Hey all, I'm new here.
I feel like I will never get out of this mess. I want to be completely free of the chains that this church has given me but I don’t know how. I don’t even know where to begin! I feel like I've been brainwashed and I don't know the process of healing. I still want to feel close to Christ and love and serve Him but I’m terrified that He won't accept me. I want more than anything to believe that God's love extends past the Mormon church (as I'm writing this I see how illogical that statement is - of course His love goes beyond - but why do I feel like the whole purpose of this life is to be a Mormon? Why can't my brain accept the falsity of that thought?) But do you know what scares me the most? The thought that this church might be true. I'm angry at that prospect.

Any advice is much appreciated.

A little background -

I stopped going to church about 2 years ago. My husband and I were married in the temple but slowly fell away. My husband has talked to me countless times about the lack of logic in the Mormon church and I agree with him, yet I can't stop the guilt and the thoughts that God will only save the Mormons and that some day the Mormons will shove it in everyone's face that they were right, they were the chosen ones.

The truth is, I'm much happier now, even my family has noticed (though they don't attribute my happiness to leaving).

Most days I feel terrible guilt,etc. When I was a little girl a family friend left the church because she found evidence that Joseph Smith fabricated things. My dad said, "She is in BIG trouble when she dies." It has stuck with me ever since. When I removed my garments my mom said, "Don't you want to live with your husband forever?" Of course I do; and don't you think I'm terrified that I'll never see him again?

For some people, the more time they spent as mormons, the heavier the guilt when they try to leave. This is because of the indoctrination. Guilt is a sign you've been indoctrinated.
How to recover? That's a personal journey for everyone. You've found an online community of friends who understand where you've been and what you're going through. That's a very good start.

I have been a member of the church for 27 years now - no wonder I'm so messed up :P

Not to outdo you, but I was in for 40 years!

Just remember, the only real sin is doing harm to yourself or others. I'm really sure about this: Your God doesn't care about your underwear, your coffee, your alcohol (unless it's to excess, because that harms you) or if your gay or straight. I'm positive about this: Your God cares about love.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2011 11:22PM by wine country girl.

What wine country girl said is true. Your God loves you unconditionally regardless of what gospel you follow. I was born and raised in the church an

Oops. Your God cares about your happiness. If being Mormon does not make you happy, then follow your heart and get out.

I was born and raised in the church. I got out 13 years ago and I have never been happier. It's amazing how clear things have become over time. The way I look at it now, is thank goodness I got out when I did because the guilt I carried around has taken me years to let go of. I'm still dealing with the trauma. This is a good forum to help you work things out. Good luck

56 years here, the last 46 very TBM. As a kid, part active until my dad died when I was 10. Then the serious indoctrination began. It take time, give yourself plenty, and do the studying for yourself, don't just rely on what we here or anyone else tells you.

I studied every single thing I could find for 5 solid years before I found the courage to leave at age 56. My family will NEVER be the same, but still it was so very worth it. Since leaving, I have never had one doubt that it is a total fraud.

Just the character alone of JS sickens me, the things he did, the kind of man he was. Ask yourself, even if that was all you really knew, would God choose that kind of man to restore his true church to earth?

If so, well for me , that is just a god I could never believe in, but the truth is I don't believe in much of anything these days. Being lied to maybe does that to a person. I live each day for that day only and never worry one bit about when I die, because no one on earth knows or will ever be able to tell you what happens when we are done here. Why waste time worrying about it?

Good luck to in your journey, you will get to where you know the church is not in any way what it claims to be, you will begin see it more and more, but it takes time. Be good to yourself. Be happy.
So far as anyone REALLY knows, we only live ONCE.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2011 12:14AM by think4u.

57 years here. Married in the Temple in 1972. I knew I was one of the chosen. To bad for all those losers I thought.

I was SO judgmental about everything. I think that is the best thing that has changed in my life since I left 18 months ago.

Once I started reading and investigating and finding all the lies I was so mad and felt betrayed. 57 years! I felt like a fool.

Coming to this board was the best,most healing thing I could have done.

The first time I went to a Christian church I was stunned. It was wonderful and I felt happier and more accepted with a room full of strangers than I ever did walking in to Sacrament mtg. And my church expected nothing of me.And you can see exactly were the money goes and they constantly give service in many ways. You will never find that in the Mormon church.

Be brave and don't worry about anything bad happening. I knew I was going to get in a car wreck the day I took off my garments. Funny,funny,it never happened. The brain washing is complete and thorough.

Keep coming back to RfM.

Cannot wait to start reading all this recommended material :D You all have such good logic and the things you have said speak to my heart! Summer - that really helps me to know that people believe they will see their family again - more than you know! I have always believed that it was only Mormons who had that belief. Anagrammy - that list of facts you mention is INCREDIBLY enlightening. They make SO much sense to me!!!

Would it help you to know that all Christians believe that they will be reunited with their loved ones in the afterlife? Even many non-Christians believe this. The Mormon church sold you something that was already yours -- something that is already a fundamental Christian belief.

As for the possibility that only the Mormons got it right -- the Mormon version of God strikes me as being a very petty individual. I like to believe in a God who is more (a *lot* more) spiritually evolved than I am. Such a God would not be petty nor exclude any of his children. He would be loving, forgiving, generous of spirit, and welcoming. Isn't that the kind of God that you deserve?

Since you want to remain Christian, why not put the BoM aside and read the New Testament with fresh eyes. See if you can get back to the fundamental messages that Jesus was trying to convey -- love, tolerance, inclusiveness, and forgiveness.

On Sundays, why not give some other churches a whirl? You don't even have to attend with the intention of joining. Consider it to be educational. Listen to the sermons and see how other people worship. See another point of view. Mormonism is less than 200 years old. People got along just fine before Mormonism came along, and many are continuing to get along just fine without it. So can you!

and what the hell, throw in a science book or two.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/17/2011 11:40PM by wine country girl.

+1...good advice, summer!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2011 12:28AM by honestone.

Nailed It.

you must be one of those 'Special Spirits' they taught us RMs to look for...but with a Spehul Twist, haha :-)

Do Mormons enjoy life?

To an extent yeah, but it's only in their on little bubble. They spend the majority of their time prepping for the next one and worrying if it will be perfect.

Is that what you want?

Life's too short to be tangled up in something you don't like. You might hurt some people but who doesn't? Send the bishop your resign.

I agree with Summer. Take a look in your community for a popular "Community Church" or a "Bible Church". These churches tend to me mainstream, no doctrinal dogma type Churches.

I attend a very large Bible Church. The sermons are taken directly out of the Bible. The Greek or Hebrew is considered when determining what the significant words mean, the history of the time is considered so we know what was going on when the words were written...makes it very interesting. Kind of hard for a man to put his own personal spin on things.

I was a true believing member for the first 20 years of my life. I will never forget feeling what you are describing right now. It was the scariest time of my life!

The information and conversations I had through exmormon.org were a great comfort to me for as long as I needed them to be.

Given time, you will replace the LDS Church with other things, things that you won't have to struggle with to accept, because you are going to choose them for yourself!

I say join a real religion. There is archaeological evidence supporting the Bible, NOT Mormonism.

Don't succumb to guilt trips. This is the hallmark sign of a cult. At the very least reflect and spend time thinking about it. Don't rush back if your heart isn't in it.

ehb Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey all, I'm new here.
> I feel like I will never get out of this mess. I
> want to be completely free of the chains that this
> church has given me but I don’t know how. I
> don’t even know where to begin! I feel like I've
> been brainwashed and I don't know the process of
> healing. I still want to feel close to Christ and
> love and serve Him but I’m terrified that He
> won't accept me. I want more than anything to
> believe that God's love extends past the Mormon
> church (as I'm writing this I see how illogical
> that statement is - of course His love goes beyond
> - but why do I feel like the whole purpose of this
> life is to be a Mormon? Why can't my brain accept
> the falsity of that thought?) But do you know what
> scares me the most? The thought that this church
> might be true. I'm angry at that prospect.
>
> Any advice is much appreciated.
>
> A little background -
>
> I stopped going to church about 2 years ago. My
> husband and I were married in the temple but
> slowly fell away. My husband has talked to me
> countless times about the lack of logic in the
> Mormon church and I agree with him, yet I can't
> stop the guilt and the thoughts that God will only
> save the Mormons and that some day the Mormons
> will shove it in everyone's face that they were
> right, they were the chosen ones.
>
> The truth is, I'm much happier now, even my family
> has noticed (though they don't attribute my
> happiness to leaving).
>
> Most days I feel terrible guilt,etc. When I was a
> little girl a family friend left the church
> because she found evidence that Joseph Smith
> fabricated things. My dad said, "She is in BIG
> trouble when she dies." It has stuck with me ever
> since. When I removed my garments my mom said,
> "Don't you want to live with your husband
> forever?" Of course I do; and don't you think I'm
> terrified that I'll never see him again?

I don't know if this will help. When I left, I didn't know for sure if Mormonism was true or not. I did know it wasn't making me happy so I decided to take a break. If it was true, reading anti-Mormon stuff wouldn't change my mind, right? I didn't even need to read anything against Mormonism because I kept running into books by Mormons who were excommunicated for giving a different view than what church leaders condoned. As time went by, Mormonism changed. I didn't change, but when the old "Prophet" died, the one taking his place said we never taught things that I knew they did teach.

Other churchs seemed a lot like Mormonism. Worship some invisible man so I won't burn in Hell just seems mental to me. I looked into several other religions, both ancient and current ones, but they all looked forward to death before actually finding out if there was a God. I decided God probably didn't exist, but humans were looking for answers about life's mysteries. They had no explanation for disease, thunder, stars, where babies come from, etc! Through out history leaders, like a King/Queen found that making up a God was a good way to control people, and to give them money. There have probably been hundreds of Gods, and those ancient people had testimonies too!

So, just educate yourself. Talk to people, read, travel, etc. You have a life time ahead of you. I left when I was 28. Now I'm 58, and would need a labotomy to believe Mormon lies again. Yep, religion uses shame, guilt, and other believers to keep you down. Richard Packham's site is a good place to start. His list of books are terrific: http://packham.n4m.org/#MORMONISM

Keep in touch ;o)

Sweetie, you have been terribly brainwashed. I am so sorry. Think how stupid some of your comments are...Don't you want to be with your husband forever? (then wear your garmies!!!), Your friend who left the "Church" is in big trouble when she dies. Did Christ ever say that you had to be Mormon?

You need to relax, breathe, and go to some Christian churches (try 3 or 4 and you will find one) and then see if they pressure you to tithe a certain amt, give you forced callings, tell on you if you don't do something they wanted you to do, label you unworthy, etc. Mainstream churches would never do that. It seems you want to learn how other churches operate and worship, so go out there, give them a chance, talk to a pastor and you will soon realize how easy it will be to give up Mormonism forever. Good luck and I am glad you know Mormonism is a fraud. You deserve a good life.

Just one little thing that you didn't mention (what with all the eternal anxiety you are battling right now).

When I first posted on this board, I was SURE Heavenly Father was going to strike me dead with lightning! (Or I'd get hit by a truck or some other awful fate reserved for "apostates").

Didn't happen. I'm still here 5 years later . . . .

And you will be, too, tomorrow morning.

Just keep reading. Eventually, you'll stop looking over your shoulder.

;o)

Even though I knew the church was a bunch of hooey, when I first threw my garments into the trash WITH the markings till intact, I sort of held my breath. Of course, nothing happened. Silly me.

He. He. Me too! I just moved and cleared out my dresser of some leftover garmies. Threw them in the dumpster, but not without thinking of how I shoulda cut the marks out. What if someone finds them? Good gravy, I had to slap myself.

Thanks for posting that. I understand about thinking you were going to be struck dead for reading this board!

It helped me to learn a lot about other people's experiences. Keep searching for more and more information, you don't have to make changes drastically, just as you are comfortable.

Keep coming back here for support and don't get discouraged. Everyone has to choose their own path.

Dear ehb,

It really helps to know that there are others out there who feel the way that you do, so stick around here and you'll get a lot of support. Be sure to go to the main page of exmormon.org and read the exit stories. Also, go to http://www.iamanexmormon.com/ and watch the videos. The folks that made them are there to tell you that they've been where you are and they are WAY happier on the other side of Mormonism.

If you are looking for a spiritual home, please realize that it's OK to go to other churches and see what their services are like and what the congregational makeup is. You'll want to do some research into different denominations, but I know for sure that most mainstream churches will welcome you without expecting you to get baptized and join up next week. And they won't send missionaries after you.

Keep reading and studying about the Mormon church on RfM and other sites. Make friends with non-Mormons and volunteer in organizations that help those in need, and before you know it, you'll realize that beyond Mormonism, there are a lot of wonderful, caring people who are angels here on earth who don't need garments or secret handshakes to show that they love their fellow man.

No, no, no.
The first thing you must do is get rid of religious conditioning.
It is just so important.

Look at a Jew, what's the difference between you and him.
Not much when it comes down to it...but he believes Jesus is a lot of crap and that you are a stooge and a fool for believing in him...why?

Because he has let others do his thinking for him.
His Rabbi's have said so and being dull witted he has accepted this as a fact and now stands with those who would jeer Jesus when in fact what his Rabbi's have said is not true.

This goes for all religions.

You have to find the truth, if you are under fear of voodo superstition you are not heading towards god but fear and religious conditioning. The path to god is not easy and the first obstacle is fear.
Look at our poor Jewish friend, because of what his Rabbi has said he fears to look at the Christian story thus he becomes very limited in his spiritual outlook and misses out on the greater story.

'The truth will make you free.'
If that is so...then study, study Mormon history as it really is, see its inconsistencies, its mouths that talk against each other, its hidden things.
There is no other way of deprogramming the mind except by superior knowledge.
The big question is are you up to it or are you a lazy minded slob who lets others think for you...this is one of the markers of your spiritual evolution.

you are all so wonderful! thank you so much! I'm determined to get through this. I already feel so much better but I know it's going to be a long road. Just knowing that others have experienced what I'm going through and have made it through to the other side is a huge comfort to me. Thank you!

A few resources you need to look up

Steven Hassan's books about cults and mind control.

Mormonthink.com

I think the more you read and reading of different logics will help. I had a lot of that mormon thinking crap in my head. I recognized a lot of that crazy stuff by reading all the different message boards. I had left the church 12 yrs before I found out all the sh*t about the church. But I still had a lot of that guilt.

You read here some real truth, the first of which is the fact that the path out of Mormonism is different for each person, yet we face similar struggles and can help each other.

You have realized from your logical mind that the church cannot possibly be true. Just a couple of obvious facts:

1. God doesn't need to restore a lost church, he has the power to preserve it and said so in the Bible. Clearly his own son has the ability to do the best job "establishing" what he wants established and God would not call a person of low moral character to fix what Jesus could not do.

2. The percentage of temple worthy Mormons is so minute in terms of the world population that you would have to believe that god created billions of people who had no chance at exaltation- treating them like frog spawn, born to die. This is not what Jesus taught at all.

3. Jesus taught that the Kingdom of God was within. He was FOR personal spirituality and against the big impersonal Jewish establishment that denied access to temple services to people who could not afford to bring an animal sacrifice (the poor). The Mormon Church is the modern duplicate of what Jesus railed against when they forbid people to go to the temple when they have not paid.

Since you are Christian, I mention these important considerations which apply to you and your relationship with God. I urge you NOT to join any other religion before you give yourself a chance to recover from the burden of guilt and fear which is the gift of cult indoctrination.

Like any fear or phobia, it is overcome by walking toward it, by facing the fear and flooding. God is likened to our father and, if you are a parent, you know what that unconditional love is like. God wants you to be healed and will allow you to take whatever time you need to do that. It is important that you do not expose yourself to religious people who will try to use your fear to enslave and exploit you again.

When your fear is gone and your ability to think critically is restored, you will be able to make better decisions about what form your personal spirituality will take in the future. You will be able to study and research other religions and believe me, that makes a huge difference. For example, I just finished viewing the TV special based on the Hindu holy book, "Mahabarata.' It is the struggle between materialism and philosophy.

Here's what blew me away, though. The Hindu gods were frequently the product of virgin births where a god came down and told a young girl she would be a mother. The girl replies, how is that as I am a virgin and unsullied? And the god says, "I will overcome you with my power" and rays come out of his hands and bingo, she is pregnant.

To my absolute amazement, the evil king then kills all the infants who are the same age as Krishna. Krishna's parents are able to leave prison when the guards fall asleep and their chains fall off by the power of god. Krishna is called Lord and has come "for all the people" as a representation of goodness on earth. Krishna performs healing miracles as he walks around the city. Everyone loves him.

There is a baby placed in a golden box on the river and allowed to float away, who is found by a loving foster mother and grows up to be a king and come back and claim his true ancestry.

We are lead to believe by our scriptures and traditions that we in the West have a unique relationship with God. If I had been better informed, I would have never fallen for the claims of Mormonism. I would have recognized the "guarantees" offered as representative of the historical times in which the religion was invented--in the "burned over" area of New York where everybody had heard the basic Jesus salvation story. Anybody who wanted to lead a new religion had to come up with something new. What better for an area gripped in camptown religious fervor than a guaranteed salvation with godhood promised instead of just salvation?

I would have recognized the mythology involved in the stories in the Bible. You may choose your religion from ignorance and fear or as a free choice made by an educated free mind.

Good luck to you and post often!

Anagrammy

Many of us know how you feel about the guilt and fear when IN the lds church as well as while leaving it. I choose to believe in God and there are 2 doctrines that freed me from guilt, shame and fear with regard to my relationship with God.

My advice is to read the book of Romans and get clear on the doctrines of Grace, and Justification by Faith. We can never do or be good enough to be perfect like the God we believe in. That is where Jesus comes in. Unmerited grace. God just wants our sincerity, humility and contrition.

We are completely perfect in Gods eyes through our faith in Jesus Christ- not our works. Our works just demonstrate our sincerity and can never be a measure of worthiness before God because we all have different challenges with behaviors. Worthiness is "given" to us by believing in Christ out of a broken heart and contrite spirit.

Hope that helps a bit. I have found a good non-denominational church that enhances my relationship with God rather than requiring I become tethered to the church. That's the way it should be in my opinion.

I started with reading the gospel of John. What they say of Christ there is much different than what you learn of him in sunday school. You can have him if you want him. With or without the Mormon church or any church. To me, the people worth hanging around are people you can be yourself with.

1. You have to keep researching until you feel you have pretty basic grasp just how wrong mormonism is in so many ways. Might I suggest the Tanners website.
2. Whenever in doubt about leaving, remind yourself why you are leaving mormonism, remember the issues that made you doubt the church in the first place.
3. Don't accept an asshole of a god. People picture god as such a monster, small wonder they get scared and confused. Surely God, if he's omniscient and omnibenevolent, must understand and sympathize with you. If god is a jerk he doesn't deserve any worship, if he isn't a jerk he wouldn't demand worship.