close to me get to experience it.

Me too!

There was a time that I thought they were special: called of god, receiving inspiration, seeing JC in the temple, profoundly wise in all matters of the church.

But they are really little dicks who believe that they are big ones. They are narcissistic pigs whose time has come to go to the slaughterhouse.

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 11:35AM

"You're an apostle? Of Jesus Christ?? I thought they all died 2,000 years ago! It would be amazing if God restored the church like the original--please tell me more about it!"

"Oh, shoot, this my floor--I'd love to hear more about your church but I'm late to my NAMBLA meeting!"

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 12:22PM

I'd ask the important questions....

Hey, that's a nice pen. Does it have a light?

Does your wife make good donuts?

How many diet cokes do YOU drink every day?

How loud is loud laughter exactly?

If I lost my right hand in an accident, could I take the sacrament with my left hand?

How long can I wait to put my garments back on after sex?

If my cattle get sick, do I have heal them with tobacco, or can I just call the Vet?

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Posted by: Jaxson ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 01:15PM

I would ask, "How much do you get paid? I'm guessing the $120,000 per year figure that has been thrown out there is just a drop in the bucket. What is the real number?"

I would follow that up with, "Rumor has it you signed a non-disclosure agreement and received some sort of $1 million "bonus/non-repayable loan" when you were brought on as a G.A. Is that true? What type of financial ramifications would you face if you were to come out and reveal it was all a hoax? If you took $1 million on the way in, how much would it take to get you out? You know...you can buy anything in this world with money."

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Posted by: valkyriequeen ( )
Date: April 28, 2021 01:52PM

If it were Dallin Oaks, I would ask him: “ So, read any good books lately? By the way, heard from Mark lately?”

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Posted by: kathleen ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 04:14PM

LOL

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Posted by: ookami ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 12:21AM

"So, loud laughter is a bad thing, and being with my family for eternity is the good afterlife? And you don't see anything backwards about that?"

As for Space Pineapple's question about flatulence, if you fart in an elevator with an apostle, you'll end up breathing in your own stink. If you're getting off the elevator and the apostle is getting off on another floor, though, let 'er rip.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2021 12:24AM by ookami.

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Posted by: Human ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 08:57AM

“Is that a banana in your pants, or are ya just glad to see me?” Then I’d laugh a loud, stupid laugh, because it’s a fact:

“...I have one of these very loud, stupid laughs. I mean if I ever sat behind myself in a movie or something, I’d probably lean over and tell myself to please shut up.”

—J. D. Salinger—
—The Catcher in the Rye—

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 12:30PM

I got nothing.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 12:43PM

I bet you'd come up with something...

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 02:01PM

Too much humane society in that elevator.

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Posted by: dogbloggernli ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 03:01PM

I aspire to not recognize any of them on sight.

So hopefully I wouldn't even know I was stuck with one.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: April 29, 2021 03:49PM

How many times do you look at porn and masturbate?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 10:35AM

You can have as many of those anointings without sin as you want once you get your second.

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Posted by: wondering ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 08:05AM

I would say

I bet you are looking forward to meeting with god when you leave the earth! I bet you will enjoy that special place god has for you. You know the place where god puts those who claim to be profits and lead the masses to believe lies. God says. I never gave to revelation.

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Posted by: JoeSmith666 ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 12:28PM

Do you really, honestly believe American Indians descended from Jewish immigrants?

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 01:16PM

Do you have ANY proof to back up your anti-mormon wild allegations?!?!

I'm shocked to the center of my core's middle!

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Posted by: Perdition ( )
Date: April 30, 2021 03:29PM

1. Mr GA, Show me the Gold Plates!
2. Lucy Harris had a point didn't she?

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