Date: September 24, 2021 11:13PM
I was so miserable those first couple of years out of the church. I left immediately after finishing my mission and went started college at SUU. I was excited to embark on a voyage of real self-discovery and experience some of the joys of life outside the church. But I had no one to turn to and no faculty to figure it out on my own. Luckily my family, who I now lived 5 hours away from, were kind and respectful of my choices, but here at college, all of my apartment roommates were Mormons (except for 1 who happened to be an obnoxious dick). I would spend so much time at the library, sitting alone while I watched everyone around me foster friendships and relationships. I would freeze my ass off walking around random streets in Cedar City by myself, sometimes breaking down crying in a vacant lot or park somewhere. I worked enough hours to try to support myself that I didn't have time to go to a lot of clubs and student events, and when I happened to be free I was simply to shy to try to go to events, dances, and stuff, especially since I didn't have any friends to go with. I was miserable and lonely for the first 2-3 years out of the church, but I always knew I would be worse off with a church community I could never again agree with.
I ended up dropping out of college after a few years, realizing how physically and mentally unsustainable it was to try to pay for college when I had no desire to jump into the corporate world that the university program was designed to prepare me for and ended up moving to a communal farm.
I've lived here for a year now and I feel great. I have real friendships for the first time in my adult life. I still haven't had a romantic/sexual relationship yet (not sure if I really want to tbh), and I'm still poor AF, but it feels great to have rebuilt that sense of community and my life again has purpose.
Anyway, thanks y'all for being here for me in that difficult time in my life. I wish all fellow travelers the strength to keep moving forward and searching their souls to find what they need to heal and be happy.