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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 05:47PM

And no... not A Harrison Ford movie or re-make.

The better half is saying we need to see this... Spend time together... Have fun family time together... go to the movies together... and don't say anything negative about this.



https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/witnesses_2021



Watched the preview and already see things that are inaccurate and shall I say, bullshit. I'm the bad guy because I don't want to spend time with the family and have a nice time at the movies. Movie houses don't provide barf bags these days. Better half cannot understand why I fight against something that only wants to do good. And any responses that are valid must make it past her for approval to be admissible to the conversation.....goddamn-it!!! WTF!!!

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 07:07PM

FYI, dear reader, the movie is a docudrama about the three witnesses of the BoM. Looks like a vanity project that will only play in Utah County, if there.

Looks thoroughly faith-promoting. Blech.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 07:33PM

Ewwww. That looks hysterically bad. What happened to nuance and less is more? Even more grating than the movie would be the audience overcome with the spirit as they watch and the tearful testimonies in the lobby. Popcorn will not be enough. Not even Junior Mints are going to make this bearable.

I feel for you.

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 09:10PM

as Millers own Megaplex theaters.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 11:59PM

You have my sympathy.

I just looked on RottenTomatoes. It is playing all over the SL valley too. I'm sooooo embarrassed!

It has a "splat" rating from the critics, no numeric percentage given (anything below 60 gets a "splat"), and an 85% positive rating by the viewers. How much you want to bet all the viewers are Mormon?

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: June 19, 2021 12:43PM

it seems. There was one I wanted to see 2 weekends ago and I can't remember why we didn't go (not mormon one). It is "The Dry" or something like that. It lasted one week at the Megaplex Theaters, but sure enough, these mormon movies (and all children movies) were still there.

I complain often about the movies they send here. I quite often get a survey from them after we go to a movie and I complain about the movies we get up here. They always say that the audience here in Cache Valley doesn't like the movies that we like. BUT we were the only ones in the theater for over a year every week when we went or maybe 1 or 2 other older couples like to see "The Courier" or "Six minutes before midnight."

At least there is one we want to see this weekend. I grew up on movies. My parents sent us every Saturday and then they'd go that evening. I go through withdrawals when I can't see a movie!!!

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 11:45PM

Two words: faith porn


It is making it as far as south east Texas.

Looks like Johnny Cash has had his temple work done since it sounds like the holy ghost of Johnny Cash is doing the sound track.

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Posted by: eternal1 ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:27AM

"faith porn" I like that. In future, I'll be using that as a description for religious propaganda (films, articles, memes).

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: June 07, 2021 11:52PM

I'll see that movie with my spiritual eyes.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 09:15AM

...and throw up from your spiritual stomach...

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 10:11AM

Haha. When the DVD comes out you can put a sheet over the screen and see the movie the way they saw the plates.

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 10:51AM


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Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 12:45PM

LOL

He should tell his family they can't actually see or handle the movie. Instead they should just believe what he says about it.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 10:14AM

Tell your other half that you'll watch the movie if you can hang a rope across between you and hang a sheet over it. That way you won't see her get overcome by the spirit and she won't see you chuckling.

Otherwise, if you are crafty at making things, this would be a great opportunity to sell Urim and Thummim replicas in the lobby.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:33AM

I've suffered through the trailer a few times now. I hate how they setup the 'bad guy' in this. He is screaming "I want to persecute Mormons cause I'm an asshole...Its nothing ya'll did!!!!" It is maybe hard to detect or maybe I'm just jaded, but the bad guy is asking David Whitmer "you know Joe Smith, You were with him when he saw the gold plates?" The implied reality of that sets up the "truthiness" of the premise of the movie. Bad guy should ask, "You seen Joe Smith look at that rock in his hat?" or "You get any of that treasure Joe never found?" or "You seen Joe Smith make them tin plates to fool us?" or "You one of the dannites?"

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:51AM

When I watched the trailer, phrases resurrected themselves that I had heard from childhood about how persecuted the "innocent" Mormons were by the mean nasty jealous townspeople. My dear father in particular could go on about the persecution of those poor mormons who had given up everything for God. Bought tears to his eyes, the brutality they suffered!

One of the highlights of my life was finally learning the true history and there was no persecution. More like revenge for coming into a town that God said was theirs and taking over with Joseph and army and Danites and polygamy and them thinking they owned the place, cuz, God.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:00PM

I have those pioneer family stories too. Ancestors kick off land they owned in Missouri because of a bad sheriff. All the persecution and the extermination order, etc...

The idea of what was going on is different when you factor in the dannites and all the tom-foolery JS was up to. Why could he just not be lawr-abiding?

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:14AM

How can this movie possibly have grossed $126k so far?

I would tell your wife that you have no interest in it, and that if she wants to go, she is welcome to take the kids on her own. If she wants you all to see a movie together, it will have to be one that you all can agree on. There is always at least one suitable children's movie out (i.e. Peter Rabbit 2.)

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:36AM

I asked her if there was a new "My Little Pony" out that we could go see. Maybe we could just go watch previews for a while.

"I'm tired of them Mormons making shitty movies that I gotta go see and pretend is factual!" That is me persecuting my wife.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 11:59AM

When the Osmonds left Hollywood and built their own studios in Orem, my Dad got the idea that they has been driven out of Hollywood for not serving coffee on the set and because them being Mormons was all it took. Not sure how he got that, but "that was persecution right there."

You may not have a prayer with your wife seeing anything you have to say as anything other than persecution. Very useful word, that, for Mormons.

As for the Osmonds, from what I know they just wanted to own their own empire. There was no torching and tar and feathers.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:07PM

Being sarcastic: I thought the Osmonds setup shop in Orem so-as-to cut out the middleman so they could make more money (and pay more tithing) and not have to make immoral content or work on sets that were used for wickedness.

See how that works? I guess when you look for persecution you find it.

Reminds me of one big meeting I went to at the MTC where this teacher/motivational speaker was talking about all the persecution we should expect to see and experience. She told us to turn to our companions when that happens and give them a high-five and savor the "persecution for the Lord".

When the missionaries are being told to high-five persecution, you know you will find it or it will find you.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 12:26PM

"To someone with a hammer everything looks like nail." Mark Twain. Sums up the persecution thing perfectly.

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Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: June 08, 2021 01:07PM

Just stop it, everyone!! As long as Joseph is a dreamboat, it's all good.

This film has the three things every Mo'movie needs: A sweeping establishing shot of a river, so ya know it's pioneer times, bad guys with bad teeth and hygiene, so ya know they're unenlightened rubes, and as said before, a dreamy, handsome Joseph Smith, so your MIL and daughters will plotz over him.

P.S. It looks like this movie has the famous story of the three guys trying to grab the plates from JS along the trail, but one after the other he knocks them down and gets away, which is ridiculous on its face: if I was the ringleader of a gang of thieves, I would waylay the victim all at once, instead of that stupid trope of the bad guys coming at the hero one at a time so he can have a good series of fight sequences....

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 19, 2021 12:00AM

Review:

Spoiler Alert! You're welcome.


I had the displeasure of seeing this nonsense a day or so ago. They are trying to be clever in story telling with jumping back and forth between events and story telling. A reporter tracks down David Whitmer and tries to get the scoop on another story in some other news paper. It is a very apologetic movie. Insert barf emoji.... about 10 times. Here is a list of things that were interesting that I caught with one viewing:

Joe SMith is shown looking into a hat with a seer stone in several scenes. They gloss past the fact that he had interpreters with the plates "and used them for a short while then switched to the seer stone." I paraphrase there, but that is how they address the stone in a hat.

There is a scene where Oliver interrupts Joe and Sidney Rigdeon and urgently needs to talk to Joe alone. The story is built up that David and Oliver are jealous that they are being replaced by other folks like Sidney. After they are alone, Oliver brings up Fanny Alger and Joe briefly mentions it is a fullness of times and restoration of all things then the subject gets changed really quickly and Oliver starts chastising Joe over being blinded by leading a people of faith...as seen in the trailer. I leaned over to my SO and said ok... this is 1838 the problem is the ploygamy revelations didnot get revealed until 1843. She shushes me and says, I don't know where you get your info.... Whatever...

There is a scene where there is a build up to Oliver and other members essentially leading a coup on the church partially motivated by the failed Kirtland Bank. Someone asks about the location of Joe, and again very briefly "He's in Toronto" and that is it. SO it is crafted such that you think that these mutiny members are taking advantage because Joe is out of town. I lean over to the spousal unit an ask what was he doing in Toronto? Again... Sssshhhhhhh from her.

The Carthage Jail scene is interesting with the mob just shooting into the door and people dropping inside the cell at the top of the stairs. There is about 1/32nd of a second where you see someone fall on the floor with a pistol. That person is inside the cell, but it happens so fast that if you don't know the story, you think it is one of the mob on the floor with the pistol.

When the carthage sequence happens, it is a dream that Oliver is having abotu returning to the church. Joe falls out the window and falling toward Oliver on the ground in Oliver's dream. It is really comical as it unfolds. I'm laughing as I watch this and SO is ignoring me and reacting to the built up emotional stimulation of the movie.


All in all.... it sucked. It pains me that I had to see it. On the way home I asked if anyone knew what Joe was doing in Toronto, and SO just tells me to keep my information to myself.

The movie ends with a quote form the reporter saying something to the tune of Whitmer seemed like an honest guy and he honestly believes his story.


I give it negative stars since I will never get the time or money to see that drivel back. I wanted to leave there feeling persecuted by the Missouri mob, instead I feel like it was me persecuting common sense by having paid any attention to this so called "movie".

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Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: June 19, 2021 12:47PM


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Posted by: lisadee ( )
Date: June 19, 2021 12:25PM

And, of course, anyone who offers historical facts, their statements are "contentions of the devil."

Mormons and dissociative thinking and behaviors always amaze me.

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Posted by: lapsed2 ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 10:38AM

50 lbs of gold? Try 200 lbs, and running through a field with it.

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Posted by: Jaxson ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 11:15AM

It doesn't work with 50 lbs either -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08wRRff8x0k

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 12:09PM

The chase scene in the movie was unreal as well... Joe is knocked to the ground and the plates are in a pillow case of sorts. The bad guy is coming to get him and while lying on his back, he single-handedly grabs the fabric and is able to hit the attacker in the head with the plates.

Some one should do a video like that too. There might be too many hernias to deal with during such an experiment.

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Posted by: nli ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 02:49PM

If you really want to torment yourself, you can watch the whole movie here, for free:

https://123moviesfun.is/film/witnesses-1622988500/

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Posted by: Libertarian ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 05:44PM

I won't watch it on that site, and I might even file a complaint if I can figure out how to do that.

I don't want Denial Peterson to get rich off the sheeple with this piece of completely dishonest dreck, and so I don't plan to watch it at all.

But I don't like theft of intellectual property rights, either. I would be a flaming hypocrite if I complained about the cult's dishonesty and then turned right around and watched a pirated movie.

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Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: June 20, 2021 07:38PM

I'm with you on the intellectual property stuff. Misery does love company, but I would hope that people would not watch it in that way.

Plus, I need people to read my account and know through my words that what I have written is true, and that they need not gain a testimony of the idiocy of this movie, save through gaining a testimony through my witness, or whitlessness... it is the same.

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