It's been a long time. I hope everyone who has been here for a long time has been doing well; I also hope everyone who is new is able to get some support to help them - to do well.

Tonight was very odd for me. I was not expecting it at all. Mormonism comes up in therapy, but I don't live or work amongst Mormons - it's family.

A TBM sibling called tonight because of family stuff. Medical stuff. The call started off as expected. Family members doing well or not doing well because of medical issues. I'm the longest distant stuff. Nothing surprising. Just standard family stuff - especially with someone long distant.

But then things took a turn. They'd had a horrible medical problem and felt like they'd lost everything. I knew part of it, but not all of it. And they felt compelled to tell me everything. It was as horrifying to me as it was hilarious. We commiserated over that. I understand both hilarious and horrifying medical and practical issues.

Then they shifted the conversation further. I wasn't prepared for it. My TBM sibling apologized. For everything that happened over twenty years ago. They acknowledged that I was just a kid. And that I was sick, and deserved better. And that the Mormon culture "was really sick."

They were really sorry. They said I deserved better than their paltry apology. I accepted it anyway.

I love my siblings; they love me. Mormonism drove this Wedge between us, it's surprising how we can persevere.

Wow, that's unexpected good news.

It's nice to see you around Raptor J.

It sounds like this sibling is reflecting and trying to make everything right after getting older and having to face mortality after a close call illness.

This sibling is still Mormon, so it's not like they realize they spent their life in a cult.

My oldest TBM sister is pushing 90. Lately she has been reaching out to me to make nice without pushing the church. She talks about her medical procedures mostly. She talks about all the other relatives who died and are going to greet her in heaven. I don't push back on her church crap. It's all she knows.

There seems to be something about getting older that makes you consider telling the people you care about how you feel. Every call seems like it might be our last.

You deserved an apology. I hope it helps.

The same sort of alienation occurred in my family. I hope one day there can be something even remotely like what you describe.

Congratulations.

I got the same call, Took about forty years.

Mormonism influences fearful people to disrespect and diminish good, solid people while they praise fakes and conmen.

This is a tragedy.

That’s why good principled people who leave the cult must be prepared for being attacked and put down even in the wake of taking the most courageous steps of their life.

Hi, RJ! It's always nice to see you in these parts.

The Mormon church is not great at teaching empathy. It took your sibling going through the same type of thing for them to learn empathy for you. Sometimes it does take direct experience to do that.

I've always told my students, you can learn the easy way, or you can learn the hard way. Your choice.

Wow. Cam't believe it's you, RJ. Back in the day I was still going by blueorchid here. The episodes of your life were so painful. I am so happy to know you are doing well.

And family matters. Mine is all still extreme TMB too. They try, but the church is always there in everything stopping the relationships from being what they really should be. Love to you.

And, " . . . and then we all went out for blueberry waffles." Best line ever.


Anyone here who has been on a mission really should read "The Passion of Raptor Jesus and the Road to Mormon Apostasy." Hit me hard that book for you and for what it reminded me of for myself.

blueorchid!

It made my day to see you here! I hope you’re living fabulously, loving your life and feeling loved as you deserve. xoxo

Same to you times a hundred. You have no idea how happy I am to hear from you.

And here I was, occasionally wondering what happened to blueorchid because I really liked his posts.

And here I am, unknowingly liking them still!

I might be taking this too far, but I feel a sudden growing faith in resurrection.

And that made my day!

The aging out process can bypass Mormonism rifts. Just lost a TBM younger brother died twenty years to soon due to poor health. He totally ghosted my best efforts to connect bro to bro with him the past two years. At Mormon funeral his wife and his adult children acted like that silence gap never happened.

Good news is more connected time with remaining two TBM brothers. So Raptor Jesus, I have some experience relating to your family story. All the best!

I'm sorry for your loss, Cricket. At least you tried your best to connect with him. No regrets.

Wow, that's huge. What a pleasant surprise.

RJ! I love this for you! Thanks for showing your face and for sharing the good news. <3

It was so nice to hear from each of you, and to feel the responses.

Your story gives hope for those who long to reconcile with siblings who did not approve of our decisions to leave the church. I am glad that you have some progress with your sibling.

My story is sort of the opposite. I have siblings who had the choice to leave (my convert parents never ostracized them or cut them of the family). I, however, had to stay in and make up for their loss and disappointment (mission, temple marriage).

So my siblings are upset with me for leaving the church because I broke my mother's heart and upset the family dynamics. This attack on me came totally out of left field. And I can only see the perception from my viewpoint- I had to leave for my own sanity. I was tired of doing work for the church with no recognition or gratitude from church leaders. So that's my situation~ I am not close to my siblings because they resent me for leaving the church 20+ years ago.

Hi RJ. I no longer post, not really. I feel I've moved on. A lot has happened since we met for lunch over ten years ago. I don't feel the need to share anything more than the critical balance in my family has shifted. We exmos now are the majority, and by a lot. It's like a five to one ratio. It's life changing. Mormonism is now very much an afterthought. But I did want to say hi and thanks. It's funny but I remember that your tummy tried to kill you. One of your greatest hits. Also thanks to Eric (Edit: and Susan) and this amazing community. I think of you all fondly.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/01/2024 07:55PM by The Man in Black.

Nice to see you again, MiB, and to hear that you and your family are doing well.

That is so sweet MiB. It makes me so happy to know that you and RJ are doing well. It's such a toxic culture and it poisons families too. Finding the freedom to discover your authentic self can certainly lead to healthier relationships in families and out. I always miss people that move on but it makes me happy too :)

But you can always swing by to say hi!

I hadn't posted in so long. This phone call threw me for a loop; I hesitated to post - but then I didn't know what else to do but post.

My therapist and I went back and forth about all of this today. My art has evolved - but it has chances to evolve even further recently - independent of this.

I wanted to be past all this, but it honestly flayed me.

So I posted. And I appreciate the responses as I've mentioned. I remember our meeting, and now the timelines are reminders that I'm an aging bird. Children's livers don't quite taste the same as they did in the late 2000's early 2010's.

Raptor, so glad you're doing well. I love it when people drop in with an update. Nice to hear that you and your sibling were able to connect and have some healing between you. This is good.

Man In Black, good to see you drop in too! I don't know if I ever told you how much it meant to me when you dropped in to the St. Judas the Traitor meetup and gave us an update on your family and how they had all left as well. I can't tell you how much hope that gave me through the tough times that someday I might experience that as well.

That "someday" finally came for me. My kids have all resigned and my wife is solidly out. Life is good.

So glad to hear it Bite Me. I wanted to attend St. Judas's more but I moved and the hours-long drive made it unfeasible. If I recall, at the time I only had my wife out. Now it's my entire family except just a couple exceptions. The weird part is I didn't do anything. They all figured it out independently and without me. A great anecdote for how TSCC does more harm than we ever could. I owe a debt of gratitude to the bad bishops, insane policies, and obvious unethical behavior of the leaders.

So glad your day finally came, and sorry I wasn't there more before the day came. Distance has been an important element of the healing process. As important as creative writing here was in the early days.

All the best.