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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
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Posted by: Cold-Dodger ( )
Date: September 16, 2021 03:00PM

Just because Mormonism tried to monopolize literally everything good in your life doesn’t mean you should cede it to them by being averted to thinking about it or being around it or talking about it and trying to separate the Mormon emotional tendrils in your mind from those things. Doing so is another form of surrender. A perfect exit from the church is maybe complete indifference to the church’s fragile ego and doing whatever you want with whatever you want however you want whenever you want whatever they say about it. I’m being vague, because leaving the church behind mentally and sometimes physically ought to free us up to live the best life we wanted to live but were afraid because of our conditioning. The gift of anti-Mormon literature is that this religion can be shown to be a transparent fraud, and you’re allowed to learn as much as about that as you need to kill the nagging suspicion that you’re making a bad decision. Not everyone in every religion gets to have that. Exmormons are empowered to become whatever they want to be next without FOMO dragging them backwards. That’s free agency if I ever had some.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2021 03:01PM by Cold-Dodger.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: September 16, 2021 03:52PM

"A perfect exit from the church is maybe complete indifference to the church’s fragile ego and doing whatever you want with whatever you want however you want whenever you want whatever they say about it."

Your idea of perfect is interesting. Depending upon how much your past life is entangled with Mormonism and how much you have invested in people still entangled with it an exit could be never or complete.

What I think you are describing here is a stance or position with regard to Mormonism. The Mormons I know know I want nothing to do with Mormonism.

And incidentally, I was at my neighbor's house and the husband was discussing with us about who would be called to minister to us now that he was informed he wouldn't be anymore. He mentioned a list of names of men who had been our home teachers and who stopped coming because I was a hopeless case. He was better than them because he respected me enough to not push my return or get too disappointed when any efforts he tried failed with me.

I told him what I tell every Mormon who is assigned to visit my wife - I am okay with you coming just don't try to bring me back. I'm not interested. I don't participate, believe, or want anything from the church. You can help me by not pushing your beliefs on me. If we become friends then we do and it has nothing to do with me changing in regards to the church. It has everything to do with how you treat me and my family.

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Posted by: heartbroken ( )
Date: September 16, 2021 04:44PM

I don't feel a need to read anti-Mormon literature. I know the Mormon church is a fraud and I don't want to distress myself further by reading about why it's a fraud. I don't need to read a book that disproves the existence of Santa Claus. What's the point?

I do like to read on RfM about the experiences of fellow exmos who were once active Mormons and how they came to know it was all b.s. It's validating and comforting to know that there are so many others like me.

I find it a little uncomfortable to talk to my exmo friends about experiences in the Mormon church. It seems to trigger a lot of unpleasant memories best left buried. It also seems that my exmo friends/family feel embarrassed by having been duped by LDS Inc.

I like RFM because we're all anonymous. We don't know each other which removes the uncomfortable feelings. I don't need to worry that I'm triggering my exmo friends and family.

We all have different needs. There's not a one-size-fits-all approach to leaving the Mormon church. Some can walk away and leave it behind without looking back. Others need to talk about it and process it - - sort it all out to move forward. Some enjoy talking and laughing about it. We're all different.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 16, 2021 04:52PM

"A perfect exit from the church is maybe complete indifference to the church’s fragile ego and doing whatever you want with whatever you want however you want whenever you want whatever they say about it."

Actually that is exactly what I did. I elatedly hit the ground running and never gave it another thought. Big new life. There were the issues with the family, but I shot from the hip as lovingly as I could and forgot those the second they were over. Some of those family interactions were intense, but in the end became fodder for cocktail conversation gleaning lots of laughs.


BUT somewhere around 35 or so years later I was triggered big time and I found I had buried everything from my first twenty-three years all the way to China. I was shocked. Everything surfaced marked "return to sender" all at once in a rather brutal fashion.

As far as I can tell the relics all been excavated, catalogued, de-fanged and are under glass in the proper museum now marked "believe it or not". Was a lotta work.

I would say everyone has to find their own way, but any exit at all is the perfect exit. I find yours impressive actually.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 16, 2021 05:13PM

My only concern is the effort I make to hide from my TBM daughter and her kids how sorry I feel for them.

It's pretty much the same for running into TBMs socially, along with coming across missionaries: how to camouflage my disdain for the church and my pity that they're stuck in it.

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