Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: jazbo ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 12:21PM

Have any of you been summoned to one of these? I was twice. The first one, I refused to attend. As a result, my name was announced in priesthood meeting that I had been disfellowshipped. My husband was very upset. I told him it was just a fancy word for shunning. So for 5 years, I did not attend. In the meantime, we had moved to a smaller ward. They fellowshipped me and I was summoned to my 2nd court of love. I attended, and in 20 minutes it was over. They decided to reinstate me to full fellowship.

It was during this time that I discovered Rfm. A lot of things I had questions about, were answered here. Kathy Worthington was posting about resigning our memberships. I was so excited! Could this be true? So I resigned. I cannot express the feeling of relief I felt. It was as though a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. My husband followed a year later and we never looked back.

Any others? Just curious.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 12:46PM

It is just another mind control tactic
I would not attend one
OR upon arrival I would hand each of the inquisitors a sealed evenlope with my resignation in it and turn aroud and leave.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2021 01:33PM by Tevai.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Jaxson ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 01:07PM

I was disfellowshipped back in the late-1970's. I want to say I was 20 years old?? The night before it was announced in priesthood meeting I had to warn my father of what was coming. That was tough. They kicked all of the Aaronic priesthood out of the chapel into the foyer (where I was sitting) so they could read the announcement. They didn't turn the speaker in the foyer off and after it was announced, all of my buddies gave me a thumbs up. Haaa haaaa!!

During the time I was disfellowshipped I don't believe I was allowed to attend priesthood meetings, just Sunday school and sacrament meeting. Couldn't take the sacrament but of course was told to pay tithing.

Fear of getting excommunicated played a factor in me getting married (for the sex...c'mon man!!). If I stayed "clean" for six months I would be reinstated and in "good standing" for a temple marriage. I did. After the Bishop extorted $800 in tithing money out of me he signed a temple recommend, and at the age of 21 years and 4 months I was worthy for my "eternal" temple marriage...which lasted 19 miserable years. Seemed like an eternity.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 01:12PM

I attended a few as the ward clerk. These were always awful events, at least here in TN where we had a Bishop who seemed to love hurting folks. I did not want to mail the letters he dictated as they were mean and condescending. This was a catalyst for my leaving Mormonism. There was no love shown.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: blackcoatsdaughter ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 03:48PM

I would never attend such an event or play their game. The only purpose of such is for them to try to make my guilt-shame programming kick in, to make me feel like I have lost something by them casting me out. I don't want to feel guilty/be pressured to feel shame over the choice I made to abandon delusion.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Kentish ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 03:56PM

I covered this before. Back in the day I saw it as the only way to make the official break. I enjoyed the experience by taking control. They were just as much the captive audience as I was but I had them surrounded.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 04:05PM

There has already been more genuine love shown in the replies to this thread than in any Court of "Love". The word "Court" rather gives it away, doesn't it? Also, as a man of the Left (but not THAT Left ;-), it all sounds rather like Stalinist/Maoist self-criticism and, indeed, show trials.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2021 04:06PM by Soft Machine.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cheezus ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 06:30PM

I went to mine court o'love. I will never go to anything like that again. Waste of time. I was guilty of being a dirt bag. But the goof-balls in that room had no business knowing any of my business in this matter. My recommendation is to never attend such a thing. My opinion is to shame you into being a more resolute tithe payer. They tell you that you are a piece of shit. You need the church. Blessings will come from paying them. Then in a year they will let you back into the club without questions (yeah right). I still kick my self for having attended. I'm sure some of the high council thought they were helping anf thought they cared about me, but it was a dumbass thing. And the stake president was this asshole that told me and my wife not to get counseling until after the outcome of the 'court'. Lots of very bad discussions were had in the month before the court of love that should have never happened. Damn that POS!!!!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Josephs Myth ( )
Date: October 18, 2021 07:17PM

All I got was a nastygram letter, they're insistant in the letter that the Holy Ghost is in their hot little hands and there is no way they will let anything like that near me.

I kinda laughed and said to myself, I'd really like to see the space-age double o-ring seal they're keeping it in!

What a joke, if you are LDS, stupid still seems like the prerequeset to stay.
Audacious me, liked the energy that really dumb note afforded.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: October 19, 2021 07:31AM

I would never have allowed him to go to a court of love. I had quite a few people tell me I needed to turn him in. In fact, our insurance agent found out he was gay and next thing I know, I had a letter from church offices asking for his current address. I threw it away.

When my kids turned 18, my BIL said, "Well now the kids can have him excommunicated." His court would have been long if they had to have details of all his "sins."

I realized at the time, as I was still a somewhat believer, that the court of love would have been more difficult on the kids and I than on him. He got called to repentance once in a letter when the kids and I got food from the church and I was very upset about that. He didn't care.

I tried to keep my kids from ever having bishopric interviews, but my daughter went back to the church at about age 20. She had "sins" she thought she had to repent of. Me, they could have ex'd me. Seems all the bishops end up being close neighbors. I resigned before they could. I WOULD NEVER show up to a church court.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: October 19, 2021 08:29AM

Here is a video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kRMFNZNPkLI

I personally have not been to a court of love but I have had several "cringy" worthiness interviews during my teenage years and my engagement.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: October 19, 2021 10:40AM

Kangaroo courts or show trials aren’t about love. They are about humiliating you and letting you know who’s in power.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: jazbo ( )
Date: October 19, 2021 10:44AM

Thanks everyone for your inputs. A court of "love" is made up of the stake presidency plus the 12 dry councilmen. 6 of the dry council are supposedly for you and the other six were against you. The first one was a joke to me - a kangeroo court. Also, I had been summoned to a bishop's court, which I did not attend, I had done nothing to be disciplined for. At that time, I had a terminally ill son who was in remission for a short while, taught early morning seminary 5 days a week, and taught 10-11 year olds on Sunday. I suppose they were jealous of the influence I had over their youth.

When we moved, I decided to give church one more chance. Stupid me! About a year or so later , we got a new bishop. He called my husband and I in to talk to us. The dry councilman for our ward was also there. After discussing some things with my husband, (I was not paying attention), he gave us a temple recommend interview! With just the 4 of us.

Some time later, the stake president came out for a visit to our home. And we lived way out in the boonies, dirt roads and all. He was a great guy, although brain washed. We told him about the meeting with the biship and dry councilman, which he did not like. He stayed for 2 1/2 hours, and as he was leaving, I asked him, "what would you have us do?" He looked at me and said, "I would have left a long time ago." Subsequently, I already had.

There was a lot more: interviews where I was told to shut my scriptures and not given a reason why, and which I did not do; interviews about homeschooling; etc. This had been going on for about 20 years. At one time, I decided that these men were not going to run me off. Finally, I decided I had had enough.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: October 19, 2021 03:15PM

It's good to come to that place where you say enough is enough. I'm sorry for what all they put you through, jazbo, and all the countless others through the years. It's the weirdest kind of church, so many people thinking they have power over you.

I'm sorry to read of your son too, jazbo. It sounds as though you were devoted and amazing and they didn't value you, except for the SP. That's amazing what he said ("I would have left...").

I look forward to more posts from you.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: October 20, 2021 10:29AM

I always wonder just who they think they are to interfere with one's personal life at all, to judge one over the inability to do something, or the desire to do something they want. If a person is doing something untoward, we'll say, that person should just be dismissed from his or her callings. Basta. But the gift of being in a position to humiliate another is the foundation of the whole court thing; the humiliation is the point, I think. Otherwise, why would they arrange it kangaroo court style? In a church court (for a minute, let's not use one of the many euphemisms that the church uses), they often don't allow you to know who accused you, and sometimes they are not straightforward with what you did in the first place. The excommunications and disfellowshipping often come from above, and then everyone lies to the members and public that it was purely a local thing. It would seem this occurs any time the person in question has become well-known, and the senior leaders get fed up.

And then the inflation of the significance of the "deed"--I once had a friend who was disfellowshipped because his wife turned him in for masturbation. Yes, masturbation. His family was turned on its head, led his wife to consider divorce, because they had to punish him for a "sexual sin," which we all know is "second only to murder in seriousness." I have no respect for the men who conduct these, or for a church that still does the Byzantine thing of excommunication. And replacing "excommunication" with the term "withdrawal of membership" makes it even more silly in the eyes of members of the church and public.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: October 20, 2021 11:31PM

I have a cousin who about a decade ago was excommunicated for a porn habit (which is of course the same thing as masturbation). He didn't live out West with you lot, so there may have been some mission field stupidity going on.

But yeah, his wife turned him in, he tried but failed to overcome the habits, and he was excommunicated. Thus disappointed, his wife left him, his church-leader father basically disowned him, and the poor man came to think that he deserved the excommunication and the loss of his family.

It was unbelievably cruel.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: October 24, 2021 03:29PM

"Yes, masturbation. His family was turned on its head, led his wife to consider divorce, because they had to punish him for a "sexual sin," which we all know is "second only to murder in seriousness."

Is there a dating website where I can find these women?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Anon4this ( )
Date: October 20, 2021 01:20PM

Wow a wife turned her own husband in for masturbation!? That is insane. The court of love being all men who most likely also masturbate will disfellowship their own "brother". Yes, being on the outside this all seams so silly when they call it "self abuse". When I was engaged my fiance turned me in for premarital touching his penis the bishop has asked me why I did not make my fiance come since I was divorced and should know how it works.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: October 20, 2021 03:32PM

Given my current mood I'd probably be combative and adopt a take no prisoners stance should I have ever been prosecuted/persecuted in a COL. I'd also have to get a new doctor, dentist and pharmacist too once all the dust settled.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: jazbo ( )
Date: October 20, 2021 04:54PM

All the comments were much appreciated. I was deluded to think if I stood up to all these men, that they would leave me alone. HA!! It made them try that much harder to break my will because they are bullies.

Lucky me, I served in the ward library for years, thus missing a lot of brainwashing. I made many excuses to keep going, like I'm going for my kids to set an example; I might be able to help somebody; etc. But the real reason was because I loved to teach.

As soon as I resigned, I felt a huge sense relief; no more guilt sermons about not paying enough tithing, not going to the temple, not doing our home and visiting teaching, etc. Sacrament meetings were so negative. The first thing I did, was take all my garments and burn them one at a time. It was very satisfying and so freeing.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ~ufotofu~ ( )
Date: October 22, 2021 11:59AM

If EVER in a room - or anywhere near - w/ Mormon men, always remember, YOU - not they - have the spirit!

Don't forget that-

That's that.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: momgyver ( )
Date: October 23, 2021 07:59AM

This site was a lifesaver for me when I was disheartened and wanting to leave/resign from the church. I am forever grateful!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: October 23, 2021 09:22AM

A court of love sounds like being surrounded by quokkas. Do they bring refreshments?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: October 23, 2021 10:56AM

As of about a year ago they are now called Membership Councils.

Discipleship is now Membership Restrictions

Excommunication is now Membership Withdrawn

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: October 23, 2021 10:57AM

I hate autocorrect!!!!

Disfellowship is now Membership Restictions

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Nightingale ( )
Date: October 23, 2021 12:57PM

You should be able to edit your post for 24 hrs after posting. After that you can ask Admin to do it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In


Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Subject: 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
  ******    *******   **     **  **    **  **    ** 
 **    **  **     **  **     **  ***   **   **  **  
 **               **  **     **  ****  **    ****   
 **         *******   *********  ** ** **     **    
 **               **  **     **  **  ****     **    
 **    **  **     **  **     **  **   ***     **    
  ******    *******   **     **  **    **     **