Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: txrancher ( )
Date: August 22, 2021 07:24PM

It's not fair to label one of a group as "all" of a group. I know that. And I won't. But in general, it seems that for Mormons if you are temple-worthy, you are a good person. And better than someone that isn't either a member (or better) temple-worthy.

I divorced my TBM wife about five years ago. Mostly because I liked the taste of alcohol. Just not Word of Wisdom compliant, depending on your interpretation. Not my decision, though, it was hers. And certainly not the whole story--I won't pretend that it is. But it's most of the story and enough to say here, as well as for her to leave me.

She remarried a clean-cut, handsome Mormon. And I was happy for her. He should have been ideal for her--both Nordic looking, committed to that faith. Although he soon started being abusive to her and my kids.

Fast forward to this week. She left the house, took the youngest, and finally said "no" to the physical and mental abuse and went somewhere else to stay. Because of our divorce decree, she needed to tell me where she is at.

My youngest gave me a head's up. I can't say that I didn't expect it. But I still wish it hadn't come to this. He's a doctor, accomplished, and could be so much better toward others. But he isn't and it's too bad. Wasn't to his first wife and kids, so it's a pattern.

I preempted the "here's where we are" call she was planning. I simply texted my ex that I had an idea of what was going on, she has our full support, and she should do what's best for her and our minor child. No explanations needed and we didn't have to talk--she had more pressing issues. But again, we support her. She said thank you and that was all.

I really wanted to say more. But now is not (and never will be) the time. Privately I'm angry that a choice to drink beer outweighs a loving husband, and you decide to leave him because it doesn't mesh with Mo culture. But apparently it takes years of abuse to leave because you are a temple worker couple.

I'm happy, successful, and remarried to a great and extraordinarily beautiful wife. And completely out of the LDS church.

We often harbor bitterness toward Mormons who hurt us because of their beliefs we don't hold. But when they are in need of kindness we should put aside our anger (it's better for both them and us. Our sanity, I think.)

There are lots of Mormons who are good people. Deluded? Lots, but if it makes them happy, OK. And like all populations and cultures, there are also a lot of really bad people. In the middle are those members that trust and admire you for simply being what they are. That's the most dangerous place to be because it makes you vulnerable.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: August 22, 2021 07:38PM

A wise post.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: August 22, 2021 08:26PM

that a mormon woman who divorces a good man for someone just because you aren't the perfect mormon and he looks like he is is such a huge mistake. I've seen it happen far too many times.

Women need to go to a mormon singles activity and look around first. There is no man out there who will love your kids like you do.

Having been single in mormonism until age 27, I had a good idea of what mistakes I had made such as not marrying one of the three nonmormons who asked me to marry them. I held out for the RM, TM and ended up with a gay man (and I knew beforehand, but I felt trapped in the situation as they had only wrong answers for us so I married him to get the leaders out of my life). Knowing what there was out there in mormonism, I would have stayed with him forever and just let him cheat. He chose to leave. I swore I'd never date a mormon again and I haven't. In fact, I wanted the nonmormon I'm with to become available, but didn't think he would.

Thing is, you can't make a "whole" family out of what is left, not from what I've seen as I have a lot of divorced/remarried friends. My kids don't like my boyfriend much, but they are 35, so it isn't like they have to live with him or have him act as a father figure. I've always given him and his kids all the space they need to be a family TOGETHER and I don't interfere. I've earned their respect by doing that.

Women and men need to be careful about why they divorce. Never throw away a good spouse for something so small as you like to drink alcohol. May I just add that my dad drank alcohol, coffee, and he chewed tobacco. His dad chewed tobacco, a habit learned when he served in WWI. They were farmers. I didn't know my dad chewed until the last few years of his life, but it didn't matter to me. He was a good man. I asked him once if my mom ever gave him a bad time about drinking and he said that she hadn't. She did give him a bad time about missing church a lot, but she never left him. He was damn lucky to have her, too, though. More than lucky.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: August 23, 2021 10:34AM

Thanks for the blurb about "all" as that word is one my enemies. This lumping together trend in this country ironically is what divides. I don't want to be part of any "ALL" and I don't want to see others that way either.

I appreciate very much the heartfelt message of your post. I was raised to believe that all Mormons were wonderful, period. Just ain't so. They are all unique. I do tend to think though that the extreme Mormonism and extreme religion produces more bad than is average for the rest of a godless society. Haven't done a national survey though, so it's must me thinking that.

This WoW thing has hurt so many people. When a beer ends a marriage . . .

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: August 23, 2021 11:10AM

I don’t think she made her decision in a vacuum. There could have been Mormons in the loop giving bad advice. Talking about how eternal salvation is in danger cuz who will take her to the CK? Well, that’s some serious stupid. But don’t most Mormons believe that? John Wayne had a saying: Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: August 23, 2021 11:18AM

Sorry to hear about her poor choices causing heartache to so many others, including herself. It's a tragedy.

I'm sure your children are learning lessons from the sad saga. It's too bad the cost of tuition is so steep.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
  ******    **      **  **    **  **     **  **    ** 
 **    **   **  **  **  **   **    **   **   **   **  
 **         **  **  **  **  **      ** **    **  **   
 **   ****  **  **  **  *****        ***     *****    
 **    **   **  **  **  **  **      ** **    **  **   
 **    **   **  **  **  **   **    **   **   **   **  
  ******     ***  ***   **    **  **     **  **    **