I was a convert. My main reason for joining were the nice people and a sense of welcome . As I got into high school age, things sort of flipped. I experienced normal teen issues of cute guys and not dating (in the church itself). Why? Biracial. They pretty much told me point blank, "because you're black". I also had the friends that weren't true friends. They made fun of me, bc I stood up one day and called one of them my best friend. Well, she told me we weren't. I admit I had that one coming. ALL I wanted to do was fit in as a person. I couldn't change my coloring. I eventually left the church in 2002 after not having attended since the 1990s. I don't know what the culture is like today, but my experience left me bitter and very, very hurt to this day. I wonder if they even remember me and the words said that hurt me so bad.

"The use of pretend ingredients to make the cake of life is a recipe for failure, not to mention starvation."

--Judic West, chief cook to the Fusiliers of the Royal Watch, Pebbles on Beach, Wiltshire


What I think this means (always a tough go with Judic "the Hun" West) is that make-believe only works in Disney movies. The church is make-believe and the rules favor the White Folk, and they never let us 'impure' folk forget it, when it serves their needy-ass purposes.

>
> but my experience left me bitter
> and very, very hurt to this day.
> I wonder if they even remember
> me and the words said that hurt
> me so bad.
>

It's a shame in terms of useful responses to you, but I think I may be the only 'impure' soul currently attending this board.

I'm a full-on Lamanite, who EVERY summer when I was a teen, would get DARKER and DARKER as the summer wore on.

The mother of the young lady I was dating before my mission sat her down and read Book of Mormon scripture to her that seemed to point out that the more a Lamanite sinned, the darker his skin would get. This was in August, in Las Vegas when I was working on a State of Nevada road crew. My girlfriend didn't buy into it at the time, bless her heart. But she did Dear John me about ten months into my mission...

Four years later, when I got married in the temple, the old g/f's mother happened to be there. She invited herself into our sealing room and sat through the brief ceremony. Then she came up to me, smiled her perfect 'I'm White' smile, and said, "See, everything worked out!"

It wasn't that big a deal to me because I was already out of the church, but it's something I'll never forget.

Everybody likes to think that they possess something that makes them a better person than the run-of-the-mill human being, and with White mormons it's so damn easy: They grow up being told that they are special in ever so many ways!

And one of those ways, even if not publically admitted to the extent it was in the past, is being White and Delightsome. They believe that being born White is something they earned, and by extension, us being born "not white" is an indication that we're "less than".

And they believe it! So the sincerity of their "I'm better than you" is bone-deep. And they feel sorry for us! But at the end of the day, they cling to the notion that they got what they earned and we got what we deserved.

You're never going to get an apology from the mormons. What's best is that you take to heart the knowledge that their religion is not true, that they are deluded. You be the judge of you; screw Whitey!

Also, don't go hiring yourself out to be a gardener to any White people . . .

This is some of the best Judic ever.

What was is still there. Mormons have been taught what you cannot say and do in public. They have tweaked their facade. But a facade it is and there is some ugly stuff behind the Marquis.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> >
> > but my experience left me bitter
> > and very, very hurt to this day.
> > I wonder if they even remember
> > me and the words said that hurt
> > me so bad.
> >
>
> It's a shame in terms of useful responses to you,
> but I think I may be the only 'impure' soul
> currently attending this board.
>
> I'm a full-on Lamanite, who EVERY summer when I
> was a teen, would get DARKER and DARKER as the
> summer wore on.
>
> The mother of the young lady I was dating before
> my mission sat her down and read Book of Mormon
> scripture to her that seemed to point out that the
> more a Lamanite sinned, the darker his skin would
> get. This was in August, in Las Vegas when I was
> working on a State of Nevada road crew. My
> girlfriend didn't buy into it at the time, bless
> her heart. But she did Dear John me about ten
> months into my mission...
>
> Four years later, when I got married in the
> temple, the old g/f's mother happened to be there.
> She invited herself into our sealing room and sat
> through the brief ceremony. Then she came up to
> me, smiled her perfect 'I'm White' smile, and
> said, "See, everything worked out!"
>
> It wasn't that big a deal to me because I was
> already out of the church, but it's something I'll
> never forget.
>
> Everybody likes to think that they possess
> something that makes them a better person than the
> run-of-the-mill human being, and with White
> mormons it's so damn easy: They grow up being told
> that they are special in ever so many ways!
>
> And one of those ways, even if not publically
> admitted to the extent it was in the past, is
> being White and Delightsome. They believe that
> being born White is something they earned, and by
> extension, us being born "not white" is an
> indication that we're "less than".
>
> And they believe it! So the sincerity of their
> "I'm better than you" is bone-deep. And they feel
> sorry for us! But at the end of the day, they
> cling to the notion that they got what they earned
> and we got what we deserved.
>
> You're never going to get an apology from the
> mormons. What's best is that you take to heart
> the knowledge that their religion is not true,
> that they are deluded. You be the judge of you;
> screw Whitey!
>
> Also, don't go hiring yourself out to be a
> gardener to any White people . . .
Once again I attach a label to this mother
Sanctimonius,hypocritical, Bigot

To foster clarity, against whom do you lodge the accusation of “mother Sanctimonious,hypocritical, Bigot”?

Okay, I'm using that one!

TCOJCOLDS-SHB2.0


thechurchofjesuschristoflatterdaysaints-SanctimoniousHypocriticalBigots
Of dubious ancestry and questionable parenthood

Your label gun reminds me of the song "Signs" for some reason.

"Sign, sign
Everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery
Breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that
Can't you read the sign?"

I'm so sorry for that most hurtful experience. And that the pain endures to the present. I find it can be almost impossible to explain why something hurts and especially why it's difficult to push aside.

What I've never understood is if a group or whatever doesn't want a person around because they're not white (ugh) then why entice them in in the first place? With Mormon leadership it's all about the numbers, not the individual.

If Mormonism extols only whiteness, why do they bother even trying to convert people of colour?

I know this doesn't rise to the same level, at all, but I was single when I got baptized. After the dunk, while my hair was still wet, one of the missionaries said to me "Now your next job is to get married". Job? Like there's a list of life choices we must adhere to - a Mormon checklist (such as there is for BICs). When I said "uh, no" I felt spurned by members, like I was a disappointment and a lost cause to them. Not getting with the program (the program they hadn't laid out to me at all - I had no clue). I regretted sliding into their font before they had even completed the baptism (it got fumbled at first and they had to do it again - my dress floated up and wasn't completely under the water - silliness! I wished I had refused and walked out - that would have been a memorable baptism!)

I recognize the feeling of being second-class, or worse, in their eyes. It's not pleasant, at the time or in memory. They never mentioned to me ahead of time that a female is of no worth to them unless she is a wife and a mother. Kind of an important concept to not mention ahead of time.


"I wonder if they even remember me and the words said that hurt me so bad."

I'm sorry to say that I doubt it. My experience is that (1) they don't pay much attention to converts after baptism (before then they're all over you to get you in the tank); (2) many seem oblivious to how a convert feels, or they don't care; and (3) their attitude is that it's your fault, whatever "it" is.

The challenge, in whatever negative experiences in life, is for us to find a way to get past it - not forget - that's sometimes impossible - but keep moving forward and celebrate the victories. I tend to be sensitive and my heart is easily hurt. It takes effort for me to lay things aside and the more hurtful, of course, the harder that is. I never hoped in the first place for an apology at all so that was not a surprise disappointment, as it wasn't forthcoming, of course.

What helps me the most is to take a painful experience and see what I can learn from it (and hopefully don't repeat it) and also to realize what other people may go through in similar circumstances. In that way I can be more sensitive to their pain and the reasons for it and it helps me to understand them better and perhaps be of some help at times (for instance, when I was a victim services volunteer, when I could say to myself I know how grief feels or hurt or great disappointment etc).

It can be a big help to read of others who have had similar experiences and thoughts to our own. I'm glad you've found this board and have posted and perhaps some of the personal accounts and information here can help you work through your own negative experiences in Mormonism.

Congrats on being out!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2021 09:23PM by Nightingale.

You SO nailed it with your description of a newbie Mormon's post-baptism experience. Nobody ever pointed it out here (at least, that I remember) and I have wondered if it was just my (mis)perception.

Your comment: ". . .1. They don't pay much attention to you after baptism (before then they're all over you to get you in the tank) 2. Many seem oblivious to how a new convert feels, or they just don't care. And 3. their attitude is that it's your fault, whatever "it" is. . ."

The ward I was baptized into was in the Deep South (US) and felt more like an extended family than a church congregation. That ward was marvelous! (It was also before correlation, which may or may not matter.)

Then I got a job transfer Way Out West, to a State where I didn't know a soul. Like a good little Mormon, I made some calls, found out what ward I belonged to, and how to find it from where I lived. It was, for the record, MUCH closer to the Zion Curtain. The people in the new ward were superficially polite, but I didn't feel especially welcome.

When they realized that I could deliver pretty good talks, they seemed to appreciate me more. I could make them laugh, cry, or at least, pay attention. And yeah, I got the point across, too.

They asked me to teach now and again, with both the Young Women (who were really fun most of the time) and in Relief Society. After one especially deep RS lesson, I got called to visit the RS Prez at her home.

She asked me what had been the point of my most recent lesson. I told her, "I don't want them to just sit there and stare at me. I want them to THINK. . ."

She cut me off there and said, "They aren't there to think. They are there to learn correct doctrine."

I must have realized at that moment that the EXIT sign had just been lit, but it took me a few more weeks to realize it. The people who had been superficially nice to me when I transferred in began ignoring me altogether.

I got the feeling that everybody else had begun starching their garments, and the starch was making them all grouchy. I wondered if my former ward was starched now, too.

I started noticing more and more items in talks, in lessons, in articles in the Ensign, etc. seemed meaner-spirited and less inspiring.

It dawned on me that I didn't want to be there any more. I used Kathy Worthington's guidelines to write my resignation letter.

And nobody seemed to care.

Thank you for pointing out that everybody and their cat are your best buddies ever, until you take the plunge. Then you fall off the radar. You can see that it triggered some memories for me.

Utah has a very high suicide rate and a very high rate of anti depressant medication use and a high porn usage. Hmmm not all is well in Zion. Now I am as white as they get and I still hated Relief Society. The women felt better when their husbands had high callings like bishops and so on. Their fake smiles and fake friendships. Ofcourse not all of them but in my own experience Relief Society was very superficial. Sorry you went through such pain. There was a post not so long ago on this board about a 10 year old who committed suice because of bullying in Utah. Ofcourse we don't know if it has anything to do with the lds church but being in Utah there is a possibility.

Here is the link.
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/11/12/us/isabella-izzy-tichenor-utah-bullying-claims-suicide/index.html

I am so terribly sorry that you had to go through that. Of course you wanted to fit in, and to be liked, and to have friends. Those are normal human desires. I'm sorry that those people let you down.

Mormon youth are So Immature. They cling to fictitious dieties and impossible images, just like their parents and peer groups. There is usually backbiting, and even backstabbing, bullying, knit pickiness, and smalltalk.

Lacking BIGGER things to think and talk about, or do, LDS usually regress to SMALLER and inconsequential things, like DRESS, "activity", sacrament prayers, who isn't "worthy", and what about That Person who...

You did the right thing. Think. Move on.
Thanks for sharing

Mormon primary kids are awful bullies. As a primary teacher, I would address the parents and realize right away where the bully personality came from.


Mormons are basty nastards.

They were and are
Sanctimonious
Hypocritical
Bigots
Of dubious ancestry and questionable parenthood

There is a slogan out there "Black Is Beautiful" I would suggest that YOU are beautiful not because of skin pigment but just besause you are!!!
So There!!!

"I don't know what the culture is like today, but my experience left me bitter and very, very hurt to this day. I wonder if they even remember me and the words said that hurt me so bad."

Yes, it seems the knives they put in your back don't fall out by themselves. I'm not sure it was really about skin color. I'm white, and Mormon kids treated me the same way. I learned to keep my thoughts to myself. In high school, I was voted quietest person.

When I studied my way out of the church, I learned it was all lies. They make you feel like you are never good enough. That's another lie, you were always good enough. I was always good enough. It wasn't me, it was them. It was them all along. My pretend friends.

Mormons live a pretend life where they put on a happy face while judging themselves unworthy or judging others unworthy. Their God doesn't do "unconditional love" so neither do they. They know this because a sexual maniac told them so, not because of direct evidence. NDEs do not support any such God. Their religion turns them into sucky people. It made me a sucky person. I'm so glad I'm out.

I know it was hard for you, it was hard for me. I think my early teen years were the hardest. I didn't fit in. But honestly, you don't want to fit in. I wanted to fit into that? You gotta be kidding. And that was 40 years ago. It's even more crazy today. Culture is indeed not your friend.

But it gets better. Today I'm okay. Truly okay. I'm okay with the way people are, their defects, their occasionally horrible ways of being. What can I say? They've got their process and I'm glad it's not mine to suffer.