So, I would say I have above average confidence. I also tend to choose friends who are very honest and tell it like it is. I realized today that I sometimes have a hard time believing compliments. It is not because I do not think I deserve them. I just tend to assume that when someone says, "hey, thanks for dinner. It was delicious!" They are probably lying to be nice. I gave it some thought and realized it is probably because I spent so much time in a culture that was so fake.

I think people expressing thanks for a meal should be taken at face value but the actual part about it being delicious might or might not be true. If you get a new hair style and someone says they like it, they may be acknowledging your look has changed but may not necessarily think it looks that great. I agree. Compliments don't mean that much. But people say nice things to you to express they care about or like you. My in laws will tell me my meal sucked if it did, so when they say they liked it, I believe them and it seems like more of an honest compliment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2011 05:33AM by suckafoo.

Sometimes a compliment is given simply because it is appropriate to do so. If we are thanked for a meal, we can appreciate that the guest has a desire to be gracious, even if we are not certain whether they thought the food was delicious or just okay.

In contrast, when a compliment is given from unabashed admiration for a skill we have, or from heartfelt appreciation for one of our personal qualities, then gracious acceptance of the compliment is a healthy response. We also have the option in that case of returning the compliment either with something like “You're so thoughtful to say that” or by expressing our own appreciation for something about the other person.

...then there would be no reason to doubt the "delicious" compliment. Yes, sometimes praise can be automatic, but not always. I'm one of those who isn't very good at nice, empty, social lubricant banter. I'm even worse at bald-faced lies. If I give a compliment, it's because I actually felt moved to give it. If I say nothing, well, I wasn't moved.

...(the South) where manners and flattery are employed to excess, you can't really take any compliment at face value.

I struggle with compliments too cuz everyone who is a Mormon is so fake just pretending to be nice...it has made me really doubt anything nice that people say to me