I’ve been out of the JWs for a good long while now, almost to the point of rarely thinking of them at all any more, so I was surprised at the degree of stress I felt on reading an article today about a young Australian JW and her negative experiences in the faith. The familiar stress that’s caused by the double talk employed by defenders of the faith. They must surely be either wilfully blind or outright lying. Also, I like things to make sense and be consistent. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

The man described as the “Jehovah's Witnesses Australasian spokesperson” in the article stated that he “questioned the reliability of former members' perceptions of religions they have left.”

That’s a very interesting justification he/they’ve come up with. It’s not the religious beliefs or the actions of leaders or followers in a group that cause problems for members. It’s the leave-takers’ unreliable perceptions. Perceptions? How about lived experience of untenable practices, divisive beliefs, unrealistic expectations and harsh pushback in the face of questions or God forbid, setting foot over the invisible line all good members must avoid. No individuality is tolerated – you must toe the party line in all things, at all times.

Many people feel that talking or writing about their experiences helps to expunge the negative ones. The ex-JW writer of this article didn’t find that to be true, at least not at first. I am surprised at how easily, after all this time, I could still identify with her struggles and emotions both in and out of the WatchTower organization, to the point that I began to feel irritated and frustrated all over again with how they do church.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-08-09/ali-millar-jehovahs-witnesses-leaving-her-religion-being-shunned/101266998


Excerpts:

“[Ali] Millar was born and raised in a small village in the Scottish Borders among the Jehovah's Witnesses, a religion with around eight million followers around the world.

“She says in Witnesses' teachings "the end is always imminent"

“She says growing up she was told what to read and wear, experienced oppressive guilt and shame, and was constantly terrified of an impending Armageddon.”


That’s true – it’s Armageddon, Armageddon, Armageddon non-stop.
It would be like you not living your life because you know you will die one day.

And you have to do everything they tell you to in order to have a good death, not a bad one (where you end up in the wrong place for eternity – or actually, with the JWs, dead forever, while the obedient ones get to live forever on a Paradise earth).


The article states: “It's a religion she [Ali] now firmly rejects.”

“After documenting her story, Millar began to change how she felt about the past.

"I started to realise that a lot of things that I blamed myself for weren't my fault. I started to understand the [Jehovah's Witnesses] organisation and its mechanisms far better," she says.

“Millar, whose memoir is The Last Days: A Memoir of Faith, Desire and Freedom, argues there's a common misconception of the Jehovah's Witnesses group as "benign".

“… she describes it as a "deeply coercive and manipulative organisation".

"Membership doesn't guarantee your salvation," Millar says.

"It's God who gets to decide at the end, so you're constantly worrying about your behaviour."


(As are other members of the organisation).I can relate to that. Also, that everybody else is always watching to make sure you’re not sinning or straying.


Ali: "There's quite tight peer control over what you listen to, what you read, what you watch ... It's all very carefully monitored," she says.”

Yeah, that is creepy all right.


“Millar says the organisation is also "completely patriarchal" and that women are "encouraged not to pursue further education".

“She says that in the community she grew up in, "Women aren't allowed to lead in any kind of worship. If women pray in public, they have to have head coverings on … Women aren't allowed to wear trousers to the meetings or on field service [going door-to-door].”

That is the JW way – not just in the community Ali lived in. Women must be “submissive” to all males in terms of hierarchy. They cannot be leaders in any way as long as there is a male present, no matter the age of the male.


“In a statement to the ABC, [the] Jehovah's Witnesses Australasian spokesperson … denied that the religious group controls what women wear, stating: "Each individual Jehovah's Witness has the freedom to choose what type of clothing to wear. Our organisation does not list which styles of clothing are acceptable and which are objectionable."

This is absolutely untrue. There is no way this spokesperson couldn’t know he was not stating the truth. There is very clear direction about what people can wear, especially women. They cannot wear short skirts/dresses but must cover down to their knees. They certainly cannot wear slacks to church meetings, even informal ones, or when they’re out door-to-door, even in sub-zero temperatures (in my experience).


“He [spokesperson] also denied that women are discouraged from further education, stating: "Enrolling in a post secondary education course is a personal decision completely unrelated to a person's gender, age or race".

Again, untrue. I had always planned to become an RN. The JWs told me (after I was baptized, not before) “we won’t need nurses after Armageddon” (which was always and forever imminent) and so I was strongly discouraged from starting my studies. Instead, I took off across country to be a JW missionary. Oh well, at least I got to practice my school-days French for a while on the patient folks in Quebec. And I did eventually go back to school and became a nurse as I had always wanted.


Ali: "People think, 'Oh, these are nice people' … but their beliefs aren't. And the structure and the system which they live inside is deeply, deeply coercive."

That’s a good point she makes. Nice people, perhaps, most of them, but their beliefs and practices not so much. I could say the same about Mormons, at least in my experience, except for a few I don’t want to mention any more. It’s the nice people who entice others to “study” the scriptures with a view to conversion, which often upends their lives.


Spokesguy again: "We commonly encounter the false allegation that Jehovah's Witnesses 'control' various aspects of a congregant's life. There is no basis for this."

He needs to be on the carpet himself for lying. Lying is seen as a cardinal sin by the JWs. This is when I realized how stressed I was feeling as I was reading this relatively short article. Because the spokesperson’s statements are radically untrue. There is no way that can just be a difference of opinion or experience.

See how brilliant his comment is that all the competing narratives are just a result of a former member’s perceptions? This is not how it is – it’s just the way you’re perceiving it? So you’re the one in the wrong. It’s kind of genius but crazy-making and fury-inspiring because of the unfairness of the accusation and the fact that this is how the hierarchy defends and maintains their destructive organization.


Article: “At a Witnesses convention that Millar's mother attended, a video was played about a girl choosing to leave the religion, and her parents consequently shunning her.

"That was shown as a loving provision; as the right thing to do," Millar says.”

So very sad. I saw this happen a lot. Then it happened to me (by friends - my parents/family weren't JWs). Because you can’t leave. Even if you do. They will always say they kicked you out for conduct unbecoming. Leaving brings about instant disfellowshipping (excommunication). My interpretation of this, even as a naïve teen, was that it was so nobody had a chance to talk to you in case you influenced them to also leave. (JWs are not allowed to talk to former members and, in my experience, most follow that injunction, even former good friends and family members). I've run into former JW friends and they just keep walking on by without even saying hi.



Ali: "I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought that I didn't have enough faith or that I had somehow been contaminated by the world.”

Of course she did. Because this is what they teach. It’s always your fault. Even when it’s not.

Because nobody’s perfect (what a revelation!) it’s easy to think it is your fault, especially if you have indeed acted outside their parameters. But with them it’s like needing to have a perfect victim. Like, you can’t accuse a guy of rape if you agreed to go on the date with him (in the eyes of some). But obviously, saying yes to dinner is not an indication that the ‘yes’ applies to all his requests or desires.

So because Ali had an affair the JW leadership has a perfect out – she left because she sinned, not because there’s anything wrong with the Society.


Article: “And while writing about her experience hasn't been a catharsis, Millar says "it certainly fixed something about the past".

"There's something about a book becoming this physical object that you can keep a story inside. I feel like this story is kind of boxed up," she says.

"And I can move on now."

I love this imagery. We can tell our story, whether in a book or here at RfM or elsewhere, in writing, or talking, and the story is inside the book/RfM/wherever/whatever/however we tell it, and then it’s “kind of boxed up”.

That really resonates with me.

I do see that playing out here on this discussion board. That’s why RfM has done so much good through the years, giving strangers the chance to share their common experiences. And there’s not much that's more healing than having one’s wounds tended to by those who know the same pain.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/13/2022 05:45PM by Nightingale.

Thanks for posting this.
It is enlightening to have the perspective of someone who lived it - both Ali and you.

Thank you for your kind comment.

I had intended to include in my post above a recollection that arose while I was writing the OP.

In the JW congregation I attended, a mom and her two young adult daughters were members. Their father sometimes came to meetings but he was not a baptized JW nor did he intend to be, as far as I knew (he wasn't taking any of the "discussions" in order to move forward to baptism). He was a quiet man. I was at his house a couple of times but knew him only in passing.

It's difficult to explain the level of discomfort one would feel in a JW meeting if they were not "studying" with a view to becoming a baptized member. There's a lot of pressure to consent.

At some point, tragedy struck. News filtered through that he had died by suicide.

It was a tremendous shock as "Jehovah's Witnesses don't do that". (Except he wasn't a Witness so moot point?)

I'm so sorry I can't remember his name but I can still see his face and the sadness often reflected there. I was surprised that his was the memory that surfaced, among all the negative ones still in my head, as I wrote my post the other day. It must have been the reminder that religions like JWs, so demanding, often isolating, and judgemental as hell, cause immense pain and much loss and sorrow for members and non-members alike in so many ways, up to and including loss of happiness, families and lives, literally.

The following article may be a bit technical or at least dry but basically it shows that a former JW is not really ever released by the Org. Perhaps similar to Mormonism, where even if you leave, the record of your baptism is preserved forever. (Even if you formally depart do they honestly expunge your record?)

Burnabynow article (August 12/22):

https://www.burnabynow.com/bc-news/bc-jehovahs-witnesses-challenge-record-production-order-in-court-5691559


Headers:

“B.C. Jehovah's Witnesses challenge record production order in court.”

“Two congregations argue an order to hand over former member records would be a breach of "elders' private and prayerful religious deliberations and expression."


Excerpts:

“The church … refused to turn over personal records sought by former Jehovah's Witnesses Gregory Westgarde and Gabriel-Liberty Wall, who are seeking return of their personal records.

"[A] June 20 order from OIPC [Office of the Information and Privacy Commissioner] director of adjudication Elizabeth Barker determined the church must hand over records on two former members so it can decide "what access to the records, if any, the applicants should be given."

"B.C. Jehovah’s Witness congregations in Coldstream and Grand Forks have challenged [the] information commissioner’s order to turn over documents to [OIPC].

"The congregations refused the requests, claiming the records are confidential and that compelling production violates their constitutional rights [under freedom of religion statutes].

"Barker found [that] … that infringement is justifiable under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms [of the individuals to gain access to their personal records].

"Much of the issues hinge around records made by church elders after members left the church.

"Jehovah's Witnesses do not have paid clergy. Instead, each congregation has a group of voluntary, appointed elders who are responsible for taking the spiritual lead.

"Several years after Westgarde left the Jehovah’s Witnesses, he requested the Grand Forks congregation provide him a copy of all records that contain information about him.

"Liberty Wall did the same a decade later when leaving the Coldstream congregation. The church initially told him it did not have any of his personal information, but later revised its response to say that his personal information was in a record that "constitutes a confidential religious communication, privileged under the common law and charter."

"Barker, however, said the congregations had not produced the disputed records for her to review, claiming disclosure to anyone would violate the charter rights and freedoms of all the elders in the two congregations and all other elders and B.C. Jehovah’s Witnesses.

"The respondents' uncontradicted evidence is that the elders are ecclesiastical appointees,” Barker said. “In particular, the elders say they did not prepare the records as part of their responsibilities to the congregations; rather they prepared them 'as part of a ‘sacred ecclesiastical duty' to God to help 'restore erring ones' and maintain the 'scripturally moral and spiritual integrity of our congregations' in the collective sense of the religious denomination of Jehovah's Witnesses."

"That duty, the court petition explained, includes the preparation of documents when someone decides to leave the church.

"The petition further explains that the records contain records of “elders’ private and prayerful religious deliberations and expression.”

“There is no evidence that any of the elders breached their scriptural requirement of confidentiality,” the petition said.

"The elders said disclosing the records would violate religious practice and conscience.

"Barker wrote that without seeing the documents, "it is not possible to decide whether they contain personal information or whose personal information may be included."

"A decision in the matter could have ramifications across the country for congregations holding records on former members.”

-----

What I take from this somewhat convoluted back-and-forth is that as far as JW elders (guys in charge) are concerned it is not the individual ex-JW who is of primary concern but rather the Watch Tower Society comes first (unsurprisingly) as well as their collective congregations, both of which are far over and above any single individual (especially one who leave the organization).

Of note too:

The article states that “…each congregation has a group of voluntary, appointed elders…”. This is misleading (what else is new) in that a member cannot volunteer to be an elder – they must be selected by the other elders. Too, to me at least, being “appointed” doesn’t indicate that one volunteers for the position. As an aside, declining to be appointed is not a good look in a JW congregation.


And this:

“[JW leaders]…claim[ed] disclosure to anyone would violate the charter rights and freedoms of all the elders in the two congregations and all other elders and B.C. Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

So their argument is that an individual member (or ex-member in these two cases) does not have the ability under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms to request their own records but all the elders and members of the organization have a right under that Charter to withhold the records.

All righty then.


So I've joined both the JWs and the Mormons and have never formally resigned from either org.

I can't really be bothered. Too, I don't trust they actually destroy the record of my regrettable religious choices.

So does it really matter?


OK, I'll shut up now.


But. I think it can be quite instructive to see accounts from various sources and other faiths. There are often quite surprising similarities, especially wrt the negative aspects.


(edited for punctuation and spacing)



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 08/16/2022 07:53PM by Nightingale.