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Posted by: BoydKKK ( )
Date: September 13, 2023 08:28PM

Saw something on this on another forum and it raises Questions.

Am I entitled to Veterans Benefits because I must be a Veteran of The War in Heaven? If so, how do I get them?

Can I get a hat with WAR in HEAVEN VETERAN? Like the Vietnam Veteran hats I see around?

Since it was in Heaven was it all Army/Marine types? I am assuming NO Navy - as why would God and Angels need boats, admirals and maybe Submarines?

How do I find out if I was wounded and if I qualify for a Purple Heart or something like that?

Being a Veteran of the Holy War am I exempt from Firearm Laws where I live?

Then, Revelations 17:9 says "And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him."

If we were all spirit children - how did Satan have Angels?

So many questions. Wish we had a prophet or something like that to ask...

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 13, 2023 08:44PM

While not having any definitive answers to your specific questions, I will take this opportunity to complain...

When I was progressing through the Aaronic Priesthood I was continually applauded for being of the absolute most righteous and stalwart generation EVER!!

It was mentioned that even though a Lamanite, the fact that I'd found the church at such an early age PROVED what an absolute beast of a warrior I'd been for Jesus!

...but now...

I'm a has-been, a sad, tired relic, three generations removed from the awesomeness that are my great-grandchildren...  Imagine what a slacker I'll be if I live long enough to see a great-great-grandchild!

I might as well have been born during the Dark Ages.

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Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 13, 2023 11:04PM

Were there casualties in that war in heaven? Spirits killed who hadn't even been born? How would that work?

Maybe it was like paintball? If you got a big red splat on your chest you were out of the war and maybe not consideed one of the valiant ones?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 01:03AM

I wanna know about the uniforms, especially for the women;

Was this a virtual, online war?

Did either side had a chance of winning?

Who kept score, was it single or double elimination?

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 02:46AM

Is there gravity in heaven ?

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Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 10:00AM

Amgels produce thrust by throwing rocks. That's why there are so many asteroids.

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Posted by: blackcoatsdaughter ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 09:03AM

Considering the lackluster nature of the "spiritual war" they say is currently going on in this world, I'm guessing the "war" in heaven was little more than a heated debate.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 10:35AM

First of all-- Isn't the Bible a gas? Makes so much sense. Right? And all the contradictions and confusion add so much depth. Also useful for finding just the right phrase to support your cause.

The problem is it was written at a time when the human vocabulary was very limited. For instance, spirits were wispy bits of steam and air and the weapons in the War in Heaven were not yet known to man--- hair dryers and fans ---the mortal enemy of the corporeally challenged. Poof! You're gone. A leaf blower during the war was the ultimate WMD and how Jesus finally had Lucifer on the run.

So when God revealed that to his prophets, they did not have the words to record it properly as they were still a sticks and stones society and war meant clubs and rocks.

Today. A vocabulary is everything as God's soldiers valiantly attempt to take down anyone who doesn't bow down to them. And a strong Old Testament voting bloc is the new WMD to keep their generals in SCOTUS in power. This time we have the words.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 11:07AM

Satan won the War In Heaven. Mormons just aren’t in on the joke yet.

That does help to explain ETB, BKP, and Bednar.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 12:02PM

Ostensibly, the War in Heaven was to determine which operating system would be in use during the mortality service life: The Jesus OS or The Lucifer OS.

And unfortunately, the system that would have best suited those on the road to ghawdhood, the Luci-OS, was not selected, because the other system, the Jesus-OS, was the OS that achieved the ends Jesus and Elohim sought; they were primed and ready to use the system that would bring the two of them the most power and glory ... at the expense of the riff-raff who didn't follow the rules of their rigged game.

On the other hand, Lucifer was going to 'save' everyone, so that everyone, me and you, could go on to seek our own personal Glory as "Saved Beings."  So why shouldn't Lucifer get the major share of the available Glory?  It wouldn't have been any loss to the rest of us!

We all would have learned, by having it drummed into our heads, that the only way to Make Progress was by following the posted rules.  And as long as we all learned that lesson, why would it matter how we learned it?

How fair is it that a person who dies before the magic age of eight goes straight to the CK?  This supposed rule sparks the following questions:

Are ankle tracking devices useful?

Do you know what mnenomics are?  

How about DUI steering locks?

And what about chaperones!

All these items, and more, would all be extremely useful in the Luci-OP!

I think it's likely that 100% of sentient beings would chose the "wrong" in some minor (or even major) detail of life, given sufficient opportunity, if for no other reason that out of sheer boredom.  

Ghawd sure as hell has given us way more than sufficient opportunity, and then brazenly announced, "I would never tempt you beyond your power to withstand that temptation."  Total, BS, right?

Now then, would I want to be a ghawd?  Absolutely!!  

All that power, all that knowledge, all that potential for glory ... and an eternity repleat with opportunities to play pranks on Gladys Lot!!!!  

To me, that's the real appeal of ghawdhood, being able to top-off the tanks, rev up the motors, pop the clutch, then hurtle down the railway and then go gloriously flying off the tracks just to see what happens!!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/14/2023 01:03PM by elderolddog.

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Posted by: dogbloggernli ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 12:45PM

The WiH denies the freewill claim made by the church. That god can't reveal himself as that denies faith and breaks freewill. With direct knowledge, 1/3 still rejected god anyway. So the Mormon version of the necessity of faith and choosing God by faith is false by their own doctrine. The choice can be made with full knowledge, doctrinally.

And it seems the sticking point in the plans was who gets glory. And that apparently glory is transferable. The one who earns it can shift it to anyone else apparently.

There are a lot of really strange ideas involved in the Mormon more in heaven.

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Posted by: dogbloggernli ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 12:46PM

War in heaven. Autocorrect strikes again.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 14, 2023 02:41PM

How many angels died in the war in heaven ?

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Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: September 21, 2023 08:13PM

Slimed to death. What a way to go.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: September 20, 2023 03:50AM

If you have war there, it ain't Heaven.

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Posted by: Humberto ( )
Date: September 21, 2023 09:29PM

Perfectly stated.

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Posted by: Humberto ( )
Date: September 21, 2023 09:34PM

I must have done something silver star-ish during the war. I was born to die-hard converts instead of pioneer stock. You can tell those who were awarded the Medal of Honor; they're always using middle initials.

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Posted by: RPackham ( )
Date: September 20, 2023 04:48PM

Other problems that no one has mentioned (sfaik):

The name "Lucifer" is Latin, which of course was never used when there was no Latin language. Thus no one before Roman times could have had that name. The same with "Jesus" (a Greek version of a Hebrew name - also languages not existent at the time of the "war")

The war apparently ended, so the number of souls involved must have been finite. After they have all been born as humans if they had been valiant, at some point in time there will be no more births. Then what?

The biblical report of the war in the book Revelation is a prophecy of the future, not a report of past events.

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: September 20, 2023 05:21PM

Well, at least we know the troops were a fence, which those on one side sat on just watching the battle.

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Posted by: CL2 ( )
Date: September 21, 2023 09:29PM

are relegated to being our man's help meet and the one who must bear all the children and then share him for eternity with a bunch of other women, let alone we are supposed to keep him satisfied sexually or it is our fault if he cheats on us, and we will be eternally pregnant.

AND since we aren't members of the priesthood, we can't see God, then were we fighting in the war in heaven? What is their explanation for that?

I don't care to "get" to be a man, but isn't it all just so ridiculous.

So we must have not kept him satisfied sexually, so that is why he needs thousands of wives. If there are so many wives at least we won't have to have sex with THAT man only every hundreds of thousands of years.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/21/2023 09:31PM by cl2.

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Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: September 22, 2023 12:34AM

But with all of those wives God still wanted some Mary action.

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