My only friend left is a tbm. I am so sick of listening to her uninformed brainwashing. I hang up after two hours and the pain of it all is overwhelming. Why cant I help her out. The church is giving her mental illness and I cant help. It is like seeing her sink in quicksand.

I'm not sure exactly how to help in this instance, except to suggest that you try to gently convince your friend to see a (NON-MORMON!!!) therapist. Doing that could help both her and you!

I'm sure other posters will have helpful suggestions. : )



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2011 02:20AM by Fetal Deity.

Don't get me wrong, stay her friend. But if she's always a downer, you need other friends who can lift YOU.

take care

I agree. I would never have just one friend who causes you to feeluncomfortable. How does that improve your life? If she is a TBM she is not going to change with only YOU trying. She would need to want to research or listen to the other side and if she doesn't then let her be. Find more friends and she will notice and probably get a little jealous. IF she doesn't then maybe she is as tired of you as you are of her. YOU may need a break from this one.

That must be tough.

Try to remember yourself while supporting her. Be a good friend to her but better friend to yourself.

We are your friends!

Thank you. It is so good to have this board. After my exit nobody even acknowledges your existence. Some of these people I have shared my life with since 1970.It is just unbelievable.

I am glad you recognize that. What I don't get is Why don't former Mormons call them on their crap treatment?????

You need to let it rest. Be there for her in case she needs you and enjoy her for her who she is at heart, not her mo-thinking.

Spend less time talking to her for now and you'll have more time to seek out new friends.

Good luck.

Wait. You sat on the phone for TWO HOURS listening to brainwashing ravings that actually caused you physical pain?

You know, it would have been faster and more efficient to just smack yourself in the head with a ball peen hammer.

Why would someone subject themselves to a TWO HOUR telephone conversation that caused pain? WHY?

Ten minutes on the phone and I'm all "Someone's at the door, gotta go!" Even if the call does NOT cause me pain.

Perhaps you should consider working on boundaries. Learn how to politely excuse yourself from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable. Then think about trying to get a little bit of perspective. I'm not sure if "I'm in pain" means real physical pain or if it's mental pain. Mental pain we are generally in control of. Just like you cannot control how other people think and feel and react to you, other people cannot control how YOU think and feel and react to THEM. You are in charge of your feelings. You are in control of your choices. When someone or something is causing you pain, figure out how to choose to disengage. There is no reason whatsoever to torture yourself over some sort of misguided guilt.

Oh, and you cannot "help her out" because she doesn't want helping. She might just want support and friendship. So offer the support and then redirect the conversation to more positive, upbeat topics.

The only thing you can control is your attitude.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2011 11:55AM by dogzilla.

experiences, emotional etc. Protect yourself, don't take on other people's pain. After all, you have no power over their experiences and emotions, anyhow.

Sometimes people just want or need to talk and have someone listen. It doesn't require advice or fixing anything or placing blame. Just listening.

If you are uncomfortable with the subject, or what is going on, you can excuse yourself and cut the call short.

The important thing is to protect yourself, in my opinion.