For several years after joining the church at age 19, Joseph Smith was my hero upon whom I projected my ambitions and wishes to "be somebody" other than my introverted, unsure self. Rather than feel repelled by his grandiose claims, they thrilled me. He was someone who, unlike myself, seemed unafraid and was bold and charismatic. He excited me.

As I matured and learned more about him, I gradually saw his human failings. His boldness started to look a bit like impulsiveness and peevishness. I began to detect self-serving motives. Still, singing "Praise to the Man" brought a tingle up my spine. Eventually, I was able to see Joseph Smith in less heroic terms, while I still believed he was God's prophet.

What finally pushed me to seeing him negatively was reading Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith. When I saw the toll Joseph Smith took on the life of the person closest to him, I began to think also of the toll he took on the lives of others close to him, especially upon the lives of those who were not in positions of privilege and power in his church. I, an active Mormon, began to feel disgusted with him.

It was an indication of the beginning of the end for me as a Mormon and of hero-worship. Eventually, as I continued to read about Joseph Smith, I saw his actions as those of a self-serving con man who sought money, sex, and fame rather than a God-inspired prophet. I had educated myself out of my hero worship.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/11/2011 10:21PM by robertb.

...some apologist somewhere lauded the faith of the Kimball family when Smith first propositioned the already-married wife/mother Violate, then said oh that was just a test, then propositioned their teenage daughter Helen Mar, which wasn't just a test.

I'd never heard that before, and it deeply bothered me.

At first it bothered me to know that I was holding something back from God, because I couldn't imagine consenting to that. My faith was weaker than I knew.
But then I found myself distrusting the teachings of Smith without even consciously remembering that. For a couple of years I felt guilty for it, until it finally hit me that, duh, he was a conman!

Any concept of God and good that I have would/could not be so inhumane and narcissistic as Smith. Don't use the OT as an excuse either, it's the textbook of atrocity.

If JS had been what the church claimed he was, you would have pickeda good role model.

Joseph is presented to the new convert as the most exciting and hopeful of examples--because the message is that we too can have direct access to God and become more than we dreamed. It would have been amazing if he had really been a prophet and the church had been founded so we could all be personally empowered in our spiritual path toward individuation.

But Joseph and the church he founded were frauds because people like him (and organizations like him) exploit others rather than empowering them in any real way. No one tells you upfront about the chains and bondage that come later.

Yeah, it was a real letdown to discover, not that Joseph Smith had normal human flaws, but that he was self-serving and easily used people. I also mistook his expressions of love and caring as genuine rather than recognizing them as the sentimentality they often were. When you stop to consider it, he burned through a lot of followers and created a lot of opposition by his refusal to be accountable to anyone. That refusal is pretty much what got him killed.

All those excommunications... Anyone that pissed him off got exed.

For some reason I've always given ol' Joe a pass. I was far more disgusted by Brigham Young's imperiousness than by Joe's, what I learned to interpret as, on-the-spot creativity.

Joseph Smith strikes me as impish, while Brigham Youg strikes me as a Stalin type.

Robert, is hero-worship something you've outgrown altogether or are there still a hero or two somewhere warm in your heart?

There are a few men and women who still warm my heart and I truly admire. I want to emulate them, rather than worship them. That has changed.

I believe these are undervalued qualities in our culture.

My sense is that shy people are excellent observers of the human condition. They reflect before acting; they empathize and analyze. They notice and think. When one gets to know a shy person there is a depth there that isn't always visable on one's first impression - a depth that is often lacking in outgoing, flamboyant people.

I like shy!

+1

Joe is the classic mythical leader: Born of meager beginnings, not well-schooled, yet somehow brilliant, caring and wise beyond all understanding. Slow to anger, kind to puppies and children, but full of righteous fury against the enemies of the True Faith.
I mean seriously, even his friggin' name is oh-so Norman Rockwell americana: Joe Smith.
Oh yes, and chosen to be the leader of the church/organization that will someday spread and save/redeem the entire world.

I did say mythical, right...?

I think only Buddha was admittedly a prince by birth, but gave it up.

I always smelled a rat.

Though I was raised a Mormon, I don't remember Joseph Smith ever being a hero to me. James Bond was waay cooler. Of course, I didn't realize how similar their sex lives were. (shrug) Who knew?

Replace: "What would Jesus do?" with: "What would James Bond do?" The answer is often: "beat up a giant with metal teeth, have a double scotch, then have sex in a submarine car". Which would you choose?

I am exactly with robertb on this one. The man was my idol. He took on the world in my eyes and overcame. The information I had, at the time I was bearing testimony on, was true to the end. I would have died defending it. I read, re-read, and searched for all I could to learn more about Joseph Smith.

Then, in my personal quest for more...which is what the current church leaves many members needing: More, I, most likely as with most of you, decided to seek our yearning for 'more' at it's source. All signs point back to Joseph since nothing more aside from curing a ham has been documented basically since Joseph was murdered.

What I found was a convoluted mess.

"The persecution the early members endured was PROOF the church was true!"

Uh, not so much. It, the persecution, was brought upon itself when word escaped that Joseph was a womanizer. It got compounded by all the secrets and lies after they were exposed. But when you never hear about any of the actual context you are completely justified to play the role of the perpetual victim. Current LDS. Inc is exactly that at all times now, the victim. They believe their own one sided Boyd K. Packer stories now.

I so wanted to continue believing. Reality hits you and you just gotta pick yourself back up, shake off the world of pretend and hug the person next to you. Enjoy what truly matters, the hear and now. Make someone's life a little better..it just may be your own.

Well I grew up in the church and also felt like Joe was a hero.
My favorite story was the one about rebuking the guards. It sent a thrill down my spine. And I also enjoyed singing Praise to the man.
(But I've always detested BY)
Anyways, one of the many little things that led me to start to truely investigate the church was in relation with JS.
I was watching a dvd of Midsomer Murder, and CDI Barnaby was telling his partner about how he thought the things had went on about a particular murder as they were trying to get out from an old wine cellar where they had been locked in.
Anyways, at one point he says, "And you know there is nothing like a little bit of truth to sell the biggest (or greatest) lies" And for some reason, Joseph Smith's face came very clearly in my mind at that exact same time.

THAT sounds like a God sent revelation to me.

I remember when the missionaries taught me as a young investigator about Joseph Smith what compassion I felt, almost awe like, for his courage to stand up to what he believed and to become a martyr for those beliefs.

I shuddered when they told me how mobs of people could tar and feather a man for what he believes and eventually a mob would kill him. I remember expressing my horror and shock to the missionaries and asking, "Is that _really_ true? Did that _really_ happen?"

I KNEW I didn't have that kind of courage but was awe struck by anyone who did.

Then when I became a member of the church and read much more about Joseph Smith I saw him very differently and what I thought was courage I now saw as arrogant. I started seeing him as a deceitful, manipulative person. He didn't die for his beliefs, he was killed because he was breaking the law. Not that the mob killing him was right but he didn't die as a martyr.

Then I had to question everything about this church I joined. The doctrine and beliefs Joseph Smith taught perhaps were not true either.

It took me 13 years to leave the church.

Except in this case, of course.

We're all searching for answers,robertb, and when we desperately seek answers to the really big questions, someone will come along and sell us answers.

That's what I despise most about the man and those who came after him.

Congrats to you and everyone here who had the intelligence and courage to break the spell.

Timothy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2011 09:13PM by Timothy.

Robertb, very well stated. I love your last statement, "I had educated myself out of my hero worship."

That's the key to discovering the truth and ultimately getting out of this cult. And unfortunately there are too many mormons who think "educating themselves" with mormon literature can only include sources that were written by prophets and apostles. Any other source written outside that "box" is considered "anti" and they won't go near it.

I appreciate your thoughts.