Hi everyone, Have been popping in and out reading the various posts. I appreciate all the different points of views and contributions here. Many of them I relate to and understand. So my DH and I have been out of Church now for about 5 months. Initially when we left I felt quite elated. We have had many discussions about our reasons for leaving are not regretful in any way about closing the door on mormonism at all. Lately now I have moments where I feel anxiety and feel sad because everything that I believed has basically disappeared. One of my husbands work associates invited us along to his christian church and I just felt really quite sick about going to any church at all. I mean I still believe in God and Jesus Christ but I just don't want to be apart of any organisation that would tell me what to do or think or how to feel. I know its early days only being out for 5 mths but would like to know if anyone else has experienced these feelings and how the manage them. regards to all :)

I have no answer but only to tell you I am in the same place. I want to go to a church and don't want to at the same time. My beliefs in God and Jesus Christ are so fresh and pure now, I don't want anyone influencing or spoiling it.

Now What?

I believe in LOVE and LIVING WELL.

K



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/23/2011 10:38AM by AnonyMs.

I can relate to your experience but I'm not sure I will be of any help. I also still believe in God and Jesus Christ. Though I don't want anyone telling me what to believe, I do feel that I need a place to go where I can worship and feel close to God. I have been going to several different churches and I just pay close attention to how I feel at them. Some of them are very accepting and free thinking, where you can just go to feel peaceful and think for yourself, and become close to God on your own terms. Others are very ritualistic and much too impersonal. Not all churches are going to be riddled with rules and guilt like the Mormon church but many of them are.

I went to the Buddhist temple and ended up in tears because of the love that was present there. Plus they mentioned right up front that they didn't care if you were Mormon, Jewish, etc. but that anyone is welcome and can benefit from their puja. Vajrayana Buddhist's main beliefs are: compassion and freeing your mind. I plan to go back at least twice a month - if nothing else to supplement my Christianity.

I went without church for 2 years (mostly because I was trying desperately to deal with the emotional turmoil from leaving the Mormon church). Now I feel like something is missing from my life. My suggestion to you might be to try some new churches out - see how you feel at each of them (I ALWAYS felt uneasy at Mormon church - that should have been my first clue). If you are not ready for church that is ok too, it might come later. But I know that the longer I went without some kind of spiritual uplift the further I felt from God and I didn't like that.
Hope that helps somewhat :)

One of the main pieces of advice I give to those newly out of Mormonism is to take a break of a year or two from religion. I know it is not easy as there is pressure often times to join another church or associate with another religion. Many of us have felt loneliness or a sense of isolation after leaving such an intense organization as the Mormon church. These feelings are amplified if we have children and they miss associating with others their age on the weekend.

Look at leaving the Mormon church as a divorce. You need time to adjust to being normal. If you feel strongly about another religious organization, be sure to find one that is not dogmatic or authoritarian. You certainly don't want to repeat your Mormon experience under a different name.

Personally, I became involved in soccer right after leaving Mormonism. I became a coach and a referee. Both my son and daughter were very active and it became nearly a year round activity with outdoor and indoor soccer on weekends. In the past few years, as they have grown and moved on their own, I have become involved with music playing in an orchestra and a jazz band. I have met some great people that way. Religion is not part of my life at all now. I am not saying that should be true for everyone. It is just working for me.

We know the feeling. You have now the whole world in front of you. Good luck.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/23/2011 10:43AM by Eric K.

I like the suggestion of thinking of leaving mormonism as a divorce. After a divorce it's a good idea to just be single for a while, and when you start dating again, not to get too serious too soon. Just like you don't want to get too committed with "rebound guy" you don't want to get sucked into a "rebound faith" that might seem great in comparison to where you were, but is not where you want to ultimately end up.

Oh thanks for this analogy. So good!

I agree with this. Once I left I took some time to just be, and as time went on and I developed new routines (especially for my weekends), I realized I didn't need a church or a religion anymore, at all. It did take some time, but don't feel like you need to rush into anything else just yet.

I think most people need enough time away from a controlling institution to clear their head. Mormonism leaves a lot of junk behind in our minds — so much so that we often end up doing or not doing things simply out of reaction to the church. We eventually need to get to a point where we think and act as if Mormonism had never been apart of our life. I often say we need to figure out who we are and what we believe when no one is telling us who we should be or what to believe. That might mean staying away from organized religion for a while -- maybe years. Once we know what we ACTUALLY believe, do we then need someone telling us each Sunday to believe it? I don't think so, no more than we need someone telling us about gravity each week. When we are certain about what we believe we can be around other religions (including, gasp, Mormonism) and just let the parts we don't believe wash past us without it causing spiritual turmoil or emotional distress. "No thanks, I don't believe that."

Hi, mistymemories.

Leaving behind our religion, something most of us at one time held dear, requires going through the actual stages of normal mourning. You have the initial shock, once you realize that it's all a lie.

You go through a stage of anger. That's when many ex-Mos hit the forums, feeling the need to vent. I think that plays a large part in Mormons thinking that ex-Mos are just bitter, angry people. They just happen to catch them as they're going through that particular stage in the mourning process.

There is definitely a period of sadness, as you realize what you've lost. Most of what we lost was the dream of what we thought we had. Where we thought we were going. You also may miss the social aspects, where friends were easily gained.

I'm still working towards that final stage of acceptance. Haven't quite got there yet. Oh, I accept that it's all a fraud. 100%. But I still sometimes miss the dream and my friends.

But, like you, I've developed a really bad taste in my mouth towards religion in general. I do believe that one can have spirituality without it. I don't know if I'll be able to work past this stage or not, but right now, I just heartily dislike religion. I may even hate it. Although I recognize other peoples rights to be religious, if they want to be.

I know what you mean about having people rule over you. It suddenly occurred to me one day that I may have a boss at work, where I need to observe the company policies. When we're under 18, we need to follow the house rules that our parents set out for us. We need to obey the laws of the land.

But a Bishop is no one, really. They're a regular Joe Schmoe. Someone we hand over our authority to. Why on earth did we do that? Never again will I ever give my personal life over to another individual, who really has no authority over me whatsoever. Never, ever again.

Don't worry. You'll work through all of the stages. You can't go around them. You can't plow through them. You just have to let them work through you, one at a time. But you do eventually come out the end of the tunnel and find great peace in being true to yourself, at last. :o)

You can choose to be spiritual but not religious. Mormonism is a very intense religion. Give yourself a good, long, break. You can be a decent human being without having someone blather away at you each Sunday, right?

When I read this in your post:

"I just felt really quite sick about going to any church at all."

That's how I have felt for years. The idea of sitting in another meeting "having someone blather way" at me is pretty awful. I see people going off to church (in Utah) and feel sorry for them because I know how deadening it almost always was.

For a decade now my Sundays have been the best day of the week! I start them out with my assault on the Times crossword, my feet up, and a nice cup of coffee and then see what transpires after that.

Things will evolve for you as you find your own way--Your Own Way!

I'm fresh out of TSCC, one week to be nearly exact. I don't think I'm to your stage yet, if that's what's going on. I'm just mad. I don't want to set foot in any church, or anything resembling a church ever again. I do feel sad that my family thinks I'm going to hell. For them. I feel bad that they have to feel that way, or deny everything they've known their whole lives. But I have NO desire to go to church.

There's nothing wrong with your reaction about going to church. If you're not comfortable going, don't go. Thank the friend, and tell him perhaps some other time (if you wish to keep that door open for the future).

It's perfectly fine to have faith in God and Christ without going to any church. Many people do. You may eventually go to some other church. You may never step foot in one again.

You are going through the stages of loss - not because you made a wrong choice, but because the choice you've made has turned your life into a completely new, unknown direction. It's okay to be nervous, scared, and feeling like there's something missing - even if you are confident you made the right decision.

If you feel you do need something special to connect with God - without the sensation of a church - find a special place that's yours and yours alone. Maybe in a park, or near a beach/mountain (depending on your geography) where you can be alone with your thoughts.

The only church that I didn't feel uncomfortable in was the Unitarian Universalist church. I would start there.

I won't promise you that I won't tell you how to think. But I WILL promise you that I demand your money.

RJ.... that is just not true....the money part. Sorry to hear you think that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2011 10:57AM by honestone.

I felt the same way you did. I went to a few churches. But then I realized that I could have my belief in God and Jesus Christ,without a building. Nature is a much more peaceful and spiritual experience.IMO.

I go to a Non-denominational Christian Church in Draper and I like it a lot. I like to worship God through music- just thanking Him and telling Him that He's awesome for getting me through some tough times these past 2 years since leaving the lds church. And for helping be more at peace in my life in a new-found faith in Jesus.

The cool thing is that I can completely maintain my independence while attending this church. I have disagreed with some stuff said in the sermons- but agree with most of it. I guess I am a "NOM"- let's call it a NOC. Our relationship with God is personal- if this church no longer enhances my relationship with God then I will go elsewhere or nowhere at all. But for now I like the community and they have a great kids program for my girls.

I like having some structure- but strongly maintain my own opinions and feel empowered with my new perspective. I hope this helps.

+1

And for sure take a long break from attending any church. I didn't attend any church for over a year,and when I found a non-denominational church I was ready. I moved 21/2 mths. ago so need to find another church. I have no guilt about not going. But my 8 year old dd really wants to attend church. Non-denominational churches make it so fun for kids. And it's only 1 hour.

I really appreciated your views and can relate to many of your ideas and feelings. Thankyou for helping me not feel that its not so weird afterall to feel a little sick at the thought of religion and that its okay to take my time thinking things over and that I dont have to jump straight back in. Cheers to all and your journeys! :)

See this is where many Mormons have incorrect thinking. MOST mainstream churches DO NOT tell you how to behave, what to wear, how much money to give. They leave you alone. It may seem odd to a Mormon, but it is true. This morn. I will go to my church, sit down, listen to the Vacation Bible school kids sing 3 songs they learned this past wk at their camp, hear a sermon, be given some info of upcoming events and then leave. That is it. I can go through the receiving line to shake the pastors hand or not. Yes, an offering plate is passed, but I can give or not give....many give once a month and the plate is passed right a long the other three wks. No one cares or judges. This is not a big deal for you. I would go and then try other churches too. YOU will see so many differences it will be a nice change. Good luck to you. And glad to hear you haven't given up on Jesus.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2011 10:32AM by honestone.

Having been out for 3 years, I know Jesus as my savior (cause I asked Him into heart at age nine-before I was brainwashed into the Morg). I have attended several religions over the last 3 years. I have finally found a fellowship that "is not the only true church". I have found moist 'religions" preach this to make you conform. No, thanks! I attend "The Cove" in Mooresville, NC. It rocks and I feel uplifted, not depressed, oppressed,and suppressed. Remember, you are your own person and your self worth is not based on a power hungry, white supremacist male who gets a book that "authorizes" him to judge you and tell you how to live.God speed.

I think some people need to replace Mormonism with something else, others don't and it's all good. Follow your instincts. I went to the Unitarian Church for a few years and realized I didn't need to do anything on a Sunday but relax. I've had some Christian friends just go serve food at a soup kitchen and call it Church. You'll figure out what you need and what you don't in due time. For now just be happy you're no longer on the end of a very heavy leash.

When the "I believe in God and Jebus" myth becomes a little clearer you'll take such a deep, pure breath of fresh air you'll wonder where it was all your life.

I've been out for years now and I honestly can't make myself believe in anything. I get the same sick feeling when I get invited to go to church anywhere. I have a fear of being sucked in again and people from that church bothering me to keep coming and people trying to tell me what to do. I think I'm happy just trying to be a good person.

If you feel like trying out new churches, do so. If not, take some time off. You are the nly who knows what you want and need. I would suggest that before you start attending, you do soe homework so you have some idea of what you are getting into.Most mainline churches will let you alone. I would stay away from the proselytizing churches. Right now you do not need pressure.

It has helped to read on RFM that this is normal. Personally, I feel bad that so many Mormons lose their belief in Christ and God, too, when they find out Joseph Smith and Mormonism is all a hoax. Joseph Smith has nothing to do with God. The Mormons preach a very different God, different Christ. Some of what they teach is the opposite of what Christ taught (such as unconditional love, monogamy, the sanctity of marriage, Christ's atonement saving ALL, etc.) Remember, Mormons are NOT Christians. They worship Joseph Smith and the other prophets, and Thomas Monson ABOVE what the Bible says.

My children and I were abused in the Mormon church, so I probably have a worse phobia than most, and it calms me down to remember that the Mormon church is a CULT, and other religions are not.

When I first started going to various churches, I would feel very nervous, like I wanted to run. I sat in the back, alone, by the door. A couple of times, I left, just to prove that I was free to leave, whenever I wanted to. If people started asking me questions, such as my name, where I live, or anything else, I would excuse myself and bolt. It gave me flashbacks of how aggressive and intrusive the Mormons were.

We like the Methodist, Lutheran, and non-denominal churches in our neighborhood. We switch it up, so we won't become too deeply involved. We feel the need to do charity work, and we decided to keep that completely separate from religion.

There's a place in my forest, that I call "the cathedral", where the trees form a great dome, which turns gold in the fall. I sometimes go there to pray. I agree about nature.

Jesus himself had no church building, no formal meetings. In fact, he didn't like the temples and the pharasies and the money changers. The only rituals I recall in the bible were the ones performed on the occasion of The Last Supper. Somehow, I can't imagine Jesus or the God of the Universe caring about underwear and tattoos.

Above all, whatever church you attend--it should be UPLIFTING.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/25/2011 03:41AM by forestpal.

Has going to the Mormon church EVER been uplifting? Not to me. Many other things, however, have been uplifting. I once went to Jumma prayers in the West Valley mosque and THAT was much more uplifting than any sacrament meeting I've been to.

Look for uplifting. If you believe in Jesus, a Jesus-based church should be uplifting and enjoyable. It need not be dour and drool-inducing.

thanks for all your comments. It definately comforting to now that what I am feeling is not abnormal. I dont know if I will ever stop feeling sick when I think about attending a church of any type. Maybe my new way of worship could be going to a nice quite place and listening to the birds sing, admire some beautiful scenery and drink an amazing cup of coffee or two. I have had a friend of 30 yrs bear her testimony to me univited and tell me " its true I know it is" and that I was being deceived by the advisary. Yuck! worst part is that I used to be like that just kinda feel embarrassed I didnt get it sooner. :(

This is your time to find out just who you really are, what you really believe and what you really want to cherish and hold onto in life.

From here on out, you will be free to be whoever and whatever you really are.

Enjoy the fresh air, the freedom and bask in the sun every day knowing that the being true to yourself is the best religion ever.

I can go attend a church, kind of enjoy their music. It is amazing what songs and music other churches use in their worship service. I caught a Lutheran church with real wine, made by some of their members used for communion. It was delicious.

But I cannot stand going to any church because I'm churched out.

I do not want to go where I have to watch my step, knowing I might sit in someone's pew, wear the wrong clothes,or say the wrong thing. Although the churches I have attended (three) didn't have that I am still not interested in going every Sunday to a building and singing songs and cutting up my day.

And it is hard because I don't have a group to interact with and I am very isolated. I can go to events among strangers and be around people but I'm not running into friends or anyone I know. It is always strangers. Church gives you the illusion that you have friends because you see the same people every week, but when you finally walk out you realize they were only friendly acquaintances.

The TSCC sours you on ALL religions because if you have the intelligence to leave such an organized system you want nothing to do with another one.

I am deeply suspicious of pretty packages. Friendly people at other churches make me want to run because of the TSCC's fakery. I'm scared of being sucked in to commitment to any church or group of church people. I'm sure the other shoe will drop and they'll want me to join their choir, or donate to a 'good cause' like get rid of some group of people. I'm scared of sitting in church and listening to someone be upset about evolution....because I wouldn't have a barf bag handy.

So many people are scared about their children being on the net, or what their kids might be exposed to in a gentile school. That's like being afraid of ever walking in the woods because there might be a bear. Well I grew up in Alaska and played in the woods and the only time I ever saw a bear (twice) was when I was inside and the bear ambled through our yard on his/her way down to the beach. You just learned to take precautions and your worst fear is probably not going to happen. So I don't like the fearfulness of religions.