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Posted by: New name this one ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 01:19PM

Having issues. Two years now. Same phrases in message-form sent from family members to check if I have forgot where I came from in the dysfunctional family system. They do not want to meta-communicate or understand my point of view. I give the same answer time after time. They do not want to get it. They show up outside the house, pretending that nothing has changed, and my blood pressure just rise.

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Posted by: logged out today ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 02:55PM

Stop being nice; they're not worth it. Stop trying to communicate; they don't care. For the messages, either block or send to spam. If you feel you must respond, give them this new answer, time after time:

"F*** off you cultist pieces of s***"

As for showing up at the house, record them. Tell them to leave and if they don't, it's trespassing. Call the cops, get a paper trail going, and then get a restraining order. If they violate the R.O., prosecute. They'll eventually get the message.

Mormons are cowards. They only bully the weak and those who don't/can't fight back. Start fighting or it will never stop.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 03:06PM

If ignoring them doesn't work, file a police report. Don't communicate one on one.

Simply ignore and follow up with police documentation. Don't talk to them. Don't look at them. Don't answer their questions. Freeze them out!!

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Posted by: laperla not logged in ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 07:52PM

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 11:00PM


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Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: June 04, 2021 11:55PM

If we were speaking of members of the ward who don't respect your boundaries, I would agree with some of the drastic measures suggested by other people in this thread. Perhaps even more distant relatives should be treated this way (calling the police on them).

But with family, I think you should make those kinds of measures a last resort. Rather than calling the police on them, try teaching them how they must interact with you if they want to be a part of your life. This is a great way for you to start learning how to set and enforce your own personal boundaries. You only get one mother and one father in life. Siblings can never quite be replaced either. I recently realized that there are only two people left on this earth who knew me as a baby, who watched me grow up, and who really know who I am. Try not to throw these kinds of people out of your life if you can avoid it. Use your love and enforced boundries to show them how healthy relationships are supposed to work.

Make sure that they see you as an adult and be prepared to correct them if they won't do that. Don't let them take advantage of you either. But also, don't hide from them. I remember the first time I defied my mother and refused to relent. I told her that I am an adult now and that I intend to make my own decisions whether or not she agress with me. She was no role model and I always made better choices than she did anyway. My father never put me in that position. When I turned eighteen he made it clear that he knew that it was my life and that he wouldn't interfere. He loved me none the less. Your family owes you the same whether or not they will admit it. You just need to set boundaries that allow more family interaction without their bullying you. If you must call the police, warn them first. Make that incident be their first lesson if nothing else works. But by warning them, you'll be involving them in the choice, kind of like when a parent tells their kid that "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" before they punish you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/05/2021 12:16AM by azsteve.

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Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: June 05, 2021 12:45AM

A few years ago, I was over at an friend's house visiting. I am a lifelong friend of their whole family, and knew all of his siblings when they were first born, and watched them all grow up as we became young adults and I maintained a friendship with all of them and their parents.

So during my visit, these two brothers got in to a fight. It started with a disagreement, followed by yelling. Then it progressed to loud yelling and getting in eachother's face. For a moment, I was genuinely frightened that one of them would hurt the other. A violent fight seemed imminent at one point. I was thinking that maybe I should leave when one of them totally changed his countenance all at once. He said "hold it here. I love you brother. Let's take it down a few notches here". A few minutes later, the fight got vicious again. This went back and forth several times and they eventually got their issue worked out. Just watching that, I was more shaken than either of them were. Even as well as I knew them, it got pretty scarry a few times. As kids, their parents never let them fight like that before they would break it up. A few minutes later, they were laughing about how they had just fought while I was still trying to calm my nerves.

My point is that you can get away with some things with family that don't work anywhere else in the real world. You don't have to take anything that you don't agree with and you have options with them that wouldn't be acceptable anywhere else. I don't advocate ugly arguements. But you don't have to be especially nice either. Make sure they know that you mean it. If they don't allow you to put that accross in a way that they will respect, then you can set boundaries that involve the police if they cross your lines.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: June 05, 2021 12:08AM

I would quit saying the same thing over and over to people who don't want to hear it. Since they don't want to listen to you, perhaps you should spend more time tuning them out as well.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 01:08PM

I wouldn't want to cater to someone I saw as a stalker in hopes of keeping them coming back for more.

I'd rather make my point and force a measure of respect in hopes that the "stalker" would learn better manners and be friendly in ways we could both enjoy.

The trouble with mormons is that they think everyone needs to come around to their thinking and abide by their expectations. Anyone willing to do that is free to give it a try.

I know that when I was in my sixties and my mother was in her eighties, she still thought she was the boss because she was tied into mormon thinking. When I finally told her I wouldn't stand for it and she'd have to compromise or I'd shun her, she became actually more kind and respectful of me than she had ever been.

I think anyone in a long term relationship needs to be willing to compromise to an extent or be ready to give up on that relationship.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 03:29PM

I was stalked once. The stalker told me to my face there was no way to stop him.

So I went to a very public place, with lots of White people as witnesses to the fact that when a friend of mine shot out the stalker’s tires, it couldn’t have been me.

Never saw the stalker again.

I just made that up, but there’s at least a 50/50 chance it would work!

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: June 09, 2021 12:07PM

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: June 09, 2021 12:08PM

In your imagination.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: June 09, 2021 12:26PM

It was one of my grandkids!

I don’t get no respect!

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