Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Out and about ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 02:49PM

Ok, so why do some members get so weird when you leave? Don't get me wrong, some haven't treated me any differently but others?!


  I ran into this guy and his wife from the ward who where formerly very chatty with me. My natural inclination was to be like, "Hey, you guys:)".

They where tense and super weird like I could feel the tension. Even my husband was like.."Whoa..those people where really weird with you."

    I'm glad I was my warm self, but then exited the conversation quickly when the energy was off.

  Seriously, WHAT is with some people?

  If I had an acquaintence and they converted to another church I couldn't imagine being weird with them.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 03:07PM

It's my impression that they are worried that their vaccinations won't hold up.

Not to mention that many mormons are happy to be part of the "...and bad things will happen to you when you leave the church!" posse.  

The best way to show an exmormon the pain of leaving the church is to inflict some pain!  Hey, it's for their own good!

But it does speak to a certain lack of appreciation regarding Jesus' supposed message regarding the second most important rule, love thy neighbor. (Which some make easier by leaving the curtains drawn...)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 03:54PM

Jesus (not to be confused. . .) is so passe.

Sure, his teachings were important in his day, but according to Dostoevsky the Grand Inquisitor killed him a few hundred years ago and since that time Mormons and many other Christians have moved beyond his primitive teachings.

Jesus is like that actor whose bit part is over and yet keeps trying to barge out onto the stage rather than let the true performers take charge.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 03:58PM

      The fact that they're using
      his dad's barn for the play
      has given Jesus a less than
      healthy appreciation of his

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Out and about ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 03:54PM

Well said..especially the drawn curtains.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 05:25PM

>> It's my impression that they are worried that their vaccinations won't hold up.

I think that's it as well, EOD. I've had some Mormon friends distance themselves when I've made it clear that I know a few mundane facts about the church, but haven't joined. I think they find the "truth" so self-evident that if other people don't accept it, it worries them deeply.

It's so ridiculous and intolerant. But they can't see it.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 05:39PM

You have left the club from which they draw their self esteem. This leaves them unmoored and feeling unarmed as well and then on top of that you have to go and show class? And be warm and friendly?

What on earth were you thinking? :)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 05:48PM

Done & Done Wrote:

> What on earth were you
> thinking? :)

The Devil made him do it . . .?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: February 02, 2023 02:23AM

Done & Done Wrote:
> You have left the club from which they draw their
> self esteem. This leaves them unmoored and
> feeling unarmed as well and then on top of that
> you have to go and show class? And be warm and
> friendly?

Just so. Those who leave undermine Mormons' self-confidence, their identities.

That can't, and won't, be forgiven.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Silence is Golden ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 06:04PM

This is one thing they are really good at. But I use it to my advantage. You can really rile some of them up.

One Sunday my neighbor across the street was loading up the pickup with wife and kids heading for a visit to the range. While everyone was leaving for church. I was looking at some serious firepower and looking through the scopes and such as he showed me his collection. "O the horror"...the looks were great.

Saw another neighbor the other day who quietly said his teen was 5 months along. I just put my hand on his shoulder and said, "You need anything, let me know. There will be no judgement from my household." You could see him relax, as he gave me a smile. Since I have walked the same path.

Some come around, others not so much, or never.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cl2notloggedin ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 07:31PM

that I enjoy them being uncomfortable around me. I seem like a mormon if you saw me, look like one. I live amongst a bunch of mormons and I live in the house I've lived in here in this ward for 36 years. I left in the 1990s. One neighbor told me if I needed peace after my son was in the hospital and other issues with him that I could come and sit with their family at church and I'd find peace. I just so happened to have gone to my dad's farm with my aunt a few days before. Someone else owns it now, but he was someone my dad mentored in FFA and he lets us go out there whenever we want. I found peace at the farm (my grandfather and great grandfather owned it before my dad did).

My dad died 14 years ago today.

I had several mormons offer to give my son blessings over the last few years. I say no thank you. I told the neighbor, no thanks. I said I knew she was trying to help.

I know I'm their project and I know I'm my aunt's project. If they overstep their boundaries, I let them know.

My daughter went back to church in her 20s, she is 37. I was told by one of the neighbors that she starts her talks with "my dad has a boyfriend and my mom has a boyfriend." I tell friends and family to smoke in the front yard and I make sure if I buy alcohol (I don't drink much, but I buy it as gifts) that they see my brown paper bag and I shop on Sundays. I usually don't think about it most of the time unless someone does something stupid. What I find lovely is that many mormons think it is my fault that my husband is still gay and, at the very least, left us in 1996 with a boyfriend, but lives here now. I didn't do my job. I didn't save him. I was just thinking about this earlier.

I had a very close friend tell me that it was my fault my husband cheated as I didn't satisfy him, didn't give him enough sex. He said that in 1996 and he said it now. I cut him off for good now. All my fault. It was refreshing to come to this site in August 2005 and find some gays who told me that is ridiculous. The leaders talked like that before we married. It was up to me to save him. Not himself. My dad was furious when he found out the year before he died. My dad wasn't BIG TIME TBM. He and may mother were supportive of my choosing to leave the church.

You do get to a point where you just don't care what they all think. We do better than they all do financially. I'm sure they wonder why. I guess our son's mental illness is our punishment, although his 3 sisters and a niece and nephew also have the same mental illness as our son and they are all good little mormons.

They just want you to be as miserable as they are.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: dagny ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 07:46PM

There was a question in the temple recommend interview asking if you associate with apostates. Maybe some people interpret that to mean chatting with people who go inactive so they act weird.

They are taught that people who leave have moral issues. They can't help but act weird around someone they think is in cahoots with evil.

They know instinctively not to go near any information that might not be faith promoting. If someone leaves, they don't want to hear anything critical of the church, so they act weird.

Some are convinced they can "answer your questions" or you can be fixed if you read scriptures, fast, tithe, talk to the bishop or whatever. They can act weird because it is awkward for them to bring it up.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: heartbroken ( )
Date: February 01, 2023 08:10PM

I know what you mean. After I stopped going to church for several years I ran into a TBM from my ward in the grocery store who had been a family friend and instrumental in fellowshipping my family when we joined the Mormon church. I told him my mother had recently died and he couldn't have been weirder. It was so awkward. It was like he didn't know what to say since he knew I no longer believed in the Mormon church. He didn't offer condolences or anything. He just said my mother's name and nothing more. He was expressionless like he couldn't care less.

I'm always very friendly when I run into most TBMs I haven't seen in a long time. Their response is so uncomfortable like they don't know how they're supposed to react. They're like scared rabbits.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In

Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
  *******   **     **  ********  **      **  ******** 
 **     **  **     **  **        **  **  **  **       
 **     **  **     **  **        **  **  **  **       
  ********  **     **  ******    **  **  **  ******   
        **   **   **   **        **  **  **  **       
 **     **    ** **    **        **  **  **  **       
  *******      ***     ********   ***  ***   ********