And it took leaving Mormonism to do it.

I can embrace being a woman without the burden of "womanhood" that is defined by the church.

I can be a mother and play it out how I want without the rules and guidelines that put my kids and family life inside a phony pretty package.

I can be a sensual wife and seduce my husband without guilt.

I am a beautiful woman and I am figuring this out on my own, and I don't need the church to tell me how I should figure myself out.

I have a perfectly strong mind that will be fed how I decide it should be fed.

I am able to embrace my curves and wear clothing that enhances my strengths.

I am in love with being a woman and it took leaving what I deemed perfect to find perfection in femininity and in myself.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/28/2011 08:44PM by heather.

Very well said! Isn't it so freeing?!

Thank u for this, its completely true. I feel like a bird :) well in a cage for now, but my thoughts and opinions are no longer in shackels!

exactly where does the line form to embrace your femininity? I could use a hug

+1 Thankyou for that Heather. I feel this way too.

+1 - Me too!! I always felt like a floating head above the hideous garments - now I feel more womanly and more desirable to my amazing husband. Plus, as you say, we can follow our strong minds (and opinions, beliefs, and decisions) without worrying how it will negatively affect us in the church. I can't believe how freeing it all is!

I totally agree. I feel much the same way.

After talking with a feminist mo friend who didn't want to discuss anything about our kids but only about our working selves, I realized that motherhood, to me, isn't a stigma; mine is a happy life. I work full-time and am proud of my accomplishments of also achieving a master's degree as well as being a mom.

But my discussion with her made me think back to my early negative feelings about being held to a particular standard in the church regarding motherhood. It was the only true calling the morg said I should hold. F*** them.

Following my departure, I have embraced being a mother and my daughter understood this feeling since she's lived through this positive outlook of mine. Thank god I've been out for so long.

Yes! I finally realized this the other day, like I just hit my head on a brick wall. Being a mom is just one piece of who I am, and in the church I felt that it was supposed to be me entirely, all encompassing and it made me almost resent being a woman.

Its very freeing to have these small realizations.

The change in outlook about motherhood is pretty amazing, huh?

+1

and +1 to what everyone has said.

with someone else on the board--imagine being married to someone gay. They have this "ick" look on their face when they see you naked--no matter what shape you are in. I had to become an IT.

There are so many ways they expect us to JUST DISAPPEAR. We are to become "mom" and "wife"--I'm still surprised when someone says, "Colleen." Is that me? Are you sure? That name sounds foreign to me. It is like someone is calling to some inner part of me that disappeared. In the past few years, I've started finding myself again--started recognizing that person in the mirror--the one who nearly died.

I refuse to ever marry again. I refuse to be in a situation where anyone has power over me again--to ask ME to disappear in favor of them and their wants and needs.

To where you can embrace your femininity?

I'm sorry, I am just ill and depressed today, but the fact is I never could have kids when I was young(failure- real women have children), I never had "curves"(failure- real women have curves) and the only clothing that might enhance my strengths would be a burqa. Or maybe a suit of armor. My husband loves me but does not want me in 'that' way anymore (again failure)because I'm old and really pretty ugly. I mean I always was kind of homely but getting older made it way worse.

Normally I can get my strength from within. I can smile and face the world and act like I don't care and everything is fine but there there's days like today.

But as Ron White says "You can't fix stupid".
So, you're not stupid, that's the important thing.
You can always tone up your body, change your wardrobe, do your hair and makeup differently. Even cosmetic procedures.

Your post made me so sad. I think every woman has days like you must be having, regardless of age, weight, smarts, beauty both inside and out, and talent.

When I started to put some focus on me and developing my interests and strengthening my physical and mental health, I learned to start liking myself. I was, and still am, a very insecure person and people are very shocked by this. The LDS church did nothing to heighten my self esteem, it actually crushed it to the point I thought I couldn't recover.

When I left,3 years ago, I started to look at myself as a new person. Who was I, what do I want out of life and what do I need? I had never learned how to take care of ME or love ME. I was always taught to put everyone else above me. When I started to appreciate Heather and the person she is and how unique i am, then I started to embrace my femininity.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/29/2011 07:09PM by heather.

AnonNothing 4 This~~

You need to get yourself a good vibrator if your honey ain't doin it for ya. A good orgasm makes everyone feel better.

It comes from within--I'm overweight (though I've lost some of it finally), I'm 54 years old, wrinklers, gray hair (some has fallen out with diabetes). I have a saggy stomach from carrying twins . . . I have to wear glasses. I'm certainly NOT the woman my "husband" married. . . or the woman my boyfriend dated at age 20 (far from it).

I can actually say I'm more at inner peace with who I am than I believe I have ever been (if everyone else would just leave me alone). I do have a boyfriend NOW--and for some reason he likes me--go figure. I dont' worry too much about it anymore. I just be myself and it seems to work.

They told me I NEEDED a man--that I couldn't exist without one (or all the leaders to tell me what to do). I like being independent. I like being my own boss. I like coming and going as I please. I like sleeping alone at least PART OF THE TIME (I did it for 10 years--you get kind of used to it).

If my boyfriend dumped me tomorrow--I'd be fine. And I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER date again. I like myself just fine. I like being by myself just fine.

Heather, congrats...and well-said! I feel similarly.
I am with a woman now instead of a man, and she has helped me to believe all of what you have expressed so eloquently!

My niece is a lesbian and I have never seen her more content with life. It's beautiful.

Oh yes! Life IS beautiful! I AM beautiful and sensual and my woman tells me this several times a day. I've really started believing it!

And the part you said about having a strong mind that can be fed...Who knew we could feed our minds?? It is an extraordinary journey!