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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 09, 2022 03:22PM

This has been a long drawn out process. After the realization that the only way to deal with my malignant, narcissistic sister was to go no contact, I gave it my best try. She is scary, controlling, and manipulative. I do not use this description of her lightly. She has been diagnosed by professionals.

First, after I went no contact, she got a list of all my classmates in high school. She doesn't know any of them but tried to reach them all by Facebook and get them to be her FB friends. I started getting calls from people saying things like, "I know we weren't close in high school but do you have a sister named ______ _______ ? She tried to tell as many of my former classmates as possible that I was horrible and she needed to know what I was doing and she needed them to spy on me. This didn't work very well because I have moved away from our childhood home and I have very little contact with most of these people.

Second, when Facebook let her down she enlisted her children to text message me with fake stories about her being in the hospital with Covid. After that I just blocked her and her children from my smartphone and things became serene again for quite a long time. I thought she had given up on me but I really think it just took her awhile to realize I had blocked her texts and voice messages.

Yesterday I received a message in the mail from my banker. I thought it had something to do with my bank account. Turns out Sis had asked my banker to mail a message to me because she couldn't get a hold of me! It was an obituary of a friend of hers that I barely know but she told my banker it was a friend of the family and something she just knew I would want to be informed about.

OMG! How do I get my malignant narcissistic sister out of my life for good? I cannot believe the lengths to which she will go to harass me. It is pretty creepy. It has been 21 months since I have had any contact with her but she just keeps finding ways to use others to annoy me. She, as usual, plays the injured party who just wants to do me a kindness and get in contact with me. Everyone believes her. Eventually her contact always evolves into toxic, threatening messages.

Is there anything I can do to further protect myself? What would you do in my shoes?

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Posted by: heartbroken ( )
Date: January 09, 2022 03:57PM

Have you told her to "F" off? Mormons hate the "F" word. I've found it very useful in getting rid of Mormons.

Maybe you can get a restraining order against her. I think she may have crossed a line by contacting your banker for information about you. Start documenting everything.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 01:42AM

Put simply, the more contact I have with her the more ammunition she has to use against me. Anything I say to her will be twisted into an insult that she will use later to slander me. All I can do is try my best to have zero contact. But then, of course, she just makes stuff up.

And by the way, narcissists love being told off. It gives them one more thing to prove that they have been abused. They then feel they have ample reason to play the victim.

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Posted by: Kathleen ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 02:12AM

Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder to me.

Many therapists refuse them as patients. They will hurt you mentally and physically.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 09, 2022 05:13PM

I know you're not going to like this, but as an only child I've missed these stories of just how effing annoying and intrusive your sister has been!

I figured that after your mom died, the stories would be over with...

It's good to have a gift that keeps on giving!

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 01:19AM

Before my mother died I told her I had always wished I'd had more brothers and sisters because my sis was so awful to me. Her answer was priceless. She said, "What if I had given you more brothers and sisters just like her." The thought scared the poop out of me. I told her, "Thanks for your kindness."

At the beginning of this year I was happy because it had been so long since Sis had tried contacting me. I was told that lots of narcissists eventually give up when their victims go no contact.Then the envelope sent by my banker arrived.

Will this ever end??????

Glad this ongoing saga is making somebody happy Old Dog.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: January 09, 2022 05:21PM

I would document everything that she has done. You might want to consult a lawyer to see if there is anything further that you can do about it.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 01:23AM

The stupid stuff she sends me doesn't really bother me. I usually just send it back to her unread. But this time I thought it was from my banker so I opened the envelope.

The hard part is all the slandering she does behind my back. But fortunately, I have my own set of friends that she doesn't know about. The slander goes mostly to people I don't care that much about because they are her friends and not mine. Heaven only knows what she has told the banker.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 02:24PM

Summer is right. Document this. With this type of person she could become dangerous rather than just nutty.

Document. Dates, times, brief description of incident. You just never know. Documentation has turned a lot cases around if it ever comes to that.

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Posted by: Laban's Head ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 12:49PM

I wouldn't return anything, even unopened, because in the end she will see it as an acknowledgement. Just throw anything from her in the trash. I also have a narcissistic sister whom I have had to block from my life. Not easy but necessary. Good luck.

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: January 09, 2022 10:54PM

O M G! She is so pathetic. I bet her kids are glad you blocked them so she can't make them be her flying monkeys. Not being able to get at you must be driving her insane er. I don't know about a protection order but she may be violating stalking laws.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 01:31AM

I had such high hopes of 2022 being the year of ditching her. I had no idea she could keep this garbage going for this long.

I think you are right about the kids. I think they dislike being used as flying monkeys. Since I don't know how much trash talk she has thrown at them, I have no idea how they feel about me. Two of them used to actually like me.

I would think the banker would dislike being a flying monkey but I doubt he has a clue that he's being used and manipulated.She's an expert at playing the part of innocent and victim. Everyone falls for it except the family who know her true personality. I'm trying to decide if it is worth it to try and explain it to him or just let it go. Most people know nothing about NPD.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 06:12AM

Yes, I would talk to your banker.

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Posted by: stillanon ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 09:33PM

First, how does she know your banker? Second, what is your banker doing even verifying that he is your banker? It's almost like attorney/client priviledge. He has no business telling her anything or getting involved with anything outside of your banking dealings. Make sure he gets the message and will never talk about you with anyone but you.

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Posted by: wondering ( )
Date: January 13, 2022 11:46AM

Perhaps call the banker’s boss and say inappropriate.

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Posted by: Gordon B. Stinky ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 03:17AM

The reality is that it’s an effort to smear you with people she thinks matter to you. You’ve humiliated (and probably infuriated) her by brushing her off, so she’s trying to punish you.

My siblings do similar stuff. They’re always “worried” about me. This implies two things: that they are caring and concerned, and that I have some sort of problems.

It easier and face saving to act worried and concerned when people ask, “why doesn’t Gordon ever visit home?” I guess it beats the heck out of admitting, “well, we treat him like $h!+ so he he’s disowned us all.”

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 11:27AM

Yep, you've hit the nail on the head.

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Posted by: Gordon B. Stinky ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 03:21PM

Now that I think about it, the more recent effort may be an indirect attempt to hoover you back, because she misses you as a source of narcissistic supply.

Either way, stay away!!

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: January 10, 2022 03:18PM

I think this goes far beyond narcissism. She sounds somewhere between creepy and dangerous. I second Kathleen's comment.

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Posted by: laperla not logged in ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 12:32PM

To start, your sister probably annoys everyone and she has run out of narcissistic supply/victims. She's coming back to where she got some before. Narcissistic supply can be positive or negative - negative is easier to get.

I have 2 relatives like this. One has classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder characterized by the lies. Caught in a lie, she makes up another lie. Truth is not something to be given out for free. (Smoke and fire are always in different directions.) The other just needs attention and doesn't care how he gets it.

They sometimes work in tandem, and sometimes separately. In tandem, one makes up the rumors and the other (LDS) carries the rumor and attacks - holding up his priesthood "right to know." The LDS person stalks me for the both of them. The worst part is that he stalks me in my profession.

I've watched at least a hundred of the Dr Ramani videos on Youtube and found them helpful. "Don't engage, don't explain, don't defend, don't personalize."

In response to the people who were told lies, "I'm sorry that you had to get involved in this." You can't defend.

It has been so demoralizing to be attacked for no reason except that I will not play the game.

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Posted by: Anonsometimes ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 06:43PM

I went no contact with my malignant narcissistic mother. I actually came here for advice too. The best advice that I was given and actually worked was to read the book The Gift of Fear. Do what the author advises. Basically ignore ALL contact and avoid seeing her at all costs. The more you engage the worse it will get. Eventually she will get bored and back off.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 12:53AM

Thanks for the suggested reading!

So funny how many ex-Mormons are dealing with narcissists. It has been a wealth of information and understanding here!

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Posted by: Sal Forty-two ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 08:34PM

Have heard from others who have had to deal with narcissists regularly, that they get fed up with the continual lies they manage to get away with. That combined with a sort of a charisma, which fools a lot of folks.

Now being more educated and aware of what NPD is have come to realize someone whom I once "thought" was highly well regarded and well known was in reality a giant narc! Always willing to help others it seemed but then usually if you looked carefully enough you could see he did it to gain supply. And that he went way out of his way to carve out what he thought was an impressive resume and career, which in reality was actually not particularly impressive. And to appear as intellectual as possible, despite being rather shallow, interested primarily in making $. And who did untold damage to his family and kids. Still, plenty of people would ooh and aah over him as though he were an intellectual giant (which he was not), completely unaware as I used to be that the guy was about as conceited as they come.

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Posted by: Sal Fort-two ( )
Date: January 11, 2022 09:08PM

Did not mean to hijack the op's thread. Just had a lightbulb moment ;) That moment was when I realized looking back that I caught said character in a couple of lies, completely unaware that he was a classic covert narc.

Sorry to hear of your woes. Have read that no contact can be tough with family. Luckily have not had to do that myself.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 12:40AM

I really couldn't go "no contact" until our mother died as I was the executor of Mom's estate. Once Mom was gone I knew that was the time to split. Sis actually refused contact with me so we had to handle everything through lawyers. Since she had already ghosted me I just decided to let things stay that way. After eight months she decided to Hoover me and I just ignored her. She always acts like nothing has happened. After all her garbage and hateful slander she seems to think I'll just start reconnecting as if nothing has happened. She acts like I'll just forget everything if enough time passes. It would NEVER occur to her to apologize. Even if she apologized, it is too late. She has gone way too far. My dream is to never again lay eyes on her nor hear her voice.

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Posted by: laperla not logged in ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 03:16PM

and seeing one of them.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 04:09PM

And they've hidden the call button !!!

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 11:50PM

Yes and Yes!!! She's a nurse!!

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: January 12, 2022 03:53PM

The problem is if she is a genuine, fully diagnosed narcissist, she has no idea she is clinically deranged. It's your fault. All of it.

Sorry she is your sister.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 12:50AM

Nothing is ever her fault. I don't think I've ever heard her take responsibility for anything she has done wrong. And she projects her bad behavior onto me. That part used to puzzle me until I learned that it was typical narcissistic behavior. If she accuses me of something I know right away it is something she just did.

Her speciality is playing the victim. She's really good at it. Everyone believes her. That part gets really old. Now I have all new friends and she can no longer slander me because she doesn't know who I connect with. The banker was the only person to whom she could think of to tell her tales of whoa. He's the only person she knows I'm in contact with.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 01:01AM

... she just emailed me!

I can't believe some of the things you've done!!!!!!!!

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Posted by: tumwater ( )
Date: January 15, 2022 10:39AM

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ... she just emailed me!
>
> I can't believe some of the things you've
> done!!!!!!!!


Has she made you feel just as disgusted with Pooped as she is?

She's good.

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