Date: August 22, 2021 07:24PM
It's not fair to label one of a group as "all" of a group. I know that. And I won't. But in general, it seems that for Mormons if you are temple-worthy, you are a good person. And better than someone that isn't either a member (or better) temple-worthy.
I divorced my TBM wife about five years ago. Mostly because I liked the taste of alcohol. Just not Word of Wisdom compliant, depending on your interpretation. Not my decision, though, it was hers. And certainly not the whole story--I won't pretend that it is. But it's most of the story and enough to say here, as well as for her to leave me.
She remarried a clean-cut, handsome Mormon. And I was happy for her. He should have been ideal for her--both Nordic looking, committed to that faith. Although he soon started being abusive to her and my kids.
Fast forward to this week. She left the house, took the youngest, and finally said "no" to the physical and mental abuse and went somewhere else to stay. Because of our divorce decree, she needed to tell me where she is at.
My youngest gave me a head's up. I can't say that I didn't expect it. But I still wish it hadn't come to this. He's a doctor, accomplished, and could be so much better toward others. But he isn't and it's too bad. Wasn't to his first wife and kids, so it's a pattern.
I preempted the "here's where we are" call she was planning. I simply texted my ex that I had an idea of what was going on, she has our full support, and she should do what's best for her and our minor child. No explanations needed and we didn't have to talk--she had more pressing issues. But again, we support her. She said thank you and that was all.
I really wanted to say more. But now is not (and never will be) the time. Privately I'm angry that a choice to drink beer outweighs a loving husband, and you decide to leave him because it doesn't mesh with Mo culture. But apparently it takes years of abuse to leave because you are a temple worker couple.
I'm happy, successful, and remarried to a great and extraordinarily beautiful wife. And completely out of the LDS church.
We often harbor bitterness toward Mormons who hurt us because of their beliefs we don't hold. But when they are in need of kindness we should put aside our anger (it's better for both them and us. Our sanity, I think.)
There are lots of Mormons who are good people. Deluded? Lots, but if it makes them happy, OK. And like all populations and cultures, there are also a lot of really bad people. In the middle are those members that trust and admire you for simply being what they are. That's the most dangerous place to be because it makes you vulnerable.